On Target 2016 by Gold Arrow Camp

Gold Arrow Camp 2016

M A G A Z I N E

F O R

C A M P

F A M I L I E S

How to

Raise Truly Kind Kids

DISCOVER YOUR CHILDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S STRENGTHS with Jenifer Fox

10 SOCIAL SKILLS Kids Learn at Camp

Letter from the Directors Dear GAC Friends, Welcome to our 2016 edition of On Target, our magazine for camp families. We strive to not only provide our campers with memorable, happy, and life-changing camp experiences during the summer, but also to provide resources to our camp families that enhance our campers’ lives year-round. We consider it an honor and a privilege to partner with parents in helping children thrive at camp and throughout the year. We are thrilled to feature articles on several topics that directly impact our children’s (and our own) happiness. In “10 Tips for Discovering Your Child’s Strengths,” Jenifer Fox shares her insights on how to focus on our kids’ strengths rather than their weaknesses. An excerpt from Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book, The Myths of Happiness, offers research-based wisdom about what really makes us happy. And our favorite happiness expert, Christine Carter, shares with us “How to Raise Truly Kind Kids.” From Sunshine Parenting (Camp Director Audrey “Sunshine” Monke’s blog), we share a few of the most popular posts from 2015, including “5 Steps to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts” and “10 Parenting Tips from Camp Counselors.” The goal of Gold Arrow Camp is to provide campers with a community where they build happy childhood memories and form life-long friendships. All of this is done in a supportive community free from pressures, competition, and electronics. Our warm, caring, and fun counselors encourage campers to learn important life skills through their positive modeling and guidance. We encourage you to learn more about Gold Arrow Camp by visiting www.goldarrowcamp.com. If you are interested in talking to a camp representative on the phone or meeting us in person, please contact us at (800) 554-2267 or mail@goldarrowcamp.com. We hope you enjoy On Target, and we look forward to having you join us during our 2016 season! Happy Camping,

Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, Steve “Monkey” Monke, Alison “Bean” Moeschberger, and Chelsea “Chelster” Rowe Camp Directors and On Target Editors

Editors in Chief Audrey and Steve Monke Art and Design Joline Smith Contributors Alison Moeschberger, Christine Carter Ph.D., Dr. Emily Andrada, Jenifer Fox M.Ed., Sonja Lyobumirsky Ph.D., and 2015 Campers On Target is published annually by Gold Arrow Camp Email ontarget@goldarrowcamp.com © 2015 by Gold Arrow Camp, all rights reserved. Image Credits Andy Plarkou, Annabel Romanos, Cindy Parker, Hope Hood, Joline Smith, Ryan Donat, and Sarah Bennion. Artwork on page 18 by Remi Frolichman. Gold Arrow Camp operates under a Special Use Permit from the USDA Forest Service.

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Contents 4

Our Philosophy

Ask the Chipmunk

10 Social Skills Kids Learn at Camp

Learn to Waterski

Explore the Sierra

How to Raise Truly Kind Kids

Happy Campers

Give A Hand

2016 Summer Schedule

“Shaver Starry Night” by Remi Frolichman

Family History - Cohen Family

10 Parenting Tips from Camp Counselors

Discover Your Child’s Strengths

The Myths of Happiness

Foot in the Door: Keys to Success for Former Campers Turned Counselors

5 Reasons Why Every Teen Should Go to Summer Camp

Teen Programs: JC and OLC

5 Steps to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts

Life Skills Learned at Camp

Ways to Connect with GAC

I love how everyone here is so caring and helpful; camp really is the highlight of my summer. There is such a positive environment here and it really inspires me to be the best version of myself! - Madeline, 2015 Camper

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OUR PHILOSOPHY Gold Arrow Camp is a supportive community where lives are enriched through relationships & experiences.

Since 1933, campers

have come to Gold Arrow Camp to Have Fun,

Make Friends, And Grow!

Gold Arrow campers treat others with respect.

Gold Arrow campers value each camperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right to have a fun experience.

Gold Arrow campers meet appropriate clothing and appearance guidelines. Read all of our Camper Standards of Behavior & Appearance at http://goldarrowcamp.com/standards-of-behavior-and-appearance/

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ASK THE CHIPMUNK Hello current and future campers! I am the Chipmunk, and one thing I love to do when I am not out collecting nuts or climbing trees is answer your questions about Gold Arrow Camp. Over the many years I have spent observing camp from my island across the cove, I have acquired a great knowledge of the goings-on at Gold Arrow Camp. Feel free to ask me any of your questions, as I am happy to answer them. Email me at chipmunk@goldarrowcamp.com. Hope to see you having fun across the cove this summer! Sincerely, Chipmunk Dear Chipmunk, Why are cell phones not allowed at GAC? All my friends and I have them, and I’m used to having it with me all of the time. It will be hard to come to camp and not have my cell phone with me or be able to check messages. From Ally Dear Ally, For most of the older campers and staff, it’s a big change coming up to camp and not having cell phones accessible. After a few days, most campers realize that it’s also one of the best things about being at camp! The chance to get away from all of the technological stuff that is such a big part of our lives, and really get to know the other campers and staff, is what makes GAC so special. We all come back to camp to enjoy being with friends, hanging out around a campfire, bonding with counselors, and having fun enjoying the outdoors. How would it feel to be sitting around your campfire, enjoying the stars and the crackling fire, and hear a cell phone (or two) ring? Or what about being with a cabin mate who is talking on her cell phone instead of talking to you? It would really change how camp feels if campers and staff were walking around talking on their cell phones or using them to call their parents the first time

they have a problem at camp. Most parents are used to having the constant connection that cell phones provide, but being independent from your parents is one of the biggest benefits of coming to camp. So, leave your cell phone at home (next to your computer and iPod), and come to camp to enjoy one of the only places on earth where you won’t hear a text beep every 5 minutes! Ring Free in the Sierra Dear Chipmunk, I like to shower every day. Can I do that at camp? Sincerely, Clean Camper Dear Clean Camper, Yes! You are allowed to shower every day at camp. Younger campers are scheduled to shower every other day, but there are also times when the showers are available for anyone. Talk to your counselor if you would like to shower more often than you are scheduled. Dear Chipmunk, I am coming to camp without any friends from home, and I’m worried that I won’t make any new friends. Is it easy to make friends at camp? Signed, Kind Kid Dear Kind Kid, Many of our campers come to camp without friends from

home. One of our main goals for you during camp is for you to make new friends! You will be in a cabin with 7-9 other kids your age, and your counselors will help facilitate friendships with your cabin mates. On the first night of camp, we play games that help you get to know all of your cabin mates. Your cabin group will do many of the activities together, and you will spend a lot of time with them. Make sure you come to camp ready to be a good friend by sharing things about yourself with your cabin mates, being a good listener, and showing an interest in other people. Before long, you will have many new friends! Dear Chipmunk, I am coming to camp with a lot of friends from my school. I know we can’t all be in a cabin together, but when will we have time to see each other? Thanks, Connected Dear Connected, You will have many opportunities to socialize with campers in other cabins. In addition to meal times and rest hour, you will be able to see each other at your age group social, on Shaver Island, and during Free Time. Your counselors can help you find time to visit with campers in other cabins. Thanks for asking!

