Gender Pages Issue 1 by Gender Pages

gender pages

ÂŠ Vanika Sharma and Shirin Choudhary, Co Creators of Gender Pages 2016. genderpages@gmail.com All original work in this magazine has been credited to the creators, who individually hold copyrights for their work. Be nice. Share, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t plagiarise.

cover photograph by shirin choudhary

illustration by vanika sharma

Contents Foreword Take The Left On Your Right - Anand Shenoy A Friendly Reminder - Diksha Bijlani Illustration by Anita and Rinku The Quilt Of Gender Fluidity Jitender Some Thoughts From Our Workshops Me - Vanika Sharma Sketch by Rishabh Jain The Void And The Shards - Prerna Geeta Manian Illustration From St. Stephenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s College Free Flow - Anagha Gopal Uncultered - Vanika Sharma Mother - Zanskar Danish Mohammed Gender Galaxy Take It All - Nandita Singh Poem by Uzma Shamim

5-7 8 9-10 11 12-17 18 19 20 21-22 23 24-25 26-28 29-32 33 34-37 38 3

Artwork by Gyan Lakhwani and Shirin Choudhary Gender Collage From Madanpur Khadar Contributors List About The Creators Acknowledgements Glossary

39 40 41-43 44 45-47 48-49

Foreword All of us are relegated to one or the other end of the binary in all the interactions we have with our immediate world – security check lines, washrooms, trial rooms, etc. Everything is gendered. Whether willingly or unwillingly, we are pushed into these boxes that we often don’t have a choice in defining for ourselves, and these boxes are riddled with their own sets of expectations. Sometimes, this process of gendering is relatively harmless, but other times, extremely violent and undemocratic. Gender Pages is a project that is aiming to create a space, in whatever humble capacity it can, to express alternate identities, or at least explore the ways in which our genders don’t fit into these boxes. It is a space for voices that may or may not be non-binary, genderqueer or genderfluid but are, in their own ways, gender non-conforming. The idea was concieved during one of our training sessions with the Know Your Body, Know Your Rights program which is run by the YP Foundation. The program involves intensive curriculums that deal with comprehensive sexuality education. The vast amount of training and discussions that we were a part of helped us to form the basis of this publication, whereas the intricate network that we had formed through conducting workshops with different partners helped us bring the idea into being.

Several conversations that came up during the making of Gender Pages pointed us to the difficulty of talking about gender fluidity in contexts that are still highly oppressive and lay down narrow constraints on young people of all genders. Where short haircuts for women and even a smidge of makeup for a man is seen as something, though not completely unacceptable, definitely out of the ordinary. Therefore, we tried, as best as we could, to tailor and mould the conversations of gender fluidity to the needs of ordinary young people in Delhi/NCR. Unable, often, to introduce new (and perhaps even unnecessary) jargon or terminologies, we instead tried to create a space where these young people could talk to us about the ways in which they do feel their gender identity or expression is fluid. And since the project is also about artistic expression, it was interesting to talk about the ways in which art intersects with gender, whether through conscious effort or unconsciously. We hope this zine does justice to all the beautiful people we met, the opinions we received, the stories we heard and the laughs and rants we shared with them. We also hope that this is not just an end-product of these conversations, but a gateway to have more of them, and with more people, so we can share more stories about our adventures with this gooey, sticky mess we sometimes like to call â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;genderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;.

भ�ू मका जीवन क� भागदौड़ अक्सर दो प�� के बीच ह� रुक जाती है - चाहे सुरक्शा जाँच क� पंिक्त हो, शौचालय या �कसी Mall का trial room - ज�डर का दायरा हर जगह है | हम� जन्म से ह� लड़का या लड़क� के �डब्बे म� डाल �दया जाता है | कह�ं न कह�ं इच्छा के �वरुद्ध हम� इन दायर� के �नयम मानने पर मजबरू होना पड़ता है - ये �नयम व्यिक्तगत ��त कर� , तब भी | Gender Pages इसी उद्दे श्य क� ओर एक छोटा सा कदम है , जहाँ हम इन �नयम� के दायरे के बाहर क� द�ु नया क� एक झलक� ले सक� | चाहे इस चचार् म� दस ू रे छोर तक पहुंचने वाल� आवाज़ न उठे , ले�कन कुछ अलग स्वर का आभास ज़रूर होगा ़ | यह �वचार हम� तब आया जब हम ‘शर�र अपना, अ�धकार अपना’ योजना के एक प्र�श�ण वकर्शॉप म� थे । ‘शर�र अपना, अ�धकार अपना’ The YP Foundation क� एक योजना है । वे व्यापक यौ�नकता �श�ा के �वषय पर बातचीत करते ह�। इन ट्रे �नंग वकर्शॉप से हम� इस प�त्रका को जन्म दे ने के �लए मौका �मला और हमारे नए �मत्र क� मदद से यह प�त्रका आज एक वास्त�वकता है । Gender Pages के �नमार्ण के दौरान कई चचार्एँ उठ�ं जहाँ दे खा गया �क न केवल लड़�कय� को, बिल्क लड़क� को भी इन दायर� और बाधाओं से जूझना पड़ता है - चाहे लड़क� ने छोटे बाल कटवाए या लड़के ने हल्क� सी लाल� लगाई - यह क्य� अस्वीकायर् है ? हमने परू � को�शश कर� इस चचार् को �दल्ल� के सामान्य �कशोर� क� ज़रूरत� पर केिन्द्रत रखने क� | चचार् केवल �नरथर्क शब्दजाल म� न उलझे, बिल्क एक �वचार - धारा का मंच बने, जहाँ सबको अपनी ज�डर पहचान क� अ�भव्यिक्त का पूरा स्थान �मले, और वह कलात्मक रूप से व्यक्त हो, तो और रोचक होगी | हम� परू � आशा है �क हम उन सब खब ू सरू त लोग� क� राय, मंशा, कहानी, �खल�खलाहट� और आलोचना - सब आपके सामने रख सक� और यह चचार् यूँ ह� आगे बढ़े - इस लसलसी ज�डर क� िस्थ�त से आगे...

