Kicks + Confidence

“My mom and dad would never make me feel bad, even if everyone in the room knew I flopped. But if I didn’t do as well as I wanted, I would have to fight off that negative self talk. I think I also took a lot of other people’s talk and internalized it. I would make myself feel really bad if I didn’t do as well as I wanted. But I had to learn that it didn’t have anything to do with my self-worth,” she says. “Even now, I have to check the voice in my head that says my self-worth is tied to my achievements in any way.”

Perhaps surprisingly, the competition environment actually helped to nurture her. Over the years, she connected with many strong, gifted women, all of whom supported one another.

“The women’s divisions are just as fiery and competitive as the men’s. I think that’s true with a lot of sports, but you don’t get to see that because we don’t get put on TV like the men do. But the women have also created this beautiful environment where there is so much fellowship and so much sisterhood. They’re so supportive of each other, especially in the upper women’s division, which is incredibly competitive,” she says.

Generating confidence and respect have been the cornerstones of Kylie’s martial arts career. It’s something that she now passes on to her students, especially the girls. She encourages all girls — and women — to train in some form of self defense, karate, certainly, but also grappling disciplines, like Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and firearms training.

“I feel like if you have all three, then you really have the basics. You’re going to be able to defend yourself on the street,” she says. “You know, I wouldn’t fight someone on the street the way I would in the tourna- ment ring. But my training there has taught me to look for someone’s vulnerable spots, so I could take them down.”

It’s this sense of strength and independence that helps girls shine. And it’s something that she hopes others, like herself, will develop in their early years.

“When you’re young, six or seven, you’re completely on an even playing field with boys. I think psychologically that’s so important for girls. You’re actively competing against classmates who are boys. It helps build this healthy mental sphere,” she says.

“It shows you that, physically, there are times when you could overpower them. It makes you realize that, when people tell you women’s sports aren’t as interesting, you know that isn’t true.”