Mastering ‘art of conversation’ remains key

EMILY WALLS RAY

Contributing Columnist

“Granny, you’ve been to an excessive amount of parties lately,” my grandson recently remarked. He was referring to a string of lively engagements that started in early December and continue, happily, into the month of January. Why happily? Shouldn’t I be tired from trooping into restaurants, church pageants and the homes of new and old friends? Well, I’m not, and I credit my energy to the art of conversation.

The difference in these pleasant gatherings has been the quality of talk around the tables, where I’ve sat with people who’ve been asked a simple question or two worth considering. And the laughter that sometimes erupts as a result of something shared is truly special—deep belly laughs that continue until I hurt! An unspoken foundation of the conversation has been to avoid politics and focus on what we have in common—a lively interest in learning about others and staying positive.

There has been diversity of many kinds at these tables, though there’s been no talk of political parties, movements, or agendas because these are not “focus groups.” These gatherings stem from good old-fashioned hospitality, along with a desire to learn about others and their experiences.

A recent gathering featured the usual coffee, tea, and goodies associated with the holidays.

Early on, the hostess, seated at the head of a long table, asked each of us to recount a simple but happy memory of a holiday. She began the round robin by pointing out the tablecloth beneath our cups and saucers.

“I made this when my children were little,” she said. It was embellished with colorful red and green preschoolsized handprints in fabric paint, along with a signature and printed child’s name in their own hand. Over the years, adult-sized handprints were added as grandparents, aunts and uncles visited. Now it is a treasured keepsake covered each year in clear vinyl as one of the family’s favorite decorations. As she explained, “Some of these dear people are no longer with us, so it’s a nice remembrance at this time of year.”

The next guest spoke about her favorite Christmas, when all the little girls in the neighborhood got matching pioneer dresses (stitched by clever moms) and books from the Little tags. This promotes a sense of security and friendliness. Once she used old magazines such as Southern Living and House Beautiful as ice breakers, having us choose a photo that resonated. Then we each explained why we chose the photo. As a realtor and stager of homes, she has worked to make her home a place of hospitality, and has room to entertain. She makes it look effortless due to planning and simplicity.

House series that they could swap with each other. It resulted in years of imaginative play.

The stories varied as each person took their turn. One guest sang remembered verses of a Polish lullaby sung to her by a grandmother.

“The conversations were not superficial, and they helped us get to know one another better,” said a participant.

One of the secrets of the success of these gatherings was the origin of contact with one another. You see, we all met at our local gym, whether it was in water aerobics or weight lifting, yoga or other exercise classes. Each person met during an effort to stay or get healthy, so the foundation of the gatherings was positive. While these extracurricular gatherings were not sponsored by the gym, they definitely originated mutual efforts to get moving for physical and emotional health.

One of the frequent hostesses, Monica Davis, usually provides labels and markers so her guests can make name landish responses in word games.

Another member of the same gym, Dr. Dianne Simons, also opened up her home and continued the conversation about positive memories, but with a mostly different group of people. She has studied group dynamics as a professor emeritus of occupational therapy, and made this observation about the art of conversing: “The conversation featured one guest at a time, but each person’s account had an effect on the tale shared by the next guest.” This keeps the flow organic and helps prevent the next person from rehearsing their anticipated response while another person is talking.

Sometimes we play word games such as Blank Slate, or Just One. A quick demonstration ensures everyone knows what to expect. A couple of rounds gives pause to conversation and usually promotes laughter. Remember when you were young and just looking at your best friend or sibling resulted in giggles and guffaws? This is the hoped-for reaction to some of the more out - e mily Walls r ay is a freelance writer, tutor, and former teacher of e nglish and creative writing in the GCP s system from 20072020. s he enjoys gardening, reading, church, and sewing, but most of all, being a grandmother. To read more of her stories, visit her blog at https:// writetouchblog.wordpress. com/

Other times everyone will bring a book to swap or gently used or unwanted items to pass around to see if anyone can use them. The saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” applies during these kinds of exchanges. Most of the time guests are invited to bring a snack, but not always. I have been thinking about hosting a gathering before too long, but do not have the space for many people at once. I may entertain a smaller group, or use a public facility. Some restaurants have secluded areas or rooms that may be available. I have even found a few places that don’t charge for groups meeting in private rooms if they are not already reserved. I’ve staked out a couple of places that have elevators for the people who may be wearing an orthopedic boot or are on scooters or in wheelchairs, so everyone can be accommodated. Yes, even gym frequenters occasionally have accidents or surgeries, but that doesn’t mean they can’t join in on the art of conversation and have fun.