тАЬTake the left on your right by Anand Shenoy рдЙрди я┐╜рд╕рджреНрдзрд╛рдиреНрддреЛ рдХреЛ рд▓реЛ, рдФрд░ я┐╜рдХрд╕реА рдмрдбреНрдмреЛрд▓я┐╜ рдирджя┐╜ рдореЗ рдлреЗрдХ рджреЛ - рдЖрдирдиреНрдж рд╢реЗрдиреЛрдп

A FRIENDLY REMINDER Diksha Bijlani I am not the girl who paints her nails Because I am never ready for the days When the colour comes off in fragments As if it was always meant to be broken that way Like my little nephew’s best attempt at painting. I am not the girl who cries in movies I am so resolved to fix things I dislike That I have forgotten there are some things You can only mourn about. I guess holding tears in isn’t impossible Even with dad not telling you to ‘Man up’ all the time. I am not the girl who feels safer to travel with company At twelve I discovered living in fear of harm is self-harm At fifteen I found harmful devices to use on others instead At eighteen I moved out of my parents’ house At nineteen, you will never catch me looking back when I walk. I am not the girl who smiles easily Especially when you try Some people define faking smiles as growing up As if adults were diplomats negotiating for their own selves But I have always been the little kid who’s scared of clowns They smile way too much to be real.

Somedays I have been told that my oddity is strength unmasked On other days they find closure in calling me a misfit But I have spent so many years trying to solve my own self I almost forgot there was no right answer. So even though I wake up with rosy stains on my bed Every two fortnights; and you could feel my curves At all the right places I am not the girl who paints her nails Because I am never ready to eat with them Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fucking unhygenic, forget romanticism. I am not the girl who can dance in heels I am not the girl who will marry I am not the girl who hides No, I am not the girl I am not a girl And I never was.

छ ु न क य े न ं ै ा म स ी ख ज ा... आ “

ज ि त ने ल ो ग हैं क ि ज ी ड ं े ह र े न होत े ह”ैं त उ

Words by Anita, age 19 Drawings by Rinku, age 18 Madanpur Khadar

Jitender

gender fluidity the quilt of 12

During 1940s, Ismat Chughtai depicted a tale of a sexually unsatisfied Begum and her lover/masseuse Rabbu. The story raises many questions through the relationship of a beautiful begum and a masseuse who was nowhere near the norms of beauty, as pointed out by the author, Chughtai. We have been taught our entire life that there are two mutually exclusive and complementary halves in a relationship: one who submits and the other one who dominates. In heterosexual relationships it is usually a woman who submits and a man who dominates. Marxist thinker Louis Althusser has talked about the Repressive and Ideological State Apparatus of any state. He mentions that every society starts repressing peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s minds and thinking from a very tender age. From school textbooks to preaching from family, school and institutions, we have been learning that in any relationship there will always be the structure of heterosexuality. This is the power of govern-mentality where we as citizens are just mere benign objects of the state. In Lihaf, the Begum is tender and beautiful just like any other Wife and Rabbu portrays the relatively unattractive, masculine, repressive dominating male figure of a Husband. A gender fluid person shapes their gender with the time. To satisfy the sexually deprived Begum, Rabbu had to be a manly figure. Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sexuality in our society has been supressed throughout history. Lihaf shows the repression in a sensitive manner. Lihaf deals with these misunderstood and

