collected by: Ganavya Doraiswamy
WRITTEN BY INMATES IN THE F.I.U. CORRECTIONAL TRANSITIONS PROGRAM, EVERGLADES CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
AS RECORDED BY GANAVYA DORAISWAMY [Re-‐Entry Counselor, F.I.U. -‐ C.T.P.]
2011, Correctional Transition Program (E.C.I.) Florida International University 11200 SW 8th St Miami, FL 33174 Copyright © 2011 by F.I.U. C.T.P. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. No portion of this book may be used without prior approval from the author(s). First paperback edition July 2011 Donations to the Florida International University-‐ Correctional Transition Program may be made via contacting Dr. Regina Shearn, F.I.U. The Re-‐entry counseling program co-‐founded by Dr. Regina Shearn at Florida International University is a pioneer program in its sphere of study and has been proven to be extremely successful in the rehabilitation of convicts. For more information on the program, contact Dr. Shearn at 11200 SW 8th Street Miami, FL 33199 +1 (305) 348 2000 Cover Art by inmate Larry Shields Edited by Katherine Sifontes & Ravi Kundalia Printed in the United States of America ISBN 978-‐1-‐257-‐92541-‐4
To the legendary Doc Shearn for having created such a program, and to the inmates with whom I have had the honor of interacting with; to Mr. Geller and Ms. Waite for giving me the foundation upon which this idea stands.. And of course to my father who comes in and speaks to my clients with joy: for when asked “how do you grow your plants?”, having answered “I do not grow them, for they grow themselves.”
This is meant to be a private collection—a token of appreciation to both the FIU-‐CTP staff and clients. It all started as an innocent homework assignment; I had asked the men to write a poem after having done a workshop on creativity. It went something like this: HOMEWORK EXERCISE I don’t want to see what you think I want to see: just an honest poem, about anything going on in life right now. Let me start: “I’ve asked you to write a poem, to see if you liked my lesson. Where’d you get your flow from? See, that’s my question. Hopefully I’m doing okay… and you’re not totally bored. If you are, pretend anyway… and get chocolate as a reward.” Within a few seconds, I had received a reply:
052298 I really liked the lesson. I don’t think that’s a question. I was not bored. Now, may I have my reward? Leroy Riggins
041050 When I was young, I walked in fear. I did not know That God was near. My mother tried to help me see but in heart I could only flee. I built around me a wall stone
tall and strong but now alone I hid within this gloomy place the mark I wore became my face soon I learned this vain for in this place I lived in pain now I was bound
lost to despair all was dark and nothing fair my misery I tried to drown so on my face I wore a clown to those outside I aseemed so bright but deep within there wasn o light
for years I journeyed down this road what kept me going a twisted goal but then one day a light so bright it shine upon me in my night I lifted my eyes on high that is when my God cam nigh
he gave to me a vision right he brought me to his loving light He burst apart my bonds asunder His voice could shake like mighty thunder He lifted up His voice and song I couldn’t help
but sing along Amazing grace has set me free I once was blind but now I see. Willie Watson
096318 Life is long when you’re young, the days go by so slow, you want to do what the “big people” do, but you’re always told “no.” So you do what you want to anyway, and don’t take care of the risks unseen; you don’t follow the rules nor listen, to what they’ve learned, from where they’ve been. Before you know it, the trouble’s all mount, and you’re on al island all by yourself;
with a sea of people all around, who think always of only themselves. “How did I get here?”, you ask yourself. I don’t know what I’m going to do! I don’t need a sea of people, just one friend that is real and true, when daylight shines and chases the darkness, through the tears of sadness, joy, and pain is forged a brand new day. Life is short when you’re old, the days pass by so fast, I’ll make each one count for the greater good, and make each memory last. Charles J Keech
041146 The changes my life has taken has altered my stroll. I realize now that despite my advanced learning, I actually have little control. I do have the choices, on how I will react to the game the one who makes the rules remains the same. I am meant to play this game with dignity and honor while the one who wrote the book laughs at my antics every corner I think I can now say I was not meant to take myself so serious the game was meant for fun, so chill out and be a bit delirious. Elvis Geaslin
