Empty Closet, March 2010 Sec B

The Empty Closet number 432

Book Review: Monday Hearts for Madalene

Arts, Entertainment & Community

a publication of the gay alliance of the genesee valley

By Susan Jordan Monday Hearts for Madalene,

by Page Hodel. NY: Stewart, Tabori and Chang (Abrams), 2009. 111 pp, hardbound. $16.95 “When a person falls in love, the universe and everything in it come vividly alive.”

A heartbreakingly beautiful book, Monday Hearts for Madalene records 115 hearts cre-

ated by artist/DJ Page Hodel for her beloved partner Madalene Rodriguez. Fifteen of the hearts, created while Madalene was still alive, are reproduced in miniature, while 100 hearts created after her death are shown fullsize in this beautifully-photographed art book.

Page constructed a heart every Monday, from flowers, fruit, leaves, grass, candles, toys, sticks, wire and all kinds of “ephemera of daily life,” which she would leave on Madalene’s doorstep

for her to find on her way to work. Tragically, Madalene died of ovarian cancer soon after they fell in love. Page continued creating the hearts: “No Monday will there ever be/from now until eternity/that you don’t have/a heart from me.”

Royalties will partially benefit the Women’s Cancer Resource Center.

Anyone who has lost a loved one, or been in love, or just wished to find someone to love, will find this book a treasure. ■

Inside Rochester’s Vagina Monologues

Get lucky with RGMC on March 20

By Laura McSpadden It’s early on a Saturday morning. I am leaving my apartment and entering the crispness of winter’s chill, armed with a cup of coffee, my script and a whole bunch of excitement for what lies ahead: I will be spending the next several hours laughing, crying and working hard while rehearsing for my part in the upcoming Rochester performance of The Vagina Monologues.

The 2010 V-Day Rochester benefit production will be held at the Hochstein School of Music and Dance on Saturday, March 13; the performance will begin at 7 p.m.

The evening will feature performances by Cristina Domingues (YNN anchor and reporter), Jean Carroll (President and CEO of Rochester YWCA) and Shiera Coleman (Communications Producer for the City of Rochester).

(Vagina continues page 2)

Get out your four-leafed clover, because the Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus will present their spring concert, “Getting Lucky,” on March 20.

The Chorus says, “Explore our unending quest for romance, from first kiss to making love last”. The concert will be at Hochstein at 8 p.m.

Tickets are available at Parkleigh, Outlandish, The Creator’s Hands and Equal=Grounds, or visit www.thrergmc.org, or call 423-0650.

The RGMC would also like to invite everyone to their “Anything Goes” Spring Gala fundraising event, on May 2 at One Restaurant, 1 Ryan Alley, from 4-8 p.m. Tickets: Individual: $35, Couple: $50. Sponsor Levels: Mezzanine: $250-$499; Dress Circle: $500-$999; Orchestra: $1000-$1499; Benefactor: $1500 and higher. Please RSVP by April 9. For more information please contact Todd L. Perkins at 585-473-1127. ■

ImageOut screens three free films for Health Month

Artwork by Erica Eaton.

All-woman multi-media art show marks spring equinox HER, an all female ART show debut, is put on by CSWA’s (Culture starts with ART!) newest female artist support group, Sista’s Sayin’ Somethin’ (SSS).

Cornhill hosts this multimedia art show on March 20 at its new community center, the Flying Squirrel, 285 Clarissa St., and it will be sign interpreted. The space is not wheelchair accessible.

HER is a multi-medium art

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show consisting of poetry, music, visual arts, and movement expression. The program showcases the female expression of each individual artist’s unique personal interpretation of HER. Artists range in age from 10 years up.

CSWA is an artists’ advocacy group that strives toward world peace and happiness for all humankind through promoting and utilizing the universal lan(All-Woman continues page 3)

ImageOut, Upstate New York’s longest running lesbian and gay film and video festival, will present three free movies in partnership with the Rochester LGBT Health Coalition.

The hilarious U-Haul Rap, the documentary Swimming with Lesbians, and newcomer Dare will be shown on Thursday, March 25, starting at 6 p.m. at the Cinema Theatre, 957 South Clinton Ave. These special screenings are free and open to the public.

At 6 p.m.: U-Haul Rap, directed by Bob Koherr, starts off the night of screenings with a tongue-in-cheek look at lesbian love — and just what happens on a second date. Then comes Swimming with Lesbians, the 2009 Mary Elizabeth Knight Award winner, a touching documentary about the nascent gay rights movement in Buffalo, by Rochester-based director David B. Marshall.

At 7:30 p.m. at Information Café, meet ImageOut committee members to learn about volunteer opportunities and LGBT Health Month resources.

Finally, at 8:30, see Dare, an official full-length feature selection from the 2009 Sundance Film Festival. Alexa (The Day After Tomorrow’s Emmy Rossum) has always played it safe.

After being urged by her acting coach to live fully, she falls for bad boy Johnny (Zack Gilford of TV’s Friday Night Lights).

Alexa’s best friend Ben (Ashley Springer) complicates this budding romance by also pursuing Johnny. Featuring gay icons Sandra Bernhard and Alan Cumming, Dare is a light-hearted look at three people at the crossroads of their lives.

The Rochester LGBT Health Coalition is a collective of local agencies, organizations and clinicians who share a commitment to LGBT persons in our area. The Coalition seeks to con(ImageOut continues page 2)

march 2010

Pandora and friend. Photos: Laura McSpadden

Drag racing at Tilt: Monday fun

By Laura McSpadden Monday nights in Rochester are now more fun than you ever dared to dream they’d be, and it’s all for one simply delightful reason: the official Ru Paul’s Drag Race viewing parties at Tilt, hosted by Rochester’s own drag-racing superstar, Pandora Boxx.

The evening starts at around 8:30, give or take a few minutes (they advertise that the doors open at eight, but trust me, it won’t really happen until a bit later) and the viewing of that week’s episode starts at nine.

Try to get there before the show starts, so that you have plenty of time to grab some free hors d’oeuvres, a drink (Absolut drinks and bottle beers are only $2.50), and a seat.

Yes, I know… you could just watch the show from the comfort of your own living room, wearing your most comfy aroundthe-house clothes and eating last night’s leftovers… but why would you?

There is such incredible energy at the official viewing parties. A contestant wobbles or makes a questionable fashion choice? The gasps and exclamations from the audience punctuate the air. Pandora does or says

Pandora Boxx

something inspired? Clapping abounds. The contestants’ superultra-length artificial eyelashes flapping uncontrollably in the photographer’s fan? The laughter was resounding off the walls.

After the episode, Pandora has a little Q&A with the audience, providing answers about her experience of being on the show (as well as witticisms, things she said that never should’ve gotten cut from the final episode and sardonically funny jokes).

The evening also includes performances by three Tilt-aWhirl drag queens and a “Lip Sync for Your Life” contest.

(Racing continues page 2)

Stepping Out Page 13

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010 Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ ImageOut Facebook: ImageOut: The Rochester Lesbian & Gay Film & Video Festival ■

Beth Bloom show opens at Equal=Grounds The opening reception for “Looking Through My Glass,” an exhibit of new art work

by Beth Bloom, will run from 7–10pm at Equal=Grounds Coffee House, 750 South Ave. Bloom’s work has won recognition at ImageArt shows in past years. ■

(Racing from page 1) Although you do not have to be in drag to compete in the lip-syncing contest, you do have to be fun and energetic (and it certainly doesn’t hurt to be a little dramatic, too). The winner of the contest gets official Ru Paul’s Drag Race merchandise and $100 Tilt Bucks.

So what are you going to do next Monday? That’s right… you’re going to take off your Snuggie, put on your goin’out clothes (accessorized with your charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent ) and head to Tilt to cheer on our own Pandora Boxx from the front row! ■

(ImageOut from page 1) front a myriad of issues related to health and wellness in our community that includes, but is not limited to, creating standards and guidelines for welcoming, culturally competent and responsive health and human services. The Coalition achieves its goals through collaboration, advocacy, community education, and through annual involvement in LGBT Health Awareness Week.

ImageOut resources: Follow ImageOut on the Web at www.

ImageOut.org Blog at http://imageout.blogspot. com/

( Vagina from page 1) The Vagina Monologues is so much more than a dramatic production: it is non-fictional artistry that gives voice to the experiences of women around the world. Eve Ensler interviewed thousands of women about their life experiences before compiling the monologues. The hope that motivates V-Day is that an increase in the awareness about and visibility of the pain, strength and triumph of womankind throughout history (combined with continual fundraising effort) will, ultimately, help to bring about an end to gender-related violence.

V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of The Vagina Monologues. Through the last 12 years, the V-Day movement has raised over $70 million internationally and educated millions about the issue of violence against women.

The goals of V-Day are the primary reason that women choose to get involved in productions of The Vagina Monologues.

“I began as a cast member in The Vagina Monologues in the 2001/02 school year performance at the Rochester Institute of Technology,” said Colleen Vera Melisz, the director of this year’s production.

“After my first performance, I was committed to using theatre as an artistic way of volunteering my efforts towards ending violence against women.”

“As a woman, I want to do all that I can to fight violence and raise awareness about V-Day,” said cast member Michelle Inclema. “At any given time, somewhere in the world, a woman is experiencing violence. We need to do all that we can to help her: we need to understand that no

matter who you are or where you live, we are all people. We all deserve the right to live in freedom, love whomever we choose, and lay our heads in peace.”

It would be a mistake to assume that the play is entirely heavy and melancholy: although some of the pieces are heartwrenching, there is also a great deal of humor within many of the monologues.

The humor that comes across in the actors’ performances is definitely alive and well at our rehearsals.

We always start by going around and having everyone answer a few questions about their… you guessed it… vaginas. “The most hilarious moments from rehearsals were while listening to the Vagina Warriors answer questions such as, what would your vagina say, smell or sound like today,” Vera said. (My personal favorite of all the questions we were asked during rehearsals was definitely “If your vagina had a super power, what would it be?”)

The sense of importance felt by the actors is increased by our awareness that the monologues that we are performing are the real-life experiences of women interviewed by Ensler. Each role must therefore be approached with sensitivity and a willingness to honor the women whose lives we are portraying.

“The challenge of performing this show is the process by which we take on our different roles,” Inclema said.

“The actor must learn to speak for a real woman, not a fictional character. In rehearsals, we discussed a great deal about these women. Many of these women have experienced things that are far outside our comfort zones, and as actresses we are charged with portraying these inspiring women.”

Tickets are $20 for the general public and $10 for students and seniors.

Tickets are available at Aaron’s Alley, Equal=Grounds, Parkleigh, local Planned Parenthood locations, online at www. pprsr.org and at the door on the evening of the show.

disappearing disappearing disappearing disappearing LGBT Records are Disappearing

Records are no longer accessible or available due to individuals dying, organizations, agencies, and groups relocating, and not having a repository to preserve records.

Help preserve Rochester’s GLBT history

The Gay Alliance in conjunction with the Documentary Heritage Program wants to be sure the record of work done by these groups and their impact on Rochester and the Genesee Valley region survives as a part of New York State’s rich cultural, political, social and economic history.

What is Needed

Organizational records: Financial, Minutes of Meetings, Formal and Informal Records - Written and Electronic, Public Relations Material, Posters, Informational Brochures, Event Advertising Flyers, Correspondence To and From, Photographs, Ephemera.

Individual Collections: Gay Civil Rights, HIV AIDS, Religious Response to GLBT Community, Political Development at Local, State, and Federal level.

Publications (other than the Empty Closet).

If you have any information you can share, to identify and locate these records, Contact GAGV or the Archival Consultant, Nicole Menarchem, at NicoleM@gayalliance.org or (585) 244-8640 x32

Save The Date:April 18, 2010

Two Shows Only: 3pm & 7pm

Your Mind and Wardrobe Need It!

Featuring fashions from Waterloo Premium Outlets Stay tuned for more details at www.gayalliance.org

Fundraiser for Pride 2010 - Only $10

march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet All proceeds from this year’s Rochester production will benefit the Rape Crisis Service of Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region and the women and girls of the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

“No matter who you are, whether it be male, female, black, white, gay or straight, we can all understand that violence MUST stop,” Inclema said. “By buying a ticket to this show, you are contributing towards ending the violence.

When you come to this show, be prepared to laugh, cry, become empowered and maybe blush a little.

“The Vagina Monologues is 100 percent electricity from the opening hilarity to the dramatic conclusion,” she continued.

“You will not be disappointed!”

