Sleepovers and Playdates: Tips and Tricks to Ensure Success

BY LINDSEY JOHNSON

At some point, usually in the early elementary period, children begin having a social calendar of their own. In younger years, playdates include Mom or Dad tagging along to help supervise and referee when necessary. When a parent or caretaker is present, they help guide children into appropriate interactions with their peers. What happens when it’s time for a playdate without parents?

MANNERS

The most important thing to teach our children is the value of manners. Never underestimate the power of a simple “please” and “thank you” in a conversation. Not only does it show gratitude, it demonstrates respect and kindness. Parents who invite a child on a playdate will be more likely to return the same respect and kindness to the child and be more willing to invite them over again.

SHARING

Sharing can be hard. When visiting a friend’s house, a child may encounter toys or games that are novel and exciting. When the child is a guest, it’s important to recognize that the toy does not belong to them and asking permission to play with it will go a long way with the other child. When inviting guests over, teach your child that the guest may want to play with their toys. If there is a special toy or lovey that they don’t want to share, have them put it away before the guest arrives to avoid an unnecessary conflict.

RESPECTING THE RULES

Before sending your child off as a guest in another home, it’s a good idea to explain that the rules may be different than yours. Whereas you may have a strict bedtime, they may be more flexible. Whatever the do’s and don’ts are under the other parents’ supervision is what stands under their roof.

COME HOME WITH GRACE

Sometimes an unfamiliar environment or rules that make a child uncomfortable may cause them to want to come home. It’s important for your child to know that no matter the reason, it’s okay to trust their instinct and request to come home. There are many reasons a child may not feel comfortable, but sometimes the request to come home can be as uncomfortable as the situation. It doesn’t have to be. If your child doesn’t want to talk directly to the parents, they can tell their friend that they want to go home and have the friend talk to their parents. Arm them with some lines they can use if they aren’t comfortable telling their friend the reason they want to go home. If your child has a phone, they can text you directly and you can coordinate the pick-up. Otherwise, for a sleepover, it’s a good idea to call before bedtime to check in and assess any potential discomfort. If a child wants to come home but doesn’t want to share why with their friend, it’s okay to end the playdate or sleepover early and use a parental excuse.

HAVE FUN

Childhood is a time of learning and exploration. Kids learn how to interact with their peers, adults and others outside of the family unit. Playdates and sleepovers teach children how to build successful friendships, learn trust, conflict resolution and independence. Parents can guide and prepare them for the situations but can’t always prevent hurt feelings or disagreements, and children need to learn how to navigate these circumstances on their own.

Sleepovers and playdates should not be stressful for the child but an opportunity to connect outside of school. If your child is experiencing anxiety over a playdate, it may be time to take a step back and assess what’s going on. They may not be quite ready, or it may be an issue with a particular child or family. Developing friendships is an important life skill and helping to navigate your child through these early interactions sets them up for future success.