Setting: 10th grade in the USA

“ I remember tenth grade was a particularly difficult time of my life because I had moved from Russia to Naperville, IL. Naperville, IL was a very different environment.

I moved from an urban location where I went to a school that had a total of 24 high school students which felt like being homeschooled, very comfortable, very cozy, and I knew everyone around….The transition was drastic. My school in Illinois had like 3,000 students and I didn’t know how to make friends, it was a different culture, everything was different…”

Setting : University Freshman year in the USA

“I would just seat outside in the cold by myself, and I would just cry and cry and cry; and then, once I had let it out: I would go back to my life where I needed to get ready for bed…”

“…But I think I had added on an additional struggle of shame where l was like: ‘Ellie, you are depressed but you shouldn’t be. Why are you depressed? That’s a very loserly thing to do. Just be happy like those other people. Why can’t you just get it together?’…”

Setting: Senior Year At The University In The USA

“…I’m learning to almost be friends with the monsters in the closet where I’m like: ‘they can come and go as they please because I truly cannot control that; but when they do visit, I can give them space and let them leave as it wishes.’

That’s how I feel about depression now, I’m like: ‘it’s not here right now. It could come and visit me one day, and then I will let it have its space, let it breathe a bit, and then before I know it: my depressive episode will be over’…”