Dear Chipmunk, I have some Qs about the cabins. How many people are in each cabin? Do they have bathrooms in each cabin?? Is everyone in your cabin within your age group??? Is there an adult or staff member who stays with you during the night???? From Cabins and Qs Dear Cabins and Qs, Great questions! There are 8-10 kids in each cabin. They call them “cabins,” but they are really tents on large wood platforms. They do not have bathrooms in them, but the bathrooms are nearby. Yes, everyone in each cabin is in the same age group, generally within about one year of each other and no more than one grade apart. Two to three counselors live in the cabin with you and stay there at night. If you need to go to the bathroom at night, or if you need anything else, you just wake up one of your counselors. They don’t mind, because they know they’re training to be parents one day! :) Chipmunk Dear Chipmunk, I am really nervous to try sailing. Do I have to try all of the activities? From Sally Dear Sally, It’s ok to be nervous about trying a new activity. We have lots of counselors who will teach you how to do the activities safely. You won’t be forced to try an activity if you’re scared, but your counselor will encourage you to challenge yourself. Even if you sail with a counselor in your boat, you can be proud of your achievement for trying something new. Each year, you’ll gain the confidence to conquer a new fear and accomplish a new goal. Have a question for the Chipmunk? Email your question to: chipmunk@goldarrowcamp.com

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KIDS LEARN AT CAMP In the intense environment of living and playing with a group of people - some of whom were strangers just days before - kids develop social skills exponentially faster than in other environments. By Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, M.A. At one of my son’s soccer games this fall, a mom on our team offered her son $50 for each goal he scored. He had the highest scoring game of his life, and his mom had to fork over enough cash for a new iPhone.

Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, M.A., with her husband Steve, has owned and directed Gold Arrow Camp for the past 28 years. They have five children (ages 12-22) who are campers and staff at camp. Audrey is a graduate of Stanford University and has her Masters in Psychology.

Read more of Sunshine’s writing about the benefits of camp and parenting tips to help your kids develop independence, responsibility, and social skills at sunshine-parenting.com.

This anecdote illustrates something I have long felt to be a flaw in modern parenting: we have moved far away from wanting our kids to be motivated intrinsically. What bothered me most about the mom’s payout was the incredible value she placed upon her son’s goals. But this is just one example of an established and troubling trend. We as parents overemphasize the importance of our kids’ athletic achievements and academic prowess, and living vicariously through them has in some cases reached manic levels. We need to back off. This year, my third child is embarking on the college admissions circus. She is a well-rounded kid who is bright, athletic, and extremely hardworking, but her scores and grades—while very strong—are not at the top of her highly competitive class. At times she’s been made to feel somehow inadequate by the emphasis everyone places on the numbers. I have told her on several occasions that no one will ever ask or care about an SAT score other than during this very short, stressful season of figuring out where to go to college. I have told her as well that her best qualities are ones that can’t be measured.

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She has a terrific sense of humor and a tryanything attitude. She participates in events enthusiastically, knows how to create and have fun with her friends, is savvy with using media to encourage and build community, has good values, and is a quiet leader – one who inspires without being bossy. She has every quality necessary to thrive in a college setting, wherever that may be. Beyond that, she is the type of person employers would want to have in their company, and she will do very well in whatever field she pursues. It’s no surprise that researchers have found that SAT scores are not the best predictors of success in life. It’s the interpersonal skills—the ability to communicate ideas and get along with other people—that truly matter, yet the way we prioritize our time, energy, and $50 bills doesn’t always reflect the importance of character growth. As parents, it’s sometimes difficult to create opportunities to build social skills, and that’s where camp can fit in nicely. At camp, kids get a break from the pressures of academics, testing, and competitive sports and are encouraged to relax and be themselves. In the intense environment of living and playing with a group of people – some of whom were strangers just days before – kids develop social skills exponentially faster than in other environments. I know that’s where my daughter gained many of her interpersonal skills, those “unmeasurables” that will serve her well in college and beyond.

HERE ARE 1O OF THE MANY SOCIAL SKILLS KIDS LEARN AT CAMP:

6 Living with people outside the

family

Taking turns talking

Inviting Kids, extending

invitations

Questioning / showing interest in othe

Sharing app

ropriate sto

ries & infor

mation

4 Teamwork: Knowing when to lead and when to follow

ional intelligen

empathy / emot

9 Managing Anger

10 Table Manners

conflict resolution

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With competition-style ski boats, experienced instructors, and hours of time behind the boat, campers learn and improve their skills rapidly during their stay at Shaver Lake.

LEARN TO WATERSKI Campers who attend our two-week sessions spend one or two nights at our Shaver Island Outpost. This is a highlight of camp for many of our campers. Our island on Shaver Lake offers the ideal setting for campers to learn and hone their waterskiing, wakeboarding, and kneeboarding skills. With competition-style ski boats, experienced instructors, and hours of time behind the boat, campers learn and improve their skills rapidly during their stay at Shaver Lake. While there, campers have the opportunity to build friendships with campers in other cabin groups. The nightly social time at Shaver is around a campfire that is large enough for all campers and counselors to gather to sing songs, play games and make sâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;mores. Camping on the beach and falling asleep watching the shooting stars are also memorable experiences from their stay at the outpost.

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Many returning campers choose to spend an entire week at Shaver Island, in addition to their two-week regular session, by participating in one of our Shaver Water Sports Specialty Camps. These three-week sessions are offered at the beginning of the summer (Session 5: June 19 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; July 9), with the Shaver week at the beginning of the session, and at the end of the summer (Session 6: August 7-27), with the Shaver week at the end of the session. There is also the option to attend just the one week at Shaver Island. This is not recommended for campers who have not already attended a regular session at Gold Arrow Camp, as they will not experience any of the activities and special events offered only at our main camp location.

EXPLORE THE SIERRA GAC is unique among camps in offering our young campers the chance to hike, explore, and camp out in the wilderness. We are surrounded by beautiful trails and lakes in the John Muir and Kaiser Wilderness areas. Depending on their age and ability, campers enjoy non-strenuous trips ranging from four to eight miles round trip. Groups play games along the way, and the pace is slow. Campers take breaks from hiking often to drink from their water bottles, eat trail mix, and rest. Once at their camp sites, campers play, help cook dinner, and get to experience living in nature. They also have a lot of free play and exploring time. Campers enjoy building forts and structures out of sticks and pine cones. Some kids are hesitant about backpacking

because they don’t think carrying a pack sounds like fun. But, over and over, we have heard campers recall their backpacking trip as one of their favorite camp memories. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, when all GAC campers attended camp for a month, backpacking trips were longer. We are still committed to getting kids out in nature, even when they’re only with us for two weeks. We will continue to teach campers about how fun it is to be in the outdoors, because we know the positive, life-long impact a love of nature can have. We hear from many past campers asking for advice about where to backpack in this area, because they have fond memories of their GAC backpacking trips.

Many kids are hesitant about backpacking… But, over and over, we have heard campers recall their backpacking trip as one of their favorite camp memories.

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I learned that giving away kindness is different than any other thing. You give it away and you get filled with more. - Alexandra, 2015 Camper

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How to Raise

Truly Kind Kids By Christine Carter, Ph.D.

What you get when you give If you do a nice thing for someone else knowing you’ll reap some benefit yourself, is it still a good deed? What if your primary reason for doing it is because of the benefits it’ll bring you?

similar to a drug-induced high: for example, the act of making a financial donation triggers the reward center in our brains that is responsible for dopamine-mediated euphoria.

Researchers spend a lot of time debating whether any altruistic act is ever truly selfless because we benefit so much when we are kind to others. I think of kindness like laughter: we might be laughing because we want someone else to feel good about their joke, but mostly we laugh because it feels good. Like laughter, kindness is a terrific happiness habit, good for both our physical and emotional well-being.