ignored desires in a thoughtful way. Lesbian relationships are very much commercialized and usually considered as 'sexy'. Heterosexual men would love to watch a lesbian love making scene but they will condemn a sex scene between two men, all thanks to our patriarchal mindset where a woman usually plays a role of an object. Western pornographic media has been controlling our mentality about sex from a long time. When a person changes their gender, even for a small duration, people who are around them start getting anxious. This anxiety sometimes leads to violence. Love is a beautiful aspect of human nature, but ways to show or illustrate this love can be a crucial battleground. Gender fluidity, which we have seen in films and literature such as Dhuan by Manto, Lihaf by Ismat Chughtai, Fire (1996), Dedh Ishqia (2014) etc., is somewhat part of our existence - we have been witnessing them but due to our repressed nature we tend to ignore them. The very idea of gender fluidity scares people, as our psychology has been structured in such a way that we can’t accept change very easily. We always notice a person and make fun of a man who is ‘feminine’, or give a third eye to a girl who has short hair and more body hair on her arms or legs. This is the irony of our time - our talks on rights or human dignity are very limited. If a person chooses to show their gender as fluid, or constantly changing with the change of time and space, our

mind is unable to process it, because the person is not only deviating from the path of ‘heteronormativity’ but also shaking the entire notion. Stories such as Lihaf present the idea in many different ways, some people might argue that it depicts a lesbian relationship, but they forget that Begum was never portrayed as a lesbian, or one who has tendencies to fall in love with women only, it is the absence of the Nawab that allows Rabbu to fill an empty vacuum. Representation of one’s identity is one’s own decision entirely and no matter how hard we try, only that person can and will determine their gender or attraction towards any sex or gender. The cubic puzzle of gender fluidity will keep on changing colours, from one colour to another with the change of time, and maybe the only way of dealing with this change is accepting people as they are – puzzling and confusing yet perfectly human.

िजत� दर

यौ�न कता क� चादर

1940 के दशक म� इस्मत चुग़ताई ने एक कहानी बताई थी िजसके क�द्र म� थी एक यौन रूप से अतप्ृ त बेगम और उसक� मा�लश वाल� रब्बो। अंग्रेज़ी शासन के उस दशक क� ये एक ऐसी कहानी थी जो एक बेइंतहा खूबसूरत मंजल ु बेगम और रब्बो के बीच थी। इनका �रश्ता खूबसूरती और ओहदे के तमाम पैमान� म� कह� से भी बराबर� का नह�ं था। उस समय क� �वचारधारा के �बलकुल �वपर�त यह �रश्ता था जहाँ अक्सर यह �सखाया जाता था �क �कसी भी �रश्ते क� कामयाबी के �लए एक तरफ प्रधान और दस ू र� ओर अधीन प�� का होना जरुर� है और ये दोन� प� परस्पर अनन्य ह�। इस प्रकार के �वषम�लंगी �रश्त� म� अक्सर परु ु ष प्रधान और स्त्री अधीन क� भू�मका �नभाती है । माक्सर्वाद� लुइस अल्थस् ु सरर अक्सर अपने लेख� म� �कसी समाज के दमनकार� और वैचा�रक राजक�य यंत्रो क� बात करते है । वे कहते ह� �क हर समाज व्यिक्त के बचपन से ह� उसक� बद् ु �ध और �वचारधारा का दमन करता है । स्कूल� �कताब�, प�रवार, �श�ा संस्थान� इत्या�द म� यह� �सखाया जाता है �क अपने से प्रधान का आदर करो। यह स�ा मनोव�ृ त का ह� प्रभाव है �क नाग�रक राज्य व्यिक्त के मन को अपनी सु�वधा अनुसार ढाल दे ता है । �लहाफ म� भी बेगम सुरूप और मद ृ ु पत्नी क� सी प्रतीत होती है । जब�क रब्बो का स्वरुप सामािजक सुंदरता के पैमान� से दरू , प्रधान प�त क� छ�व वाला प्रतीत होता है । य�द व्यिक्त चाहे �क वह �लंग पहचान को समय के साथ ढाल ले तो '�लंग-प्रवाह' िजससे अंग्रेजी भाषा म� Gender Fluid भी कहा जाता है , का अद्भत ु स्वरुप दे खने को �मलता ह�। ठ�क वैसे ह�, अतप्ृ त बेगम क� संतुिष्ट के �लए रब्बो के अलावा कोई रास्ता नह�ं था। यौन �रश्ते म� परु ु ष क� कमी को सहन करती बेगम के �लए रब्बो ह� एक

