F
acebook killing our relationships? Facebook aka FAKEBOOK the everywhere tool. timeaster of note, where stalking people is ok
Megan realised that her girlfriend of 4 years is ‘dating’ Facebook. She ironically met her there. Only later seeing her girlfriend’s (m) addiction, that constant checking of statuses, the ping of incoming messages, the non stop poking by and to strangers. In church liking status and uploading pics. Something she initially excused thinking it was beause of a 10 year age gap.
But Megan fears that this might be the end of her relationship.
‘ A place where you could connect with old friends or long lost family became this place of over sharing and a pressure cooker of connecting and to be seen’, social media expert and owner of the Cape flats media factory Dylan Plaatjies tells us. Uploading a pic or two of your trip to Town center, drinking your Jive or eating your Streetwise 2 with pap after payday is too common. Individuals forget that it’s also a place where you are building or destroying your brand and social equity. A place where recruiters investigate for clues about you.
They have been together for a few years but she feels that this might be the end. According to Clint Steenveld, psychologist in private practice, we have to examine the nature of the Facebook relationship and what it is used for .We often jump to the conclusion that is used for to cheat but it could be harmless eg used for study groups or research. But it can also be used to escape the reality of a situation or relationship that’s not working. Communication
is a crucial part of a relationship and if its not there, the end is certainly at the next bus stop.
It could be helpful to negotiate a temporary disconnect from Facebook for both parties allowing time to honestly look at the relationship, to see what’s working and what’s not. As Clint said blaming it all on Facebook or any other social media for that is not fair. Megan also knows that she has to sit down with her girlfriend and be honest about her feelings, If the relationship means as much for both they will negotiate a compromise that works for both parties. The girlfriend also should confront her addiction personality and why she feels the need to escape from her reality.
Distractions will always be there. If not Facebook something else. We need to build a strong foundation on trust and honesty with communication as key. Taking a Facebook detox could be good to you. Realising that real life is even better. Has the 21st century relationship changed forever? Yes but we can still makemake it work.
The Cape Flats of a 1000 pageants There seems to be too many gay Is this a new thing of pageants in pageants in Cape Town . Some Cape Town? Not really, it can be with some of the most funniest traced back to District six. names such as Miss gay Winter collection. Yes winter collection. Whereas in the past it meant this Now don’t get me wrong I assertion of identity and place love the pageant culture. It’s within an oppressed society, it still a form of liberation in a has NOW became this sort of heterosexist society. A place ‘Saartjie baardmanesque’ where where men in dresses are contestants are paraded on a appreciated. Where contestants stage, shown to the amusement become overnight celebrities and of an often drunk, ignorant known by their first names aka homophobic audience unaware Like Madonna or Cher. of the struggle of this group.
There seems to be so many gay pageants in Cape Town . But how and why has it become such a big ‘business’ ?
An anonymous pageant director agreed that the quality of the pageants has gone down as well as the human value placed on contestants. Pageant organisers have forgotten that without the contestants there would be no pageant. It has become a ponsi scheme. Rounding up a few desperate and inexperience contestants giving them a stage and charging up to R200 a ticket with bar and club owners making a killing in the process.
surfaced of favouritism Also issues of ageism and contestants fearful of becoming disposable, forgotten in a space that celebrates youth and Rihanna and Lady Gaga. Obviously not all pageant directors behave like money hungry ‘pirannahas’ out to make a quick rand.
Cheslyn aka Nana suggests that contestants becoming more vigilant before agreeing to the terms and conditions of the pageants that also more business savvy and assertive preventing economical exploitation. Pageants will always be there but the responsibility to restore its dignity lies with each
Can you imagine a Cape Town without a pageant is like Cape town without its Vienna gatsbies. of us, the contestant, the pageant director and the audience.
PS: As much as we do love pageants, we promise no Miss Gayle anytime soon.
W
hy are there still so few openly gay celebrities in South Africa. With A population of almost 52 million you would think that SA would have more out and proud gay celebrities, if you have to name a few, they can be counted on hand? So when we think of all the gay celebrities who come to mind? Somizi, David Thale? Who else? Much progress has been made in terms of supporting the OUT performer, in SA yet many chose to stay in the closet.
According to many studies visibility is so important, As important as it is for people of colour to see themselves represented in media its equally important that we have people to look up to. Even on TV shows the amount of gays are not there. Isidingo and Generations have been two SA productions who dared to include gay characters. Yet no single show exists that celebrates us. Are we passing on a homophobia to our people? YES same as when in the past only white faces were seen on television it indeed affected the self-esteem of millions of South Africans. A country with the most progressive constitution that forbids any form of discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation, the only country in Africa where gay marriage is legal we still is quite surprising?