Finally, nearest and dearest to my heart, kindness makes us happy. Volunteer work substantially reduces symptoms of depression; both helping others and receiving help is associated with lowered anxiety and depression.

But did you know that kinder people actually live longer, healthier lives? People who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains. Giving help to others protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. People 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44 percent lower likelihood of dying—and that’s after sifting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status, and many more. This is a stronger effect than exercising four times a week or going to church; it means that volunteering is nearly as beneficial to our health as quitting smoking! We feel so good when we give because we get what researchers call a “helpers high,” or a distinct physical sensation associated with helping. About half of participants in one study reported that they feel stronger and more energetic after helping others; many also reported feeling calmer and less depressed, with increased feelings of self-worth. This is probably a literal “high,”

This may be especially true for kids. Adolescents who identify their primary motive as helping others are three times happier than those who lack such altruistic motivation. Similarly, teens who are giving are also happier and more active, involved, excited, and engaged than their less engaged counterparts. Generous behavior reduces adolescent depression and suicide risk, and several studies have shown that teenagers who volunteer are less likely to fail a subject in school, get pregnant, or abuse substances. Teens who volunteer also tend to be more socially competent and have higher self-esteem.

Christine Carter, Ph.D., is a parent coach and the author of RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents and The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work. She coaches and teaches online classes in order to help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for parents and couples. She is also a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. Sign up for her short weekly Happiness Tips at www.christinecarter.com.

It isn’t just that kind people also tend to be healthier and happier, or that happy, healthy people are more kind. Experiments have actually demonstrated again and again that kindness toward others actually causes us to be happier, improves our health, and lengthens our lives. So if we want to raise kids that are happy and healthy, one of the best things we can do is teach them to be kind to other kids. Gold Arrow Camp’s 2015 theme, Give a Hand, taught kids to be kind, generous, and giving in dozens of ways.

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Here are five ways to keep teaching kids kindness at home: 1. Model kindness yourself. Kindness can be contagious: when we see someone else perform an act of kindness, we are more likely to feel an impulse to help out, too. Research suggests that altruistic children have at least one parent (usually of the same sex) who deliberately communicates altruistic values to their kids. Similarly, when preschoolers have nurturing caregivers who deliberately model helping others, they tend to be more helpful and verbally sympathetic to other children when they hurt themselves. 2. Make kids personally responsible in some way. Four- to 13-year-olds who were asked to donate their Halloween candy to hospitalized children donated more (and were more likely to make a donation) when they felt personally responsible. Researchers made kids feel responsible when they said things like: “I will be counting on you and you and you…I will put each of your names on the bag of candy I give tomorrow to the hospitalized children” rather than “please give them as many as you want by putting the candies in the box on the table.”

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3. Don’t reward helping behavior. Very young children who receive material rewards for helping others become less likely to help in the future compared with toddlers who only receive verbal praise or receive no reward at all. This research suggests that even the youngest children are intrinsically motivated to be kind, and that extrinsic rewards can undermine this tendency. 4. Be positive. Parents who express positive feelings and use positive, non-coercive discipline raise children who are kinder and more compassionate toward others. 5. Expose them to need. Too often we protect our kids from pain and suffering, and in so doing we shelter them from others’ needs. Consider the counterintuitive notion that compassion is a positive emotion strongly correlated with happiness, and provide them with opportunities to feel compassion. Teach kids that this compassion is a gift—it is a way to give their time, attention, and energy to another. Added bonus: When we expose kids to others’ suffering, they often feel both compassion and gratitude.

But what if your kid seems a little mean? Do parents who value kindness and compassion ever raise mean kids? (Right now my clairvoyance tells me that you are thinking that you have a really nice kid, certainly not one that is mean to others. This is because you are a nice person. But I do get this question so much more often than you’d think.) Here’s what I think: Mean kids happen to nice parents all the time. Thirteen million kids will be bullied in the US this year. Three million are absent from school each month because they feel unsafe there. Bullies aren’t necessarily “bad kids,” but clearly the bullying behavior of otherwise good kids adds up to a massive problem in our communities. Bullying occurs—online and in person— when there is an imbalance of power. Bullies intend to harm others physically or emotionally, usually repeatedly, knowing that their victims may have a hard time defending themselves. (Thanks to The Bully Project for this definition.)

I learned that even the smallest act of kindness can make a big difference. - Jack, 2015 Camper

As parents, it is our responsibility to do what we can to make sure that our children aren’t mean and that they don’t bully others (besides hide behind our pure intentions and upstanding values). The good news is that we can consciously raise kids who are more likely to stand up for a victim of bullying than they are to be perpetrators. Here are five more things we can teach our children so that they are kind and compassionate: 1. How their actions affect others. Mean kids tend to know that what they are doing is wrong, but they usually don’t understand how their behavior affects others. Truly understanding that meanness can hurt someone for a lifetime can change a bully’s willingness to harm others. Build empathy by watching videos of children hurt by bullying. And let kids experience how their actions can affect others for the good by giving them opportunities to help others. 2. How to understand their own emotions and feelings. Before a child can really understand his or her influence on other people’s feelings, they need to be able to understand their own emotions. Build emotional intelligence by emotion coaching them.

3. How to express negative feelings like anger, powerlessness, and stress without hurting others. Kids need to learn the difference between feeling bad (which is always okay) and behaving badly (not okay). Parents are powerful models in this arena. When you are angry with your children or spouse do you call them names? Spank? When you are stressed are you likely to yell? Kids need to be taught directly how to deal with feelings like anger (e.g., to calm themselves down by taking a walk or deep breaths, or by petting the dog). They also need to be taught that indirectly, by observing us doing these things. 4. Teach kids how to feel powerful within their relationships—in a positive way. Meanness can come from a sense of powerlessness, and it can often be prevented by showing kids how to feel powerful without being mean. Kids feel powerful when they contribute to something larger than themselves, so make sure your children have plenty of opportunities to genuinely help those around them. Giving kids chores and responsibilities around the house or classroom helps them see that they are useful and needed, giving them a sense of power.

5. Once again, treat others with compassion yourself. This is so important I’m repeating it: Kids need to see their parents treating other people with empathy and without judgement. Recently I heard a mother comment to her pre-teen daughter, “That girl’s shirt is so trashy. I will never let you wear something like that.” Her daughter replied, “I know, right? It is so ugly.” This dialog, while it might have been intended to instruct, endorsed a mean-spiritedness towards others. Can we teach our kids to be deeply kind people? I think so. It starts with the obvious: being really clear about our expectations for how they will treat others, including their siblings, their classmates, and that chubby kid on the bus. But we can’t stop there. Raising kind kids requires an active effort to teach them the social skills they need to be powerful in their relationships—without hurting others. So the next time you hear someone say “boys will be boys,” or you shake your head and wonder why “there are mean girls in every class,” don’t lie to yourself. Kids are not typically “cruel at this age,” (whatever age that might be). Don’t make excuses for bad behavior: teach kindness instead.

