Health / Well-Being

Wellness Pamper Yourself Daily

Here, you will learn how to add you to your list of things to do.

We all face stressful situations throughout our lives, ranging from minor annoyances like traffic jams to more serious worries, such as a loved one's grave illness. No matter what the cause, stress floods your body with hormones. Your heart pounds, your breathing speeds up, and your muscles tense. This so-called "stress response" is a normal reaction to threatening situations, homed in our prehistory to help us survive threats like an animal attack or a flood. Today, we rarely face these physical dangers, but challenging situations in daily life can set off the stress response. We can't avoid all sources of stress in our lives, nor would we want to. But we can develop healthier ways of responding to them. One way is to invoke the "relaxation response," through a technique first developed in the 1970s at Harvard Medical School by cardiologist Dr. Herbert Benson, editor of the Harvard Medical School Special Health Report Stress Management: Approaches for preventing and reducing stress. The relaxation response is the opposite of the stress response. It's a state of profound rest that can be elicited in many ways. With regular practice, you create a well of calm to dip into as the need arises. Here are six relaxation techniques that can help you evoke the relaxation response and reduce stress.

1. Breath focus. In this simple, powerful technique, you take long, slow, deep breaths (also known as abdominal or belly breathing). As you breathe, you gently disengage your mind from distracting thoughts and sensations. Breath focus can be especially helpful for people with eating disorders to help them focus on their bodies in a more positive way. However, this technique may not be appropriate for those with health problems that make breathing difficult, such as respiratory ailments or heart failure.

2. Body scan. This technique blends breath focus with progressive muscle relaxation. After a few minutes of deep breathing, you focus on one part of the body or group of muscles at a time and mentally releasing any physical tension you feel there. A body scan can help boost your awareness of the mind-body connection. If you have had a recent surgery that affects your body image or other difficulties with body image, this technique may be less helpful for you.

3. Guided imagery. For this technique, you conjure up soothing scenes, places, or experiences in your mind to help you relax and focus. You can find free apps and online recordings of calming scenes—just make sure to choose imagery you find soothing and that has personal significance. Guided imagery may help you reinforce a positive vision of yourself, but it can be difficult for those who have intrusive thoughts or find it hard to conjure up mental images.

4. Mindfulness meditation. This practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing, and bringing your mind's attention to the present moment without drifting into concerns about the past or the future. This form of meditation has enjoyed increasing popularity in recent years. Research suggests it may be helpful for people with anxiety, depression, and pain.

5. Yoga, tai chi, and qigong. These three ancient arts combine rhythmic breathing with a series of postures or flowing movements. The physical aspects of these practices offer a mental focus that can help distract you from racing thoughts. They can also enhance your flexibility and balance. But if you are not normally active, have health problems, or a painful or disabling condition, these relaxation techniques might be too challenging. Check with your doctor before starting them.

6. Repetitive prayer. For this technique, you silently repeat a short prayer or phrase from a prayer while practicing breath focus. This method may be especially appealing if religion or spirituality is meaningful to you. Rather than choosing just one technique, experts recommend sampling several to see which one works best for you. Try to practice for at least 20 minutes a day, although even just a few minutes can help. But the longer and the more often you practice these relaxation techniques, the greater the benefits and the more you can reduce stress.

PHOTO BY COTTONBRO

When You Need A Break

Add ‘YOU’ to Your ‘TO DO’ …

Everyone deserves time where they can relax and do things or have things done that make them feel like they’re being taken care of. We all need a few minutes to soak in a hot bath without interruptions. We need to enjoy our moments of relaxation without being asked to fulfill the needs of someone else.

Pampering yourself is okay? Give yourself permission to take some downtime. It is not selfish, opulent, excessive, or self-centered. Quite frankly, it's necessary for everyone to spend some personal time taking care of their mind, body, and spirit.

Everything and everyone need attention; so much so, that you are usually the last person on your list of people to take care of. There's the family, the pet, the job, the kitchen, the bathroom, the home, the garden, the chores, the meals, etc. What about you? Are you the least taken care of sometimes? If you are, I'm sure you understand why personal pampering is so necessary? It’s important that you moments of pampering feel peaceful. These moments might not happen every hour, but maybe you can do it for yourself once every week or at least twice a month.