पुरुष क� कमी को पूरा कर सकती थी। हमारे समाज म� स्त्री कामुकता क� कोई अह�मयत नह�ं है । �लहाफ म� लगातार दमन झेलती इसी कामक ु ता को संवेदनशील रूप से �दखाया गया है । इस कहानी ने इन उपे��त, �मथ्या , इच्छाओं को �वचारपण ू र् रूप मे प्रस्तत ु �कया है । स्त्री- समल�ग�कता को एक व्यावसा�यक एवं कामुक दृिष्ट से दे खा जाता है । परल��गक पुरुष भी कामुक दृश्य म� समल��गक परु ु ष� क� अपे�ा समल��गक िस्त्रय� को दे खना पसंद करते ह� | क्य��क हमेशा �पतस ृ �ा मनोव�ृ � रह�, िजसम� स्त्री केवल एक प्रयोजन मात्र रह� | पिश्चमी मी�डया और सा�हत्य का हमार� काम मनोव�ृ � पर यहाँ भी बहुत गहरा असर रहा है | कोई व्यिक्त य�द अपनी gender प�रभाषा के बाहर कदम रखता है तो उसके आसपास परे शानी का सा माहौल बन जाता है , जो कभी कभी उसके �ख़लाफ़ �हंसा का कारण भी बन सकता है | प्यार करना एक नैस�गर्क दे न क्य� न हो, उसका इज़हार कभी रणभू�म बन जाता है | Gender का प्रवाह - प�रवतर्न कुछ सा�हत्य और �फ़ल्म� म� भी दे खने को �मलता है - मंटो क� 'धुआँ ', इस्मत चग़ ु ताई क� '�लहाफ़', �फ़ल्म 'Fire' (1996), 'डेढ़ इिश्कया' (2014) - जो हमारे अिस्तत्व का अहम ् �हस्सा है - और कदा�चत ् नज़र भी आता है , ले�कन हमारे द�मत स्वभाव के कारण उपे��त ह� रहता है | Gender के प्रवाह -प�रवतर्न का �वचार भी भयावह लगने का कारण यह� है �क स्वभावतया हम बदलाव से भागते ह� | हम प्रत्येक का मूल्याँकन करते ह� और ऐसे पुरुष क� �खल्ल� उड़ाते ह� जो कुछ िस्त्रयो�चत है , और स्त्री िजसके बाल कटे ह� या शर�र के बाल� क� ओर ध्यान नह�ं �दया हो | यह हमारे समाज क� व्यंगोिक्त ह� है �क हमारे �वचार व्यिक्तगत मयार्दा पर बहुत ह� संकु�चत ह� | य�द हमारे सामने कोई व्यिक्त अपने gender प्रवाह म�

प�रवतर्न लाने क� मंशा �दखाता है , तो हम उसे बुद्�धरूप से अस्वीकार करते ह�, उसे भटका हुआ मानते ह� , क्य��क यह हमार� 'प्रकृ�त ' ह� नह�ं, हमार� ल��गक धारणा का भी मंथन करता है | '�लहाफ़' जैसी कहा�नयाँ इन �वचार� का अनम ु ोदन कई तर�के से करती ह� - कह�ं समल��गक स्त्री संबंध� का आभास होता है , ले�कन इसके �वपर�त यह भी कहा जा सकता है �क बेग़म कभी पण र् या समल��गक नह�ं थीं, न ू त ह� उनका च�रत्र �कसी और स्त्री के साथ संबंध म� �दखा केवल नवाब क� कमी परू � करने के �लए रब्बू क� ज़रूरत महसूस हुई | इस तरह अपना व्यिक्तत्व दशार्ना एक व्यिक्त का स्वैिच्छक �नणर्य होना चा�हए | सब �कतना ह� दबाव डाल�, केवल वह� व्यिक्त अपनी �लंग आकषर्ण �नधार्�रत कर सकता है | �लंग �नधार्रण और प्रवाह क� �वषम पहे ल� यूँ ह� समय के साथ सतरं गी प�रवतर्न करती रहे गी, और इसको सुलझाने का शायद यह� तर�का रहे गा इन्सान क� बदलती, �वषम प्रकृ�त को यूँ ह� स्वीकार करना |

I am infinite possibilities within and outside the gender spectrum

कभी कभी मैं लड़कों जैसे "करता हूँ" या "जाता हूँ" बोलती हूँ

जेंडर हमारी पहचान है

Don’t put me in a box

“me” by vanika sharma

Sketch by Rishabh Jain

THE VOID AND THE SHARDS Prerna Geeta Manian This world to me was not black and white there were colours all around, myriad colours, hues and tinges of various shades that Consisted this world where I came in one piece. One piece in a world which suddenly was broken into two distinct pieces, two shards very symmetrically broken and divided'for your convenience' is what I was told. I never understood, why something is broken for convenience? They helped me without me asking for it- they broke the world into two halves and when the halves got separated, subtracted from each other they added values distinct to their own. Forced characters to make them different from each other.

The void in between them, kept staring at the two, the two filled with stuff that made them wholes long time ago. The void did not know where to go, it just stood there in a limbo staring at the two shards of the world which seemed absurdly discontent with their brokennness sometimes they broke away from their distinctness too. Sometimes one of them would want to inhabit this void and the shards which they had given rise to became a matter of more shards, and some more. The void was an outcaste, and outcaste because it was neither the right shard, nor the left, it inhabited a world of contant flux, abstract identities, free and constricted at the same time. The void was as helpless as the two shards: the two helpless for their forced confusion, the void for being a called a disgraceful intrusion. While all of them did not know, that the obtrusion did not lie in their heart, But the forces that had torn them apart.