094601 I am a creative creature with a creative mind Now I must begin to exercise and stop wasting my time Less I do I continue to be non-‐productive. Larry Hendrix
105184 I play soccer all the time. I love this game. We gotta a big problem here because they don’t supply us with balls. We have to tell our families to buy the balls and send them to the situation.. Which is no problem. The problem is that when we’re playing, sometimes, somebody, kick the ball against the razors wire on the fence and the ball go flat. We don’t have patches or nothing to fix the ball. Because I love this game, I learned how to fix the balls…. and made my own needle and made my own thread, so when the balls go flat, I open it fix the hole, and sow back. now it don’t matter if the balls ouch the razors. I fix them. Salvador Mustelier
052199 I go up for parole on the 15th of June My years have passed me by I came to prison young, but now I am old but I believe I will be placed on parole. I can’t take back none of my past, but only ponder my future. Anthony Pedone
022748 The green leaves of summer have given way to the reds and golds of autumn The dark thick hair of youth have given way to the thin and gray But the well of life still flows strong and hope springs eternal with each new day for a brighter tomorrow Benjamin Brown
033932 It may be small but it is important you see that you stop and sometimes and listen to me now I’m not trying to stop you from moving ahead, I just want to know where I’m being led. I know how to follow without saying a word—but just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I should never be heard. Sometimes, small details can help you and save you sometime if you feel misled. I think your mind has broadnened beyond your time—but no matter how much you know, never forget
your feet touches the floor. For all that you learned, you’ll earn that balance. humility encourages… small things matter. Randolph Brown
098547 There’s some frustrating days, but I have my ways because hope extends its rays each and every day. obstacle after obstacle tries to get in the way and any would is real but I rise, rewind to face life’s challenges. because I know, this also, shall pass. Joseph Cammarano
100785 My friend, what can I say? life is exciting no matter what some may say I make it bright or gloomy, but what I say or do none can affect it, no! not even you! what profit is there to be had focusing on the gloom? none that I can see, what about you? so if there’s no profit to be had in the gloom, why do so many only have eyes that focus on this doom? focus, I say, focus on the bright and shiny day. though it is not yet here, sooner than later it shall appear! just believe all will be well then you will see God has seen it all
and all will be well. so don’t despair. life is exciting, no matter what some may say! Ronald Carbaugh
099324 I sit here waiting for that day to arrive… Nervous, anxious but oh, so alive it’s been twenty-‐seven long years with tragedy along the way with family, friends and loves ones waiting for this day but God’s brought me along this path with hopes of going home one step one day on the special journey of never ever being alone so my final farewell is a tearful one as I draw close good bye, my friends, I bid you adieu! I’ll see you on the side. with help, support and a whole lot of food! David Weber
226344 Death and hell is before the lord. I have seen the pain and heard the cry of many. I have made many decisions that have caused me tears. and I have thought over and over about the pain I have caused others. I have nothing to sell for hell is before the lord. death to the old man. death to his pass (past) death to his ways and death to all that is not pure. for now I desire life. I wish to live a life of joy, hope, freedom and peace. A life of truth and sincerity. walking in the land of the living where death have no victory. I will live before the lord. Willie Hoston
099596 Jesus, Jesus I’m tired of doing time twenty years of reaping a crime I left behind. I feel like giving up Lord, keep me hanging on. Jesus, Jesus I’m so tired of doing time. I shot a man in Coaco. I’m sorry that he died, I know you spared my life, Lord, and now I wonder why? Jesus, Jesus I’m tired of doing time twenty years of reaping a crime I left behind. I feel like giving up Lord, keep me hanging on. Jesus, Jesus I’m so tired of doing time.