The one thing you must understand is: No one, not even your favorite person will hand you pampering pleasures on a silver platter each time you feel the need for them. They will never be able to give you the life that you dreamed of having either. It won't happen unless you make it happen on your own. So why wait on someone else to do it for PHOTOS BY COTTONBRO you? Pick up your body, get out there and start. This is your time to do for you - what you would like to have done. It’s time to spoil yourself and make a big deal out of you. And guess what; you can do it regularly for no reason at all. Your pampering times are the times that you spoil yourself rotten in big or little ways just because.

Your Inner Diva is longing for and worthy of being pampered. Go ahead fuss over yourself. Relax and do lots of positive things for yourself. Occasionally do absolutely whatever you desire to do. Don't think about it, just be free and do whatever makes you feel spoiled rotten. And don’t forget to create a personal place where you can go and feel that all is right in your world. Before you move forward, let's figure out what's important to you. How can you affirm a new attitude about your own pampering pleasures? For this exercise jot down your own beliefs of what self-indulgence means to you. What Are Your Existing Beliefs About Self-Pampering? 1. __________________________________________________ 2. __________________________________________________ 3. __________________________________________________ 4. __________________________________________________ 5. __________________________________________________ Okay, now that that's done, let’s work to change any negative views you have about self-indulgence. Repeat the following affirmations at least five times and believe what you say. 1. I will pamper myself for my own sense of peace. 2. I will gain a better understanding of pampering pleasures. 3. I will commit to pampering myself. 4. I will work to incorporate pampering into my daily life. 5. I will not allow people, places, things, or circumstances to disrupt my pampering pleasures time. Can you feel your old attitudes about self-indulgence changing yet? Are you able to pat yourself on the back and say, "I am okay, and I deserve my pampering moments?" When you accept the fact that self-indulgent pampering is okay you begin to get more comfortable with your own ideas.

‘SHE’ Power

Self-love are a part of who you are, but you must get in tune with it each day in order for it to be the most beneficial. Your SHE principles are universal and will help you get in touch with your Inner Diva - those special parts of you that you’re saving for yourself. These simple pleasures will help you indulge, explore, and evolve. They are the essence of who you really are, and they transcend culture, time, age, and time.

1. Who is she? The power of a woman is the fact that she has an awareness of the obstacles in her way and the misogynistic expectations people have for her, but she decides for herself what she wants and works to achieve it. Furthermore, a strong woman is willing to find help or gain strength from supportive friends, family members, and mentors–despite the notion that women should be ‘independent’ and ‘do it all.'” 2. She bounces back. “A strong woman keeps going on like she has never been hurt, despite having been.” 3. She knows who she is. “A strong woman is self-aware. She continually tries to overcome her fears, she knows how to control herself, and she is patient no matter the situation. She isn’t afraid to reveal her feelings because we all have them, and she shows hers without caring what other people think.” 4. She is independent but knows when to ask for help. “Being a strong woman doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. Hell, being a strong man doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. Part of me thinks that women feel they have to overcompensate because so many peg them as these fragile, helpless creatures, when many of the women I know are stronger (be it mentally, emotionally, or physically) than many of the men I know.

Being a strong woman in my eyes means you’re someone who is realistic enough to know what you can do, is grounded enough to know when you need a hand and is confident enough to know you can ask for help PHOTO BY LUIS QUINTERO without fear of being judged.” 5. She follows her own path. “A strong woman is someone who follows her own dreams rather than a man.” 6. She is unapologetic about who she is. “A strong woman works hard, she chases what she believes in, and she does it all for herself. No one else. She loves endlessly and shows appreciation to those around her. Most importantly, she isn’t selfish, and once she makes it, she reaches back to help others.” 7. She’s a fighter. “A strong woman is a woman who fights for rights she shouldn’t have to fight for.” 8. She’s perseverant. “A strong woman gets up every time she falls. She pushes forward, even when all odds are against her. She doesn’t let others influence her decisions. She’s resilient.” 9. She is balanced. “A strong woman knows when to be selfish and when to be selfless, when to follow her head and when to follow her heart. She has a good, stable head on her shoulders, and she knows when to play the hand she’s dealt and when to fold and hope the next one’s better.” 10. She doesn’t let others define her. “A strong woman is a busy, vibrant, and goal-orientated woman who doesn’t wait for a man to validate her existence.” 11. She is grounded in her faith. “A strong woman believes in whatever she believes in, and lets that faith guide her every step.” 12. She isn’t afraid to be true to her feelings. “A strong woman is someone who isn’t afraid to share her opinions and speak her truth. She listens, but she doesn’t allow other problems to bring her down. 13. She is filled with kindness, generosity, compassion, integrity, a willingness to be vulnerable, and authenticity. No matter what she is true to herself.” 14. She respects herself. “A strong woman doesn’t let the cattiness of other women bring her down. She has the utmost respect for herself and what she believes in.” 15. She is humble. “A strong woman is confident, yes. But I think the best way to describe a woman’s strength is a sense of ‘confident humility,’ paired with faith and passion. By ‘confident humility’ I just mean someone that isn’t so humble that she comes across as weak. Rather, someone that can stay confident without getting arrogant.” 16. She loves. “A strong woman loves inherently; from the time she is a little girl to the day she passes. She is always willing to take care of others. She loves and never stops loving.”