Anagha Gopal

free flow 24

A vacation was cancelled. There had been blood between the legs for the first time, and shouts of, "Amma, Amma!". Over plastic ripped open and a brand stuck on underpants, a vacation was cancelled. The twelve-year-old returned home on the first day of a vacation looked forward to for a year, the Ganga lapped still at Haridwar struggling against the banks of a newly made agnostic. The agnosticism came with the blood. Between the legs there seemed to be a new monster which alone could make the Ganga impure. Impure, the Ganga curdling around Shiva's hair? Debased, the Ganga who distils the border between Shiva and Shakti, crashing against the 'ardha' of 'ardhanarishwara'? Corrupt, the Ganga who began an epic where Arjuna as Brihannala as Arjuna danced away exile to home? The twelve-year-old arrived home, and on the fourth day, four drops of the Ganga's water were made to purify a lifetime's monthly exclusion. The blood would split the marital bed, and, for four days, Aravan would not have Mohini. The blood would close temple doors, and, for four days, Aravan would not have Krishna. Krishna to Mohini to Krishna, Shiva rose and the Ganga flowed between another pair of legs. Aravan died, and the Ganga mourned for the mourners between whose legs weapons made blood without nature. The Ganga leaped still, the Ganga leaped well. The blood that was said to mark a woman was said to stain the Ganga was said to make and take the blood of seven sons of

Shantanu. A sea made woman made sea. A twelve-year-old made woman. Another sea made woman. Fluid frozen in a body which was never asked.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Uncultered Photographs by: Vanika Sharma Model: Shrey Sharma

Zanskar Danish Mohammed

MOTHER

‘Being a single parent is hell’ This thought kept flashing in my mind as I manoeuvred through heavy traffic, driving at alarming speeds with utter disregard to traffic rules and red lights. My destination, my five-year old son Vishesh’s school in Lodhi estate was still a few kilometres away. I checked my watch; I was already five minutes late. By the time I reached school I was twenty minutes late for my ten-thirty appointment. I grabbed my son’s report card from the dashboard and rushed to his class (Nursery A-2), fearing the worst. Alas! My worst fears were confirmed. I counted five mothers standing outside the class-room, all of them carrying report cards. I sighed deeply. I knew the drill. I’d missed my appointment and now I’d have to stand in line and wait. As I took my place in the line, I smiled at the others and they smiled back. I was friends with most of them. We made small talk. Like always, we started with complaining about the school’s ideology. Most schools were content with the knowledge that the parents had received their child’s report card, either by collecting it themselves on Report Card day or (as was in our case) through their children; but not this school. This school insisted on a meeting between the parents and teachers to discuss their children’s report cards. ‘Regular parent-teacher communication is an important part of

the school’s ideology’ I remember being told once by my son’s teacher. We all had more or less the same story. All of us were working and having missed the PTM due to whatever reasons; we had to take out time from work and come to school on a Monday morning to meet our children’s teachers. It’s not like we all didn’t agree to the school’s ideology (after all, it was one of the best schools in Delhi), but we knew how difficult these meetings were for each of us. Complaining and grumbling about it was our way of cooling off. Soon, the conversation drifted off to the other topics and I withdrew. I made a few quick calculations. Judging by the number of parents waiting before me, I estimated that I’d have to wait for at least an hour before my turn. I made some calls and rescheduled a few meetings to compensate for my waiting time. Then I settled down in my corner to wait. As usual, the complete absence of fathers made me wonder if this was one of the many subtle ways in which the system of patriarchy manifests itself in our society. Like every time, the evidence clearly pointed to the fact that it was indeed. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions here. As a full time sociologist, I knew how subjective and biased personal opinions could be. But every time I came to meet a teacher, I would always see the same faces; fathers were a rare commodity here. The line moved forward slowly. My head was

starting to ache. Not a good sign early in the morning. On an impulse, I decided to take a walk around the school. I still had a good forty minutes of waiting left and my good friend Anindita, who was next in line promised to give me a ring when my turn came. The corridors were surprisingly quiet. I peeked into a couple of classrooms only to find the children lying fast asleep on bedrolls spread across the floors. It was nursery sleeping time, when all the four and five year olds were put to bed for an hour and the teachers got a breather. My own memories of nursery sleeping time were hazy, but I do remember that I was one of those kids who never slept and gave my teacher loads of trouble I seem to be atoning for all that now because like me, Vishesh too had the same bad habit and it was a major complaint raised by his teacher. My mind went back to the time just before Visheshâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s admission. I had taken an entire week off from work. It was a stressful time for us. There was so much to do; filling forms, preparing a write-up about why the school should take us and a hundred other things. I was so afraid of the possibility of Vishesh not making it. But in the end, it all worked out. We were called for the interview and we got selected. Of course the fact that I was a respected alumni helped (the school gave points for that), but I like to think that it was Visheshâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s charm that did the trick. I confess that I really do dote on him. A lot of my friends and relatives have told me that (in a

well-meaning way of course). But it’s one of the things that I just can’t help. One of my friends who works as a clinical psychologist once told me that I do it unconsciously to make up for his absent parent, but I dismissed it as being too far-fetched. My phone buzzed, pulling me back to my surroundings. I had three missed calls from Anindita. I hurried back. I reached the room, out of breath. I went straight in. Vishesh’s teacher looked up and recognising me, gave a small smile. “Come Mr Choudhary, come right in.

