PLACES/Rajasthan

Well, I’ve been through the desert on a camel with two names…

I wrote this after a stint travelling through Rajasthan, India as a 19 year old. – EMILY H

1)When arriving in a small town be aware of well dressed, young touts who can get you marijuana. They are actually in the Camel Safari business. An in-built device in this species allows it to track your every movement on any given day and be just behind the next corner AND coincidentally looking at the same shop you are!! 2) ”Maybe” as a reply actually means yes to these men. “No” also means yes. Don’t resist their advances, go on the damn safari. 3) a DESERT SAFARI will take place in the DESERT. Do not let this fact escape you. 4) If before you are due to depart on your adventure you feel in any way unwell in the stomach… delay departure! There are no toliets in the desert. 5) Travel only with men named after Hindu Gods. For the next few days you will be at their mercy. 6) The following things do not like sand in them: digital cameras, eyes, chai, clothes, bottoms. 7) Camels respond to nothing you want them to and everything of little consequence. 8) Do not expect Arabian Nights. You will have one to get your hopes up but rest assured a SANDSTORM is imminent each and every time you begin to prepare food. 9) Try as you might it will be hard to read your novel during a sandstorm. 10) Do not try to impress your camel driver, cook, drugs expert or “that other guy” with your guitar. They will become disinterested and turn up their music louder. (note: my experience of Hindi music here comprises of cymbals a bell, seven drums and one squeaky girl.) 11) No amount of stored up bum fat will cushion the blow of a galloping camel. 12) Make friendly with the desert dwelling wild dogs. They will later sleep on you. 13) When you are told “EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE” it actually means “Everything is possible, but not always available.” 14) Holi Festival is best experienced in the desert away from the crowds, drinking and excessive throwing of coloured powders and water. That is unless you bring a crowd of crazy men, beer and coloured powder with you. 15) Four day camel safari actually means two and two half days camel safari. 16) Tip drivers,cooks et al. well on the conclusion of your journey – else wise you will put on the wrong bus and some of your belongings will have disappeared. 17) When said bus arrives, RUN!!!! Indian Bus drivers insist on carrying 200 people. They will not wait for you to get on first. You will travel on the roof. 18) Everything is scary on the roof. Everything is faster from the roof. All the boys are touchy on the roof. 19) Do not sit on your bags in an attempt to secure them. This will only make you bump your head on electrical wires once you do reach town. 20) 50km = 150 km , 2 hrs = 5 hrs , 1 bus = 3 busses. 21) Assistance will be given by the camel driver who made you feel the least comfortable. He will insist on taking you to the next destination. For this privilage you will get to pay for his bus tickets (fear not he is not chasing you. You are merely going to the same place he was going to go to buy drugs).