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Happy Campers My kids wait 50 weeks a year for the two weeks at Gold Arrow Camp. GAC is my kids’ ‘happy place.’ - Stacey Scott, GAC Parent By Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, M.A. “Happy camper” is an expression used to describe anyone who’s feeling good about something in any circumstance. But just how happy are actual campers who attend summer camp? In 2014, I conducted research to answer that question. My study (completed for my master’s thesis) included 3,000 campers at seven different residential summer camps. You can see the results on the infographic to the left. “When my two kids returned from camp, they were relaxed, happy and confident. I think that being in the outdoors among friendly and supportive peers and counselors enabled them to let go of stress and really just enjoy being kids.” - Julie Burch We asked our 2015 campers and parents on their end-of-camp evaluations how camp impacted their (or their children’s) happiness this summer. Here are the results:

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CHANGE IN HAPPINESS

CAMPERS

PARENTS

A Lot Happier

72%

66%

A Little Happier

21%

No Change

12%

A Little Less Happy

A Lot Less Happy

<1%

Overall, 93% of campers and 87% of parents thought that camp had a positive impact on happiness and that they were either “a little” or “a lot” happier because of their camp experience. Many fun things happen at camp every day, so it’s no surprise it’s such a happy place for most kids. Why is this the case? While that research has yet to be done, other research in the field of positive psychology may hold the answer. Martin Seligman—the father of positive psychology—has identified five areas that lead to the condition he calls “flourishing,” encapsulated in the acronym PERMA: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and achievement. PERMA critics say there are few places where all five can be found together, but from my observation, camp appears to be one such place. While the exact mechanism for the positive impact camp experiences have on campers has not been pin-pointed by research, I’m guessing the following factors have something to do with our campers’ happiness: “I have learned that the more you give, the better you feel about yourself.” -Tate

1. Focus on Giving Because giving to others is known to increase happiness, our “Give a Hand”

theme this year (and our on-going focus on giving to others) may have positively impacted some campers. When we become others-centered and give something to someone else—time, talent, or treasure—we become happier. This begins with getting ourselves and our kids outside the bubble of thinking exclusively about our own needs. “My son comes back happy and smiling, relaxed, making jokes, being kinder to his young sister, expressing ideas about things he wants to do (sail more, try a new ski trick...), feeling proud of his accomplishments, and texting new and old GAC friends.” - Megan Glor

2. Focus on Connection Another factor that makes camp a happy place is the time we spend connecting with others. Positive relationships are a huge contributing factor to individual happiness. At camp, we focus on expressing our positive and encouraging thoughts to others and take the time to do so. Our nightly campfires and meals spent talking together add up to a lot of connection time. “My son came home from his third summer at GAC spilling over with joy and exuberance. He told me that the morning he got up early and participated in paddleboard yoga was one of the best moments of his life. He told me that he was filled with peace

Coming to Gold Arrow makes me happy. - Daniel, 2015 Camper as the sun rose over the lake, the birds flew overhead and the steam rose up around them. I am so grateful to Gold Arrow for giving him this moment and all the other opportunities at camp.” - Elizabeth Aquino

3. Being in Nature Being outside and seeing the awesome views, smelling the fresh mountain air, and hearing the sounds of nature, is a happiness booster, for sure. I’ll continue to research how camp is impacting our campers’ happiness, because it’s an area I’m passionate about because of the life-long positive implications. In the meantime, go ahead and use the term “happy camper” to refer to people who are happy and flourishing, because kids at camp are, indeed, “happy campers”!

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mmer? su is th C A G at d n a H a g in iv What did you learn about G

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2016 SUMMER SCHEDULE Two-Week Sessions (grades K-9 ) Session 1: Session 2: Session 3: Session 4: Tuition:

June 26 - July 9 July 10 - July 23 July 24 - August 6 August 7 - August 20 $3,600

Three-Week Sessions (grades 4-9) Session 5: Session 6: Tuition:

June 19 - July 9 August 7 - August 27 $5,000

One-Week Sessions Shaver Water Sports June: Shaver Water Sports August: Mini Camp: Tuition:

June 19 - June 25 (grades 4-9) August 21 - August 27 (grades 4-9) August 21 - August 27 (grades K-9) $2,000

Outdoor Leadership Course (grades 9-11) OLC 1: OLC 2:

Enroll Now! Become a Monther!

Tuition:

July 10 - July 23 August 7 - August 20 $2,900

Add a second two-week session to become a “Monther,” and receive $1,000 off the second session!

Enroll online by visiting our home page at goldarrowcamp.com and clicking “Enroll Online.” SESSIONS FILL VERY QUICKLY! Check our website for current availability at goldarrowcamp.com/dates-rates/

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Above: The Cohen Family at Session 2, 2015 Appreciation Campfire where Cassandra received her ten-year jacket. Right: Scott Cohen (pictured on the left side) sailing at GAC in 1979. Far Right: Scott Cohen practicing ceramics as a camper at Gold Arrow.

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The Cohen Family at Gold Arrow Camp To be able to experience all of the amazing activities in such a supportive and friendly environment has been such a gift.

- Courtney Cohen

For the Cohens, Gold Arrow Camp is an important family tradition. With a combined total of 38 years, they’ve created a second home at camp. According to mom Lisa, “Gold Arrow has been, and will continue to be, an incredible part of our family’s life.” Dad Scott Cohen discovered both ceramics and sailing, two hobbies that he still enjoys, during his days as a camper in the 1970s. He enjoys ceramics so much that the Cohens have a kiln in their garage, and Scott has incorporated creating and installing ceramic tiles into his client’s projects (he has a landscape design business). Scott sails as often as he can and has his captain’s license, and he has passed along his love of sailing to his three daughters, all of whom have attended GAC for 10+ years! Oldest daughter, Kinsey “Tootles” Cohen, taught sailing at GAC last summer and is the captain of her university sailing team. Says Kinsey, “Being able to come back to GAC as a counselor after being a camper for so long was an amazing experience. I got to pass on my stories of how much fun I had to my campers, as well as teach them that it’s ok to be yourself all of the time, and that people will like you for you. It was amazing to give back to the GAC community.” Kinsey attributes a lot of her personal growth to her time as a camper. “I was really shy when I was a kid, but whenever I was at camp I was never shy. I became a completely different kid, and eventually as I got older, I used what I learned at camp to burst out of my shy shell in the ‘real world’ too. I wouldn’t be as confident, as accepting of myself, and as free to be me no matter what without camp.”

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According to Kinsey, “GAC has been a HUGE part of our family. Camp gets brought up all of the time whenever we’re all together, and it’s usually Courtney, Cassandra, and I talking about funny moments during our years there. Dad will try to throw in a story from his time too, to be included in the conversation. It’s given us something to bond over, and without GAC we wouldn’t be the kind of family we are today.” Courtney Cohen says, “GAC has made me a much better person. I have developed a love and respect for nature, an understanding of why it is necessary to step back from technology every once in awhile and enjoy what life can offer. Being able to interact with people from multiple nations has expanded my worldview and allowed me to have and maintain friendships from across the world. Camp taught me a lot about recognizing my fears and being able to conquer them. Not only that, but to help support others conquer their fears as well. It also helped me break away from my shyness and feel safe being my silly weird self.” Courtney also thinks GAC has brought her family closer together over the years and appreciates her time at camp: “To be able to experience all of the amazing activities in such a supportive and friendly environment has been such a gift. I have learned to be more patient and understanding when it comes to mistakes and arguments. Also, I think there is a more positive attitude after being around a family like environment with all the friends at camp.”

Above: The Cohen Family attending Family Camp at Gold Arrow. Photo credits for this article: The Cohen Family.

Youngest sister, Cassandra “Mystery” Cohen, participate in our new month-long Junior Counselor program last summer. She says, “Being part of GAC has impacted my family because it brings my sisters and me a lot closer to each other through our fun experiences of going to camp together. Also, being that my dad went here as a kid, it also allows the whole family to share fun memories and have a good laugh.” For Cassandra, “GAC is another home to me and to have been going here for 10 years is absolutely amazing and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I can’t imagine my life without GAC. I have made life-long best friends from camp and I wouldn’t have met them if it wasn’t for camp.”

