7 minute read
GLEBOUS & COMICUS
The Glebe
according to Zeus
A GUINEA PIG’S PERSPECTIVE ON THE GLEBE
You have too much stuff when…. PHOTO: MARTHA TOBIN
How do you know if you have too much stuff?
GPTV charged with “glassism” after firing anchor LaPlume in favour of fluffier Floof!
By Martha Tobin
In a two-minute video posted on Pigger last Monday, Lola LaPlume announced she had been ousted as anchor of GPTV Regional Ruse, one of the Glebe’s most-watched evening rodent-gossip shows. In the clip, which has since been viewed more than four times, LaPlume said she was “blindsided” by the decision to end her contract.
Owned by the notorious (and handsome) Zeus, GPTV is a subsidiary of GiddyPigs.com, a multi-neighbourhood corporation that is no stranger to scandal. Indeed, in a successful class action suit last year, 12 squirrels accused the corporation of squirrelism, exemplified through severe labour exploitation, including refusal to pay the squirrels (in some cases for up to five years) as well as myriad micro-aggressions.
The difference – and shock – in the LaPlume case, however, is that the notorious anchor is one of their own, a popular guinea-pig anchor beloved for her gossip analysis, rumour rhetoric and general judgy-ness. With her furry and plump face at the helm, Regional Ruse was the top-running show at GPTV for 10 years straight.
Many Glebe residents are accusing GPTV of being “glassist,” alleging LaPlume was fired just because as she aged, her shortsightedness worsened, and she required eyewear. Indeed, results from recent focus groups showed that LaPlume’s new bespectacled look made her seem “somewhat serious” and even “mildly intellectual”, features known to cause mass alienation among sensitive, younger audiences who prefer cute, fluffier guinea pigs to deliver their important gossip.
Zeus’s lawyer, who also defended Joey Dipp in a recent defamation case, retorted that “looking somewhat intellectual had nothing to do with it” and that “GPTV was perfectly within its rights to hire or fire whomever they pleased.” She also argued that Zeus himself wears glasses, and therefore he could not possibly be glassist.
As Time Goes By (for Country Folks)
(inspired by the poet’s time at the cottage and sung to the tune of “As Time Goes By” from the movie Casablanca)
By Bob Irvine
• You have unopened boxes of stuff (from a previous move, etc.) • Piles of items are starting to accumulate on surfaces or in corners. • Infrequently used items are taking up “prime real estate” on countertops and at key entrances and exits. • You don’t know what’s in the back of your closets, in your storage areas or in your bathroom and kitchen cupboards. • You’re buying duplicates of items because you can’t find the original or you’re not sure if you still have it.
Martha Tobin is the owner of a local Glebe business, Declutter4Good (declutter4good.ca).
Art for all of us
The Glebe has outdoor public art hidden away in secret places, if only you knew where to look. Do you have a favourite piece of sculpture or a secret mural that you want to share with the world? Let us in on the secret – send your photo of lesser-known public art in the Glebe or Glebe Annex to editor@glebereport.ca. Blue heron in Brown’s Inlet PHOTO: LORRIE LOEWEN
The stink beneath the shed From some critter that is dead Will make you almost die. These trials us country folks endure As time goes by.
Winds pry your shingles loose And fell a giant spruce And make you want to cry. These trials us country folks endure As time goes by.
Deer ticks and duck itch And fishing that’s the pits, Septic-tank backups And weather that’s the s’s. Our country life we love But there’s also much to hate. This truth we can’t deny.
The crows will wake you up
When they should bloody well shut up
And away most quickly fly.
These trials us country folks endure
As time goes by.
These Good Morning alumni are also experiencing a “last first day” – they are starting their last year of high school this September!
Our last “back to school” at 174 First Avenue
By Katherine Liston
Every September for the last 41 years, preschoolers have arrived at the doors of Good Morning Creative Arts and Preschool for their very first day of school. They come ready to learn, make new friends and play. They enter through the heavy wooden doors, and they stream down the stairs into the hallway where they hang their bags on their very own hooks. They say goodbye to their parents and enter their first-ever classroom, filled with art supplies, sensory tables, books, play structures and more. Good Morning has been so fortunate to have been a part of so many first days of school, and while we are excited as ever to welcome this year’s incoming students, the season is bittersweet as it will be our last September at 174 First Avenue. The building has been sold, and we are moving next summer. Fortunately, we have found a space close by in the Glebe and are in the process of finalizing details. We are very excited about our future, but we still have a lot of work to do.
A dedicated team of current and alumni parents is working to secure the new location and ensure that it is appropriate for our needs. However, the space requires renovations to make it suitable for a preschool. As a non-profit cooperative organization, the cost of these renovations is difficult for us to manage alone. We are reaching out to our community with a request for assistance, either financial or in-kind. If you are interested in helping with the relocation, please contact our director, Karen Cameron, at goodmorningpreschool@gmail.com. We are looking for specific help with fundraising, strategic planning and light construction including cabinetry and painting, but we would welcome any assistance! If you have a skill that could be useful, want to help move furniture or just want to be involved, please let us know. Financial donations can be made online on our Go Fund Me page at gofund.me/5c1c9a7e or by reaching out to Karen directly at the email address above.
In the meantime, we wanted to share some photos and fond memories from our time at Logan-Vencta Hall at 174 First Avenue. If you have a memory you’d like to share with us, we’d love to hear it! Or if you think play-based learning with an emphasis on creativity and arts would be the right fit for your child, reach out to us. We have spaces in our nursery school, preschool and afterschool programs.
We truly feel our program is special, and we hope you feel the same. Our preschool was founded by a group of parents who came together to create something amazing, and we believe our community can come together again to ensure that Good Morning Preschool continues to serve Ottawa families for generations to come.
Katherine Liston is a Glebe parent volunteer at Good Morning Creative Arts and Preschool.
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For your Glebe home garden, with care
Welcome to this new toddler who came by to check out his new school before starting in the nursery school program this year! Spaces are available for toddlers aged 18 months – 3 years in our morning nursery school program, which runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
These artists are enjoying another first as they enter first year university this year.
Glebe Cooperative Nursery School welcomes parents back for “duty day”!
PHOTO: COURTESY OF GCNS
By Julie LeBlanc
New and returning children are already busy playing and learning together at Glebe Cooperative Nursery School (GCNS). They are meeting friends, interacting with their teachers, exploring their classroom, practising new routines and soaking up the last days of summer outside on the playground. GCNS is very excited to welcome parents back into the classroom this year. Parents contribute in the classroom on a rotating basis. This cooperative structure engages parents and teachers to work together to create a positive early educational experience for the children. Duty parents act as teacher assistants in the classroom, preparing snacks, helping to guide activities and participating in play. Parents have the opportunity to see and share as the children play, learn, grow and form relationships with others. And of course, the children are quite eager and proud to show and share their school experience with their parents!
Glebe Cooperative Nursery School is a non-profit licensed childcare centre offering both a Toddler Program (ages 1.5–2.5 years) and a Preschool Program (ages 2.5–4.5 years).
GCNS accepts new registrations throughout the school year.
Visit glebepreschool.com/ for more information.
