Miserable

Miserable by Ann Fields

At her birth, Miranda Norwalk was miserable – bawling when it wasn’t necessary, grimacing even though she was dry, fed, and rested, and fussing when other babies were content. And even though her parents tried day and night to soothe her, they failed to make her happy.

Needless to say, as Miranda grew in age, so, too did her miserable disposition. At day care, the teachers drew straws to see who would be stuck with the inconsolable toddler all day. At church, the children’s ministry staff called in sick rather than counter Miranda’s negative take on the Bible stories. At home, family, friends, and neighbors ran in and immediately back out of Miranda’s house. They, unlike her parents, had a choice, and they chose not to be around someone who was always whining, complaining, and downright negative. In a word, miserable, which is what they called her behind her back.

They said, “Miserable’s frown was especially dark today.” Or, “Did you hear? Miserable scared Junior with her tale of woe.” And, “In class, Miserable threw away all the pastel-colored crayons, leaving only the dark colors.” Miranda was called Miserable so often people forgot her real name, but they never forgot her disagreeable personality.

One day in her elementary class, Miserable’s teacher looked wistfully out the window and said, “The sunshine is nice but it’s been so long since we’ve had rain. However will the flowers grow?” She turned to the class and teased, “Maybe we should all carry a raincoat and umbrella. That is sure to bring the rain.”

The other kids laughed with the teacher at such a silly notion, but not Miserable. She loved rain! That type of weather perfectly suited her temperament – dark, gloomy, wet, and sometimes stinging when

it came down really hard. So even though the teacher had been teasing, Miserable began the very next day wearing a slicker and carrying an umbrella everywhere she went. At the beach in the summer, there was Miserable with her rain gear. At church on Sunday, there piled beside her on the pew, her coat and umbrella. At birthday parties her classmates were forced to invite her to, well, you know what Miserable gave as a birthday gift. That’s right! A dark gray slicker with a dark gray umbrella.

The years continued to pass and during that time, Miserable perfected her sour nature while sporting her raincoat and umbrella.

Now, it is said people like Miserable live a long time. Why? Because God doesn’t want them in Heaven and the Devil doesn’t want them in Hell. So leave them on earth, right? Well, that was the plan except an unintended oops! by the Grim Reaper landed Miserable at the Judgment Gate at the ripe old age of 27.

Wide-eyed, pointing a finger, God asked in an earth-shaking tone, “Is that Misera – err, err, Miranda Norwalk?”

The Devil, who’d just arrived to collect his souls, exploded. “What the heaven is she doing here?”

“I’m sorry!” the Grim Reaper quaked. “With everyone calling her Miserable, I got confused. I thought for sure the Miranda Norwalk having a hissy-fit in the ER was the right Miranda Norwalk. Certainly not the Miranda Norwalk who was smiling and laughing at the park.”

God took a deep breath and held it for a count of ten, then slowly blew it out. “It’s okay,” he said calmly even though one eye twitched. “Anyone can make a mistake. We’ll just have to figure out where to put her.”

“Not in Hell,” the Devil emphatically shouted. “I have enough to contend with what with wicked denizens trying to overthrow my rule.”

“Well certainly not Heaven!” God shot back, losing his faux calm. “Why, she would make all the angels fly away.”

Feeling awful about his mistake and knowing it could not be undone, the Grim Reaper suggested, “Miserable loves rain. How about placing her with Mother Nature?”

God and the Devil looked at each other. Their eyes lit up. They smiled.

“That’s perfect!” God exclaimed. “Mother is a wonderful nurturer, so patient and loving. There’s no way Mis…err, Miranda will be able to rattle her.”

That settled, God and the Devil went to Mother Nature. Like all mothers, she was busy doing a million things at once. But, she made time for her distinguished guests, inviting them to sit at her table full of nature’s delights – honey and nuts, water and fruit juice, and so much more.

God explained the situation. Mother Nature smiled throughout. When God presented the solution, he crossed his fingers under the table. He need not have. Mother’s smile grew. She nodded gladly and in a tender voice said, “Of course dear Miranda can reside here. We’ll get on just fine. In fact, I have the perfect job for her.”

Relieved, God and the Devil hugged Mother and left.

Shortly after, the Grim Reaper escorted Miranda to Mother Nature’s home. The dark and brooding young woman grumbled and mumbled the entire trip. She’d really been looking forward to going to Hell and was remarkably unhappy about landing in nature. But when she arrived and Mother told her she’d be in charge of rain, Miserable almost smiled.

Miserable went to work immediately, causing rain to fall on picnics, parades, and other activities people planned with care. All with the sole intent of blessing people with the one thing she loved – rain.

And finally, in all her miserable life, Miserable was happy.