Lord, I thank you for the brothers I met along the way, I thank you for the music you allow me to play, but Lord I’m growing old now and my family’s passing away; And even though I love you Lord, it’s so hard for me to pray. Dennis Kamasinski
103906 IT AIN’T ME WITH ALL THE ANSWERS IT AIN’T ME THAT KNOWS THE PLAN IT AIN’T ME, I’M NOT A PROPHET IT AIN’T ME, I’M JUST A MAN IT AIN’T ME THAT WALKED ON WATER IT AIN’T ME THAT CALMED THE SEA IT’S THE ONE, ABOVE, IN HEAVEN WHO MAKES MEN LIKE YOU AND ME IT AIN’T ME WHO SOLVES MY PROBLEMS IT AIN’T ME WHO MADE WHAT IT LOOK AROUND AT ALL THIS BEAUTY
MADE FOR US, BUT WE ARE HIS ALL HE THINGS I TAKE FOR GRANTED IT ALL IS BUT ISN’T MINE FROM MY GOD COMES MY SALVATION ‘TILL THE VERY END OF TIME Emanuel Jackson
182064 Remember, you don’t have to face your troubles on your own. God is on the side of His children, and he will stand with you as you face the obstacles in your life. Nor are you alone in your physical relationship. Stand strong with your beloved. “Through God we shall do valiantly for he is that shall tread down our enemies.” (Psalm 108:13) Cesar Leal 406774 When you feel hurt or unloved, you may want to hit back. In your heart, you know that revenge doesn’t build love. Talk about your hurts and disappointments with your beloved God. Love your enemy today as never before. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19) Ricardo Leal
032181 In life’s grind we never know what may come our way But if you take the time to look above, we’ll always know God’s Blessed this day. So do not worry, or even stress, For I’m in God’s hands and truly blessed. Willie McCullum
018394 I do believe that God above; created you for me to love. He picked you out, from all of the best, because He knew that I would love you the best. I once had a heart, to call my own; But now it’s gone from me to you: So please take good care of it as I have done; because you have two, and I have none. But if you should go to heaven, and you not there, then I would know that you went the other way. But just to show you what I would do, I would leave a light on in the window, and wait up for you. Jesse James Watkins
066031 I thought as to what I’d write, it seems first and foremost about God. I know most folks think it crazy, or I’m just playing a part, but there is nothing more important in my life. I’ve just filled two pages in my journal with writing for things of this day to be thankful, and little less. A few lines for a day to break to break any routine, read a novel with the mind in neutral. The guilt tried to steal the pleasure, till in prayer I again remembered “grace” from there it was about God, the Bible, with reference to five verses I long ago memorized. David Goodwin
092336 for when I get out of prison, I want to holler! at those who want to follow, because prison is not a place to be as anyone on the outside can plainly see. Raul Maynoldi
068581 their heads are up, their minds are locked, looking at the lovely face talking, never to lose their spots. it’s over the hill, and down the road… and we will borrow the moon for light. one thing we know, wherever we go, the road will lead us right. the road sun east and the road run west, its lots of fun to roam one thing we know wherever we go the road will lead us home Joseph McDaniels
079390 We are all poets inside our hearts, our personal circumstances makes it difficult to start, abstract thoughts are really the best, a view from all angles is a total view-‐ nonetheless. Doyle Heard
055901 The moon and sun are eternal travelers. Even the years wonder on. A lifetime adrift in a boat or in old age leading a tired horse into the years. Everyday is a journey is a journey—and the journey itself is home…
“If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got” Larry Shields
048502 I don’t have the talent or creativity for poems never have although I like hearing words rhyme I’m stuck trying to think something up patience is a friend of mine. George Rusnak
091291 I’ve been in prison all this time Waiting for the day to go home from this crime The lesson I learned from Dr. Shearn Will help me completely in turn but I pray to God for his love waiting for that white dove I am waiting now with desire for that freedom that light my fire Tommy Jamison
082090 Today was filled with energy. A difference between boredom and gray I satisfied my body’s temperament with vigorous exercise to stay gratitude for the here and now, what a blessing it is to be. I anticipate a day soon coming a wonderful time to be free Juan Lusunariz
102013 I am not the person I used to be I was blind, but now I can see serving a life sentence was the product of a crime seeing men going home and a lot of them dying I was 18 but now I am 44 a man going home now is my show I started as a young boy but now I am a grown man got to be responsible, can’t play in the sand having patience, now I can see the light time to multiply with some kids and wife doing what right by cherishing human life this life as a nightmare has become a beautiful dream Ramon Johnson
076003 Some say I’m the jack of all trades, the master of none. I build from the failures of others, that’s how my efforts are won. I sing, I draw. I even dance. Correcting my past errors… hey! all I need is another chance. Gary Bell
024078 for me to write a poem, I need to start with a song. there was a man who could not sing—even when he tried everything but one day, a song did come along and he sung it all night long. when that song had come to an end, that man knew he would start it all over again. Ezell Walker
095803 The lesson I see is about me. When I am in prison, I want to be free. I would love to feel what others feel outside here because of all the years inside, it’s become very clear. if you do the lessons and stand tall, you will not go out there and fall. Robert Weller
052580 I’m writing this poem, it may sound like a song. where did the flow come from? I don’t know… I have none. Hopefully I’m doing my best not sounding like the rest if you felt this poem was hard then I must have done my job?... Melvin Blackshare
081596 My name is Jerry Carrel, and I love college sports. If I don’t get to see them, I get all out of sorts. Football is my favorite—and how I love to cheer! And who’s my team? Why, I’m a Tennessee Volunteer! I dream of Neyland stadium, the greatest in the land, They have the best athletes—and the best marching band! I don’t get too excited, and do not like to fight… so never say nothing bad about my beloved orange white! I can feel the excitement building, September is almost here… I’ll be watching on Saturday, I’m a Tennessee volunteer! Jerry Carroll
032882 You speak so well, you speak so softly. Obviously you’ve been raised by a family with values lofty You’re a very smart woman, with a sharp mind much aware I do pour out my applause, because you’re so distinguished and so rare What surprises me is your youth; you’re stills o very young yet already an exceptional woman-‐-‐ one who has fun Michael Powers
046040 I need a job, and I need one now. If I don’t get a job?... …I’m going to be poor! But nevertheless, I’ll continue to forge ahead. Because to the victor goes the spoil, and in the end I’ll get my reward. Eugene Barfield
061780 a poem Gi-‐Gi, what am I ah poet? who told ya that I flow like dat but I guess ah brother should even da score. but ssh gi-‐gi, between you n me, dis brother struggle as ah poet so let’s keep it quiet as kept … I know ya can roll like dat n da next time da treat is on me ‘Jubilant’ James Corlenzo
042364 The judge gave me some years, In all: seventy five. I never thought I’d make it through alive. But because of mercy, I don’t have to do the whole. Because I’ve been trusted, I will soon have parole! Ted Shaw
093431 I’ve been fighting a battle that wasn’t mine living a life running out of time suffering for something I didn’t do playing a fool, if I only knew. the battle was won a very long time ago the suffering didn’t have to be an open door. playing a fool, a wise man said, knowledge is the key for the undead.