To become a sponsor, or to donate to the V-Day raffle, please send an e-mail vdayrochester@gmail.com. ■ (All-Woman from page 1) guage of art. Sista’s Sayin’ Somethin’ Mission Statement: “To foster the expression of HER, we are defining HER by being HER, without limiting HER.” Diane Conway of CSWA says, “Sista’s Sayin’ Somethin’ was formed for the purpose of assisting female artists to connect through their creativity, and to provide a safe, supportive space in which women and girls can remain true to their unique interpretation of female artistic expression and craft. By design, SSS also seeks to pave the way for young female artists to explore creativity without judgment.

“Please note,” Conway adds, “SSS is not anti-men. Rather, as women artists, we simply desire to be true to our unique individual female expressions.”

The seasons mark the earth’s energy cycles. The powerful energy of the SSS’s creative endeavors have aligned with the earth’s mid-point between the coming of the light on the Winter Solstice, Dec. 21, and the Summer Solstice in June.

“As we now approach spring, we awaken and experience renewal, gradually moving from dormancy and introspection to new beginnings and growth,” Conway said.

As such, SSS’s culminating project and debut falls on the eve of the Spring Equinox, March 20, from 8-11 p.m. Conway says, “Join us in this community wide celebration as we showcase and embrace HER!” There will be a suggested donation – a sliding fee of $10-$15 (no one will be turned away due to lack of funds). Proceeds will go towards SSS’s upcoming publication, an anthology of multi-medium performances and projects called, you guessed it, HER. HER is a CSWA production, co-produced by The Evolutionary Girls Club.

For more information call Diane Conway at 442-5432 or e-mail CSWA at c_s_w_a@yahoogroups.com. ■

GLAAD salutes Oscar nominations The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), on Feb. 2 congratulated the creative teams and casts of “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’

by Sapphire” and “A Single Man”, which received a combined seven Oscar nominations at the announcement of nominees for the 82nd Annual Academy Awards, set for March 7.

Lee Daniels, honored for his work on “Precious,” became the first openly gay African American director to receive a nomination.

“These films tell inclusive and diverse stories of our community which grow awareness and understanding of the lives of gay and transgender people,” said GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios, President of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).

“Images like the love and commitment between Ms. Rain and her partner in ‘Precious’ and the isolation felt by George in ‘A Single Man’ spark conversations that help Americans embrace their gay

and transgender friends, family members and neighbors,” Barrios said. “We need to advocate for more gay-inclusive stories to be shared with mainstream audiences because as more people see these images, they realize that we have the same aspirations, hopes, and deserve the same chances to take care of our loved ones and families.”

Actor Colin Firth received a nomination for Performance By An Actor In A Leading Role for his turn as George in “A Single Man”.

“Precious” is among the leading Oscar nominees in major categories with six nominations: Best motion picture of the year; performance by an actress in a leading role – Gabourey Sidibe; performance by an actress in a supporting role – Mo’Nique; achievement in directing – Lee Daniels; best adapted screenplay – Geoffrey Fletcher and achievement in film editing – Joe Klotz.

“GLAAD congratulates the talented director Lee Daniels for this much deserved honor. His bold storytelling has opened a door for other talented storytellers to share more inspiring stories about gay and transgender people,” said Barrios.

Daniels previously received the Stanley Kramer Award, which recognizes work that dramatically illuminates provocative social issues, from the Producer’s Guild of America on Jan. 20, 2010.

In the film “Precious,” actress Paula Patton portrays out lesbian teacher Ms. Rain, whose emotional support assists and inspires the film’s protagonist. In the film, viewers meet Ms. Rain’s partner and hear of the rejection that the loving couple face from their families.

Daniels and Sidibe appeared on a panel during GLAAD’s programming at the 2009 Sundance Film Festival where they spoke on the theme of “being an outsider.”

In “A Single Man,” lead character George’s longtime partner is killed in a car accident and he is banned from attending the funeral. Taking place in the homophobic world of the early 1960s, the film shows a man presenting one self to the world, and forced to live an entirely different life in private.

GLAAD will announce award recipients for the 21st Annual GLAAD Media Awards in ceremonies in New York City on March 13, in Los Angeles on April 17 and in San Francisco on June 5. The list of nominees is available online at http:// www.glaad.org/mediaawards/21/nominees.

The 82nd Annual Academy Awards airs Sunday, March 7, at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Tara reunion is March 21 Abilene Bar and Lounge will celebrate a community treasure, the late, great downtown club Tara’s Cocktail Lounge, by holding a Tara’s Reunion on Sunday, March 21.

Abilene opened in the former home of Tara’s, an historic 1800s building at 153 Liberty Pole Way, on March 21, 2008, after Abilene owner Danny Deutsch bought the building from Tara’s owner David Yates. Tara’s, long a popular club in Rochester’s GLBT community, closed its doors after 28 years in 2007.

“We realize how much people loved and miss Tara’s and we’re hoping they come back March 21 to see old friends, reminisce and celebrate,” Deutsch says.

Abilene, which has become a popular music club and will be an official Club Pass venue in the Xerox Rochester International Jazz Festival in June, will open at noon on March 21 for the Tara’s Reunion and remain open as long as the party goes on.

For the Tara’s Reunion, Abilene will offer “Tara’s Era” priced drink specials and prize giveaways, as well as karaoke.

Chef Rocky will be at the grill cooking up burgers, hots and his special homemade chili.

Abilene also will make a donation to AIDS Care.

For further information, call Abilene at 232-3230 or check the Abilene Web site, www.abilenebarandlounge.com. ■

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010

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march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

Columnists

The opinions of columnists, editorial writers and other contributing writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the collective attitude of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley or The Empty Closet.

Growing Up Gay Man at the Health Club

By Eric Bellmann As best I can tell, I am the only gay man at my health club. I go to an early class. A bunch of ladies and me lifting weights to music. Lousy music, nice ladies. I feel quite comfortable.

This is all about staying alive, keeping the moving parts moving. This is not about pumping muscles. My health club markets itself very shrewdly to older people. I’ll upchuck if I have to use their term: “Silver Sneakers.” Actually that’s a separate program. I’m with the pre-silver sneaker set, gals five to fifteen years younger than me. My fingers cramp up if I try to type “seniors”.

For all the grayness, there are surprises. I like to use the wet sauna. Sweating is kind of a cheating way to lose a couple of pounds, which I am all for. It also fosters relief from aches.

Usually it’s empty. I like it that way.

For a while there was this really porkedout pink old guy who always seemed to be in the sauna. I mean always. A grunt hello, that was it. I gradually came to realize he was a secret peeper. If anyone came in -- we do this activity nude – geezer’s little tiny eyes popped wide open.

No doubt it meant the world to him.

So sad, so sweet. So if we were alone, I’d flash him. Sit with my legs open and let him have his visual fill of my meager gifts. I’m not sure if he even appreciated my charity. One day he wasn’t there.

Never appeared again. Did he drop dead at home? Possibly. His little hobby could have over taxed his heart. Life is packed with unexplained mysteries.

My health club used to have a pretty nice shower room. An open shower room. Now and then the Gods in their generosity would send into the showers some major hunk and on those damnably rare occasions I would get very, very clean. Soap, rinse, soap, rinse, rinse again, etc. I am a visual person, an artist who appreciates beauty. No harm in looking, as they say. But like I say, these were rare moments.

On the way to my room full of ladies who lift weights, I pass the big boys gym, the land of free weights where, it seems, God has decreed all must wear baseball hats. I think it’s some kind of butch reassurance. These gents in love with their biceps have their appeal. Problem is, they never, ever go to the locker room.

They arrive in workout clothes and leave in their workout clothes. Is there some shameful secret they must conceal? Are they in a hurry to get wherever? Heaven only knows. I know they don’t shower, that’s what I know.

The guys that do shower would make you, should you be so unfortunate as to get a gander at them, never, ever want to have sex again. I mean ugly. Fat and hairy, yuk. That’s just for openers. They are noisy and crude and loud and they will not leave. It’s their little play pen, their club house. And some of them are very territorial, or maybe it’s just selfishness, because they spread their gym bags and crap over all the benches, never making room for the princess. They seem to be lawyer/broker types. They brag about deals and cars and talk trash about their clients. Very unsettling. Most of them wrap towels around their waists. Guess

what that implies.

Somehow they got my number. One guy in fact asked me if I was gay.

In the steam room yet. Rarely at a loss for words, I got one out, “yes,” and only hours later I still hadn’t thought of anything clever I might have added. Just as well I did not. The health club isn’t exactly neutral ground; it’s straight city. Oddly enough, I never saw him again either.

Another mystery.

I’m being a little harsh. Truth be told, I like working out. I like having a schedule. I like having access to an environment that once had seemed very remote, something other people did. I do, after all, pay the same price of admission.

The staff can be problematic at times.

The girls at the desk are mandated to say hello when you walk in. The trainers are another story. Butch slabs who barely blink. I think they don’t like me or I make them nervous, but who would really know, no one’s talking.

Once I said hello to a trainer as I was staggering up the stairs. No reply. In a huff I asked at the desk what exactly the problem might be? Whatever transpired next I have no idea, except that I got a perfunctory “hello” from that point on.

I’m probably a wee bit responsible for how people respond. In this land of eternal white T shirts that advertise Hilton Head or Sanibel Island, I sport a extensive wardrobe of exotic Ts. I favor Wrestle Mania shirts and one knockout red one that reads, “Whose Your Daddy?” I have some great Mexican wrestler shirts, “Mystico” is my fave. I buy this stuff in Spanish Harlem. I haven’t gone for the 50 Cent or Michael Jackson memorabilia look. Yet. I figure there is subtle discrimination floating around. The racket ball guys are the worst. Macho in the worst ways. They act as if they own the joint. They stand around in the hallway blocking passage.

You have to squeeze past them. One day, not so long ago, I had an inspiration. I decided I would not squeeze past them. I would stride, yes, march deliberately, defiantly down the center of the hallway. Oh girl, it worked. They got out of my way!

And, yes, they glowered, gave me dirty looks. It was divine.

I shouldn’t tell you the next thing, but here it is anyway. Surfing through Craig’s List, I found an ad for someone who described himself in glowing terms.

He said he went to very same athletic club. Named it! Said he liked to stroll around naked, showing off, in the locker room. He solicited others to join him in exhibiting themselves. He did add that his preferred time to exercise, in so many ways, was afternoons. Damn, that alas is my naptime!

E-mail: ELBCAD@RIT.EDU

Cleaning My Closet Do Not Don’t Me

By Meredith Elizabeth Reiniger I just had an extraction. It costs lot$ more than merely having a “tooth pulled.” My next surgery is the screwing of the post. And then the making and placing of the cap. On the health form provided by my peridontist I recorded my dental insurance plan: the tooth fairy.

When I was young, the tooth fairy was an inconsistent source of funds. Anyway she only left dimes. And often her arrival was associated with pain. We were poor

and money was tight. Installment payments had to be arranged. A toothache needed to be endured.

We implemented a kind of Familial DON’T ASK DON’T TELL. No words should Tell The Truth, even as the searing toothache brought me to the couch.

No Asking would ensue until floods of tears and tears and tears were too obvious to ignore.

Eventually Mommy took me on the city bus. I didn’t cry on the bus. It was not polite to disturb the other riders. Anyway, their blank gazes isolated them from others’ lives.

Once upon a time, when I was older, I and my throbbing wisdom tooth took the bus alone. The dentist’s office was in a magnificent old house on Plymouth Avenue. To me, it was daunting. And so was the stone-faced dentist.

Mrs. Dentist was the receptionist, also without smile or kindness. I understood that I was not allowed to ask any questions. Anyway, her pursed lips were certainly in Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Mode.

Without a sound I followed her to The Chair. There was no banter. Stealthily Mrs. Dentist slipped out the door. The water in the porcelain spit-sink swirled silently.

Then, through the other dark door, Dr. Knight drifted into the room, his white smock starched hard. He moved in slow motion, gliding toward the wall of cabinets. The glass panes flashed sunlight onto the bottles and jars he noiselessly removed. His back to me, he made pink paste and gray blobs.

He approached the round tray table that Mrs. Dentist had covered with silver tools. Tiny mirrors. Straight blades.

Hooked picks. And silver pliers. The only element of softness in the whole room was a small pile of gauze.

Then the Dentist placed his concoctions on the white paper. He turned. No eye contact, no conversation. Only directions: Open. Spit. Open more.

On my return bus ride, blood filled the gauze, then a wad of Kleenex, and then my scarf. The hole throbbed as much as the rotten tooth had. My averted eyes guaranteed my DON’T ASK DON’T TELL. I remembered that it was not polite to penetrate a stranger’s consciousness.

I know that DON’T ASK DON’T TELL is a formidable enemy. It starts early and gains power. And changes identities. When I was in grammar school, it was really, really naughty to TATTLE. In high school, it was unwise to RAT-OUT another student. During college vacations, I worked nights in a factory office.

