Embracing Our Men

Understanding Men and Breakups

No one ever said that love would be easy, and when we consider how different men and women truly are; it is amazing that relationships ever work at all. Those differences become especially clear in the middle of a breakup, which means that understanding how men process the loss of a relationship can be a complicated task.

Men Have Less Support

When in the midst of a breakup, men release a hormone called vasopressin that actually makes them view other men as less approachable, according to social neuroscientist Brian Alexander in the "Glamour" article “Why Breakups are Harder on Men." Women, on the other hand, naturally gravitate toward other women for support in crisis. So, while they are having their wounds tended to by friends and family members, men tend to become an island in their own grief. Their emotional outlets are limited, making coping with the breakup more difficult than others may realize.

He’s More Likely to Disengage

As far as coping mechanisms are concerned, men are more likely to distract themselves and avoid their feelings, explained clinical and health psychologist Melanie A. Greenberg in the "Psychology Today" article “The Neuroscience of Relationship Breakups.” Men may not always outwardly express their sadness over a breakup, but that does not mean they aren’t experiencing grief over the loss of that relationship. They are just more primed to bury those feelings and attempt to move forward without openly acknowledging that grief to others.

Men Tend To Lose More

People often assume that women are the ones who suffer the most in a breakup, a view possibly heightened by the fact that women are more likely to share outward emotional expressions of grief. However, men tend to have more of their emotional and practical needs met by a relationship, making breakups tougher on them than women because they feel as though they are losing their emotional "home". It is because of this loss that men are more likely than women to experience physical health consequences as a result of losing a close partner, according to Alexander

Men Focus on the Now

Biologically, men tend to think in a more compartmentalized manner than women, according to biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, as quoted in "The New York Times" article, “A Young Man’s Lament: Love Hurts.” This means that while they experience a sense of loss over a broken relationship, men are more capable of thinking of the breakup in terms of the here and now. While women may be more concerned about long-term reproductive chances now that this relationship has not worked out, men may be more focused on short-term losses and concerned about things like whom they will now spend Friday nights with.01:1

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ELIONA SOUZA

Absent Fathers Effect On Sons

Though it is difficult to say what effect the absence of any one man’s father had on him beyond what he tells you and what could be assumed by his current behaviors, studies do show that boys who were raised without fathers are at greater risk for academic-career failure and social maladjustment than those who are raised in two parent households. However, these findings are based on the assumptions that children raised in two-parent households are more likely to receive the financial support, guidance, love, and acceptance that would be expected in a traditional family, which is not always the case. Regardless of who meets these needs, children raised having their needs met are far better off than those who are raised in homes where one or more of these basic needs went unmet.

Financial Support

Money provides not only the basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing, but also offers children opportunities and exposure to better quality social interaction not available to economically disadvantaged youth. When accounting for other factors, such as parental behavior, poverty accounts for up to 50 percent of children's academic, social, and behavioral problems. In 2012, more than 38 percent of families living in single-mother homes lived below the poverty line. That compared to less than 18 percent of families living with single dads and less than 9 percent of two-parent households. Adults raised in poverty get less schooling, achieve lower incomes and are far more likely to be poor themselves than individuals raised in non-poor homes.

Guidance and Supervision

Most people believe that boys need male role models, and yet in 2012, a little over 27 percent of all family households with children under age 18 are single-mother households, up from 25 percent in 2007. While studies support the logical conclusion that children, particularly boys, from single-parent households are more likely to exhibit delinquent behavior due to a lack of supervision than do children of dual-parent households, there is some evidence that children of single-father households are actually more at risk for both a lack of supervision and delinquent behavior than are children of single-mother households. It is estimated that approximately 40 percent of juvenile delinquents continue to commit crimes into adulthood.

