Mental Health

Does your child suffer from anxiety?

By Sunny Volano, LPC

Anxiety is quite a buzzword these days. Some anxiety is, in fact, beneficial. It helps you show up to work or school on time, pushes you to reach goals, and it protects you from danger. Anxiety disorders in children have been on the rise, and the Covid-19 pandemic has increased the numbers dramatically. I remember as a child running through the neighborhood until the street lights came on and staying up late to watch questionable TV programs while eating a microwave dinner. Most parents would cringe at that today. The more recent generations are careful. They make their own organic baby food, always have kids within sight, and protect them from anything that might create negative feelings. Could our helicopter parenting and organic/sheltered/everyone wins approach be contributing? Possibly. It is worth noting that everyone learns from mistakes and saving them from any embarrassment or anxiety prevents them from learning how to manage it. The rise in childhood anxiety cases also correlates with the rise in social media use and the smartphone era. This correlation cannot be ignored, especially when an increasing number of published studies show the negative impact of social media on our mental health.

Smartphone applications are built to be addictive. Tech companies and app developers right now are designing tactics to keep users hooked. And what behavior is all this scrolling, posting and clicking replacing? Time spent with friends and family? Physical activity? Hobbies and passions? Teenagers across the world are living this experiment right now. Remember that limiting a child’s exposure to social media can be advantageous to their mental health. Social interactions are a valuable teaching tool.

What kind of anxiety is typical?

Being nervous about a new situation is completely normal and even protective. Life changes and transitions such as graduation or changing teachers are a time when it is natural to be anxious. Your child will need time to adjust and acclimate to any change. The first time they come in contact with a dog they might cower behind you, but it doesn’t mean they have a phobia. Being nervous about talking in front of a class is also pretty typical for a teen. It changes based on their developmental period. Nervousness might include: stomach ache, headache, fearful thoughts, avoidance or tearfulness. They should calm down with a little comfort and reassurance. The fear should subside and the more often they are exposed to it, they are desensitized.

When should I worry it is more than typical?

If your child is not comforted or the anxiety continues or even worsens, it may be time to try a different approach. The school nurse might tell you that your child frequents their office for headaches or stomach aches. You might have an increasingly difficult time getting them out of the door for school. You might have even seen a physical reaction such as ongoing nervous gestures, rapid breathing, uncontrollable tearfulness, or even a color change. When it begins to impact their ability to go to school, do things they enjoyed doing before, or complete regular activities such as sleeping or eating, it is time to seek another opinion. One of the most common things you will notice is their thinking patterns. A child with intense anxiety worries about things. Whether they obsessively have everything ready, organized and perfect, or they replay conversations or images in their heads over and over again. They might have trouble sleeping at night or eating regular meals. They might go to great lengths to avoid the thing they are worried about even if their actions do not make much logical sense. They might have trouble distinguishing what is illogical anxiety and what is truly a concern.

After struggling with anxiety as a teen, Mrs. Sunny Volano became a counselor so she could help others overcome anxiety. She received a masters in Counseling from UGA in 2010 and became fully licensed in 2013. While she treats all ages and a variety of concerns, Sunny specializes in children and young adults with anxiety disorders. She also serves as a counselor for Rabun Gap Nacoochee School. Mrs. Volano lives with her husband, two children, four goats, nine chickens and two dogs in Rabun Gap. In her free time, she enjoys being outside and trying to practice what she preaches about living holistically.

Encouraging your child to talk about their feelings is step one. Vocalizing the issue can bring awareness to its extremity. On the other side of the spectrum, try not to “rescue” them. Helping them avoid the fearful situation actually makes it worse. It gives into their anxiety instead of teaching them to cope with the distressful emotion. Reassure them and let them know you are there to support them, but that they can handle it. To reiterate, anxiety is not something to steer away from. We all will feel anxious from time to time and learning to handle the distress is an important life skill. Remember helicopter parenting? We cannot prevent them from feeling any negative emotion. Resist the urge to save them. The hardest part of an anxiety provoking situation is the time before the event. Try to eliminate this anticipatory worry — distract them, make them laugh, talk to them about their favorite thing, play a game. Remember that the only way a child learns to manage their anxiety is to expose themselves repeatedly until it no longer has control over them. Talk it through with them. Let them imagine the worst case scenario and then talk through what they could do to handle it should it ever happen. The school counselor is usually the first line of defense. They see your child every day and in multiple situations. If the anxiety is severe, school counselors can provide referrals. Therapy can give your child tools to manage their anxiety. It can help them distinguish between unrealistic fears and the real ones. Our brains create a physical reaction: fight, flight, or freeze when facing danger. Our brains sometimes get mixed up and cannot tell the difference between the very real danger of a charging bear and the unlikely fear of dying in a hurricane.

What would therapy look like for an anxious child?

Therapy looks different for children. Even teenagers talk through things differently than adults. Various types of therapy have proven effective in the treatment of anxiety. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be effective in rewiring the brain to think differently. Exposure response prevention is the standard for any type of phobia. A variety of mindfulness or meditation techniques can be used to teach relaxation. Experiential options such as equine therapy, wilderness therapy, and yoga or dance can be transformative in gaining more connection with your physical body. Play therapy and art therapy can be used to process thoughts and emotions when you can’t find the words to talk through it. Ultimately, it’s difficult for most people to recognize that having no anxiety is not the goal of therapy, but rather finding a way to deal with the distressful emotion so it doesn’t take over your life.