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Above: Sisters Kinsey “Tootles” Cohen and Cassandra “Mystery” Cohen sailing together during free time. Left: All three Cohen sisters sporting Gold Arrow t-shirts.

Says mom Lisa, “I am thrilled that we were able to give our children the opportunity to spend so many summers at Gold Arrow Camp. They each have grown more confident, independent and mature through your guidance. They have learned to overcome fears, work in group environments and have gained leadership skills that will help them throughout school, the work environment and life.” It looks like the Cohen family will continue to be part of GAC for a long time, because, according to Kinsey, “I know that once I have kids, they’ll be attending GAC and continuing the tradition.”

By Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, M.A. At one time in their lives, many of the parents I know were camp counselors. Those same people have told me that their time spent as counselors was great training ground for parenting. Among other things, they learned to comfort, encourage, set goals, and resolve disputes — all things we experience daily in our lives as moms and dads. However, not every parent has had the benefit of camp counselor training. In fact, most parents have had NO training at all.

Perhaps they took a Lamaze class or two, but we all know that having the kid is not the hardest part! I’ve often lamented that all parents should be required to go through some training, at least the same training camp counselors do (a minimum of one week at most camps). Unfortunately, that is not the case, nor is it realistic. So the best we can do for those who were never camp counselors is offer a few tried and true tips from a few outstanding folks who were:

Practice catching kids doing the right thing. Check in with each child one-on-one every day. Establish fun daily traditions: share highs & lows at dinner or bedtime, do riddles, read a book out loud, play games together, collect family memories. Sing and dance together A LOT. Smile and stay positive. Apologize for any crabbiness. Address difficult issues privately and by focusing on the ISSUE not the child. Do team-building activities like sharing goals and dreams. Get unplugged and focus on face-to-face communication. Get outside and get dirty. Follow a predictable schedule and enforce rules consistently. Read more at sunshine-parenting.com/10-parenting-tips-from-camp-counselors/

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DISCOVER YOUR CHILD’S STRENGTHS By Jenifer Fox, M.Ed. Strengths are the activities, relationships and ways of learning that energize people. They are the inner qualities that make us feel most alive and because of that, they are the places where we have the potential to make our most meaningful contributions to life. Strengths are different than interests because strengths are innate and children will be drawn to them for their entire lives, while interests may be fleeting. When strengths and interests combine, children can develop passions. Strengths can be developed at a very early age and parents can help out. Below are some simple guidelines to get you on the way to helping your children discover their strengths.

Jenifer Fox, M.Ed. is an international award-winning author, public speaker and a recognized leader of the Strengths Movement within our educational system, for parents and organizations that serve youth. She is also the Founding Head of The Delta School, in Wilson, AR.

1. USE PLAY AND CULTIVATE THE IMAGINATION.

Are there sounds or words he reacts to more than others?

During imaginative play, children are free to unleash and exercise their strengths. Watch children at play and you will learn a great deal about what they prefer, how they socialize, and the unique ways they view themselves. Play encourages cognitive enrichment and emotional growth.

Is he generous? How does he show this?

2. SEEK OUT WHAT MAKES YOUR CHILD UNIQUE. Little quirks can be clues to strengths. Something as simple as a child’s tendency to demand that his mother use a certain purse over another may signal a strength in something as seemingly unrelated as design. What initially may look like “showing-off” might be an early sign of a child who has a strength for entertaining. Sometimes the most unusual things signal the areas of deepest strength. 3. KEEP A STRENGTHS JOURNAL. Take note of the things your child does -- anything that strikes you about his/her behavior. Here are a few of the kinds of questions that will guide you: What causes your child to express joy and happiness? What are the things that keep his attention the longest?

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Does he show sympathy? Is he caring or funny? Give examples. What are the first thing he says in the morning and the last thing he says at night? 4. CREATE FAMILY TRADITIONS. Creating family traditions helps children discover their relationship strengths. Relationship strengths are the things you do for and with other people that make you feel proud. In order for children to figure this out, they need to reflect on their interactions with others and recall the ones where they felt the most positive. Family traditions give children positive memories. How do you celebrate birthdays? For example, if you have a tradition of making the birthday child a king or queen for the day and you repeatedly do the same nice things -- like let them choose their favorite meal -- later in life children will recall this and be more apt to want to do this for others. The more traditions you develop where children have an active role in creating meaning for others, the easier it will be later in life to identify what causes them to feel good contributing to others. 5. LISTEN TO CHILDREN. They know their strengths better than anyone. In order to listen effectively, you must ask a lot

of questions. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Show your child you are interested in his perspective. For every answer you receive, follow up with another question; “Why do you think that?” Genuinely listen and reflect back to your child what you believe you heard him say. If a child tells you he no longer wants to play soccer, rather than tell him why he should, say, “I hear you saying soccer no longer interests you, can you tell me why?” 6. RESIST THE URGE TO EVALUATE EVERYTHING AND OVERSTATE EXPECTATIONS. While most parents want their children to succeed, sometimes they unintentionally burden children by evaluating everything they do. When your child shows you a picture she drew, instead of saying it is good, ask her what she likes best about drawing. Over-evaluation, whether negative or positive, makes children worry about how well they are doing, and this stifles their ability to take risks. Children need to feel like they can experiment with many things and that failing is OK and sometimes part of the journey toward discovering what they love to do most. Unreasonably high expectations often pressure children to perform and conform within strictly prescribed guidelines, and they deter experimentation, exploration, and innovation. Children love to please adults and sometimes they perform in order to gain your approval or meet your expectations rather than because they truly enjoy the task. The more children are free to explore and try new things, the easier it will be to discover strengths. When you let go of the expectations you have for what you want them to do and how you want them to do it, they are freer to discover what they really feel energized by. 7. STRENGTHS ARE MORE THAN INTERESTS. Help children discover both. Strengths are the positive feelings that children have when they perform different actions. Interests are the areas where they apply their strengths. For example, a child may be drawn to animals and therefore it can be said they have an interest in animals. However, one child may like to care for animals while another may enjoy training them. The strength for one child is caring and for the other it is teaching. The strength is what someone likes to do, while the interest is where they like to apply it. The strength can be transferred to other interests. For

Children need to feel like they can experiment with many things and that failing is OK and sometimes part of the journey toward discovering what they love to do most.

example, the child who likes to train animals may also like to teach children. When you help children discover both their strengths and their interests, they have a good chance to develop a true passion. 8. LET THEM TELL THEIR OWN STORIES. Kids don’t care if you walked ten miles to school. To discover their strengths they want to know you care about what their unique experiences in the world are, not necessarily how you did things. Let them find their own paths; they may not want to play basketball just because you did. Sometimes kids forgo their own passions to please you. 9. DON’T COMPARE THEM TO THEIR OLDER SIBLINGS. There is nothing more hampering of children’s abilities to discover their strengths than when they feel they are constantly being compared to their perfect siblings. Every child will be unique and different. The differences are causes for celebration not

comparisons that may make them feel not good enough. You can see the differences in your children early on in their lives. The more you celebrate this, the better. 10. GIVE THEM AS MANY CHOICES ABOUT WHAT TO DO AS POSSIBLE. Do you want children to help around the house? Use it as an opportunity to discover their preferences and let them choose among the jobs you have for them to do. Do you want them to participate in school activities? Encourage them to choose between a variety of things to do, support their choices even if they aren’t what you would pick. Discovering strengths happens through a process of self-reflection. All of the above tips will help children develop positive and creative thoughts which will help them decide what their true passions are in life.

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The Myths of Happiness By Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D.