Positively Thick & Beautiful

PHOTO BY PEXELS, INC.

Being Thick is ‘NOW’ A Beautiful Compliment for Women

When the word thick is used to describe a woman’s size it is often considered an insult. It is also confusing to some people. You’d think they’re either making fun of a woman’s body shape or saying she’s not intelligent. But in actuality “thick” has a whole new and beautiful meaning.

Body shaming has become such a (completely unacceptable) standard part of living life on the Internet that when we started seeing the word “thick” being thrown around with some of our favorite celebrities, I figured it was just another way of putting women down. So, we were shocked to learn that being called thick was, in fact, a compliment?

What does thick mean? Based on our very unofficial research, it looks like the word has its roots in the word “phat” — a ’90s term for “pretty hot and tempting” or “excellent.”

Fast forward 20 years and “phat” has found a new iteration in “thick,” but essentially, they mean almost the same thing. According to urbandictionary.com, “thick” means “nice ass, nice legs, not skinny, with meat on your bones, thickness is the stuff — and many thick women seem to agree. However, not everyone agrees that thick is a compliment, including Rihanna. The singer posted a meme on Instagram a few days after the BuzzFeed article was posted, with no caption, and just the single tear emoji. Of course, we’ll never know exactly what RiRi was thinking or how she feels, but if memes could talk, this one would probably say she’s not impressed.

And then there’s the situation that unfolded a few years ago, when Ri’s ex-bf Drake mentioned “thick girls” in one of his rap verses on Nicki Minaj’s—who’s often been described as a “thick girl” in her own right— single “Only.” It happened to drop around the same time as “Thick Girl Appreciation Day,” which made it the perfect impetus for a worldwide conversation about the term “thick” and how people feel about it — thick girls included.

Don’t call just anyone “thick” according to the Huffington Post, women’s feelings on the word are mixed. Some agree that it’s a compliment saying things like, “When I hear the word ‘thick’ used to describe a woman’s body, I think strong. Powerful. Capable of amazing things,” and “I think of voluptuous curves. I think of a woman that has a round, sexy booty, some full figured, no gap in between thighs, a nice figure-8 shape, and fully blossomed breasts. She looks like she can get the attention of every man.”

On the other side of the spectrum were the women who had no tolerance for thick or a place for it in their vocabulary saying things like, “It’s meant as a compliment, but I’ve never cared for it,” or that it makes them feel awkward. PHOTO BY JAYBERRYTECH If thick is meant to celebrate bodies, then it’s certainly something we can get behind. But if it’s just another term to classify and sexualize, then we’ll let this one join “phat” in retirement. It’s kind of like asking if a woman’s pregnant – you better not make the mistake of saying it to the wrong woman.

In a society where thinness is celebrated, women have varying feelings about the word “thick.”

Last month when Twitter users celebrated “Thick Girl Appreciation Day,” they showed how some women are embracing the term “thick” — and absolutely owning it. But not everyone is enamored of the term when it comes to describing women’s bodies.

In 2014, Drake compared “thick” women to BBWs (Big Beautiful Women) in a rap verse for Nicki Minaj’s single “Only:”

This reignited an old debate about whether or not “thick” and “fat” are the same thing, and whether or not that even matters. Most people weighing in agreed that the definition depends on context. We asked our Facebook community to tell us how they define “thick,” and what their relationship is with the term. As one commenter pointed out, the word may mean different things to a woman depending on her culture’s standard of beauty. This was reflected in the responses — some women considered “thick” a compliment, while others found it derogatory. Several respondents offered nuanced replies, either explaining that the descriptor could be considered either positive or negative or clarifying why they felt sure about it either way.