Love and Acceptance

Regardless of racial, cultural, linguistic, geographic, and other such variations, parental acceptance has consistently been associated with psychological adjustment, whereas rejection tends to be associated with difficulties in maintaining future relationships, depression, and substance abuse. Furthermore, a father's love has been shown to be as important in normal development as the mother's. PHOTO BY KASHA Single parents without social and emotional supports themselves -- especially if the parents are young and economically deprived -- appear universally to be at greatest risk for withdrawing love and affection from their children. 21 percent of adults' psychological wellbeing is accounted for by both paternal and maternal acceptance or rejection. Men who were rejected as children sometimes become adults who are fiercely independent to the point of excluding their partners, or overly dependent, seeking frequent reassurances that they are loved.

Loving a Man with an Absent Father

While having grown up without a father may increase the risk of social, emotional, and financial difficulties that follow boys into adulthood, most boys eventually learn to cope and grow into well-adjusted men. It has also been shown that it is better to have been raised in a safe home where father wasn't present than to be in a home where conflict and antisocial behavior was an everyday norm. While no one can change what happened to them as children, men who had absent fathers can learn to cope by putting their rejection into context, realizing their own potential, and depersonalizing the events as being a result of their parents' failings and not their own. For women loving these men, a supportive relationship negates many earlier effects.

Young Men - Older Women

By Ella Patterson

It’s no surprise that older women have jumped on the band wagon and started dating younger men. With all the available fish in the sea, there’s plenty around for everybody right? But why do younger men go for the older sophisticated lady instead of someone their own age? Older men have been dating years younger than themselves for centuries.

As common as it is, we have a steady stereotype describing why younger women find themselves ultra-attracted to men double their age. It has been more broadly accepted and mainstream for some quite time. There have even been television shows based on this age gap dating concept, like “Million Dollar Match Maker” and “Baller Wives” etc. We have gathered research to find out just why a young man would opt for a much older woman. Here are the top 15 reasons why some younger men prefer older women.

15.IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY HONEY

It may not shock you to learn that the younger generation of strong, healthy, good-looking guys also want financial security. And instead of necessarily providing that for themselves, they seek it out through a potential intimate relationship. Most older women have established themselves with a strong career, have put money away in a healthy retirement fund, and have a strong sense of financial responsibility paying their bills.

A man may not be referred to as a Cougar, but can he be called a sugarbaby and have themselves a sugar mama? Absolutely! In fact, older women open to dating younger men half their age or more are happy finding someone who is full of energy and not jaded by love’s harsher side. So, for starters, one of the top reasons younger men date older women is for their bank roll and material possessions.

14. INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATIONALIST

Younger men are looking for someone they can connect to and enjoy conversations with. Given that older women are more likely to have had more life experiences that enable them to have vast knowledge and a deeper understanding of world events. In addition, statistics show that the majority of women 30 or older hold a degree of higher education. Educated women are sophisticated, smart, and can hold a conversation about politics, community issues, positive media, religion, and are open minded to other’s perspectives. A woman with these qualities allow for a man to sit down with them and enjoy a meal with while having a conversation fueled by a sharp intellect. Men are highly attractive to a woman who have an intelligent opinion about topics other than what they drank the night before or unnecessary drama of younger generations. Similarly, younger women are more caught up in pointless and irrelevant experiences. An older woman has more interests in things that matter, which leads to deeper communication.

13.OLDER WOMEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

Numerous young men appreciate a woman who is clear and focused on important things. Things that she is trying to accomplish that contribute to her full potential. We found that men perceive women younger than 30 have their priorities backwards. Essentially, that they really don’t have any priorities at all. Instead of meaningful and enriching goals, younger ladies are more worried about what their next Facebook post is going to be about or going shopping. But not older women, although they may enjoy shopping just like the next girl, they are focused on the larger scale of things.

A mature woman knows what they want, and they have a plan to achieve these goals. They focus their energy on improving their lives and the lives of others. Men are naturally attracted to a drama-free partner who has focus and intention. Thus, leading to a healthier relationship based on positive enrichment and unlike the immature drama that the “20 somethings” have going on.