Others did not. They played. They fooled around, punting paper footballs across their desks. Sternly those guys warned me. “Don’t ruin our overtime pay. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.” It is no surprise that the Big Boys still like to LIE. Admirals and other brass leaders insist that soldiers play the DON’T ASK DON’T TELL game. This military tactic stems from early childhood experiences. There is clear evidence that the admiral babies placed their little, heterosexual hands over their eyes so they could hide. Seemed to work.

Now that their supreme commander hunts for honesty, some old white guys fret about dishing out more equality. First The Blacks wanted to be patriotic. Then The Women. Now The Gays. Who next?

Consequently, the old white straight guys, threatened again by Change, have started to regurgitate moldy discrimination schemes. Surely, they opine, the military cannot allow THOSE queer PEOPLE to sleep near Ordinary White Straight Male People. Seriously, they rant, if THOSE queer PEOPLE see The Ordinaries take a shower, what next?

Without a doubt, Equality and Truthfulness are taxing options for elected officials. That’s why the old-fashioned DON’T ASK DON’T TELL is so handy for the multitudes of Ordinary White Straight Male People in charge of Important Matters. And that is why we must enlist in the Battle of Lexicon.

Just last month, as I completed the questionnaire for the Oral And Maxillofacial Surgeon, I took another opportunity to challenge relationship labels. I added a tiny check-here box and printed “partnered.’” I admit that I did not feel the world shudder from this minuscule vocabulary lesson, but at least one person had to read those words. And perhaps be enlightened. One small truth for gaykind.

Soon I will join the skirmish against the unequal distribution of tax dollars and government representation that results from false figures. I will Queer the Census. When the census worker knocks on my clearly queer door, I will answer, draped in a rainbow flag. Although I am only required to give the head count, I will offer additional information. I will identify my ethnicity as Queer. With wonderful irony, the census taker will have to record my word choice on the line labeled Other.

Yesterday I received a summons for jury service. With my #2 pencil in hand, I filled in all the “Don’t Commit Perjury” bubbles. Once again, my reality had not earned a bubble. I took advantage of the space dedicated to “added information needed to answer the questions”. On the lines provided, I wrote a letter.

“Dear US District Court: “Your document indicates that I must answer your questions to the best of my knowledge and belief. The bubble choices do not allow me to tell the whole truth.

“Question 15, Marital Status, has only four choices: single; married; widowed; separated or divorced. I am, to my knowledge a person who, in the course of my life, has been single; married; divorced; single; married; divorced; single and….

“And then my truths disappear on your form. I declare that I have a spouse.

We are in a happy, healthy 10-year relationship. We have a Rochester, New York, Domestic Partnership, #25. In addition, a Sikh disciple performed a spiritual marriage ceremony for Spousewomyn and me.

“It is my belief that the true label for my marital status, when constrained by the four given choices, is ‘married.’

“I would have chosen ‘partnered’ if it were a fifth choice.”

I do realize that modest Word Edits here and there are not enough. Obviously we need a Shock and Awe strategy to startle the purveyors of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

Hence, at high noon, on National Coming Out Day, all LGBTIQQ persons will gather at the nearest stoplight. And immediately disrobe. No one will notice.

We are invisible.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the factories, hospitals, offices, meat markets, pulpits, schools, stores, and truck stops, there will be empty spaces. At which point heterosexual people will notice Holes In Their Reality. The Holes will tell the straight people a Big Truth. We are everywhere.

Then, at 12:12, all those naked homosexuals will march to the nearest park for a picnic. I have invited the Tooth Fairy.

MeredithElizabethReiniger@frontiernet.net

A Few Bricks Short Protect Our Family!

By David Hull “Marriage equals One Man & One Woman!”

“Protect Our Children – Not the Gay Agenda!”

“It was Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve!”

Yes, those are really actual signs I’ve seen being proudly held up to protest the legalization of gay marriage.

Honestly, if one more person claims that my relationship with my husband Bernie is a threat to their marriage, their family or their children, I am going to scream. How can legalizing gay marriage be a threat to anyone else’s relationship with their spouse or children? I don’t get it. The argument makes no sense at all.

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And who gets to decide how marriage in this country is defined? Only the people who can get legally married! Does that sound very democratic to you?

My husband and I own our house, pay our bills and taxes, celebrate the Fourth of July, feed the birds in winter, buy Girl Scout cookies and vote. We take my parents out to dinner on Saturday nights, donate every month to the local food cupboard and watch The Ten Commandments every Easter. Who exactly are we threatening?

Murderers, pedophiles, drug dealers, as long as they are heterosexual, can all get legally married – but two gay guys who like to garden and watch old Hollywood musicals together are a threat to society.

As far as our house is concerned, the “Gay Agenda” consists of finishing the laundry, taking the cat to the vet and remembering to take the trash out on Thursday night. Not exactly a list for world domination, if you ask me.

Apparently, from what I hear and read, gay marriage is indeed a threat, and not just in New York State, but to the whole country.

Personally, I don’t think gay marriage is a threat to heterosexual marriage. I think divorce is a threat to heterosexual marriage.

For me, the only logical way to protect marriage in this country is to make gay marriage legal and make divorce illegal. Then, no matter who gets married – straights, gays, lesbians – they won’t be able to threaten marriage because they’ll never be able to get divorced. Every marriage will have a 100 percent success rate.

Talk about protecting marriage! Now that makes sense! I hope all those senators and congressmen are listening.

Another argument I hear against gay marriage is that when gay couples get married they will want children and they cannot make adequate parents because children, to be normal and happy, must have a female mother and male father.

However, if that truly is the reason we can’t have gay marriage, then that also means we can’t have any single parents.

The authorities will have to step in and remove children from a variety of dangerous situations.

If a single person has ever adopted a child – the child must be taken away.

If a couple has a child, but one of the spouses passes away – the child must be removed and taken to safety.

If one parent abandons his or her family, the government must move in and get those endangered kids away from the remaining parent who no longer has the opposite-sexed partner!

How ridiculous – families have always been varied; even when I was growing up in the ‘60s there were kids with just a mother, or kids who lived with their grandparents, or kids who were adopted by single parents. And trust me, after 22 years of teaching, I can tell you that sometimes the children who grow up in a home with both a mother and a father can be pretty screwed-up and unhappy too.

Finally, and I think most importantly, the religious groups need to get out of the fight about gay marriage. If you check, you’ll notice that very few, if any, gay couples are asking for a religious wedding.

We just want legal, civil marriages. No priests or pastors or rabbis are necessary.

Just give us a marriage license, a Justiceof-the-Peace and a courthouse, thank you very much.

The religious folks keep claiming that religion and marriage cannot be discussed separately because marriage is a religious ceremony.

Nonsense – a few thousand years ago marriage was merely a business arrangement; religion was an afterthought until the bride’s dowry was paid in full. No future husband was interested in contacting the pastor until he received his three cows, four chickens and two acres of fertile land.

Did you know that in the fall of 2009 the Catholic Church spent over two million dollars to promote the anti-gay marriage bill in Maine? Good thing they

didn’t waste that money by helping the poor people! If the churches want to have a say in the legal battle for civil gay marriage, then perhaps the churches should give up the status of separation of Church and State. If the church wants to get involved in stopping civil gay marriage, they can also start paying state and federal taxes, just like I do. I have a feeling that would shut up a lot of our “Christian” friends very quickly.

Besides, I don’t see how can Bernie and I could ever be more of a threat to marriage in America than South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, who used taxpayer money to run off to South America to be with his beloved mistress, leaving his wife and young sons behind on Father’s Day weekend in 2009. Now he’s claiming it was OK that he ran off to his mistress because he did not use the word “fidelity” in his wedding vows.

Or, could we be as threatening to marriage as Nevada Senator John Ensign, who used party supporter donations in 2008 to hire his mistress and her son to work on his own campaign committee?

And what about golf legend Tiger Woods; is he less of a threat to marriage than Bernie and I? My feeling is that if you have more mistresses than you do fingers to count them on, then you’re probably a threat to marriage; especially your own.

Just give me a break, people – aim your anti-marriage venom at the right targets.

The definition of marriage in America has been changing for hundreds of years and it will continue to adjust long after this debate is over – and gay marriage is finally legal.

In the end, I think my father summed things up best when he said, “There’s no reason gay people shouldn’t be allowed to get married in this country. They should suffer just like the rest of us!”

The Vagina Dialogues Health is Contagious – Spread the Word!

By KaeLyn Rich Haha! I’m so clever. What, you’ve heard that one before? Anyway, it’s that time of year again.

I’m talking about LGBT Health Month! This March, the LGBT health awareness activities have been expanded from one week into a whole 31 days of good, healthy fun. The theme of the month is “31 Ways in 31 Days” and each day you can go to www. everybodysgood.com and get a new health tip! There is also a full calendar of the “31 Ways” and all the LGBT Health Month events in this edition of The Empty Closet.

LGBT Health Month is sponsored by the Rochester LGBT Health Coalition, a group of local agencies and providers that meets to discuss health disparities and issues of the queer community. The Coalition groups represent all fields of health including HIV/AIDS, sexual assault and intimate partner violence, drug and alcohol addiction treatment, sexual and reproductive health and mental health. They also represent many diverse experiences with health, such as lesbian and bisexual women’s health, gay men’s health, persons living with HIV/AIDS, young adults and teens, trans health, queer persons of color, etc. — issues and agencies as diverse as our families, and as the issues presented in this column!

Here are some highlights from the calendar that would be specifically appealing to readers of the Vagina Dialogues: Planned Parenthood is sponsoring the fourth annual V-Day Rochester benefit production of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues on Saturday, March 13 at 7 p.m. at Hochstein School of Music and Dance, 50 N. Plymouth Ave. V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls by raising funds and awareness. Tickets are

on sale now at Aaron’s Alley, Parkleigh, Equal=Grounds and local Planned Parenthood health centers, and online at www.pprsr.org. Tickets are $20 general admission and $10 seniors and students.

Ninety percent of all profits from V-Day Rochester will benefit our local Rape Crisis Service, allowing more victims of sexual assault to get free counseling, advocacy, and services. Ten percent of V-Day Rochester proceeds will benefit the V-Day Spotlight campaign “Stop Raping our Greatest Resource: Power to Women and Girls of Democatic Republic of Congo.”

Since 1996, sexual violence in the Eastern part of the DRC has been used as a weapon of war to torture, humiliate, and destroy not only women and girls, but also entire families and whole communities. Please help us end the violence in our community and throughout the world.

For info about V-Day Rochester and Rape Crisis Service, go to www.pprsr.org.

Wednesday, March 10, come to a free screening of Diagnosing Difference from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at the AIDS Care office, 259 Monroe Ave. This thoughtprovoking documentary, which was well received at the ImageOut film festival this past October, explores the GID (Gender Identity Disorder) classification and how it impacts trans people’s lives. I saw this film at ImageOut a few months ago. No — edit that — I PAID to see this film at ImageOut and it was the best film on trans people’s health and the GID that I’ve ever seen. Please don’t miss out on this one! The film will be followed by a panel discussion. Light snacks will be provided.

For more information, contact Erik at (585) 210-4192.

RSVP now for the FREE Queer Self Defense Class. The Gay Alliance AntiViolence Project and Rated F will be hosting this event on March 7 from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. at the United Martial Arts Center, 1748 Monroe Ave. Space is limited, so please e-mail your RSVP by March 5 to ratedfteam@gmail.com.

Rated F will also be hosting a Make Your Own Sex Toys program on March 16 from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the GAGV Youth Center (875 Main Street) and a Love Your Boobs program on March 23 from 7-9 p.m. at the Flying Squirrel Community Space, 285 Clarissa St. Make Your Own Sex Toys will teach you how to make your own sex toys, care for them properly and use them safely (alone and/ or with partners). Love Your Boobs will be an interactive workshop where participants can make and decorate a plaster cast of their breasts/chest while discussing breast health. There is a $10 suggested donation for Love Your Boobs, but Make Your Own Sex Toys is free. Both events are for ages 18+ only. For more information, email ratedfteam@gmail.com or visit www.ratedf.wordpress.com ImageOut will be hosting free screenings and a volunteer fair on March 25 at the Cinema Theatre (957 S. Clinton Avenue). At 6 p.m., you can catch the short film U-Haul Rap (hilarious!) before

the poignant and must-see documentary Swimming with Lesbians. This touching and very necessary film captures not only Buffalo’s hidden gay past, but the spirit and determination to keep history alive for the future as well. Emmy Awardwinning director David Marshall will be in attendance to discuss the film after the screening.

Stay after the 6 p.m. film or come early to the 8:30 p.m. film to visit the ImageOut Information Café in the newly renovated café space at the Cinema. All the ImageOut committees will be in attendance and looking for volunteers! At 8:30 p.m., catch the Rochester premier of the feature length film Dare, official selection of the 2009 Sundance Film Festival.