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: STRIVE FOR PERSONALLY SIGNIFICANT LIFE GOALS

Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D. is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. Her research - on the possibility of lastingly increasing happiness - has been recognized internationally. Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness (2008) offers a new and potentially life-changing way to understand our innate potential for joy and happiness as well as our ability to sustain it in our lives. In The Myths of Happiness (2013), excerpted here, Lyubomirsky offers a corrective course on happiness and a call to regard life’s twists and turns with a more open mind. Learn more about Lyubomirsky at her website: http://sonjalyubomirsky.com.

One of the surest ways to focus on the future rather than dwelling on a seemingly idyllic past is by working toward significant life goals. “There is no happiness without action:” there is no happiness without goal pursuit. However, as I mentioned earlier, it is important to choose our goals wisely, and to develop the ability to redirect our goals in ways that can bring us even greater happiness. The goals we select, if you recall, must be intrinsically rather than extrinsically motivated (prompted by our own sense of meaning and enjoyment as opposed to that of our parents or our culture); they must be harmonious (rather than conflicting with one another); they must satisfy innate human needs (such as the need to be an expert at something, to connect with others, and to contribute to our communities, rather than simply desiring to be rich, powerful, beautiful, or famous); they must be aligned with our own authentic values; they must be reachable and flexible; and, ideally, they should focus on attaining something rather than evading or running away from something. The pursuit of all these types of goals has been found to be associated with greater happiness, fulfillment, and perseverance.

Goal pursuit is a happiness-increasing strategy that is available to all of us, no matter the extent of our opportunities, talents, skills, and resources. Each one of us has something valuable and unique to offer others, learn, cultivate, and strive for. Furthermore, although we can (and should) reach for our loftiest dreams, we need only begin by breaking the goals down into subgoals and daily aims.

I learned how to push myself to reach my goals. For example, I pushed myself on rock climbing and made it to the top! 26

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- Emily, 2015 Camper

WHERE HAPPINESS IS REALLY FOUND Many of us are waiting for happiness. We fervently believe that, if we’re not happy now, we’ll be happy when that perfect job and romantic partner come along, when we are well-to-do, with a grand house and two kids – a boy and a girl. Others, by contrast, are dreading turning points that we are sure will usher in great misery – finding the wrong partner or no partner at all, losing our money or our jobs, enduring a worrisome health condition, living with profound regrets, and getting old. A great deal of research points up the error in these “affective forecasts” – in the myths of happiness that most of us embrace. My goal in these pages was to synthesize this research and highlight its relevance to each specific crisis point in turn – marriage, work, money, aging, health, etc. I also hoped to underscore that believing in the myths of happiness is not innocuous. Not only do our false expectations and misconceptions

I learned how to get the target in archery, how to wakeboard and how to help other people get their goals - Alex, 2015 Camper turn foreseeable life transitions into fullblown crisis points, but, worse, they also steer us to make poor decisions and impair our mental health. If we are convinced, for example, that a certain kind of marriage, job, and prosperity would make us happy (and it doesn’t), then misunderstanding the power of hedonic adaptation may compel us to jettison perfectly good marriages and jobs or renounce our worldly belongings to simplify our lives. If we are positive that divorce or singlehood or old age would make us miserable forever, then not recognizing the power of resilience and the rewards of singlehood and aging may lead us to

remain in a bad marriage, settle for a poor romantic match, or undergo unnecessary cosmetic surgery. Equally harmful are the repercussions of subscribing to happiness myths for our emotional well-being. Not understanding the universality of our crises, we may suffer surges in depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

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Foot in the Door:

Keys to Success for Former Campers Turned Counselors By Alison “Bean” Moeschberger

Alison Moeschberger is Program Director at Gold Arrow Camp. A graduate of Purdue University, she taught school for five years prior to joining camp’s year-round staff as Program and Personnel Director. She has been a part of Gold Arrow Camp for the past 22 years as a camper, CIT, and staff member. Alison oversees all staff recruitment, hiring, and training. She also oversees all camp program activities. Alison is married to Andy “Soy” Moeschberger, who oversees camp operations during the summer. Their three-year-old daughter, Ellie, lives with them at camp all summer and is looking forward to becoming a camper in a few years.

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Many campers dream of returning to GAC to work as counselors, and we treasure the opportunity to hire them and continue to help them develop their leadership skills in a new way. Former campers who become counselors see camp from a different perspective and strive to give campers the same great experience they enjoyed as kids. Wonder, a two-year counselor, says, “Camp was always the highlight of my year and my favorite place on Earth, so my goal as a counselor became to help each camper have the same amazing experience that my counselors helped me to have.” Wonton agrees, “You can look back to your fondest memories as a camper and give your campers that same happiness.” Nearly a quarter of our 2015 staff came to GAC for at least one year as a camper, and together they have amassed 249 years at camp. These legacy counselors enrich the experience for our campers in a special way and help us continue the fun, friendships, and growth enjoyed by every generation at GAC.

Campers who return as counselors begin the summer with significant advantages over new staff. While it’s always helpful knowing where everything is located, how to sing camp songs, and what it means to “wadda,” their time as campers has given these counselors an understanding of what makes GAC so special. They help us to carry on our traditions and everything that makes the GAC experience great for campers because they know how it should feel and look. Wonder says, “You have the opportunity to start the summer already knowing what Gold Arrow is at its core and the spirit and kindness that is at the heart of the community.” Pesto, a counselor now for two years, adds, “You know how be an amazing counselor because you have had many great role models over the years.” These former campers also find themselves relating to campers on a different level because of their shared experiences. Wonder says, “Former campers have their own stock of experiences that they had as campers and are able to relate to campers with their apprehensions about activities or homesickness because they were once in their shoes and able to rise above it.”

Mocha used her many years as a camper to shape how she approached her own campers when she became a Group Counselor. “I know that campers truly look up to their counselors and can easily be influenced by their counselor’s attitude and treatment of others. I am very careful about being genuine with my campers, treating them with kindness, care, and respect, because I know that my actions affect cabin dynamics as a whole.” Campers who return as counselors often report that the experience is very different than they had expected. Binx, a camper for 10 years, says, “I thought I knew the whole system, but there is a lot of work that counselors do that the campers never see.” Bounce agrees, “I thought I knew how everything worked as a camper, and it was a bit of a surprise discovering that it was totally different as a counselor.” One adjustment these counselors have to make is to remember that their role at camp has changed significantly. “You’re delivering the experience, not receiving it,” explains Genki, a third-generation staff member and camper. Working at camp is a lot of fun, but the fun for counselors comes from helping campers and watching them grow each session.

Current GAC campers who would like to work as counselors should think ahead and plan for their return to GAC. We maintain high standards for our counselors, and working at camp is not always a good fit for everyone. Our strict grooming and behavior standards can sometimes prove difficult for staff applicants, as we require our counselors to be free from tattoos and piercings, and the summer schedule does not allow for very much personal time. Cappy, our hiring manager, says, “Our best applicants have experience working with kids outside of GAC. They’ve been counselors at a local day camp or have volunteered at outdoor education camps with school groups.” Working at camp also requires a full-summer commitment, and that can be challenging when applicants are also juggling college, sports, and other responsibilities. We hope that campers continue to return to GAC as counselors. Their unique perspective and understanding of camp add value to everyone’s camp experience, and it’s fun to watch them grow up at camp. Former campers who become counselors quickly learn that camp can continue to be as fun and rewarding from the other side. Pesto says, “Being a Gold Arrow camper made me the person I am today, while being a Gold Arrow counselor taught me how to be the leader that I am today.”