12.MIND BLOWING FREAKY TIME

Yup! You already knew this one was going to make the top 15 reasons why men prefer older women. Younger men are known for a great sex drive than older men. Not just a large appetite for sex and intimacy but for mind-blowing interactions. After a woman turns 30 their sexual peak begins. They experience a bigger craving for sex from their partner. Additionally, these ladies are more open-

minded to trying new things in-between the sheets. Comparatively, younger generations are not experienced and are still figuring out what they truly like. However, they may not express their likes and dislikes for fear of offending their lover.

Men all over the world have expressed that they appreciate intimacy with older women due to the fact that these women know precisely what they want. In turn, not embarrassed to tell their lovers what is needed to bring them pleasure. It takes the pressure off the man because he gets an exact road map and instruction manual for pleasing his partner. Not to mention, it’s better for both lovers because they can focus on pleasing each other without the anxiety related to performance. Instead, the older woman also doesn’t need to fake the big “O” and will more likely stay with their man.

11.ABILITY TO TEACH A YOUNG LAD NEW THINGS

Some younger men prefer older women for the simple fact t they can learn so much from her. They can attribute to several life experiences. In the first place it can seem like such an adventure going steady with a woman in her prime. Secondly, they offer a different perspective on several different issues. And third, their influence helps a young man grow up quicker by learning how to lean on one another for support and love. Because a woman older than 30 will have had more experiences in life, she is more grounded and realistic about life. They aren’t as impulsive or reactive to situations that life throws their way. Thus, leading a man to mature levels. These special women have a way of seeing a man in a way that they do not see themselves as. Specifically, showing him the kind of man, he is and aspires to be. This kind of relationship motivates a man to achieve a higher potential.

10.HEAD GAMES ARE FOR CHILDREN

Another terrific quality that older woman possess, and younger men seek, is that they don’t play head games. Younger ladies typically play too many games, cause confusion, and are too immature. The way mature woman carry themselves proves they know who they are. Knowing who you are is associated with stability. More often than younger gals, they have figured out who they are for the most part.

Due to an older woman knowing precisely who they are, they aren’t shy about sharing exactly what they want. This makes for a well-rounded lady who doesn’t have time to play games. On the contrary, women in their twenties are too caught up in drama and manipulative behavior. They are known for playing head games and causing conflict in a relationship. Whereas nicely aged women are explicit when it comes to knowing what they want and don’t waste their time with silly games.

9.CALMER BEHAVIOUR THAT IS LESS HECTIC

To some men, what attracts them to dating older women is the calmness that they have. The frenetic energy that most young ladies have can be adorable and enticing but these traits won’t attract all men. The hobbies and leisure activities of a calmer woman greatly differ from that of a hyper and excitable younger version. For instance, an older woman will enjoy gardening, crafting, painting, and/or pottery.

In opposition, the majority of younger women prefer loud night clubs, sports pubs, and essentially need to be entertained with hyper-stimulating activities. Young men appreciate a slower pace lifestyle. Something that is relaxing and calm. A couple consisting of an older woman and younger man will go out on the town, but it isn’t a weekend norm. In fact, dating an older woman opens doors to various fun experiences where they can unwind.

8.A MOTHERLY RELATIONSHIP

There are men out there who are in a relationship with someone older because they want to be taken care of. I am not referring to financial means this time. On the other hand, I am talking about emotional and mental types of support. Have you ever dated a man who treated you almost like you were his mother? You would cook for him, iron his clothes, and perhaps pick out his clothes and lay them out for him? These are all typical mommy syndrome behavior’s.

Mommy syndrome is where a man needs and wants a woman to do EVERYTHING for him. I’m talking about everything except for wiping his own butt. For this reason, men like this will seek out dating older women. However, not all older women are going to put up with this. Similar to a younger woman. What all women of all ages have in common is that they desire someone who is independent.