For more info on the March 25 ImageOut free screenings, go to www.imageout.org.

On the last day of LGBT Health Month, March 31, there will be a LGBT Healthcare Equality Workshop from 6:308 p.m. at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in Dansville, NY. Come and learn about creating and using a healthcare proxy to protect your legal rights with regard to healthcare. Hosted by AIDS Care and the Dansville Gay Men’s Group, this event is free and open to the public. For more information, contact Erik at (585) 2104192.

This is just a small sampling of the exciting events planned for LGBT Health Month. Check out the pull-out centerfold calendar in this edition of The Empty Closet, pages A 10-11, and the March calendar on page B 14 for the whole scoop. I hope to see you at a LGBT Health Month very soon! Look for more queer health info in the Vagina Dialogues next month!

KaeLyn Rich is the Community Affairs Coordinator at Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region. If you have suggestions for a future Vagina Dialogues topic, contact KaeLyn at krich@pprsr.org. For more information on the issues discussed in this column, visit www.pprsr.org or call our toll free helpline at 1-866-600-6886.

Follow us on Twitter at www.twitter.com/ pprsr! ■

New Library Hours

Sunday: 2-5pm Monday: 6-8pm Wednesday: 6-8pm Other times by appointment only Contact: Library@gayalliance.org

You Deserve To Have Your Marriage Blessed & Celebrated Rev. Denise Donato • revdenise@rochester.rr.com • 585-329-0895 14 years experience preparing and celebrating gay & straight marriages

Certified Professional Pet Grooming Pick-up & Drop-off Service Available

(585) 271-2530

James Del Favero 45 Pavilion Street Rochester, NY 14620

march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010

They say hair loss doesn’t matter...

What do you think?

Need a DJ for an Upcoming Party?

DJ Chuck Argento 585 317-6477 • 585 529-5544 cjargento1@ yahoo.com Hair Replacement Specialists 1425 Jefferson Road, Saginaw Plaza Rochester, New York 14623 585-272-7320 • www.newuhairloss.com

Joe Russo, Psy.D., CGP

o et t e k c Ro hang C

Licensed Psychologist Certified Group Psychotherapist 25 Canterbury Road, Suite 308 Rochester, New York 14607 Phone: (585) 506-6096 E-mail: drjoerusso@gmail.com

Addiction ▼ Anxiety ▼

Depression ▼ Grief/Loss ▼

Trauma ▼ Relationships ▼

▼ Weekly

Bi/Gay Men’s Therapy Group

One Flat Rate: $500 All Night Long

march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

Bed & Breakfast

First Tuesdays

7-9pm: Education Sessions St Thomas’ Episcopal Church, 2000 Highland Avenue, Rochester 14618. Guest speakers present information followed by a group discussion.

Third Sundays

2-4pm: Support & Discussion Auditorium Theatre 5th Floor 875 East Main Street Rochester 14605 Facilitated discussion to provide support to attendees while engaging the group in a variety of topics.

(Occurs at the same time as the youth and young adult support groups that occur in the Youth Center on the first floor of the building)

EC ☞ Reader Survey online

kconhead@aproposfp.com www.aproposfp.com Phone: (585) 533-1950

Take the Empty Closet online survey Let us know what you think! Make your opinions and needs known by completing the Empty Closet Reader Survey at www.gayalliance.org online this month!

Kay Conheady, CFP® Fee-only

Objective advice for the LGBT community from one of your own!

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010

Gay Alliance News

ing Violence Fear y l l u B Discrimination Pain Disappointme nt

Awakening the Power of Forgiveness to Transform “Life is an adventure in forgiveness” ~ Norman Cousins

The tours give youth a chance to check out area campuses and college life.

Join us for an adventure of mutual discovery and sharing. How do we remove the barriers that keep us from the presence of love? What can we do to strengthen our resilience to victimization? Where do we even begin?

This four-part exploration of forgiveness has the potential to bring hope and renewal. Free and open to the LGBT community, friends and family.

Tuesdays: Feb 23, March 9, 23, April 6 • 6–8pm Light dinner served. Register by calling 585-244-8640 The Gay Alliance is a community partner of WXXI, NCBI and the Fetzer Institute’s Campaign for Love and Forgiveness

Gay Alliance Youth Services Gay Alliance Youth Group members toured SUNY Geneseo on Feb. 10.

for Rochester area LGBTQ and allied youth ages 13-23 www.gayalliance.org or contact JessC@gagv.us Youth Center Hours: Drop-in: Monday and Wednesday, 2-6pm Youth Group: Sunday, 2-4pm, ages 13-23

Sunday, 4-5pm, Drop In Hour Special Interest Programming: Transgender Youth • Arts and Crafts • Movies • Writing Special Events: Youth Dances • Day of Silence • The Big Gay Prom And we have: Pool Table • LGBTQ Youth Library • Internet Access Adult Volunteers Needed: Fun, friendly, safe adults are needed to volunteer their time and talents, providing positive role models, maybe sharing a talent or skill. Contact Scott Fearing, Outreach Coordinator, for an application: ScottF@gagv.us 585-244-8640 x14

Photos: Jess Cohen

Save the Dates ★

The BIG Gay Prom

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Strathallan Hotel

National Day of Silence

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Strathallan Hotel / $10 / Drug & Alcohol Free / Ages 13-23 / Straight Allies Welcome / Music by DJ Chuck Argento / For more information: BigGayProm@gayalliance.org / 585 244-8640, ext 13

Friday, April 16 Auditorium Center Apollo Room of the Auditorium Center / The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. / Later, Celebrate with DJ Chuck Argento

march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

Talking About Marriage Marriage resources

Americorps member Sean Soper with David McLuckie at the Gay Alliance donor event on Jan. 28 at the Strathallan. Photo: Laura McSpadden.

Program Notes Charlie’s Group

The Gay Alliance has partnered with local professionals to facilitate a group for men who are married and are involved in undisclosed sexual relationships outside of their marriage. The Group, called Charlie’s Group is a discussion and support group to address questions, health concerns etc. The Group will meet once a month from 6:30-8:30. For dates and locations, please contact ScottF@gayalliance.org or call 585-244-8640.

InQueery Classes

Inquiring minds want to know... so the Gay Alliance has created InQueery, a new way for LGBT and allied community members to have fun while they learn and connect. For class descriptions and other details please visit www.gayalliance.org, follow the InQueery listing under the Education tab.

Monday, 1 March: Screening & Discussion: Celluloid Closet Tuesday, 2 March: Coming Out: A Process For Everyone Thursday, 18 March: Understanding Human Sexual Identity Saturday, 20 March: Volleyball with LGBT Flare Tuesday, 30 March: Eating Disorders & The Queer Communities Wednesday, 7 April: Towards TransInclusive Language

Gay Alliance Website Gets New Look

The Gay Alliance website which received over 130,000 hits in 2009, now has a new look. The update was necessary to replace some outdated software that ran the site. But the change presented us with an opportunity to update content and begin to make other design changes.

The most noticable changes, besides the new colors, are to be found on the Empty Closet page, the Pride page and the on-line Community Resource Directory, which now boasts almost 1,000 fully search-able community resources. There are more changes to come in the next couple of months as the entire site is examined and new materials added. Check it out at www.gayalliance.org.

EC Online Survey

And speaking of the new website, you can participate in The Empty Closet survey on the EC page this month! In addition to getting a preview of the new website’s look, you can let us know who you are and what you want to see in your newspaper. Just go to www.gayalliance.org and click on Empty Closet News to access the survey. ■

By Scott Fearing Generally the articles on this page are written by staff members of the Gay Alliance, but this month we feature a second article written by local Attorney and faculty member at RIT, Jennifer Gravitz.

In recent months the number of calls to our office about legal issues related to marriage and gender identity/expression have increased, and we have relied upon Jennifer and other local attorneys to help us navigate the confusing mix of state and federal laws.

In addition to these articles, the Community Safety team at the Gay Alliance has worked with Gravitz to create new resources on our website. Please look for “Marriage Resources” under the Resources tab at www.GayAlliance.org.

Here you will find a number of important documents to download, as well as links to other resources. If you think of something we forgot, please let us know and we will work to get it added to the website. Contact us at Safety@GayAlliance.org

Strange bedfellows: marriage recognition and contradictory state and federal laws

By Jennifer Gravitz Last month we examined what marriage means in New York. We identified types of laws that provide legal rights (i.e. health insurance and joint property ownership) or create legal responsibilities (i.e spousal support and joint responsibility for debt). Then we talked about strategies for educating and cajoling recalcitrant employers and state employees into recognizing those rights for same sex spouses.

Game over, right? Unfortunately not.

Looming in front of us is a challenge of monster proportion -- the reality that certain rights and responsibilities are simultaneously rooted in the New York legal system (which must recognize same sex marriage) and the federal legal system (which refuses to do so thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act, DOMA).

Here are two examples. Medicaid, the program that helps pay for chronic and catastrophic medical expenses (i.e. nursing home costs), is a federal program, administered by the state, and partially funded by both the federal and state government (the state cost is the “unfunded mandate” we hear so much about at budget time). Same sex spouses argue that we are entitled to the same preferential treatment as opposite sex couples because the program is run by New York and funded, partially, by our tax dollars. The federal government argues that, under DOMA, we are not married and therefore are relegated to a costly, discriminatory and offensive process of qualifying for benefits from which opposite gendered spouses are exempted.

Another example is tax status. N.Y. recognizes our marriages and, in theory, should allow us to file joint returns. Alas, NYS tax forms require us to file the same way we do on our federal forms and, you get it by now, since we are not married in the eyes of Uncle Sam and must file as “single”, we are denied the benefits of NYS joint filing.

Just like the Medicaid example, same

sex couples have the legal right to argue for recognition and the federal government can use DOMA as both a sword and a shield to deny us equal treatment under the law.

So who is right? How do we protect our families and advocate for full and equal recognition from the N.Y. and federal governments? How and when can we expect DOMA to be overturned?

There is no easy answer to these questions. As the battle begins to shift from the right to marry to the right to recognition of our marriages, we find ourselves on the scrimmage line in one of the most exciting legal and Constitutional battles.

It is time to “play ball”. Each of us, married or not, has a role to play in learning about the complexities of these “crossover” laws, advocating for the maximum legal recognition for our marriages and devising strategies to overturn DOMA. This issue is hardly academic. In less than a week, I received two calls from different couples asking for help in the fight for marriage recognition in situations involving both state and federal laws.

The first involved a company refusing to extend health care benefits to an employee’s same sex spouse but insuring all opposite gendered spouses of employees. The company cited ERISA (a federal law regarding taxation of corporate benefits and regulating retirement accounts; more on this law below) and its “refusal” to recognize same sex spouses (that’s DOMA’s “job”, not ERISA’s) as the reason for the refusal.

The second involved a local private university that refuses to extend adoption benefits (governed by federal law) to the lesbian couple wanting to marry before the birth of their child because the regulation does not permit the benefit for “stepparent” adoption.

It is truly amazing that the university will recognize their marriage for the purpose of denying the benefit! Even more confusing is the fact that if they marry before the baby is born, the nonbiological spouse will be presumed to be the baby’s legal parent under New York law. Although she will be recognized as the baby’s parent here in N.Y., there is no guarantee, without adopting the baby, that other states or the federal government will do so.

Ironically, it (almost) benefits the couple to marry before the baby is born, claim all of the N.Y. legal rights and then state they are single in the eyes of the federal government pursuant to DOMA in order to access the adoption benefits – a financial benefit that comes in handy to afford the court ordered adoption they will need to legally protect both parents and the baby until this thorny issue of marriage recognition is ironed out.

Keep in mind that the “cross-over” challenges presented by conflicting state and federal legal perspectives is new to us all: couples, our employers, state and federal employees and other public officials who are weighing whether to recognize or deny our marriages and the rights that accompany them.

Where do married couples begin to figure out whether the “gay” mare goes before the cart or vice versa? Which law, state or federal, determines the recognition or denial of our marriages?

The first step is dialogue. Married couples need to make the “ask” and be prepared to advocate for the recogni-

b 11 tion of their marriage and the rights they demand. Strategies for doing so were outlined in last month’s article.

Listen carefully to the answer and the reason(s) for the denial. Ask for them in writing. With any luck, requiring a written response obligates the person denying marriage recognition to think through the decision to discriminate well enough to articulate support for doing so. There is a chance that he or she may be convinced that the right thing to do is to extend the legal protection to the couple. A written articulation of the reason(s) for the denial also offers the married couple (and their attorney) an opportunity to research the position and continue the dialogue, or provides the couple with indisputable evidence of discrimination that may be admissible in court at a later date.