- Sylvia Plath

m, ka

yada n z a na

bas ham

“h

m hain ha ,

re “the stick figu w rep re s en t s h o other in we saw each s: our childhood gender y n a f o id o v e d

sab am

am, am, am.

A ‘Gender Galaxy’ of some of the things we took back with us from St. Stephen’s and Madanpur Khadar <3

take it all Nandita Singh Take it all The reserved ladies only seats in crowded metro compartments I’d much rather be allowed to stand for what I believe in Diluted vodka whispers in my ear, free drinks slipped between fingers that linger a moment too long This isn’t the taste of freedom Take it all Megaphones held in hands that only yearn to hold each other Give them a voice, and watch the picket signs fall away Trust me, they’d much rather sing than scream dreams you erase from history books Do you know how many years it took to bring colour televisions to the average home? But your fancy television set, on desks stabilized with our discarded pamphlets still manages to play pictures entirely in monochrome So take it all, I’ll even let you have the spectrum of the rainbow because today in science I learnt, that black is essentially the absence of all colour, and white is essentially all the colours you could imagine combined,

so when you attempt to define life in terms of black and white where exactly would I fit? Somewhere between indefinable black or a white that is essentially infinite? If you don’t trust me, because I never wore a skirt to school then let’s trace back to the ‘natural’ progression of history it was your rational mind after all that developed language out of binary telling me that information could no longer be condensed into an arithmetic vocabulary because there just too much to say, too much to know I wonder why this logic doesn’t apply to people though, Maybe because I never wore a skirt to school was the reason I understood why they don’t have a third box to tick Because if between any code of binary we couldn’t fit then how could four straight lines attempt to box our history, we are people, undefined, limitless and free so what good is geometry. So take it all.

Your lines, and rules and moulds of clay I love my curves far too much anyway To be bent straight, unyielding; made tough and whole stretched until I finally broke, my silence. Asking them why I had started to count each hair on my arm as ammunition for them to hurt me Markers of a body lost in transition between comfortable duality I remember my father asking me to stop using the muscle in my legs to score goals because I would carry scars from the football field till I was old, and alone, unable to use my child bearing hips because I had wasted them on useless bicycle kicks But you see, I wore shorts to school Because I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need a skirt to feel beautiful Or pants to be powerful So take it all, The barbie dolls and firemen trucks, insidious ideologies that cut deeper than plastic knives in play-toy kitchen sets unopened football studs gathering dust like my dreams because only boys got to dirty their knees

moulding playdoh kingdoms of pink and blue, business suits and trekking shoes reserved for those that were allowed to go places, but home never smelt any different than freshly cut carrot cakes you were raised to bake on christmas eve And the car keys had his fingerprints imbedded into the metallic clink of the door he would walk into, Carrying the bread he earned, and the bread youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d break over dinner tables set with those same plastic knives from play-toy kitchen sets Take it all. Please, please, please, just take it all. And when the last black and white has been split into the colours of the rainbow by the light of a changed imagination, only then will you understand the worth of this free square inch of my soul so take it all but leave me this.

By Uzma Shamin

I am not a baby making machine or a corporate honcho making a million bucks I am not simply here to get married or get into the best engineering institute I am more than just my skirts and heels or baggy pants or over-sized sweatshirts I am more than just looking pretty or acting strong being macho I am more than a HE or a SHE I am She when I want to be and He when she isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the mood Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s me which is way more than a He or She.

“androgynous user icon” by gyan lakhwani

“identity crisis” by shirin choudhary

Gender Collage From Maya, Shail and Sheetal Madanpur Khadar

Our gender is made up of not just our body, but also our likes, dislikes, aspirations, and sometimes random things we enjoy, like food! हमारा ज�डर �सफर् हमारा शर�र नह�ं, बिल्क हमार� पसंद, नापसंद, आकां�ा और कभी कभी कुछ हटके चीज़� भी ह�, जैसे क� खाना!

contributors

1. Rishabh Jain (ऋषभ जैन) : Rishabh is a 19 year old coffee and cat enthusiast. He likes punk rock, indie rock music. He firmly believes that music is powerful enough to change lives. Trying out things which do not relate to each other is what makes him, him. He thinks the world is strange and likes to explore the things that make it so. 2. Diksha Bijlani (द��ा �बजलानी) : I do things with words. They reciprocate. 3. Jitender (िजत� दर) : Jitender is a freelance and moody writer, always hiding his works in old pages of copies. He has done theater for 2 years and from there he has discovered his interests in writing. He specialized in performing poems and has written some pieces and also performed them in his UG years. Currently he is a fellow at The YP foundation and a final year student of Political Science at University of Delhi. 4. Anand Shenoy (आनंद शेनॉय) : Exploration of ideas looking back at nostalgia I inherited, and co-relating with my own overly complicated migration situation, which shapes the very idea of gender role for me, and through these illustrations and sculptures, a discussion with myself about them. 5. Prerna Geeta Manian (प्रेरणा गीता मनइयन) : Prerna Geeta Manian is a student of literature who wants to continue their higher studies in Gender studies. They think that the world is inherently the same, the differences have been posed by individuals to suit their needs, leading to anarchy. 41