7.OLDER WOMEN ARE INDEPENDENT WOMEN

Because younger women have a need for a lot of attention a man may be turned off. Not that he doesn’t want to give attention to someone he is dating but the amount of attention and neediness differs a great deal between older ladies and younger ones. Women 18 to approximately 30 tend to be very clingy and need constant attention. But women 30 and older aren’t behaving this way. In fact, they are confident in themselves and don’t need the reassurance all the time. They still enjoy a man’s attention while also being able to focus on other important things other than constant contact.

6.THEY HAVE READY MADE FAMILIES

When a man cannot have children of his own, he may seek out a woman who already has kiddos. The majority of older women, on the younger end of the spectrum, have had children. Most likely they have been married before in their younger years. This kind of man doesn’t mind that the kids came from a previous relationship.

Be that as it may, he will love and accept these youngsters as his own. If he respects and loves the mother, he will definitely feel the same for her offspring. Besides, there aren’t very many women getting up in age who do not have children. So, the mindset of men seeking an older woman is that a relationship like that comes with a ready-made family for him.

5.CHILDREN HAVE LEFT THE NEST

On the contrary, on the older end of the age spectrum, a woman’s children will be grown and have already left the nest. This allows a man to be with an older woman without the responsibility of raising her children. It may sound harsh, but not all men are prepared to take on a family. They simply want to date their girlfriend and not worry about children.

These men probably have no desire to have children. With this intention, they prefer older women because these woman cannot have children anymore. Also, they already had their children in their earlier years and do not wish to have more. In turn, both the men and women in this scenario can focus on each other and only on themselves. Selfish as it may sound but when children are involved, the attention of the mother is divided.

4.NO DRAMA FOR THE MAMA

As expressed above, older women don’t play games. To elaborate further, they also don’t have as many rules for their men. A lady in her 40’s is not going to get upset if their boyfriend wants guy time. He is free to hang with his buddies and go out on the weekends without having to worry about getting chewed out.

No man enjoys getting nagged at for anything. Especially, wanting to hang with his crew. When a guy dates an older woman, he has more freedom. Younger women typically want a man’s full attention to be on them. They are not comfortable with their boyfriend going out. More so, they have insecurities whereas an older woman doesn’t. Older ladies appreciate time apart.

3.OLD SCHOOL MANNERS

Back in the day it was proper to never fart or belch in front of your significant other. It was actually considered very rude to do so. These days it seems as though it’s “cute” to fart in front of your partner. But some men really don’t appreciate it. On top of that, using other proper manners goes far.

Older women were raised differently. They were taught to say “please” and “thank you”. They were raised to be ladies. Men prefer older generations because of the appropriate manners that an older woman will showcase. Given these points, older women have terrific etiquette.

2.LOOKING TO MOOCH OFF

Unfortunately, there are men out there who are just looking for a free ride. These moochers are looking for a place to live, rent free. Nice hot meals, a vehicle to drive, and perhaps a spending allowance is all it takes to please this guy. He will set his eyes on an older honey who could be his sugar-mama. He is not looking to take care of anyone but himself. Additionally, these men will have high hopes for all the goodies. Expensive toys, bling, clothes, trips, and everything else he could ever wish for – he gets. This kind of man dates older women because younger women typically do not have the same access to resources. This guy wants to be lazy and not work or pay grown-up expenses. Therefore, he prefers dating older women.

1.BETTY CROCKER WATCH OUT

A key quality of an older woman is that she also learned how to cook. And I mean really cook! This gal can whip up anything from scratch that tastes super delicious. Have you heard the term, “To get to a man’s heart you have to go through his tummy”? Well, it pertains to preparing delectable meals and deserts. Although what seems to be a dying domestic norm, generally most older women still cook. Younger ladies cook less and less for numerous reasons. Either way, men who prefer older women are looking for a lady who can tear it up in the kitchen. They appreciate the thought of service that comes with cooking for someone else. And they love good wholesome dining. The only kind that you can get home-made. Betty Crocker ain’t got anything on an older women who can cook from scratch.

This easy potty-training method puts the child in control. Child-led potty training is great for stubborn children like my 2-year-old!