Is one of the reasons the fact that South Africa is indeed an intolerant and deeply homophobic society? Is it that South African audiences are not able to connect with gay performers? Or is that the media powers prefer to sanitise our media of homosexuality in fear of retaliation? To answer this question we spoke to a prominent gay producer. She says that is not as much as that individuals prefer this closeted existence, its that the are advised to remain invisible due to the economic damage this might cause to their public persona, that a public might disown them, Yet in the US a few out celebrities have gone on to be very successful. Yes comparing SA to the US is problematic yet should our celebrities remain blameless. Do they doubt the economic power of the real rainbow nation or is the safety of the closet too much of a comfort? When you consider the amount of homophobic cases, having more popular out person would certainly show SA and Africa that being gay is very African. Coming out is certainly a very challenging step for many a gay and lesbian celebrity but remembering that a closeted life devoid of honesty is equally destructive.
While we salute Somisi and the few who have come out ,we would need more out gay and lesbian of colourr proudly grace our screens on and off supported
COMING SOON
gayle theater fest
DRAGONY AUNTEA! My girlfriend keeps on pestering me to go to Stargayzers. We have to drive past her friends to pick them up. NowI
personally against the place but its no for me. They don’t pay petrol. And I end up having to buy booze. I didn’t mind this in the beginning because I am working and she and her friends are still students. But its gotten out of hand. I really like this girl and the sex is really good but I feel I am being used for my car and my conveniences? She also seems to be disappearing for hours at the club leaving me all alone. I don’t want to loose her? What can I do? My dear, I am sorry to burst this bubble for you but this little HO is using you. She might as well be dating your car and your wallet. No matter how good the sex, and I have been with a few only for the sex, there is no excuse for this parasitic behaviour. Sit this child down and lay down your rules. Fewer visits to that place you don’t like and if you do go that she has to contribute to the petrol and have you heard of the CAR BAR. And seeing that she loves her drink or two, why not invest in a 5 liter NAMAQUE. That should keep her and her crew happy. Now her disappearing at the club is another story. Dragony auntea’s honest opinion is to have a few good fucks and dump this parasite. Then focus on finding you a decent women that will appreciate you and not your conveniences. Good luck.
Where have all the gay clubs gone?
Should we be worried that ewer gay clubs. I remember back in the day (Bronx, Detour, Angels, Sliver, Bar code) and the excitement of visiting my first gay club. Seeing two guys kissing was thrilling, knowing that I am in a free space. Well technically not that free as severe racism existed but that is another story, Yet we find ourselves with fewer gay clubs and even fewer gay clubbers. It seems to be that the gay clubber has found the straight scene more appealing. Does this suggest that society has become more open to sharing their heterosexist space with homosexuals. Not really it simply means that gays have found it easier to ‘butch’ to be seen to not be to gay. An artificial acceptance as we are not allowed to show too much affection. Now you can say that maybe the reason for the desertion could be that the scene in Cape town has not evolved. This is largely true as the gay scene in the city is still largely controlled by a few out of touch with the changing realities of the gay person of colour
Which leads us to the question as to why we still after 25 years still not have one club owned exclusively by a person of colour. If gays of colour owned more clubs maybe we would see more clubs. Also has the gay only clubs given way to the gay friendly clubs? Is it enough to be friendly or is that just saying we tolerate you because you spend at our bar but we don’t truly acknowledge who you are? Also Well change isn’t all bad? It has brought about the gay house party or alternative forms of entertainment such as the Traveling Gay circus party owned by Chantel Isaacs.
We can all agree that we do found ourselves in a space of ever declining clubs and even fewer of those where gays of colour can feel truly welcome and celebrated? Yes our industry has not evolved Gay clubs have not become decentralized There seems to be this systematic erosion of the gay safe space. It can be said that international gay clubbing scene is flourishing, more and more gays are joining the party. With progressive countries realised the economic impact of this group. There was one point where Cape Town was seen as the Gay capital of Africa, a label SA seemed very proud to carry. We can only hope that our gay clubbing scene can be saved before its too late
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Welcome fellow GAYLERS to this our very first issue. We so happy to invite take you on our journey as the first ever online magazine for the gay community of colour. We will talk about the things you are talking about. We also excited to bring you something that’s engaging, informative, critical and above all entertaining. We will appreciate any comments or suggestions to improve. Also welcoming any letters . See you next time.
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