feeling numb
I feel bad, I have been feeling bad for 10 years, trapped in a situation as toxic as uranium, every day that passes, I feel that I die little by little, without being able to enjoy anything, or the little good that life has, I cannot fully appreciate the light of day or sunset when night falls, everything seems bland, meaningless.
I feel locked in a trap that I myself have inadvertently built, like an imbecile who stabs a knife into his leg, but doesn't even realize it's his own leg; I react to everything for fear of being alone, for fear of being forgotten again, like a dog that is left in the street, without a roof, without a hand, I feel like this, like a dog, in the
darkest corner of my daytime tribulations. These dark feelings gather in my chest, day after day, month after month, sunk in a network that I myself have built without realizing anything.
How to explain the accumulation of negative emotions blurring my eyesight, clouding my eyes, how to explain so much bitterness without falling to my knees in the mud, I would like to explain that I am in one of the worst stages of my life for 10 years, without being able to leave complete, returning again and again to
the same hole where I am gripped by my own claws, where my own fangs dig into my flesh over and over again bleeding myself. And yet, despite writing and writing and writing if the end, I cannot say with certainty what happens to me, for fear of losing my sanity; perhaps I have already lost it a long time ago.
How to describe my problem without looking like an imbecile, a faint-hearted person who licks his own wounds, who cannot get up from the mud that covers my ears.
mud
How can I find my personal happiness without this meaning someone else's unhappiness, how can I get out of this trap that sinks me day by day without this implying someone else's unhappiness, how can I get out unscathed from a bullet that is approaching me, without this implying bleeding from others, how ...
So many attempts, all failed, so much pain around me, I feel like having exploded a grenade in the palm of my hand just when I was surrounded by my closest beings, seeing how their fragments are embedded in the people closest to my heart. Shit, what a fucking bitch I've built myself over
so long, how can I get out without leaving so much blood around me, so much pain?
poisons
I don't want another ten years to go by and I continue to lament the same thing, licking my own already purulent, gangrene wounds. Forgive me without on this journey where I stumble like a drunk who stumbles in a dark alley, I trip over you and fall until I dig my hands into glass of broken bottles, forgive me life if
I couldn't give you a man with his head held high, forgive me God without the gift you gave me at birth I could not thank him with courage and courage to get rid of my own networks, my own poisons, my own regrets.
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