The life I lived I live no more Looking to the sky at heaven’s door, my savior comes, set me free my God is sufficient for thy Donovan Daley. Donovan Daley
063738 Whatever the goal we’re pursuing, no matter how rugged the climb, we’re certain to get there by trying our best and by taking one day at a time. Holland White
071195 How do we measure life? By the cup full or by hoe empty? Do we cringe at every curve in the road or do we enjoy the ride? Listen to the songs of the mocking bird… ever so beautiful. Awakening with a symphony of melody, allowing me to imagine magnificent water falls, or peacefully serene snow covered mountains commanding attention, look at me, I am alive over here, I’m alive! Then the sun rapidly disappears and everything begins to calm itself, quietness, a brief moment of peace then we hear the low whispers of the creator, assuring, caressing until we sleep only to once again begin and the sun says again… Hey over there, look at me, and the mocking bird responds with his usual melody with a song that’s entitled – This Life. Kenneth Wells
046388 I’ strong in times of my need, but sometimes I feel so alone. Words can’t seem to suffice in either prose nor song. I hunger for the presence of my family’s love. For that is symbolic to me as peace is by a dove. Father time does not compromise not does mother nature in her work. So only sincere love can protect me from hurt. That is all to say, yes simply that I am alone. My solution is God, so soon I’ll be home. Orlando Hernandez
025687 Love is my poem. Love is the great attracting and harmonizing power in the universe. It attracts my good to all in the right way and time under the right conditions. When love has done its work, nothing can hamper or override it’s effort. Love’s aim is pure, and it always attracts that which it sets its “heart” upon. Love is like glue. It attaches itself to that which is most like itself. This is why like attracts like: Love detects the inner essence of a thing and ensures that only the equivalent is drawn to it. That which love attracts into my life is for us. Enjoy it! Love is wise, and it never makes a mistake. As we trust its wisdom, we realize that love never fails. Love has a variety of ways of expressing itself in my lines. As spiritual beings we open ourselves up to greater experiences of love, knowing that love draws our to us in the right time and manner. Love is God. Love is God in you. Love is who you are. Ozzie Robinson
041824 To be strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them, To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to improvement of yourself that you have NO time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. Fred E. Hunter
101034 I’m doing alright, but dealing with some stress. My life is not unwound, not crazy, or a mess. I’m dealing with my issues and hanging on tight. No problems, no worries, not going to fight. I have my future clearly in front of me. Learning and growing waiting on the turn of the key. My day is coming, faster; I wish it to be here. Anxiously waiting that it will soon be near. Never thought I would make it to this day. Or I could tell them… see you I’m on my way. Started this journey as a very young man. Ending this experience the best way I can.
Now that it is over, I can look back and say, I made some mistakes, but it is going to be okay. John Dancey
036023 I run my fastest, but I still get beat. I land on my head When I should be on my feet. I try to move forward, but I am stuck in rewind. Why do I keep at it? I wont be left behind. Some people tell me you can’t, some says Don’t. Some simply give up. I reply: I wont. The power is here locked away in my mind. My perseverance is my excellence. Still I wont be left behind. I wont be left behind.