We are grateful for all of our counselors, but we will always have a special place in our hearts for our former Gold Arrow campers.

Contributors: Eric “Quailman” Bader, 5 years as camper, 5 years as counselor Charlotte “Bounce” Blanc, 7 years as camper, 1 year as counselor Paige “Pesto” DeYoung, 5 years as camper, 2 years as counselor Mady “Binx” Engle, 10 years as camper, 2 years as counselor Kaitlyn “Kitty” Furst, 11 years as camper, 1 year as counselor Stevie “Wonder” Goodrich, 8 years as camper, 2 years as counselor Elizabeth “Buttercup” Jelsma, 4 years as camper, 1 year as counselor Meredith “Mocha” Monke, 12 years as camper, 2 years as counselor Ryan “Wonton” Watanabe, 6 years as camper, 2 years as counselor Jake “Genki” Werlin, 10 years as camper, 2 years as counselor

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5 Reasons Every Teen Should go to Summer Camp By Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, M.A. 1. Improve Interpersonal Skills & Form Close Friendships “In a … study of 515 senior executives, emotional intelligence was a better predictor of success than either relevant previous experience or high IQ.” - Forbes, “Look for Employees with High EQ over IQ” Interacting effectively with other people is one of the most important skills teens learn at camp. In the unplugged, noncompetitive camp culture, teens build up their “emotional intelligence” (EQ), their face-to-face communication and relationship skills. Why are these interpersonal skills so important? Because 21st-century employers need people who can communicate, collaborate, and cooperate with others. If you are debating whether your teen can miss a few weeks of SAT prep or a summer academic program, know that the 2200 SAT score will never outweigh the important

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communication and relationship skills he or she will develop at camp. Whether on a backpacking trip, cheering each other through a ropes course, or chatting around the campfire, the interpersonal skills teens build are the same ones they’ll need to be successful adults in families, communities, and companies. 2. Take Safe Risks and Challenge Teens thrive on risk. Thanks to recent findings (described in Age of Opportunity and Brainstorm) about the unique attributes of the teen brain, we now understand the reason for the “mortality bump” for 17-yearold boys. They do stupid, daring things not because they aren’t aware of the dangers, but because—to them—the reward of leaping from a rocky cliff or speeding along a curvy mountain road seems to far outweigh the risk. A teen at camp has the opportunity to take many safe, controlled risks. Climbing to new heights on a rock wall or ropes course,

jumping the wake of a boat on a wake board, or reaching the peak of a 10,000foot summit are all healthy risks teens take at camp. Plus, being in a controlled camp environment frees teens from exposure to health risks like alcohol and drug use. 3. Experience Character Growth and Develop Life Skills “A profound gap exists between the knowledge and skills most students learn in school and the knowledge and skills they need for success in their communities and workplaces.” - Partnership for 21st Century Skills Schools aren’t doing a very good job teaching kids grit, perseverance, and leadership. But that’s not their job. Rather, schools are very busy teaching the core curriculum and assessing how well our kids know it. No school has time to see how “gritty” a kid is, but at camp, the “grit-meter” is always running, and it’s

personal character—not a report card or an athletic achievement—that rises to the top. Teens also develop other important life skills at camp, including independence, responsibility, and decisionmaking. Teens grow considerably in an environment away from their parents where they are forced to live on their own and find their own resources. 4. Meet Positive Role Models

Junior Counselor Program

Watch or listen to a popular music video, reality TV show, or sports event, and you’ll be hard-pressed to find positive young adults teens can emulate. But walk into any well-run summer camp and you’ll be surrounded by wholesome, outdoorsy young people who like being around others and doing fun activities. Camp offers teens the opportunity to be among young adults who are positive role models and to form close relationships with them. Most camp counselors are hard-working college students who want to serve others. They are friendly, personable, and are just the kind of young adults you want your teen to become.

The Junior Counselor Program is for returning campers who are ready for more responsibility, more adventure, and more leadership opportunities at camp. The JC program focuses on five specific areas: leadership training, personal growth, professional certifications, service projects, and performance evaluations. JCs can expect to have a new, deeper, and more dynamic camp experience where they develop and practice skills needed as leaders while still experiencing the tradition, community, and fun they love about camp. Upon successful completion of the program, JCs will return home confident in their leadership abilities and equipped with the skills necessary to create positive change in their schools and communities.

5. Discover Their Best Self We live in a world where teens—often by their own parents—are steered towards success via the SAT, the college admissions grind, a “good” major, and a highsalary job. Look around at many adults, however, and see where that path got them. Yet, we still expose our kids to the same gauntlet. Perhaps college education is the best option for most young people, but I’ve met many who are halfway done (or all the way done) and still don’t know who they are or what they are passionate about. Camp experiences offer teens the chance to step back from the treadmill of academics, competitive sports, and their sleepdeprived, over-scheduled existence, and instead think about what’s important to them. Many campers become less self-absorbed after spending a few weeks at camp, learning to train their focus on others. They also discover new hobbies and avenues to pursue in education and their future careers. Each summer, tens of thousands of teens leave their phones and car keys at home and head to summer camp as campers, counselors in training, or counselors. Many teens who have never been to camp cannot relate to how a teenager could make such crazy personal sacrifices. And yet, teens are the age group that fills most quickly at many camps. Because, perhaps more than any other time during youth, camp offers the respite, recreation, and renewal to help teens thrive. Teens who have already been to camp know this and want to come back, year after year. Visit Sunshine’s blog at sunshine-parenting.com for more articles about the benefit of camp.

Quick Facts Earn American Red Cross Lifeguarding, and CPR certifications Participate in 40 hours of community service Thorough Group and Activity Counselor training Leadership training and seminars Spend two nights in the Sierra on a training trip Receive JC uniform and camp name

Summer 2016 Dates

Outdoor Leadership Course The Outdoor Leadership Course is a two-week program for young people interested in developing outdoor leadership skills. Trained leaders will guide OLC participants on a challenging, six-day, 30-mile backpacking trip into the High Sierra. Throughout the session, campers will develop backcountry navigational and survival skills, learn wilderness first aid, and participate in GAC activities.

Quick Facts Instruction, leadership skill development and fun at GAC before trip departure Leader of the Day opportunity Learn and practice backcountry navigation and safety, outdoor cooking, ‘Leave No Trace’ principles and ethics, and wildlife biology Daily reflection, feedback and discussion

Summer 2016 Dates OLC 1: July 10 – July 23, 2016 OLC 2: August 7 – 20, 2016 (Completed grades 9 - 11)

For more information about our teen programs, please visit our website at: www.goldarrowcamp. com/teen-programs/

JC 1: June 26 – July 23, 2016 JC 2: July 24 – August 20, 2016 (Completed grades 10 - 11)

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All too often, we parents tend to rescue our kids from conflict; at camp, kids have a great opportunity to learn to solve such challenges on their own.

