TOPSECRETREPORT HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP....FAST
an easy-to-follow guide on breakups, relationships and exes. From the experts at http://www.gettingyourexbackfast.com
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Table of Contents Introduction
Page 4
Part 1 - Coping with Your Emotions
Page 8
Part 2 - Dealing with Your Ex
Page 13
Part 3 – Putting it All Together / Conclusion
Page 17
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Introduction
People go through breakups every day. Over the course of our lives, it's estimated that the average person goes through half a dozen different relationships before he or she settles down with someone. Unfortunately, that means that roughly 5 relationships don't work out -- most people go through 5 breakups and/or divorces over the course of their lives! Now, these statistics don't count quick, little flings as relationships. Nope, we're talking about real, committed relationships of 7-months or longer.
So, the average person goes through five major breakups in his or her life. If you're reading this, then you probably went through one recently yourself. Everyone knows that breakups can be very hard. They are emotionally taxing and the worst ones can put you into a depression for several years. But, even though we go through several different major breakups in our lives, we never really learn how to deal with them. 4
Each time our boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife leaves us, the cycle starts: we lose control our emotions, struggle to get through our professional lives and generally feel pretty terrible about ourselves!
It doesn't always have to be like this though. Think back for a minute to the first time you had a rough breakup. I know it might be hard to think about if it's fresh in your mind, but bear with me for a minute:
1)How did you feel after the breakup? 2)How long did these feelings last? 3)Did you figure out how to manage them and did you eventually get over it and move on with your life?
Here are my answers if you don't want to think about it: 1)I felt terrible! It was like the world was going to end... 2)A long time...way too long in fact. I didn't even want to think about dating for 4 years! 3)Eventually I got over it. I'm still here after all. But it took a long time...
If you're at all like most people, then you struggled through your first breakup. And then maybe a few months or years later, you meet someone new and fell in love again (or so you thought!). And now you're going through another breakup. The same emotions come back and the same cycle starts up again. 5
Did you really learn anything from your first breakup? I sure didn't. I fought and cried and wrestled my way back to normal living. And then when I thought I was back on track, I got dumped again and went through the whole ordeal a second time. Same feelings, same process – same sh!t, different relationship!
But what if there was a way to break this cycle? What if we could learn how to control our emotions so that we could get our lives back on track quickly? What if there was even a way to get back together with our exes?
Relationship experts, authors and counselors have shown over the past few decades that there are a few important trends among people who get over breakups quickly. Some people can come out of a five-year relationship and be over and done with it in just a couple of weeks! So what is this small group of people doing that the rest of us can't seem to grasp?
The secrets to getting over a relationship and getting back with your ex.
We've taken a few of these case studies, combined them with our own research and pulled out a few tips that everyone can use to have an easier time dealing with a breakup.
These few steps are so easy, yet work so well. Perhaps the best part is that once you understand how to get over a relationship and do it one time, you can then go do it again if your next relationship doesn't work out. Master these techniques and you'll be in a great position to help your best friends and family members cope with their own relationship problems. 6
So read on, keep your mind open and give this information a few days to sink in. If you've been through a particularly rough breakup, we recommend that you read this guide once a day until these tactics become part of your daily behavior. We tried to keep this short so that you could read it in one sitting, but that doesn't mean we cut out any content! This stuff works.
Good luck and let us know if you need any help,
Cheers!
The staff at http://www.gettingyourexbackfast.com
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Part One
Coping With Your Emotions
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I hate to lead off with such a sad image, but the reality is this is how most people (even men!) deal with a breakup: we go home very confused about what just happened. We sit down, cry and have hundreds of different thoughts about ourselves, our relationships and our exes running through our head. Then we start to think about things we could have changed and begin to get a little angry with the whole situation. And then maybe we feel hopeless and start to wonder if we are falling into the end of time.
Okay, maybe that's a little extreme! :) But, that's close to what happens after the worst breakups. So if your situation wasn't that bad, then you have nothing to worry about, right? Right.