I. Wont. Be. Left. Behind, I am a man coming home – I won’t be left Behind… Stanley Cole
789206 I woke up this morning Ah… Another day! A new day was dawning Jump right in the fray, We went to the show hall. Pancakes and oatmeal. I sat against the wall, Like let’s make a deal. I heard “RIP for pancakes” That sounds like a steal,
If I had what it takes, I’d jump on that deal. I ate what they gave me, This will have to do. But more often lately – There’s nothing to chew. I’ll come back about noon. To see what they’ve got, Spaghetti with a spoon – I’ll give it a shot. I sat at the table,
With three other guys. Man I hate my label – I hate what crime buys. The last time comes at six, Turkey ham and greens, The states got plenty tricks Dessert – what? More beans? I’ll lay back down tonight Climb up in my bed. Everday is a fight – Battle’s in my head.
I won’t be comin’ back Not here to this place. Get my life back on track I’ll make it with grace. If I start to forget – And evil looks right This one thing you can bet I’ll just need a bite, One taste will bring me back Turkey anything And I will play the track… I hate everything
About this place I’m in Hard beds, counts and food The only way I’ll win… To my self be true.
Michael Wolff
871473 Woke up with Darkness shining in My life is controlled By badges of in Looked in the “mirror” Studying the face Where was the young man Who’d entered this place Found him there Was growing a bit old
But his heart beat strong And his confidence bold Seeing this man Caused tears of relief For he’d changed his thinking As well as his beliefs Woke up with Brightness shining in New man, new dreams No badges made of tin. Daniel Henderson
044034 Let me start. Let me art. Let me, let me. (happy happy) take. Me. Hate me. Hate me. Love me, love me. For me. Kiss me, taste me. Give me. Hear me. Stay with me. Play with me. Stay with me, wail with me. Let me have me. Hate that I’m me. Fat me, hate me. Hm. Plate me. Set me, call me, let me. Let me. Set me. Let me. Barry Williams
011105 Life is more than a repetitive sequence of events. We must stop the madness and not surrender to an existence that resembles artificial intelligence, Just expecting well programmed responses… CarlPaschal
018004 Healing and Wonder His life’s dim windowd of the soul Distort the heavens from pole to pole And leads you to believe a lie When you see with, not through, the eyes. Jerald Arline
017795 Tomorrow is the today yet to come Yet to breathe its fruit morning’s air Feel the awakening dew Embrace the beckoning horizon of the evening’s glow… Williams Wiliams
015488 The writing on the wall I know not whether laws be right Or whether laws be wrong. All that we know who live in prison Is that the wall is strong And that each day is like a year A year whose days are long. Harry Simmons
059197 “Cardinal Sin” Lebron James Audacious, fearless and bold We’ll win championships we’re told We watched you all through the season We got high hopes for good reason. Then came the big game Nothing seemed the same And our big game heroes Couldn’t hit jumpers or freethrows. I knew then, that was the end I surely learned never dance before the win. That’s a cardinal sin. Douglas Fowler
061001 TIRED, TIRED—THAT I WAS NO MORE LIKE HUMPTY WITH A GREAT FALL FOR NOW I’M STANDING TALL, FILLED WITH GRACE FOR TOMORROW WITH A SMILE I CAN NOW FACE. Greg Seymour
073331 As I sit in my cell I think of my little gal… She’s a read head from dawn. By the sea shore who wore a red ribbon in her hair Oh how I think of my gal day and night by the moon light… As the sun comes up and the moon go down All I’m left with’s a gloomy smile. Frank Smith
095065 I climbed out of the cast Of my dark and lonely past My life now is real bright With the rays of sun light Smiling, never lose So be happy with what you choose. Stephen Durdick
885593 All because Because I have received kindness, I find pleasure in being kind Because of the smile I see upon your lips I now find myself smiling Because ive experienced the joy of this evening I rejoice in giving Because I have felt pain, I know pity is… Because I have tastes humiliation, I know what consideration is Because I am now incarnated, I know what it is to be free! Because I have suffered, I now have the courage to carry on. Matt McCray
007608 Don’t worry, your life is in His hands. He knows and He loves and He understands. So what if you stumble now and then, and fret and spoil the day, nobody always gets their way. Think of your blessing, heavean knows folks have a way of forgetting those. Don’t squander years that you could fill with such tremendous youth until one by one the chance passes, worry and wish and plot and plan, Remember the mighty oak leaves from nothing more than one small seed… and God is aware of what you need. Calvin Dugan Calvin Dugan was released weeks before this was published, and passed away due to terminal cancer shortly afterwards. He is sorely missed by his brothers. Rest in peace.
Cover art by Larry Shields