Had it not been for Love.

words by Rebecca Morales

From the moment I took my first breath life was determined to make me believe that I would live a life without hope. Born in rejection, unloved and unwanted, the woman who birthed me didn’t see me worth fighting for. Missed visitations, empty conversations —was she ever really there? Her first born, but not her last. One of six, four remained in her care and yet, her first was so easy to let go?

Little did she know that the seed she planted would be carried with me forever, or at least I thought so. I wasn’t good enough. Though just an innocent bystander, yet still paying the price. Given up, left to myself with the thoughts that would haunt me later on.. ‘‘does anyone even really want me?’’ It was a journey, to say the least, but I slowly learned the truth along the way.

You see, hope arised, it came in disguise and little did I know I was brought to the one who God had for me all along. The one who could give me Love, void of any condition. The one who fought hard for me, never gave up on me even when I made her life a mission. Through my rebellion and pain, my aching heart could not see it then, that she would be the one to save me.

I carried shame, walked with anger clenched in my fist because of the cards life had dealt me. Yet, hope came in little pieces, like shattered glass after you’ve swept it away; you still find those hidden pieces under the crevices. And when life would hit me hard once again, hope was just around the corner waiting to be seen.

It was up to me, whether or not I would allow those situations to make or break me. Would I allow those things to hold me down and cripple me into believing that this was all I would ever get? Or would I get back up, dust it off and try again?

You see, life was determined to try and make me believe that I would live a life without hope. It was determined to make me believe there was no purpose for the pain It was determined to make me believe that no one could ever truly love me. It was determined to try every single day to make me feel unworthy.

Even when it hurt like hell I found myself searching for those little pieces of hope once again. On the darkest of days, when I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I chose hope. When I cried tears no one else saw, I chose hope. When I was so tired of the pain and wanted to give up everything, someway, somehow I still clung to hope. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I chose hope again and again but in reality, Hope chose me.

I wasn’t just brought to this earth to struggle in my pain. No, I was brought into the world

To make a difference. To share my voice.

To share my story...

with those who can’t see even the tiniest bit of hope in their situation. To encourage the rejected, the lonely, the unloveable, the unseen... I, too, have been all of those things. To speak words of life and love because I, too, have experienced the power that words yield.

Truthfully, had it not been for love I wouldn’t be here today. Love was the very thing that saved me. Love was my constant reminder that hope is always waiting around the corner. Love taught me that through it all, I must choose hope over the pain because Hope is always choosing me.