Do your research and re-engage in the discussion and advocacy. As it happens, the employer in the first example misapplied ERISA. This law does not address same sex marriage — it requires the taxation of corporate benefits paid to non spouses (which thanks to DOMA costs non-married partners much more money than our opposite gendered married friends pay). At press time, we were pointing out this distinction to the employer and taking the position that NYS requires the them to provide health benefits to the employee’s same sex spouse or face a violation of NY’s civil rights laws for discrimination based on marital status. We hope to report a positive result soon.

The second case will require more research into the governmental regulations regarding the adoption benefits.

The results of both the research and the ensuing dialogue will be the focus of future articles.

So when do we sue to overturn DOMA? DOMA is, after all, the legal license to discriminate against our married couples.

There are two lawsuits underway; see Lambda Legal Defense and Education’s website at http://www.lambdalegal.org/ publications/articles/fa_20100120_lambda-legal-sues-for-spousal-benefits.html and GLAD’s website http://www.glad. org/doma/lawsuit/ for more information.

Surprisingly, both civil rights organizations advise NOT to file suit — claiming, with good reason, that the cases must be carefully chosen and filed in courts where there is a high likelihood of winning -- to avoid negative decisions that could end our fight for recognition of these critical legal rights. Read the article “Make Change, Not Lawsuits”, http://www.glad.org/uploads/docs/publications/make-change-not-lawsuits09.pdf to understand why.

We will explore the significance of these cases and additional ways to advocate for marriage recognition in future articles. Until then, if you and your spouse believe you have been denied legal rights due you by virtue of your marriage, tell us. Contact the Gay Alliance, GLAD or Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund to explain what happened. GLAD, in particular, is seeking to collect as much information as possible about the federal discrimination same-sex married couples face.

If your marriage is not respected, we encourage you to call GLAD’s Legal InfoLine at 800-455-GLAD ( 800-455GLAD (4523) to discuss your options.

We encourage all married same-sex couples to fill out our Married Couples Survey at http://www.glad.org/doma/survey.

The more we learn from one another, the greater good we will achieve. ■

The Gay Alliance 875 E. Main St., Suite 500 Rochester, NY 14605 • Hours Mon.-Fri., 9 am-5 pm • Phone: (585) 244-8640 • Fax: (585) 244-8246 • Website: www.gayalliance.org Empty Closet Phone: (585) 244-9030 • Empty Closet Fax: (585) 244-8246 • Empty Closet Advertising: (585) 244-9030 • Empty Closet E-mail: emptycloset@gagv.us Board President Tom Ferrarese • Executive Director Sue Cowell • Administrative Assistant Laura McSpadden • Program Director Scott Fearing Empty Closet Editor Susan Jordan • Graphics Jim Anderson • Community Safety Kelly Clark • Development Brian Doran Victim Advocate Kelly Baumgartner Youth Services Coordinator Jessica Cohen • CampusOut Assistant Mariam Mull • Outreach Coordinator Jeanne Gainsburg • AmeriCorps Member Sean Soper Youth Group: Youth Center, 1st Floor - Ages 13-23 Sundays 2-4 pm; Ages 18-25 Sundays 4:30-6pm • http://youth.gayalliance.org for after school schedule and special events.

The Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley is a non-profit agency, dedicated to cultivating a healthy, inclusive environment where gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans-gender (GLBT) people are safe, thriving and enjoying equal rights. We are a coalition of individuals and groups working to empower GLBT people, to affirm their identities, and to create an atmosphere where the diversity of our community can thrive both collectively and separately. We educate and advocate for civil rights for all and for the eradication of homophobia.

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010

Aids

Strong Memorial Hospital provides a complete range of HIV medical care, including access to experimental treatment protocols, and HIV testing. Also provides individual and group psychotherapy. Training of health care professionals also available. Infectious Disease Clinic, (585) 275-0526. Department of Psychiatry, (585) 275-3379. AIDS Training Project, (585) 275-5693.

Planned Parenthood of Rochester and Genesee Valley offers testing and information (585) 546 2595.

Rural HIV testing anonymous and confidential, in Alleghany, Livingston, Ontario, Schuyler, Seneca, Steuben, Wayne or Yates Counties, call 1-800-962-5063.

Action Front Center (Action for a Better Community.) Provides HIV prevention education and case management services. Training and technical assistance to service providers. Resource library open to public. All services free and confidential. Multicultural and bilingual staff. Jearald Noble, program manager.

33 Chestnut St., second floor. Hours 8:30-5 pm, Monday-Friday. 262-4330; fax 262-4572. Free anonymous HIV testing on walk-in basis, Tuesdays, Wednesdays 1-4 pm, provided through NYSDOH. Thursdays 1-4 pm at Aenon Baptist Church, 175 Genesee St. Anthony L. Jordan Health Center Prevention & Primary Care Program Provides Medical Case Management, Mental Health, Primary Care, HIV Counceling and Testing using the Orasure Rapid Test, Education presentations, and access to other Jordan services. Prevention & Primary Care is a walk-in program; no appointments necessary. Office hours: Mon.– Fri., 8:30am– 5 pm: extended hours on Monday until 8 pm. (585) 423-2879; fax (585) 423-2876.

Website: www.jordanhealth.org. For more information, call Program Director Patrick M. Trevor, (585) 423-2879.

CDC National STD and AIDS Hotline 1-800-CDC-INFO (800-232-4636) 24 hours a day. TTY service: 1-888-232-6348. E-mail address: cdcinfo@cdc.gov.

Fair Housing Enforcement Project of Monroe County 585-325-2500; 1-800-669-9777. Deals with housing discrimination on basis of race, orientation, HIV status, etc.

Public Interest Law Office of Rochester 80 St. Paul St., Suite 701. Free legal services to HIV positive persons, families. Spanish bilingual advocates available. All civil cases except divorce; no criminal cases. Ask to speak to someone in PILOR. 454-4060.

Evergreen Health Services, Buffalo Primary care, HIV and family care, HIV testing and counseling. (716) 847-0328 Westside Health Services Brown Square Health Center, 175 Lyell Ave. (2546480); Woodward health Center, 480 Genesee St. (436-3040). HIV/AIDS services, support, more.

McCree McCuller Wellness Center at Unity Health's Connection Clinic (585) 368-3200. 89 Genesee St., Bishop Kearney Bldg., 3rd floor. Full range of servcies, regardless of ability to pay. Caring, confidential and convenient.

Catholic Charities AIDS Services A multicultural and bi-lingual staff providing services to a diversity of people infected and affected with HIV.Intensive home-based case management for all ages; a clinical crisis manager; a child/ adolescent case worker; transitional case management for children and family members going through bereavement; recreational and support groups for children and teens, and camping experiences including Camp SOAR. We coordinate HOPWA (Housing Opportunities for People with AIDS) short term emergency assistance with rent/ mortgage/utility payments and limited subsidized housing. 1945 E. Ridge Rd., Suite 24, Rochester NY 14622. (585) 339-9800.

Resources Free testing for HIV exposure is available from New York State Department of Health: call Rochester Area Regional Hotline at (585) 423-8081, or 1-800-962-5063 for pay phones or calls outside Rochester. Deaf or hearing impaired people should call (585)423-8120 (TDD.) New Rapid HIV Testing now available — test results in 30-40 minutes! Statewide information can be obtained by calling 1-800-541-AIDS. Other organizations which provide AIDS-related services are as follows: AIDS Care AIDS Care, the leading provider of HIV/AIDS services in Rochester and the Finger Lakes, was formed by the January 2010 merger of AIDS Community Health Center and AIDS Rochester.

On-site services include: HIV testing and limited STD screenings, Primary and HIV Specialty Medical Care, Pharmacy, Behavioral Wellness, Case Management, Prevention and Education, Clinical Trials, Dental Screenings, Hepatitis C Co-Infection Clinic, Housing Services, Laboratory, Nutrition Services, Peer Interaction, Smoking Cessation, Substance Use and Addiction Counseling, Support Groups, Transportation Services, Treatment Adherence Counseling, and Women’s Health Care. AIDS Care is also a leader in providing services and education to members of the LGBT community. Contact Information: Website: www. acRochester.org. Main Office: 259 Monroe Ave., Rochester, NY 14607; Main Phone: 585-5457200 - Health Services After Hours: 585-2583363; Case Management After Hours (Lifeline): 585-275-5151; Fax: 585-244-6456. Finger Lakes Office: 605 W. Washington St., Geneva, NY 14456, 315-781-6303. Southern Tier Office: 122 Liberty St. P O Box 624, Bath, NY 14810 607-776-9166. The Health Outreach Project: 416 Central Ave., Rochester, NY 14605; 585-454-5556.

Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley provides referrals to physicians and service agencies. (585) 244-8640; www.gayalliance.org Victory Alliance University of Rochester Medical Center. One of several research sites worldwide that comprise the HIV Vaccine Trials Network. Rochester site conducts research vaccine studies sponsored by National Institutes of Health (NIH) in the attempt to discover a vaccine that may one day prevent HIV infection or AIDS. Imagine a world without AIDS, learn how you can help create it. 585-7562329; www.vaccineunit.org.

Center for Health and Behavioral Training of Monroe County 853 Main St., Rochester 14611. Collaboration of Monroe County Health Department and U.R. Provides year-round training in prevention and management of STDs, HIV, TB and related issues, such as domestic violence and case management. (585)753-5382 v/tty.

Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/ Syracuse Region 114 University Ave., Rochester, NY 14605; Tollfree Helpline: 1-866-600-6886. Offers confidential HIV testing and information. When you make your appointment, be sure to ask about our sliding scale fees. No one is turned away for lack of ability to pay.

Rochester Area Task Force on AIDS A collection of agencies providing a multiplicity of resources and services to the upstate New York community. Their offices are located through the Finger Lakes Health Systems Agency, which also provides medical literature and newspaper clippings, as well as demographic and statistical data for use in developing health care services. (585) 461-3520.

MOCHA Center HIV prevention focus for men who have sex with men (MSM) in the minority community. Support groups, one on one peer education, safer sex workshops, referral services, buddy testing. 107 Liberty Pole Way. 420-1400.

Monroe County Health Department at 855 W. Main St., offers testing and counseling for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

(585)753-5481.

Huther Doyle 360 East Ave., Rochester 14604. Offers drug, alcohol prevention, education, treatment. Risk Reduction Plus Team offers servcies to HIV positive and those at risk through substance use.

Programs include outreach, transitional case management, free cconfidential testing (OraQuick Rapid Testing). NYS Dep't. of Health offers free on-site confidential and anonymous testing.

(585)325-5100, M-F 8 am-9 pm, www.hutherdoyle.com.

Geneva Community Health 601 W. Washington St., Geneva. Provides HIV testing, HIV specialty and primary care for residents of Ontario and surrounding counties.

Mon.-Thurs. 9 am-5 pm; Fridays 9 am-noon.

315-781-8448.

family Rochester Gay Moms’ Group Support group for lesbian mommies and wannabe mommies in Rochester and surrounding areas. Subscribe: RochesterGayMoms-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Pride & Joy Families In Rochester, contact Karen Goulet, kgoulet@ PrideandJoyFamilies.org or 244-8640 x 40.

Gay Fathers Group Meets first and third Tuesday, 6:30-8:30pm, GAGV Community Center, 875 E. Main St. Lesbian & Gay Family Building Project Claudia E. Stallman, Project Director, Ferre Institute, Inc. 124 Front St., Binghampton, NY 13905, Phone: (607) 724-4308; Fax: (607) 724-8290; E-mail: LesGayFamBldg@aol.com: Web: www.PrideAndJoyFamilies.org Families Joined by Love Books and resources for LGBT families. www.familiesjoinedebylove.org.

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) PFLAG’s threefold mission: supporting parents and family members in coming out process; educating the community; advocating on behalf of LGBT family members. Regular meetings open to family members, friends: first Tuesday potluck supper, 6-8 pm, St. Thomas Episcopal Church, corner Winton and Highland; third Sunday support and business meeting, 2-4 pm, Nopper Room, fifth floor, Auditorium Center, 875 E. Main St. PFLAG@gagv.us; 585244-8640 x27.

LGBT health

For a list of LGBT-friendly and competent health and human service providers in the Rochester and Finger Lakes area, visit the resource directory page(s) at www.everybodysgood.com. These pages are compiled and managed by AIDS Care.

If you are a provider, or know of one, who would like to be included, contact them through the website or contact Erik Libey directly at (585) 210-4192.

Women HEALTH:

Highland Hospital Breast Imaging Center 500 Red Creek Drive, Rochester 14623; 585487-3300. Specializing in breast health, diagnostic breast imaging and treatment and mammography outreach and education.

Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester 840 University Ave.; 585-473-8177; www.bccr. org; email: info@bccr.org. Breast Cancer Coalition provides support services that include Brown Bag Fridays: an informal discussion group that meets weekly from 12:00-1:30; Breast Cancer 101 and 201: programs designed to help those coping with a recent breast cancer diagnosis and those coping with an advanced breast cancer diagnosis; Sister Sak: a program that addresses the issues facing young women with breast cancer; and the Advanced Breast Cancer Support Group to support women living with metastatic breast cancer. The Breast Cancer Coalition also provides information about breast cancer, a lending library, and a monthly educational program.

All BCCR programs and support services are free.

Monroe County Women’s Health Partnership 111 Westfall Rd., Rochester NY 14692; (585)274-6978. Comprehensive breast cancer screening services for uninsured and underinsured women.

Elizabeth Wende Breast Clinic 170 Sawgrass Drive. 442-8432. Dr. Wende Logan-Young and an all-woman staff provide mammograms.

SHARE: Self Help for Women with Breast or Ovarian Cancer NYS Hotline: 1-866-53SHARE or 1-866-5374273.

AIDS Rochester Women’s Health Outreach 259 Monroe Ave. ARI has services for HIV positive women and others in the lesbian community. 442-2220.

AIDS Community Health Clinic 259 Monroe Ave. 244-9000; TTY (585)4619202. HIV and Primary care medical services for HIV positive women, their negative partners and family members. OB/GYN, HIV pre-test and posttest counseling. Confidential or free HIV testing.

Alternatives for Battered Women 232-7353; TTY 232-1741. Shelter (women only), counseling. Lesbians, gay men welcome.

GAGV Anti Violence Project 585-244-8640 ext 17. For women and men.

Victim Resource Center of Wayne County Newark N.Y. Hotline 800-456-1172; office (315)331-1171; fax (315)331-1189.

Mary Magdalene House Women's outreach center for HIV positive women and women at risk. 291 Lyell Ave. Open Mon-Fri. 6:30-9:30 pm 458-5728.

Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region 114 University Ave., Rochester, NY 14605; Tollfree Helpline: 1-866-600-6886. Planned Parenthood has led the way in providing high quality, affordable reproductive health care since 1916.

Our experienced and compassionate medical staff will listen to your concerns and answer your questions in a warm, welcoming atmosphere. All our services are confidential. We accept most insurances; including Medicaid. You may even qualify for low- to no-cost family planning services. When you make your appointment, be sure to ask about our sliding scale fees. No one is turned away for lack of ability to pay.

POLITICAL:

National Organization for Women (Greater Rochester NOW) PO Box 93196; (585)234-7019. E-mail: info@ rochesternow.org Web page: http://www.rochesternow.org.

CULTURAL:

Rochester Women’s Community Chorus 234-4441. (See Ongoing calendar).

ONLINE:

RochesterDykes: www.rdykes.com; e-mail sabrinabeach@yahoo.com WOWcny: e-mail: WOWcny@aol.com Rochester NY Lesbians; groups.aol.com/rochstrlesbians

GENERAL:

Women’s Resource Center YWCA, 175 N. Clinton Ave. 546-7740.

Color Outside the Line Crew Contact Jackie Williams, 482-4945.

Check our monthly and ongoing Calendars and the Gay Groups section for more woman-centered groups and events, and call the GaySource Infoline for referrals, at 244-8640 or see www.gayalliance.org. And send us your information!

b 13

march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

Groups Butch Femme Connection The Rochester Butch-Femme Connection supper club will have two events in March 2010.

On March 13, we will meet at Famous Dave’s BBQ on West Ridge Road in Greece at 7 p.m.

On March 27, we will meet at Mike’s New York Diner in the Winton Place plaza off South Winton Road in Henrietta at 7 p.m.

For further information on the Connection, email DressyFemme@aol.com or call Kerry/Max at (585) 288-7208.

We now have a Facebook page -- check out Rochester Butch Femme Connection!

See you there....

EMPIRE BEARS What do bears do in the winter? Contrary to popular belief, they do not hibernate. They wake up occasionally, wander out looking for some food or fun, then go back to sleep.

In March, the Empire Bears will be out on the prowl for food and fun every weekend. The Empire Bears will find both at Bearnight at the FORUM, on Saturday, March 6. We’ll be scratching some backs and rubbing some tummies, sniffing out some friends and fun. We hope you’ll join us there.

Many members will attend an Oscar party the next night, thrown annually by one of our favorite couples. The next week, the BEARS host their monthly potluck at the GAGV Youth Center on Saturday evening the 13th.

In February, we had a good crowd and tried many vegetarian dishes, but in March we’re going back to an Empire Bear favorite: Mexican food. Anyone is welcome. Bring a dish to share. We’ve got paper, plastic, and pop.

Saturday, March 20 will find the BEARS at the RGMC concert at Hochstein Music Hall. The concert’s at 8 p.m., so get there early. The next morning, we’ll meet at the Hylan Drive Borders at 11, then carpool down to Short Track for pancakes at the Maple Tree Inn. The last weekend of March will find many of our members at Drenched Fur in Erie. We’ll party at the water park and have a great time with old friends from Erie, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, and beyond.

A question we’re often asked is where does the money from our collections go?

In the last month, we made a donation to the GAGV Empty Closet Preservation Fund. The goal is to get all the issues of the oldest gay newspaper in NY on easy to use and preserve computer discs. We also donated to Hospice, in memory of a member’s mom.

Anything else you’d like to learn about the Empire Bears can probably be found at www.empirebears.org. Membership is only $10. We welcome new friends. We have an email group on Yahoo to keep members informed and updated. Consider joining and meeting a great bunch of guys. WOOF!

Gay Square Dance Group – The Lilac Squares Our class has been progressing quickly, and our club has been dancing around with other square dance clubs in the area.

We are breaking new ground with those dancers who aren’t used to having a man dancing in the Belle position!

Also, one of our members danced with a group in Palm Springs California; he had a great time. The Lilac Squares meets each Monday at the Open Arms Metropolitan Community Church located on 740 Marshall Rd. at 7 p.m.

We are a lively and friendly group

made up of singles, couples, men, and women, young and young at heart; when we aren’t learning new calls, we are telling stories, jokes, and lively anecdotes. We usually learn a couple of new calls each night, and if we make mistakes, our caller will review the calls for us. We are a very easy-going group, and missteps happen.

There will someone there to guide you to where you need to be. The night is for fun and having a good time.

For more information, call Matt 5205358, or e-mail mfleig@rochester.rr.com.

Hope to see you soon.

Rochester GLBTQI Motorcycle Group Our bikes are in our garages waiting for warmer weather! Some are lucky enough to ship their bikes to Florida for a week of riding in the warmer weather!

Our last meet at Equal Grounds on the second Friday was successful. Our group is made up of newbies, people who put on a lot of mileage, and long time bikers. We are all joined, apart from the obvious, by our sport, and helping each other.

A real nice group of people!

For more information, look at our Yahoo group profile: RochesterGLBTQIbikers. You can also call Bob at 4781565, or e-mail bmdaniels@frontiernet. net. Let’s ride with pride!

Rainbow SAGE of the Genesee Valley

By Tony Perri In February I represented Rainbow SAGE ( Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders) at The National Conference on LGBT Equality “Creating Change” in Dallas.

A significant portion of this conference dealt with aging in our LGBT community. A day-long institute, “Old and Fearless: Aging, Ageism, and the LBGT Community,” was sponsored by SAGE and designed for individuals facing homophobia in the mainstream seniorserving community and aging issues in our community.

Getting ready to make changes as we age and using our lifetime skills and experiences to effect changes in our life were the focuses of this institute. We at Rainbow SAGE are committed to ending the negative stereotypes of aging and ageism, i.e. “younger is better,” which are rampant in this country and in our LGBT community.

“OUTING AGE 2010: Public Policy Issues Affecting LGBT Elders,” was just published and released by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute. This was a updating of the original study published in 2000 and is an important publication. In 2000, the federal government noted in its Healthy People 2010 campaign that LGBT individuals face specific and magnified health vulnerabilities. LGBT elders also reported an almost universal fear and anxiety about care provision by strangers in assisted living and nursing care settings. In the coming months we will discuss these issue more in depth. “Outing Age 2010” may be viewed and downloaded at sagenet.com.

I encourage you to attend our Intergenerational Panel on March 21 in the GAGV Youth Center. Young people often feel left outside the mainstream LGBTQ movement, while LGBT elders experience their own set of challenges aging in a youth centric LGBTQ community. Telling our stories can bridge this gap. For more information, access our website at Rainbow SAGE.net.

Thanks and we look forward to Spring!

ROMANS Winter and Spring continue to be quite busy times for the Rochester Male Naturists. In fact, our community has grown lately as we have welcomed several new members and guests.

Besides our monthly swims and dining out, we continue our gatherings at

members’ homes. We have celebrated the Chinese New Year with a special dinner, learned about massage, soaked in a hot tub, watched a film about our yearly national gathering and even started discussing plans for Jones Pond, Hillside and the Pride Picnic this summer. The most important thing we do as social nudists, of course, is simply to enjoy one another’s company and the uninhibited discussions and sharing which come about.

By the way, if you are planning on attending the Rochester Erotic Arts Festival at Harro East on March 27 or 28, please make it a point to stop by our display and say hello. There will also be a naturist swim at 6 p.m. on the 27th in conjunction with the event.

As we always say, social nudism may not be for everyone. If you think you may be interested, however, please consider visiting our website at www.wnyromans. com.

Stepping OUT When In Rome…

By Jeanne Gainsburg Some LGBT community groups have been more comfortable for me to visit than others. For instance, going for a walk on a beautiful day with the Women’s Hiking Group? Easy peasy. Chopping vegetables with the Men’s Cooking Group? A snap!

Joining the ROMANS (Rochester Male Naturists) for one of their nude swims?

Yikes!!! For me, this was kind of like the time when I was 14 and my cousin Paul bet me $20 I wouldn’t jump off a 50 foot dive platform into a lake. I knew if I thought about it too long I would chicken out. For the record, I took the 50 foot plunge and Cousin Paul still owes me the 20 bucks. Loser. Well, last month I took the plunge with the ROMANS and I’m pleased to report that I had a blast!

The ROMANS meet the first Saturday of the month at a local diner for a clothed dinner at 5:45 p.m. I began my evening there, where I was welcomed warmly by the members (there were about 15 of them that evening) and I was able to gather some information about the group. I found out that the ROMANS are a social group that began in 1991.

The group was formerly known as Hosting Upstate Nude Guys or HUNG, but apparently, some found the name a bit intimidating. (LOL!) They welcome all men who are LGBT or LGBT-friendly.

Membership is around 30 men, ranging in age from mid-twenties to seventies.

One man told me he travels all the way up from Brooklyn because he hasn’t been able to find a naturist group in the NYC area that is as fun and welcoming as the ROMANS. After dinner, at around 7 p.m., everyone drove over to the Harro East Athletic Club on Andrews Street. Because this nude swim was a combined event with Naturist Rochester, a family friendly, clothing-free recreation group, I was invited to attend. When I got there I headed for the women’s locker room (not that it mattered, as both locker rooms are open to everyone during these events). I admit I was nervous when it came time to strip down, but as I had learned at age 14, it’s best not to think about it for too long or dwell on thoughts like “the number of people who have seen me naked is about to triple.” So I got naked, took a quick shower and (GULP!) stepped out into the pool area.

There were about 30 people in the pool; only two of them were women. My naked walk from the locker room door over to the far end of the pool, where I spotted some ROMANS, seemed like a three mile trek, but by the time I had slipped into the water and swum over to the guys I was already feeling more at ease. These men are so comfortable with nudity that I found, before too long, it was easy to forget we were all naked.

I chatted with the guys and I asked them a couple of questions that were on my mind. One was, “If this is a family event, where are the children?” The men told me that Naturist Rochester used to

At a ROMANS swim.

have several families who brought along their children for the swim, but that they haven’t seen children there in many years. An interesting discussion followed about the heightened fear among parents of pedophilia and the misunderstanding that naturist groups are sexual groups.

Sex and drugs are not allowed at any of these events.

I also asked the men, “Why nudity?”

And I got these responses: “It’s fun.”

“It makes everyone equal.”

“I believe there is a bit of an exhibitionist in all of us.”

“It feels good to swim naked.”

“It’s something different to do.”

“I have always loved to be naked, even as a kid.”

“Conversations are real and honest when people are nude. There’s no bullshit.”

After a bit of hot tubbing, some of the guys decided to get a volleyball game going. I thought they were going to set up a net in the pool, but instead they dried off and headed for the gym. OK, just so you know, I have played clothed volleyball for over 30 years. Nude volleyball sounded comical, exposing and painful, but I was going whole hog that night, so I followed the men to the gym.