They identify with Kenneth Parcell in 30 Rock and thus go by his quote: I love only two things: television and everybody. 6. Zanskar Danish Mohammed (जांस्कर दा�नश मुहम्मद) : M.Z.Danish lives in Delhi and is currently in his second year of studying History (hons) at St. Stephen's College. He enjoys reading fiction, playing football for college and listening to 60s music. He is a huge Simon and Garfunkel fan. 7. Nandita Singh (नं�दता �संह) : She knew she had to be a writer when she realised she had just spent two-thirds of her time during a high school biology paper thinking of the best metaphor to describe photosynthesis. Currently pursuing an English Honours degree from Lady Shri Ram College for Women, Nandita has made a name for herself as a poet, blogger, and organiser of spoken word events. She is a curator at Airplane Poetry Movement, an initiative started to bring poetry back to the people, and provide a platform for young, and otherwise silent, voices to be heard. Heading its Delhi chapter, Nandita conducts workshops, poetry slams, and smaller meet-ups to foster enthusiasm and love for language, expression and writing. As a part of her efforts to sensitise people towards the realities of mental health, Nandita has been a part of panel discussions focusing on this theme, and also writes a weekly column for the Live Love Laugh Foundation. 8. Gyan Lakhwani (�ान लखवानी) : Gyan Lakhwani is a freelance graphic designer by day, ninja by night.

8. Anagha Gopal (अनघा गोपाल) : Anagha Gopal is a lover of books, poetry, and tea. A second year literature student, she spends her time reading, writing, and learning Carnatic music. 9. Contributors from Madanpur Khadar (मदनपरु खादर) Rinku (�रंकू) Aarti (आरती) Shail Kumari (शैल कुमार�) Twinkle (ट्�वंकल) Sheetal Barman (शीतल बमर्न) Maya (माया) Neelam (नीलम) Archana (अचर्ना) Anita (अनीता) 10. Contributors from St. Stephen’s College: Deborah (डेबरा) Vasudha Singh (वसुधा �संह) Anshul Mukarji (अंशुल मुखज�) Simran Kaur (�समरन कौर) Shubhangi Acharya (शभ ु ांगी आचायर्) Rene Verma (रे ने वमार्) Sahar Munjal (सहर मुंजल) Brinda Kumar (वंद ृ ा कुमार) Kshitij Dhyani (��तज ध्यानी) Biambi Niepuseno (बीएमबी �नपु�सनो) Himani (�हमानी) Sakshi Singh (सा�ी �संह) Shivani Kasumra (�शवानी कसुमरा) Nayantara Nandi Basu (नयनतारा नंद� बसु) Aina (आईना) Devika Singh Shekhawat (दे �वका �संह शेखावत) Uzma Shamim (उज़्मा शमीम)

About the creators

Vanika Sharma and Shirin Choudhary are both feminist activists who are also enthusiastic about art, Vanika being a visual artist and Shirin being a writer. Vanika runs a visual art blog called “Mildly Dark Art (http://mildlydarkart.blogspot.in/) and has had a comic published in Youth ki Awaaz on the issue of Youth Friendly Health Services. Some of Vanika’s art is concerned with personal realities, manifested through bold visual metaphors and imaginative details, while others are concerned with expressing ideas that come to her through her interaction with the internal and external world. Shirin shares her writings on her blog gravityisaromantic.tumblr.com, and through public performances of spoken word poetry on young women, feminism and rights. Her work deals with deeply personal experiences (her own and others’) of mental health, feminism, and possibilities of subversion. They are trained peer educators with the Know Your Body, Know Your Rights programme of The YP Foundation and have been conducting Comprehensive Sexuality Education workshops for almost two years with young people from diverse backgrounds in Delhi/NCR. They are co-creators of this ‘zine, Gender Pages, wherein they curated art and writings on the issue of Gender Fluidity from young people and compiled them. They both believe in the convergence of art and activism.