Here’s what 20 women had to say about the word “thick:” 1. “To me, when referring to women’s bodies, it has always been a positive connotation. People tell me I am ‘thick’ in a complimentary way: I am sturdy, solid, and strong. I have a lot of thick friends who are also strong, healthy, and sturdy. I equate the term ‘thick’ with Amazon-womanesque.” 2. “When I hear the word ‘thick’ used to describe a woman’s body, I think strong. Powerful. Capable of amazing things.” 3. “I feel like thick is the hourglass body women are taught to work out for. That brick house body.” 4. “I’ve only ever heard this word used to describe plus-sized women’s bodies in a sexual way. It has a negative connotation for me and sounds demeaning to the woman/women being referred to.” 5. “I think of voluptuous curves. I think of a woman that has a round, sexy booty, some full figured, no gap in between thighs, a nice figure-8 shape, and fully blossomed breasts. She looks like she can get the attention of every man.” “Thick (when describing a woman’s body) to me is a synonym with fat.” 6. “Well, ‘thick’ is used to describe a woman who is curvy in all the right places. I guess depending on your age and where you are from you might be offended, but it is a common term used to describe a sexy, voluptuous woman... Lots of variations too including ‘slimthick’ and thickens.’ Thickness is the shit!” 7. “Thick to me means substantially curvy, but I see people use it to describe everything from a woman simply with a thick butt and thighs, to a woman who is very overweight. To each their own!” 8. “I love the word thick. Love it. Love it. Love it.

I write romance novels and use thick to describe a heroine’s thighs.

My editor didn’t like it, told me some readers would find it to be offensive and a turn-off. I completely disagree, it’s a word that describes a body type that is strong, feminine, and beautiful but there are few other words that can describe such a body so wholly and with such positive and sexy connotations - in my humble opinion.”

9. “Being called ‘thick’ makes me feel awkward sometimes. It’s like catcalling. I’ll walk into a store and hear some guys talk amongst themselves going ‘damn she phat’ or ‘thick.’ It’s rude and disrespectful in my opinion. Like you’re just sizing me up and undressing me with your eyes before even getting to know me.

Some girls appreciate it and consider it a compliment. Not me.” 10. “Some people may assume readily off the bat that it means fat, however, in my country Jamaica it is mostly referred as to a woman whose body is firm and is seen as a compliment.” 11. “Thick is the new way of describing a woman with an attractive ass-to-waist ratio. So many are quick to embrace it not realizing it’s setting the same unhealthy trends that the skinny models did years back. What if we just started to embrace different sizes and shapes and stopped trying to define perfection? 12. “Thick is a term used to describe a woman with nice, full thighs, round hips, a bubble butt, but manages to have a slim waist and upper body. She is not considered to be fat or skinny, but a happy middle.” 13. “I used to think of it as ‘fat’ but now I take it as a compliment. It’s a way to say that you’ve got a body that your significant other wants to grab onto. It’s the new way to call a woman sexy.” 14. “To me, it means a woman who has outstanding proportions/frame. A small tummy, but big hips and breasts.” 15. “I have always associated it with a positive term. It means a full-figured or curvy woman who is sexy and confident.” 16. “I call myself thick because I have thick thighs and a butt. I never considered it derogatory.” 17. “Thick = luscious, often athletic, but definitely sexy.” 18. “To me it means a woman has nice round thighs, or a bubbalicious booty. It’s not a synonym for fat in my mind — it’s more of an adjective that refers to a woman’s curves. It’s a nice extra layer of cushion and it’s

NOT a negative term at all.” 19. “It’s meant as a compliment, but I’ve never cared for it.” 20. “Strong, bigger, and beautiful. Badass.”

What does thick mean to you? Comment at realellapatterson@gmail.com

PHOTOS BY JAYBERRYTECH

What Do Single Women Want?

By Millicent Carter, Global One Contributor

What do single women really want? Suppose you were to recruit hundreds of them, across the United States, and ask them to name the number-one priority in their life. What do you think they would say?

One more thing, before you answer. Set aside single women in their 20s. Youthful 20-something brides are a thing of the past. In more than a century of keeping tabs on the age at which women first get married (of those who do marry), the Census Bureau has found that first-time brides have never been older than they are now — on average, 27.4. Men are even older, on the cusp of turning 30 (29.5 to be exact).

