GLEBOUS & COMICUS

TLDR: keep up!

By John Richardson

One of the great things about returning to work after spending the holiday season with young adults is the new vocabulary that I am now able to employ in my daily life. Let me give your language a 2022 update with this top-10 list of the latest, hippest words and phrases from popular culture and the world of startups!

1. “I’m dead.” Spoken as an expression of intense pleasure and surprise, this phrase should be used when talking about an unexpectedly enjoyable song or TV show, as in “That song was so low-key cool, I’m dead.”

2. “You have drip.” I first heard this phrase from a Grade 12 student on the last day of school before December break. He was wearing a dashing green and red holiday-themed suit and looked approvingly at my red sweater-vest and matching bow tie. “What do you mean?” I asked him. “I mean, your outfit is drippy,” he said. (I asked other students later what he meant, and they told me he thought I looked smart. I was inordinately pleased.)

3. “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.” Spoken by a server at

Von’s explaining to me why there are so many unfilled service jobs. It means that something is not worth the effort. Why wait tables for close to minimum wage when you can work from home and attend university at the same time? Given that this was the last time I set foot in a public place before everything shut down, his words stayed with me.

4. “Ron Dons.” McDonalds. Given the location on Bronson, just say “Let’s go to Ron Dons on Bron” for extra punch.

5. “Let’s double click into that.” My son works for a digital-design startup, and this is the first of his many additions to my vocabulary. Applying the metaphor of double-clicking on a trackpad to find promising solutions or interesting possibilities, it means “Let’s look into that further.”

6. “Thinkfluencer.” Obvi (short for “obviously”), this combination of the words “think” and “influencer” means a person who is a thought leader or one whose ideas influences others.

7. “Unlock” used as a noun, not a verb. A novel solution to a knotty problem would be an “unlock.” If the unlock is going to be difficult, say “That’s a heavy lift!”

8. “What’s the mvp?” The acronym for “minimal viable product” means, essentially, what’s the least we can do and still have a go? I use it when making dinner, such as “In the fridge I have a week-old lettuce, a slice of ham that may or may not be edible, a strawberry yoghurt and one carrot. What’s the mvp for supper?”

9. “You’re harshing my vibe.” Use this phrase instead of “You’re raining on my parade” or “You’re dragging me down.” My wife said it to me when I innocently inquired how many episodes of Netflix’s Emily in Paris she planned on binge-watching in one evening. I was just asking.

10. “TLDR.” Both start-up and youth culture place a premium on speed. And brevity. This acronym is short for “too long, didn’t read.” I hope no one applies it to this article.

Glebe resident John M. Richardson teaches at the University of Ottawa Faculty of Education.

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The Glebe

according to Zeus

A GUINEA PIG’S PERSPECTIVE ON THE GLEBE

Freezing weather sparks legal battle between HotHands and HotPigs!

HotHands’ lawyers recently issued a cease-and-desist letter to GiddyPigs. com, stating that its HotPigs hand warmers advertising is a direct copyright infringement of their own product.

The letter states that “the HotPigs ad campaign is outright thievery! It’s an unauthorized use of the HotHands name, branding and even packaging!”

Using both an ad oddum as well as an ad hominem argument, lawyers for GiddyPigs.com posted a public reply on Instaham: “How can HotHands claim similarity when guinea pigs do not even have hands? It’s a category and categorical mistake! HotHands should be called jealous HotHeads!!”

Meanwhile, the recent social media battle has done nothing but boost sales of HotPigs, with customer reviews confirming brand dominance. “I love HotPigs – not only do I get over 200 hours of warmth but also great conversation and company! And every HotPig comes with a guarantee they don’t shed!”

Many also feel that GiddyPigs.com, one of the only inclusive employers that actively recruits, retains and promotes rodents, should be lauded for its recent selfless and humanitarian efforts to help humans during record low temperatures. “Look, GiddyPigs.com is just trying to be a good corporate citizen, offering up the little furry guys to keep us warm,” stated Rodent Rights Watch. Environmentalists have also shown support: “HotPigs are natural, organic and can be used as lawn mowers in the summer, whereas the toxic HotHands just end up in landfills. This is true innovation!”

Others have noticed some issues, however. “My forensic analysis shows that they seem to have just photoshopped a guinea pig onto the package,” said a local computer shop owner who wished to remain anonymous (Nabil Khalil, PC Perfect, 779 Bank Street).

While the legal battle may take several years to resolve, HotPigs advertising and sales, instead of ceasing, have been increasing.

INVITE A VERB TO THE PARTY!

By Michael Kofi Ngongi

Some years ago, when I was living in Italy, Martini debuted a clever ad featuring American actor George Clooney. In the ad, Clooney arrives at a party, but the hosts won’t let him in when they realize he came emptyhanded. Before slamming the door in his face, they admonish him, saying “no martini, no party.” Of course, Clooney, being Clooney, doesn’t stay down for long. He cheekily rings the bell again a couple of seconds later, this time armed with several cases of Martini, and is promptly welcomed in. You may be wondering what this has to do with verbs? Well, you see, the ad’s tagline applies equally to verbs: no verbs, no party.

Imagine a sentence composed of a group of nouns and pronouns, people, places, animals, concepts all lumped together. You couldn’t know what they are doing, if anything at all, because there are no verbs. Verbs are to sentences what wind is to sailboats. They enable movement and action, narratives and stories. Without them, nothing happens.

Verbs are action oriented, but they also have a sensitive side. Because verbs also convey emotions: to like, to love, to fear, etc. And, just as importantly, they describe states of being, such as to feel, to have, to need. Verbs speak to our very existence. Where would we be without the verb to be that tells us what was, what is and what could be?

So, there you have it: no verbs, no party. Of course, if you’re going to throw a party, you might as well make it memorable. So, remember that not all verbs are created equal. Some are vibrant and thrilling, with vim and swagger, while others are a bit more plodding and pedestrian. Where the former create and adorn enthralling narratives, the latter are an ode to tedium. So, choose your verbs and guests wisely, and have a great time.

Michael Kofi Ngongi is a new Canadian originally from Cameroon, another bilingual country. He has experience in international development and is a freelance writer interested in language, its usage and how it can unite or divide people.