However, this little picture brings up the first important point for dealing with a breakup:
Your emotions
Take a minute and make a list of all the different emotions you've experienced since your breakup. There are probably quite a few, right? Now, how would things be different if half of those emotions weren't there? What if none of them were there?
You'd probably feel a little better, right?
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Now, people who get over relationships fast aren't emotionless zombies! In fact, they go through exactly the same emotions that you and I do. What's the difference?
Release.
People who get over relationships fast know how to release their emotions in a positive way. Whether they know it or not, these people can very quickly purge all of the negative feelings associated with breakups.
But how do they do it?
Well, everyone is different, but there is one key that will help you:
Activity.
Read that word again. Now think about this: What do most people do in the hours and days following a breakup? Well, what's the stereotypical image of a breakup?
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It's someone sitting at home, on the couch watching TV, eating a big tub of delicious and fattening ice cream, wearing his or her pajamas, holding a box of tissues and crying about some sappy show or movie.
If that's the image that people associate with breakups, how do you think we're going to behave when we are in a similar situation? We'll probably do some of the same things!
Now, you probably won't sit around and eat ice cream all day, but this image is not far off from reality. Think back to what we said earlier about getting over relationships and activity: Does the image above sound like positive activity?
No, it sounds like a great idea to build more uncontrollable emotions.
So, what do you do? How do you break this cycle? How do you learn from people who can get over relationships fast?
Here's the first key: you stay active. Do you play sports? Do you have hobbies? What are your favorite social activities?
These are the questions you need to be thinking about in order to boost your activity level and release your emotions.
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If you can't think of anything, then here's some help:
First, we want you to come up with a simple exercise plan. Nothing extreme, but some light exercise you can do 3-4 times a week. Go play pick-up soccer, go for a bike ride or just put your headphones on and go for a light jog.
Next, think of your preferred artistic outlets. Do you play an instrument? Do you like to write or draw? Are you a dancer? If you don't have any art skills, then now is a great time to start! So, pick one thing you've always wanted to do and promise yourself right now that you're going to do it for 30 minutes to one hour every day for the next two weeks.
See what we're getting at? In our experiences, every person who can get over a relationship in two weeks or less is involved in some kind of physical activity and something creative.
Now, before you say that you don't have time because of school or work or your children, look again at the time requirements we set up: Light exercise 3-4 times per week and 30 minutes to one hour for your creative hobbies every day. Everyone has this kind of time! Think back to our example of the fat, lonely guy crying on the couch and watching TV. Don't let this be you! Just cut out your TVwatching time and focus on actual activities. Just two weeks --, we promise that you can go back to being lazy if you still feel bad (here's a hint: you won't).
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Part Two
Dealing with Your Ex
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Now that you have a game plan for dealing with your emotions, we're going to have to address the other big obstacle to getting over a relationship: your ex.
Regardless of whether or not you hate your ex, want to stay friends or want to win your ex back, our advice is going to be the same. Before you can do anything, you need to learn how to cope with your ex.
Here's the problem: your ex and everything that reminds you of your ex causes your emotions to go out of whack. In part one we learned how to deal with your emotions, but if your ex keeps influencing them, then you can't break the cycle. So, what can we do?
Some people advocate cutting off all contact with your ex. This works in some cases, but it's not always ideal.
For most people, the solution is to put your ex on a low-information diet. What does this mean exactly?
Here's a business analogy: if there's an employee who spends 4-5 working hours every day checking his e-mail, is he very productive? Should he be fired?
It depends. For most businesses, e-mail is part of work. Customers and clients need to have their questions answered. Distributors need to be sent new orders. If there's no e-mail, then everything will 14
have to be done by phone or fax or something. You can't cut communication completely because you'll go bankrupt and be forced to flip burgers.
You can, however, put the employee on a low-information diet. This means that e-mail is only done during certain times of the day. If things are done in bulk, then they get done faster and there are fewer distractions for the rest of the day.