Getting married, then, is unlikely to be at the top of the list of life priorities for 20-something single women. But what about women between the ages of 30 and 45? Women who have always been single and have no kids. What do you think their number-one priority is? That was the question — among many others - posed by the marketing research company, Hill Holiday’s Origin, together with Match Media Group. More than 1,200 people were surveyed, including lifelong single men with no children and married women, in addition to the single women.

Priorities of Single Women

The number-one priority of single women was living on their own. Nearly half (44 percent) said that’s what mattered most to them. Named next most often as their number-one priority was establishing a career. About one-third of single women (34 percent) prioritized their career over everything else.

The third most popular number-one priority of single women was financial security. More than a quarter of the women (27 percent) said that financial security mattered most. Hey, wait — where’s marriage? Aren’t single women supposed to be obsessed with getting married? That’s what advertisements, movies, and TV shows proclaim. Romantic plots are dropped mindlessly into scripts, as if the greatest talents of Hollywood are stumped when it comes to imagining any other life for a single woman. This year’s season-ending episode of Grey’s Anatomy, from the much-lauded Shondaland juggernaut, was seeded with not one, not two, but three weddings.

PHOTO BY ANDREA PIACQUADIO

In fact, the research I am describing was motivated in large part by a concern that popular culture was missing the mark when it comes to single women.

The single women who were surveyed agreed: 56 percent said they were not fairly represented on TV or in movies, and 44 percent said they were not fairly represented in advertisements.

In the survey, only 20 percent of the single women said that getting married was their number-one priority. That puts it in fourth place, after living on their own, establishing a career, and financial security.

What about having kids? Only 8 percent of the single women described that goal as their numberone priority. More of them (12 percent) said that getting promoted at work was their most important priority. Our cultural conversations are filled with angst about the “baby, maybe” question.

The researchers approached the matter of priorities a second way, asking participants, “Ten years from now, what are your personal priorities?” Again, marriage was not on the top of the list. The single women consistently rated traveling as more important.

How single women see themselves

Do you think the themes of Fatal Attraction are so 1987? Aren’t we passed the demented, obsessed single woman destroying the perfect life of the

beautiful married man and his put-upon, blameless wife? If you think so, then you have not seen Obsessed. The single woman, played by Ali Larter, doesn’t boil anyone’s pet bunny, but she terrorizes poor Idris Elba and Beyonce in every other imaginable way.

Single people do not fare well in studies of stereotyping and singlism, perhaps in part because of the ways they are portrayed in popular culture. For example, when my colleagues and I asked men and women of all marital statuses to say what comes to mind when they think of single people, here are the characteristics they mentioned most often: 36 percent — Independent 21 percent — Sociable, friendly, fun 17 percent — Lonely 11 percent — Looking for a partner 9 percent — Shy 9 percent — Flirtatious 8 percent — Unhappy

In the current survey, the single women were shown a list of attributes and asked to check the ones they associated with always-single women with no kids between the ages of 30 and 45. (Because they were given a list, the percentages are likely to be higher than in my study, in which people had to generate the characteristics on their own.)

Here are the characteristics single women most often actually ascribe to people like them: 77 percent — Independent 54 percent — Confident 49 percent — Responsible 43 percent — Ambitious 42 percent — Strong-minded 32 percent — Adventurous

They were given the opportunity to endorse qualities such as immature, insecure, dependent, and quick to anger, but mostly declined to do so. Single women are not buying the negative stereotypes that others are trying to sell them. They do, though, know what they are up against. More than half (57 percent) agree that “there’s an expectation from others that you can’t be happy in your 30s or 40s if you’re single.” Actually, it is worse than that. Several studies have shown that single people who say that they like being single are judged more harshly than single people who say they want to be coupled. Other people insist that the single people who like their single lives are less happy than the single people who don’t like their single lives. It is as if they are saying to the happy single people, “You are just saying you are happy; you don’t really mean it.” They express more anger toward the single people who are not complaining about their single lives.

When single women were given a chance to describe what matters to them, they found that marriage wasn’t so important after all. Living on their own, establishing a career, financial security, and even traveling were higher priorities. Traveling was twice as important as having kids, and establishing a career was named as a number-one priority more than four times as often as having kids.

Women “are not sitting around waiting for Mr.

Photo by Charlotte May

Right.” As I could have told them a long time ago, many single women (and men) are living their single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically.

PHOTO BY ANDREA PIACQUADIO