I was immediately placed on a team (these guys truly are so welcoming) and we started a game. Ready position felt extremely… um… revealing, there was no way I was jumping without my sports bra, and I didn’t even want to think about where I might get a floor burn if I dove, but we batted the ball back and forth for a while and had a lot of fun.

By the time we got back to the pool it had filled up. There were a total of about 55 men and five women that evening. I took one more dip in the pool, said my thank yous and headed out. By 9:30 p.m. I was dressed, in my car and asking myself, “Did I really just play volleyball with 11 nude guys?” Yup, I did! And I still respected myself in the morning.

If you are looking for an opportunity to get out, meet some very cool people and do something a little different with your weekend, you should consider joining the ROMANS. These guys are a great group.

The ROMANS’ shapes and sizes varied greatly, but their attitudes all seemed similar: relax and enjoy!

Dues are $15 a year for an individual, $25 for a couple. Dinner meetings at members’ homes take place once a month and require a $7 fee to the host for the food. Swims are free the first time and after that $12 for ROMANS. Some swims are men only. Other events include summertime nude camping, workshops at the Northeast Naturist Festival, nude dinner at a local restaurant, participation in the Gay Naturist International gathering in the Poconos, as well as clothed events at local museums, concerts, plays, etc.

For more information on the ROMANS check out their website at: http://www.wnyromans.com or e-mail: elvishzlft@aol.com. ■

14 b

March MONDAY 1

Inqueery: The Celluloid Closet.

Screening, discussion. 6:30-8:30 pm, GAGV Youth Center, first floor, 875 E. Main St. Facilitator: Kelly Clark. www. gayalliance.org (Inqueery listing under Education tab). The Oscars are March 7!

TUESDAY 2

Inqueery. Coming Out: A Process For Everyone. Info at 244-8640, ext 20; www.gayalliance.org (Inqueery listing under Education tab).

FRIDAY 5

Celebrating Queen. The Bohemian Rhapsody Orchestra. 9 pm, Water St. Music Hall, 204 N. Water St. 16 and over with ID; $15 advance, $20 at door. Ticketmaster or 1-800-745-3000.

“Looking Through My Glass” opening reception. New work by Beth Bloom, 7–10 pm, Equal=Grounds Coffee House, 750 South Ave.

SATURDAY 6

LGBT Health Month Event: Free Spades Tournament!

Hosted by MoCHA Center (107 Liberty Pole Way).

Open to all. 2 pm. Space limited, RSVP to Judith at (585)420-1400 ext. 24.

Empire Bears Bearnight at the Forum. 670 University Ave. www.empirebears.org

SUNDAY 7

Dignity Integrity Full Episcopal Eucharist with music. 5 pm, St. Luke St. Simon Cyrene Church, 121 S. Fitzhugh St. LGBT Health Month Event: FREE Queer Self Defense Class presented by Rated F and GAGV Anti-Violence Project at United Martial Arts Center (1748 Monroe Ave.) 1 pm-3 pm. Space limited, e-mail RSVP by March 5 to ratedfteam@ gmail.com. For more information visit www.ratedf.wordpress.com.

MONDAY 8

LGBT Health Month Event: “Tales from the Backside!” Frank, fun discus-

the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010 sion with local medical experts about HPV, vaccines, anal health for gay, bisexual men. 6:30pm-8pm, GAGV Youth Center (875 E. Main St.) Free, open to all. Refreshments provided. Information: contact Erik, (585) 210-4192

TUESDAY 9

LGBT Health Month Event: Just Us Guys potluck. (Formerly Atlantic 5.0).

6:30 pm, AIDS Care, 529 Monroe Ave. (dining area). Free; open to gay, bisexual men of all ages. Ron, 223-2629.

LGBT Health Month Event: “Diagnosing Difference”. Free repeat screening of documentary from ImageOut 2009 that explores the GID (Gender Identity Disorder) classification and how it impacts trans people’s lives. Film followed by a discussion/panel. AIDS Care Offices (259 Monroe Ave.) Open to all. Light snacks. Information: Erik at (585)2104192.

THURSDAY 11

LGBT Health Month Event: Second Thursdays Social and Business Networking Cocktail Party. Free, 5:30-7:30.

Out & Equal Monthly Networking Social Event. Cash bar. Raffle to benefit Pride 2010. Radisson Hotel by RIT (175 Jefferson Rd.) For information or to RSVP, visit Out & Equal web site, https://oenyfingerlakes.groupsite.com or e-mail Thomaso510@mac.com.

FRIDAY 12

St. Patty’s Party. Drug and alcoholfree event for LGBTQ youth and allies, 13-23. 7-10 pm, DJ dancing, games, arts & crafts, light desserts, drag performances. $3/person. Gay Alliance Youth Center, first floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640 ext 13; jessc@gayalliance.org.

LGBT Health Month: National Week of Prayer and Healing for AIDS. Service and panel presentation on the Black church and LGBT people in the struggle against HIV, hosted by Memorial AME Zion Church (549 Clarissa St.) Free, open to all. Information: Jackie at (585)210-4126. Co-sponsored by Tawa Pano UFC; Gay Alliance Community Safety Program.

SATURDAY 13

The Vagina Monologues. Hochstein

Classifieds Classified ads are $5 for the first 30 words; each additional 10 words is another $1. We do not bill for classifieds, so please send or bring ad and payment to: The Empty Closet, 875 E. Main Street, Suite 500, Rochester, NY 14605. Paying by check: checks must be made out to Gay Alliance or GAGV. The deadline is the 15th of the month, for the following month’s issue. We cannot accept ads over the phone. Pay when you place your ad. We will accept only ads accompanied by name and phone number. Neither will be published, but we must be able to confirm placement. The Empty Closet is not responsible for financial loss or physical injury that may result from any contact with an advertiser.

Advertisers must use their own box number, voice mail, e-mail or personal address/phone number.

SERVICES

Rochester’s Best Man to Man Rubdown. Spring is coming and possibly this month, so get out there and celebrate with a full bodyrub. I’m a degreed, employed, fit, friendly, healthy, Italian GWM. Middle aged, 5’8”, 165 lbs. 32” waist, nonsmoker, D & D free, HIV negative. My 10 plus years experience ensures your relaxation and satisfaction. Hotel, central location incalls or outcalls in your residence. Reasonable rates, discretion assured. Don’t delay, call me today at 585773-2410(cell) or 585-235-6688(home) or email me at: magichands@rochester. rr.com W. Shawn Cignarale, Interior Designer. Specialties include refinishing hardwood floors, painting, wallpapering, woodwork and ceramic tiles. Other services include designing silk and fresh floral arrangements. E-mail me at mysticalinterior@yahoo.com for price quotes.

Martin Ippolito, master electrician.

Electrical work, phone jacks, cable TV, burglar alarm systems, paddle fans. Call 585-266-6337.

PERSONALS

WGF looking for WGF. Must like dogs and cats. I like outdoors, camping, being near water. I like to watch DVDs, go to movies, go to tractor pulls, car races, wrestling, social drinking, no drugs. Looking for ages from 38 to 70.

I am heavyset, looking for someone who doesn’t mind small or big. I do smoke cigarettes. If you want to respond, call JC, 315-651-4002.

FOR SALE

Malibu outdoor lights. 50-foot string of four. Brand new, never unboxed. $79 value for $65. 385-7931.

Puppies. AKC Chihuahua puppies for sale. All shots. Excellent health. $800.

585-698-8157. ■

School, 50 N. Plymouth, 7 p.m., Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Tickets: $20 general admission; $10 student/seniors; at Equal=Grounds, Parkleigh, Aaron’s Alley, select Planned Parenthood locations, online at www.pprsr.org. ASL interpreted.

Butch Femme Connection Dinner Out. Famous Dave’s BBQ on West Ridge Road in Greece at 7 p.m. DressyFemme@ aol.com or call Kerry/Max at (585) 2887208.

Empire Bears potluck. Mexican food. GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. www.empirebears.org

SUNDAY 14

“What the Bible Says – and Doesn’t Say – About Homosexuality.” Talk by H. Darrell Lance in series “The Bible and LGBT Experience: Beginning the Conversation.” 4 pm, Lenten Choral Evensong; 5 pm, Lecture and Discussion.

Sponsored by Christian Faith and LGBT Experience. St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, East Ave. at Westminster. cfle.groupsite. com.

ImageArt Information and volunteer meeting. Seeking input from local artists and poets on planning 2010 exhibition and reading. 10:30 am, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. RSVP to imageart@imageout.org by March 10.

Dignity Integrity Roman Catholic Liturgy of the Word. 5 pm, St. Luke St. Simon Cyrene Church, 121 S. Fitzhugh St.

TUESDAY 16

LGBT Health Month Event: “ Make Your Own Sex Toys” presented by “Rated F” at the GAGV Youth Center (875 E. Main St.) 7 pm-9 pm. Interactive workshop on how to make your own sex toys, care for them properly, use them safely (alone and/or with partners). Free, but for ages 18+ only! Information: e-mail ratedfteam@gmail.com or visit www.ratedf.wordpress.com.

THURSDAY 18

LGBT Health Month Event: Transgender Healthcare Panel presented by MoCHA Center and Gay Alliance. 6 pm, GAGV Youth Center (875 E. Main St.) Join panel of transgender Rochesterians to discuss challenges faced by people of trans experience when accessing healthcare in our community. Information: Judith at (585)420-1400 ext. 24.

Inqueery. Understanding Human Sexual Identity. Info at 244-8640 ext 20; www.gayalliance.org (Inqueery listing under Education tab).

SATURDAY 20

Vernal equinox Empire Bears meet 11 am at Hylan Drive Borders, car pool to Short Track for pancakes at Maple Tree Inn. www. empirebears.org Inqueery. Volleyball with LGBT Flare. Info at 244-8640 ext 20; www. gayalliance.org (Inqueery listing under Education tab).

HER. All-woman multi-media art show by Sistas Sayin’ Somethin’ (SSS).

The Flying Squirrel, 285 Clarissa St. Suggested donation $10/$15 (no one turned away). 8-11 pm. 442-5432.

LGBT Health Month Event: Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus concert. “Getting’ Lucky.” 8 pm, Hochstein, 50 N. Plymouth. Tickets $15: Parkleigh, Outlandish, The Creator’s Hands, Equal=Grounds or www.thergmc.org; 423-0650.

SUNDAY 21

Dignity Integrity Quiet Episcopal Eucharist. 5 pm, St. Luke St. Simon Cyrene Church, 121 S. Fitzhugh St. LGBT Health Month Event: Rainbow SAGE Intergenerational Panel.

“Self acceptance”. Panel of LGBT elders, Gay Alliance Youth group members. Free, 4 pm, Gay Alliance Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. Refreshments. 872-2631 ext 3.

ASL Interpreter.

Tara’s Reunion. Noon-? At Abilene, 107 Liberty Pole Way.

MONDAY 22

LGBT Health Month Event: Opposites Attract Group. New group for gay/ bi male couples in which one partner is HIV-positive and the other HIV-negative.

AIDS Care Offices (259 Monroe Ave.) Free event, dinner provided. RSVP & invitation REQUIRED. Contact Erik at (585) 210-4192 to see if this group is right for you and your partner!

TUESDAY 24

LGBT Health Month Event: Love Your Boobs,” presented by “Rated F” at the GAGV Youth Center (875 E. Main St.). 7-9 pm. Interactive workshop; participants invited to make and decorate plaster cast of their breasts/chest while discussing breast health. $10 optional suggested donation. Intended for women and people of trans experience ages 18+ ONLY! RSVP by no later than March 8 by e-mail to ratedfteam@gmail.com.

Information: www.ratedf.wordpress.com.

WEDNESDAY 24

LGBT Health Month Event: “The Nearly-Wed Game.” 7 pm, GAGV Youth Center (875 E. Main St.) Your favorite Rochester LGBT couples face off in re-do of popular game show. But discrimination is no game -- we’ll explore the ways samesex couples try to protect their families without full 1,324 NY State and 1,138 Federal rights of civil marriage. Find out what’s planned in 2010 to advance marriage equality by Pride at Work, Marriage Equality New York, Civil Rights Front, EROC, more.

THURSDAY 25

“Anyone and Everyone”. Free screening of documentary on parents of lesbian and gay children. 7-8 pm, Honeoye FallsLima High School, 83 East St., Honeoye Falls. PFLAG members will lead discussion following film. Honeoye Falls Community Programs, 585-624-7068 or hflcsd,org. For information on scheduling a screening, contact PFLAG @gayalliance.org.

LGBT Health Month: ImageOut screens three free films at the Cinema, 957 South Ave. 6 pm: “U-Haul Rap” (short), followed by “Swimming with Lesbians.” 7:30: Meet ImageOut at Information Café. 8:30 pm: “Dare”.