Acknowledgements Visualising and creating Gender Pages has been a long, enlightening journey. We’ve treated this zine as our baby and to see it reach completion is a dream come true. We owe many people a great deal. First and foremost we would like to extend our heartfelt gratitude towards the YP Foundation for not only giving us this fantastic opportunity, but for also providing us with the knowledge and means to even be able to conceive this idea. It’s been a pleasure working under the guidance of Manasa and Reena with whom we’ve spent countless hours working and reworking ideas and concepts. Ishita and Manak, thank you for your guidance and the excruciatingly long training sessions where we’ve learned everything that we needed to know. Also, volunteers at the YP Foundation (bros, you know who you are, *fist bump*) thank you for listening to our numerous ideas and for critiquing and saving us from bad decisions. Our sincere thanks to all the wonderful, interesting people out there who’ve contributed their art to the zine to help make our dream a reality (poets, artists, writers, photographers, models who were made to do embarrassing stuff for amazing photographs). It would absolutely have not been possible to do this without you guys. 45

We’ve learned a lot through this project and not just through the art we received but also through various workshops we held to get to know how people really feel about gender fluidity. The Gender Studies Cell, Stephens College, thank you for hosting us and for having intellectual, meaningful and insightful conversations with us about this rarely ever debated topic. Participants at Madanpur Khadar, we owe you. You made us question our own views and preestablished ideas regarding gender fluidity. You gave us new lines to think along and to rethink what we thought we knew. You’ve been a great source of learning. Also, we’d like to thank participants at both locations for the amazing artwork you guys submitted on the spot. Lastly, we’d also like to thank our beautiful models, Shrey Sharma and Deborah Deka, and our translator Shama Bhutani. It’s been a pleasure working with each and every one of you and we hope that this project lives up to your expectations. Cheers. Shirin Choudhary and Vanika Sharma Co-founders, Gender Pages

आभार सच ू ी Gender Pages क� रचनात्मक यात्रा एक सख ु द सपने क� तरह रह�, िजसे पूरा करने म� बहुत �मत्र� का साथ �मला | हमारा सबसे पहला धन्यवाद YP Foundation को, िजनका हम पर भरोसा हम� इतनी दरू ले आया, हम� यह सब करने का सपना दे खना �सखाया और इसे परू ा करने के सामान का प्रावधान भी करवाया | मानसा और र�ना का मागर्दशर्न आनन्दमय रहा िजन्ह�ने घंट� हमारे साथ �वचार� और कल्पनाओं को रूप �दया | ई�शता और मानक िजनके पथप्रदशर्न और कष्टदायी प�रश्रम से यह सब संभव हुआ | और YP Foundation के कायर्कतार् (हाँ मेरा इशारा आपक� तरफ़ है ) िजन्ह�ने हम� सह� समय पर सह� रास्ता �दखाया | हमारा हा�दर् क धन्यवाद उन अद्भत ु , �नराले और �दलचस्प लोग� का िजनक� कला ने हमारे इस सपने म� रं ग भरे (क�व, कलाकार, लेखक, छ�वकार, प्र�तमान िजन्ह�ने �नःस्संकोच कुछ गज़ब क� छ�वयाँ �नकाल�ं) | आपके �बना यह �निश्चत रूप से असफल रहता | इस योजना के माध्यम से हमने जो कला पाई है , कायर्शालाओं म� सबक� Gender Fluidity के बारे म� मनो�द्र समझा है वह अ�व है | इस योजना के माध्यम से हमने जो कला पाई है , कायर्शालाओं म� सबक� Gender Fluidity के बारे म� मनोदृिष्ट समझी है वह अ�वस्मरणीय है | St. Stephen's College के Gender Studies Cell ने ऐसा मंच हम� �दया जहाँ हम इस �वरल �वषय पर सकारात्मक, बौद्�धक, साथर्क संवाद कर सक� | मदनपरु खादर के �मत्र�, हम आपके आभार� ह�, आपने Gender fluidity पर कुछ स्था�पत, रू�ढ़ �वचार� पर प्रश्न उठा कर हमार� सोच को नई �दशा द� | आपक� कला सबसे सराह� गई | आप सबके साथ का जो हमारा सौभाग्य रहा, हम इसके �लए अ�त आभार� ह� |

glossary Gender identity is defined as a personal conception of oneself as male or female or both or neither. This concept is intimately related to the concept of gender role, which is defined as the outward manifestations of personality that reflect the gender identity The gender binary is the classification of sex and gender into two distinct, opposite and disconnected forms of masculine and feminine. It is one general type of a gender system. Androgyny: A term that combines the Greek words for man and woman, is a state of ambiguous gender in which identifying sexual characteristics are uncertain or mixed. To say that someone is andryogynous is to say that he or she combines stereotypically male and female attributes. Agender/ Gender Neutral: is a term which can be literally translated as 'without gender'. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity. Gender fluid is a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities.

Genderqueer/ non-binary or gender-expansive, is a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminineâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;identities which are thus outside of the gender binary. Transgender: An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender people may or may not choose to alter their bodies hormonally and/or surgically.

get your Pronouns right! masculine

him

his

himself

feminine

she

her

hers

herself

genderneutral

they

them

their

theirs

themself

genderneutral

xem

xyr

xyrs

xemself

(singular they)

(variant)

(pronounced â&#x20AC;&#x153;zee )

Partners

The Gender Studies Cell St Stephenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s College