So let's apply this to your ex: sometimes it's going to be unavoidable to see your ex. Maybe you forgot something important at his house and you have to go pick it up. Maybe it's your greatgrandmother's wedding ring. What do you do: leave it at his house or tough it up and go and get it?
This is an example of essential communication with your ex. You have to see him, maybe you don't want to, but if you don't, then you're going to lose something that's very important to you.
However, the next day you look at your phone and see that your ex sent you three text messages last night around 4 am. He sent you enlightening things like “hay baby I luv u u no?” and “wut u doin 2 nite?”. Before you reply or call him back, ask yourself “Is responding to this essential to my life or will it just make me angrier or more depressed?”. (If you want, it's totally ok to show idiot messages from your ex to your friends and laugh about how immature/drunk he was)
That is how you put your ex on a low-information diet. Now, apply the same thing to e-mails with your ex, watching his twitter, following his Facebook updates and asking your friends if they've heard any gossip about him: “Is knowing about my ex's actions essential to my life right now, or will it just mess up my emotions?” 15
There may be times when you need to know what your ex is doing or want to speak to him, but try to do everything in bulk. If you must talk to your ex, then you have 30 minutes each week for the next month to talk. If you can't get it done in that time, then too bad – save it until next week (except in the case of great-grandmother's rings!).
The same advice applies to men even though this example has been written from a women's perspective.
The first thing you should do with your 30 minutes this week is explain the rules of the lowinformation diet to your ex. You could leave her a voicemail just like this:
“Hey Sarah, it's me. I need some time to deal with a few things and you might not hear from me much in the next couple of weeks. I'll keep in touch, though. If anything really important comes up, then you can call me, but I'm really busy so just leave me a message. Thanks!”
And that's that! Nice, polite and mature. After that conversation, you aren't going to think about or talk to your ex until next week. It may be hard at first, but every day it will get easier as long as you are following what you learned in Part One at the same time.
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Part Three
Putting It All Together / Conclusion
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So, let's sum up the most important points from this guide:
*On average, we all go through five rough breakups during our lives
*We never learn how to break the cycle and control our emotions, so breakups are always taxing on our mental and physical health.
*The key to controlling our emotions is not to sit on the couch and feel bad for ourselves (although a little of that is okay!), but to stay active.
To Get Over Your Ex:
*You're going to exercise 3-4 times per week.
*You're going to focus on one of your artistic hobbies for 30 minutes to one hour each day. If you don't have hobby, you're going to pick one and stick with it.
*Tell your ex today that he/she may not be hearing much from you in the coming weeks because you've got some “things� to deal with.
*You're allowed to talk to your ex for 30 minutes each week, but that's it. If you go over this limit, then you understand that it will do more harm than good. 18
*If you can manage to stick to this routine for two weeks, then you'll see a great improvement in how you look, feel and act.
*If you can get over one relationship quickly, you can do it again next time! You'll also be able to help friends cope with their breakups.
After this initial two-week period, what you do next is entirely dependent on how you feel about your ex. Following this guide will put you in a good position to start winning your ex back if that's what you're interested in. If you just want to forget your ex, then you'll have moved in the right direction, too. If you want to make your ex insanely jealous of your new life, how good you look and how awesome you are, then you'll be able to do that to!
But! Remember this one thing: if you made it this far and don't do any of the steps outlined above, then nothing is going to change. You'll still feel bad tomorrow and the next day. And probably next week.
The only way that you are going to get over your relationship and move onto the next stage of your life is to take action on what you've just learned. So start your hobbies now or go exercise right away. Then, come back and read this again tomorrow and continue to take action.
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Thanks for reading! Come visit our blog and let us know what you think. Send us your success stories or drop us an e-mail with any questions you have. If you'd rather see some videos on getting back with your ex and dealing with a breakup, then we have those online, too.
http://www.gettingyourexbackfast.com
Cheers!
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