5 Steps to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts By Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, M.A. I’ve always considered myself nonconfrontational and have done my best to avoid conflict. In researching ways to teach kids conflict resolution skills, I’ve discovered that avoidance is actually a choice on the “Conflict Resolution Wheel.” I’m primarily a “walk away” or “go play with somebody else” conflict resolver. And, perhaps because I try to “use kind words and a friendly voice” most of the time, I’m able to steer clear of many conflict situations. I know that my technique is not always the best way to resolve conflicts, nor has it worked in every situation, so I’ve learned to “talk together & work it out” with people in my life who are important to me. Because people aren’t

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perfect and relationships are messy, we all need to learn how to better resolve conflicts. What kind of conflict resolver are you? What about your kids? How do they resolve conflicts? Over my thirty years at camp, I’ve noticed that kids have become less and less adept at solving their problems and conflicts. They are quick to involve adults and call other kids names (“bully” is a favorite). I think they’ve become so accustomed to constant adult supervision that they are prone to seek it immediately, especially when they’re in

an uncomfortable situation. There’s nothing wrong with seeking direction, especially when adult intervention is needed, but I want to be sure our counselors this summer are armed with good skills for giving campers guidance on conflict resolution, rather than just providing kids with the solution itself. All too often, we parents tend to rescue our kids from conflict; at camp, kids have a great opportunity to learn to solve such challenges on their own. One of our goals, then, is to prepare counselors to teach campers conflict resolution strategies, which the kids can use in similar situations at home (like with their siblings!).

Here are the conflict resolution steps/ strategies we will focus on this summer (and that I’ll be practicing with my bickering sons before camp, too!):

1 CALM DOWN Give everyone a chance to take a breather from each other. Ask them each what they need to do to calm down. The “wheel” offers some good choices, like walking away and taking a break for a few minutes, counting to 10 (or 100!), or writing down some feelings. In any case, nothing coherent will come from trying to lead a discussion with upset, emotionally fragile kids. So ask them to figure out the best way to calm down before attempting to solve the problem.

2 STATE & UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM Once calm has prevailed, talk to each child (either together or separately, depending on the circumstances) and help them state their problem. Stress the importance of being honest and admitting their role in the conflict (most problems are shared). Encourage them to use “I” statements to express their feelings. For example, “I felt left out and hurt because he wouldn’t let me play the card game, so I threw his towel to annoy him.”

3 APOLOGIZE WELL “A good apology will communicate three things: regret, responsibility, and remedy. Apologizing for a mistake might seem difficult, but it will help you repair and improve your relationships with others.” http://www.wikihow.com/Apologize Encourage each child (or only one, depending on the circumstances) to come up with a good apology. Writing it down before they say it can be a good start, and that letter can be given to the child with whom they’re in conflict. Or, with a younger child, take some notes that they can then use as they apologize. I found a great list of what makes a “good apology,” so it’s best if the child can include all of these parts:

Use the words, “I’m sorry.” Acknowledge exactly how you messed up. (As in, “I used unkind words that hurt you.”) Tell the person how you’ll fix the situation. Promise to behave better next time. Ask for forgiveness. Bad apologies, on the other hand, tend to suffer from these four shortcomings: Justifying words or behavior; Blaming the victim; Making excuses; Minimizing the consequences. (“It was just a joke!”)

4 PROMOTE SOLUTION FINDING Empower children to brainstorm solutions to their conflict. It’s so tempting as an all-knowing adult to generate solutions, but something the kids think up and agree

upon on their own will more likely work. Encourage each child to listen carefully and to accurately paraphrase each other. Encourage them to speak to each other (not you) and to speak honestly and kindly.

5 FOLLOW UP Follow up with the children to see how they are getting along and if the solution they came up with is working. But if the “talk together/work it out” strategy isn’t working for this pair, it’s best to suggest my go-to strategy: find someone else to hang out with. Even if the kids appear to need a prolonged break from one another, they will still be required to speak in a kind and respectful way when they are interacting. As I wrote this post, I realized that any time I used the word “kid” or “child,” I could easily have used the word “person.” Learning these conflict resolution techniques, and even using the “wheel” and its options, could help a lot of us adults, don’t you think?

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Life Skills Learned at Camp By Emily “Fish” Andrada, M.D.

Dr. Emily “Fish” Andrada is joining us as our Camp Doctor for her 10th year in 2016 (Session 4). When she isn’t at GAC, she works as a Pediatric Emergency Medicine Attending Physician at the UC Davis Medical Center where she trains emergency medicine, pediatric, and family medicine residents and teaches medical students at the bedside and in formal didactics. Some of Fish’s hobbies are swimming, yoga, riding her bike around town, watching lots of water polo, basketball, rock-climbing, and swimming. She also reads lots of young adult literature with happy endings. Fish looks forward to “laughing at all the funny skits at morning assembly, climbing the Face with the nurses, Choco Taco night, and playing card games at the dance” and says that, “GAC is where I recharge, literally, for the rest of the year!”

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My friend (I’ll call her Ann) is very accomplished. She was valedictorian of her high school, finished her undergraduate degree in three years with a full ride scholarship, and then graduated first in her class in medical school. She completed a highly competitive residency program in general surgery and during that time won the “best resident award.” Finally she moved to a well-known northeastern city to complete her sub-specialization at a prestigious fellowship program. While incredibly accomplished, getting to know her personally revealed a number of entertaining facts. Ann got driven to and picked up at the hospital every day by one of her parents (she was in her early twenties in medical school). She was often in wrinkled scrubs, carrying around her belongings in a plastic grocery store bag. When she moved to the east coast, her mother moved with her “to get her settled in,” but that turned into a four-month stay, because Ann’s mother still made her dinner, cleaned her apartment, and laundered and ironed her clothes. Three months into fellowship, Ann (and her mother) still did not have a bed to sleep on because she had not figured out how to get out to a big box store in the suburbs. You might think, “Yes, that mother has made many sacrifices and as a result her child has been a raving success!” True. Ann is having great success in her career, but she has failed to develop basic life skills...and THAT is what camp is all about. My three kids and I have been coming to camp for nine years, and while they “have fun, make friends, and grow,” I believe that the most important thing that they gain from camp is a belief in themselves and their own abilities. Most importantly, their eyes are opened to the fact that they don’t need their parents around to help them with tasks or to complete tasks for them. My kids hate when I read parenting books, but I’ve found a good one called How To Raise An Adult. The

author, Julie Lythcott-Haims (a former freshman dean at Stanford), along with parents and educators, compiled a list of practical life skills that kids need before being launched into the world: Talk to strangers Find your way around Manage assignments, workload, and deadlines Contribute to the running of a household Handle interpersonal problems Cope with ups and downs Earn and manage money Take risks From my little perch in the Wellness Center and during quick meals on the dining porch, I can tell you with no uncertainty that campers at camp practice ALL of those skills. On the surface, camp offers sailing, horseback riding, high ropes, hiking and a bazillion other activities. But in its beautifully subversive way, camp has provided our kids with a multitude of opportunities to master every single one of the life skills that will help them survive once they leave our homes. I’ve observed campers meeting new kids and counselors, figuring out the layout of camp, earning special privileges by attending early morning activities, assisting in the upkeep of the cabin, working out disagreements amongst themselves, talking about their feelings, managing purchases in the camp store, and trying lots of new activities. Each year after camp (after I have seen first-hand that my kids can function just fine without me), it’s much easier to let go—to let them manage their school work, make their own lunches, feel the burn of being late to school because they did not get up in time, and choose the extracurricular activities that they love. This year was my daughter’s last year as a camper, and while it is bittersweet, she is ready…camp has made her ready. Thankfully my boys have several more years! I wish you all a great year and hope to see lots of old and new friends at camp next summer!

Ways to Connect with GAC 1-800-554-2267 goldarrowcamp.com

GAC Runners GAC Chats Check out our Upcoming Events: goldarrowcamp.com/upcoming-events

Meet Our Year-Round Staff

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Administrative Office 1040 Pollasky Ave. Clovis, CA 93612

HOW DO YOU GET TO CAMP? Charter buses pick up and drop off campers

at these locations on the first and last day of the camp session.

Out-of-state and international

campers fly into Fresno Yosemite Air Terminal or San Francisco Airport.