A TIME TO REFRESH TOGETHER

Written by Justin Neil Gaynor

We talk a lot about the importance of communication here in the Relationship column. This month, let us explore the canvas for good communication. A good relationship is like a poem, or a piece of fine art. The space on which this art comes to life though, is only a blank canvas or parchment, but can make a difference. Many times our communication happens as though we have five minutes on the clock and we need to put one in the endzone or we will lose the game, and sometimes like we are in a warzone and the transmission from the naval ships to air support to the boots on the ground is spotty at best.

Set aside devoted time. Do this at least quarterly, to rest and reflect on things like how you are growing with regard to romantic time together, the progress of the children (if applicable), career aspirations, educational and community endeavors, finances and other important topics.

Planning a three-day weekend at least once a quarter is what I recommend for this. A weekend may look something like this:

1) Rent a hotel room away from “your world” for a long weekend once per quarter. This will help you focus more fully on each other, the relationship, and the various aspects of doing life together.

2) Enjoy the first day together without getting into anything other than each other. Think of this series of sacred times as a bunch of mini-honeymoons with great purpose.

3) Day two is going to be where you focus on various conversations on topics that are important to your relationship. Each conversation should be no more than an hour and half with a 30 – 45 minute break in between each conversation, except for lunch, a nice leisurely hour and a half for that. The four main topics that should be covered are faith / spirituality, family / friends, career / education, and finances. Other topics can be included or worked in as fits your relationship.

4) Enjoy a nice meal with some music or something you both enjoy on the evening of the second day. Schedule a late check out for the following day.

5) On day three…wake up slow…breakfast in bed maybe. A walk on the beach. A spa treatment. Something to celebrate another successful re-orientation weekend and to keep you motivated to keep coming back as you progress towards your goals.