FRIDAY 26

Colorfest 2010. NTID at RIT presents third annual Colorfest for Deaf LGBT students. Opening ceremony, workshops, evening social, performing arts, more. Hearing and straight allies welcome. Through March 28. Information: www.colorfest2010.com.

SATURDAY 27

Butch Femme Connection dinner night. Mike’s New York Diner in Winton Place plaza off South Winton Road in Henrietta, 7 p.m. DressyFemme@aol. com or call Kerry/Max at (585) 288-7208.

SUNDAY 28

Dignity Integrity Prayers to Start the Week, followed by traditional potluck dinner. 5 pm, St. Luke St. Simon Cyrene Church, 121 S. Fitzhugh St. Pride 2010: Casino Tea at Nasty D’s, Broadway and Alexander. 4-7 pm.

TUESDAY 30

LGBT Health Month Event: Inqueery: “Eating Disorders & the Queer Community”. 7 pm. Interactive workshop will outline general information about eating disorders and their documented impact on LGBTQ people; also address body image and cultural expectations; etiology; self-esteem; impact of eating disorders on relationships; community resources and recovery. GAGV Youth Center (875 E. Main St.) Information: Jess Cohen at (585) 244-8640; www.gayalliance.org (Inqueery listing under Education tab).

WEDNESDAY 31

LGBT Health Month Event: “LGBT Healthcare Equality” Workshop (Dansville NY). Learn what you need to know about creating and using healthcare proxy to protect your legal rights with regard to healthcare. 6 pm-8 pm. Hosted by AIDS Care & the Dansville Gay Men’s Group.

Location: St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in Dansville (corner of Clara Barton & School Streets). Free, open to public.

Information: Erik at (585) 210-4192. ■

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march 2010 • number 432 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

Ongoing Calendar Monday

LGBT Support Group 34 Meigs St. First, 3rd Mondays, 7:30-9 pm.

Carol, 482-3832. (March 1 cancelled) Lilac Squares Gay Square Dance Group Mondays, 7 pm, Open Arms MCC, 740 Marshall Rd. 520-5358; mfleig@rochester.rr.com.

Free syphilis testing AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave., 5-8 pm. 442-2220.

Rochester Historical Bowling Society 7:15pm, Mondays. Clover Lanes, 2750 Monroe Ave. (Group is full.)

HIV Positive Gay Men Support group Every Monday, 5pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. GAGV Youth Drop-In Hours Mondays, Wednesdays, 2-6pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. Prince St. entrance, first floor. 244-8640, ext 13.

Frontrunners/Frontwalkers Mondays, 6pm, George Eastman House parking lot. www.rochesterfrontrunners.org.

Steps Beyond Stems Crack Support Group Mondays, 7-8pm, 289 Monroe Ave. GAGV Library & Archives, David Bohnett Cyber Center Every Monday. 6-8 pm. First floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640.

Tuesday Just Us Guys Gay men of all ages. Second Tuesdays, 6:30pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. 223-2629 Civil Rights Front Every Tuesday, 7 pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. http://www.civilrightsfront.wordpress.com Two Spirit Group Second Tuesdays, 7:30 pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. PFLAG program meeting First Tuesdays. 7-9 pm meeting.

St. Thomas Church, Winton & Highland.

CampusOut Coffee Night First Tuesdays, 7-10 pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. MOCHA Youth Drop-In Tues.-Fri., 1-9pm, MOCHA Center, 107 Liberty Pole Way, 420-1400; 244-8640 MOCHA Hepatitis Clinic Free Hepatitis A & B vaccinations, third Tuesdays, 5:30-7pm, 107 Liberty Pole Way, 420-1400 Rainbow SAGE Yoga 6-7pm Open Arms MCC, 125 Norris Drive, 4426369.

Pride 2010 committee meeting Third Tuesdays. GAGV Community Room, first floor, 875 E. Main St. 6:30-8 pm. Everyone welcome to plan Pride 2010 (July 11-18). 2448640.

Women’s Community Chorus Rehearsals each Tuesday, 6:30-9pm, Downtown United Pres. Church, 121 N. Fitzhugh St. 234-4441, www.therwcc.org Free HIV Testing Every Tuesday, 9 am-7 pm. AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave.

Wednesday Tawa Pano Church Bible Study Bible study 7:15 pm. 758 South Ave. Charlie’s Group Third Wednesdays. Monthly peer-facilitated suppport group for married men who have sex with men. Confidential, free. 6:30 pm. For location, info: Scott, 244-8640 x 20; ScottF@gagv. us.

Country Line Dancing/Two Stepping Every Wednesday, Muthers, 40 S. Union, 7 pm, Lessons followed by dancing until 10pm, Beginners to advanced.

U.R. Pride Network 7:30 pm, Gamble Room in Rush Rhees Library. urpride@gmail.com

Gay Alliance Board of Directors Meets Third Wednesdays, 6 pm, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640 New Freedom New Happiness AA Gay meeting, 7 pm, Unitarian Church, 220 Winton Rd. Men and women. Open.

Equality ROC Second, fourth Wednesdays, 7 pm. For location, info, call Anne, 426-0862.

Support Group for Parents Who Have Lost Children First, 3rd Wednesdays, 11am-12:30pm, Third Presbyterian Church, 4 Meigs St. Genesee Region Home Care. Free. 325-1880 COAP Come Out and Play. Business meeting last Wednesday. Equal Grounds Coffee Shop, 750 South Ave. 7pm, John S., 261-7263.

Empire Bears First Wednesdays, 7:45 pm, GAGV Community Center, 875 E. Main St., fifth floor. info@ empirebears.org Rochester Rams General Meeting 2nd Wednesdays, 7:30 pm, Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. www.rochesterrams.com Transgender Group Third Wednesdays, 6:30-9pm, Downtown United Pres. Church, 121 N. Fitzhugh St. Multicom-4 Coffee Talk 7pm, Spin Café, 739 Park Av. Social for former Multicom-4 BBS members; other glbt cyber geeks welcome, every fourth Wednesday, 8pm Brothers Keeper Support group for men over 30. Third Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30pm, MOCHA Center, 107 Liberty Pole Way. 420-1400 GAGV Youth Drop In Hours Mondays, Wednesdays, 3-7 pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. Prince St. entrance, first floor. 244-8640 ext 13.

Married Men’s Support Group Third Wednesdays, 6:30-8 pm. 875 E. Main.

Follow signs for “Charlie’s Group”. Scott, 585-2448640 ext 20.

Frontrunners/Frontwalkers 6pm, Eastman House parking lot. www.rochesterfrontrunners.org.

GAGV Library & Archives, David Bohnett Cyber Center Every Wednesday. 6-8 pm. First floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640.

Thursday Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns 6:30pm, first Thursday. Ralph, 271-7649 Queer Radical Reading Group First and third Thursdays, 7 pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. Pride at Work First Thursdays, 5:30pm. 167 Flanders St. off Thurston Rd. 426-0862.

GLOB&L (Gays and Lesbians of Bausch & Lomb).

Meets every third Thursday in Area 67 conference room at the Optic Center.

Voice mail: 338-8977 Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus Downtown United Presbyterian Church, 121 N. Fitzhugh St. 6:30-9pm, 423-0650 Free confidential walk-in HIV testing Every Thursday night, 5-8pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. 442-2220 Partner Bereavement Group First and third Thursdays, 5:30-7pm. Open dropin session; professionally led. Freewill donation to hospice requested. Lifetime Care, 3111 Winton Road, 214-1414 MOCHA/GAGV Youth Trans Group First Thursdays, 5-7pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St., first floor (Prince St. entrance).

244-8640 ext 13.

Catholic Gay & Lesbian Family Ministry Third Thursday, 7-9pm, School of Good Shepherd Church, 3288 E. Henrietta Rd. 392-2862.

AQA Support group for transgender people of color.

Third Thursdays, 5:30-7pm, MOCHA, 107 Liberty Pole Way. 420-1400.

Second Thursdays Social and business networking, 5:30-7:30 pm.

Changing venues. E-mail thomaso510@mac.com or oenyfingerlakes.groupsite.com.

Gay & Lesbian Cancer Support Group Second Thursdays, 6-7:30 p.m., Gilda’s Clubhouse, 255 Alexander St. RSVP: 423-9700; info@gildasclubrochester.org

FRIDAY Gay Men's AA meeting Fridays, 7:30-8:30pm, Closed meeting. Emmanuel Baptist Church, 815 Park Ave. GLBTQI Motorcycle Group Second Fridays, 5:30 pm, Various locations.

RochesterGLBTIQbikers@yahoo.com; 478-1565; bmdaniels@frontiernet.net.

SATURDAY Rochester Rams Bar Night Third Saturdays, 8pm-2am, Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. 271-6930 Empire Bears Bar Night First Saturdays. Bachelor Forum, 470 University Ave. www.empirebears.org.

Frontrunners/Frontwalkers 9 am, George Eastman House parking lot.www. rochesterfrontrunners.org.

Empire Bears Potluck 2nd Saturdays, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main, first floor, Prince St. entrance. 6:30pm greet; 7pm dinner. Bring dish to pass. www. empirebears.org.

Cross Dresser Support Group First Saturdays, 6-9pm, call for location: 251-2132; RCDNET@hotmail.com Transgender Group Last Saturdays, 2-5pm, Downtown United Presbyterian Church, 121 N. Fitzhugh.

Guys Night Out Third Saturdays. Social group for transguys. 1 pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. tguysnightout@ gmail.com.

Saturday Night Special Gay AA 7pm, Unitarian Church, 220 Winton Rd. S. Men and women. Open meeting.

Lilac Rainbow Alliance for the Deaf (LRAD) Second Saturdays, 6-9pm. rcoaster@rochester. rr.com

Sunday Parents Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Third Sundays, 2-4 pm. Nopper Room, Gay Alliance, fifth floor, 875 E. Main St. PFLAG@ gayalliance.org.

GAGV Library & Archives, David Bohnett Cyber Center Every Sunday. 6-8 pm. First floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640.

Tawa Pano Unity Fellowship Church Sundays, 10am, 758 South Ave. 617-4279 Dignity-Integrity 5pm, St. Luke’s/St. Simon Cyrene Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. Every Sunday, 234-5092 Open Arms Metropolitan Community Church 740 Marshall Rd., Chili, 10:30am. 271-8478 Gay Men’s Alcoholics Anonymous St. Luke’s/St. Simon Cyrene Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. 8:30pm, 232-6720, Weekly.

Closed meeting GAGV Youth Group Ages 13-23. Every Sunday, 2-4pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. or satellite location. For weekly location check Youth Calendar, www. gayalliance.org or e-mail Jess at JessC@gagv.us.

Rainbow SAGE First Sundays: Euchre Club, 3-6pm. Third Sundays, Potluck at First Universalist Church, 150 S. Clinton Ave., 4pm.

Men’s Cooking Group Third or fourth Sundays, 355-7664.

AA Meetings in Rochester

Every week there are four regularly scheduled GLBTI AA meetings in Rochester.

Wednesdays

New Freedom/New Happiness Group

7 p.m. at the First Unitarian Church, 220 S. Winton Rd. Bus riders: Take the last #18 University bus to 12 Corners. Use the stop just past the top of the hill at Hillside Ave. and before Highland Ave. Or take the #1 Park Ave. to the corner of East and Winton, then walk five minutes south (uphill) on Winton. This is an open discussion meeting. All issues – as they relate to our alcoholism/addiction and recovery – are fair game.

Fridays Gay Men’s

7:30 p.m. Immanuel Baptist Church, 815 Park Ave. • Closed meeting, restricted to alcoholics and addicts • Men’s meeting • Handicapped accessible This is a round-robin discussion meeting. If you are shy about meeting people or speaking up in a group, you will find this meeting particularly warm and inviting because everyone gets their turn to speak (or pass). As a result, this meeting often runs long, so plan on more than the usual hour.

Saturdays

Saturday Night Special

7 p.m. at the First Unitarian Church, 220 S. Winton Rd. Bus riders: The #18 University Ave. bus does not go by the church on weekend evenings. Take the #1 Park Ave. bus to the corner of East and Winton, then walk five minutes south (uphill) on Winton.

• Open meeting, all are welcome, “straight-friendly” • Mixed men and women • Handicapped accessible, take the elevator to the basement Meeting begins with a speaker, followed by open discussion.

Sundays

Rochester Gay Men

8 p.m. at St. Luke/St. Simon’s Episcopal Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. Bus riders use the Fitzhugh St. stop on Main St. at the County Office Building and walk south one block.

• Closed meeting, restricted to alcoholics and addicts • Men’s meeting • NOT handicapped accessible Meeting begins with a speaker, followed by open discussion.

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 432 • march 2010