Ask The Pastor: What Sort of Man Should I Marry?

by Reagan Marsh

As a pastor and biblical counselor, single ladies often ask me what sort of man they should marry. Here is a quick summary (in no particular order) of the most important things the Bible says to look for in a potential husband. There is much more to say here, but not less. A man worth marrying should: 1. Value and apply Scripture’s rule above self-reliance in his life and thought (Isaiah 66:2) 2. Love Jesus more than you (Colossians 3:4) 3. Be more committed to pleasing Christ than pleasing you (2

Corinthians 5:9) 4. Be deeply committed to weekly worship at a faithful local church, entrusting his soul’s care to godly, biblically-qualified elders (Hebrews 10:21-25; Hebrews 13:7,17) 5. Help you be faithful in weekly worship there as well (Ephesians 5:25-27) 6. Desire growth in grace with you more than merely growing old with you (2 Peter 3:18) 7. Spur you on to biblical godliness, not mere superficial conformity (Hebrews 10:25b) 8. Be committed to godly change, aiming to conform his whole life more to Scripture each day (Philippians 2:12-13) 9. Be committed to serving, modeling Christ’s ministry in your home (Mark 10:45) 10. Read and feed on the Bible each day (Psalm 1:2) 11. Be committed to regular family worship, recognizing his role and responsibility as the spiritual head who will account to God for your soul and those of your children (Ephesians 6:4) 12. Habitually memorize and meditate on Scripture, privately and with you (Psalm 119:11) 13. Seek to apply Scripture to his own life and your life together (Genesis 18:19) 14. Be accountable to other godly, growing Christians, desiring to glorify

God in his life (James 5:16) 15. Seek faithful biblical counsel for his decisions, problems, and besetting sins (Romans 15:14) 16. Model true (not token!) humility before Scripture (Proverbs 3:5) 17. Exemplify obedience to God’s law, building his life upon the 10

Commandments (Matthew 4:4) 18. Honor man’s law faithfully, insofar as God’s law permits (Romans 13:1-7; Acts 5:29) 19. Be committed to working hard to provide for his family (2 Thessalonians 3:10) 20. Pray and read Scripture with you, discussing the things of God with you consistently (Deuteronomy 6:1-9) 21. Have a sincere desire to take daily, specific Scriptural steps to be more holy (1 Peter 1:13-17; Hebrews 12:1, 12-14) 22. Recognize his own indwelling sin, actively seeking to kill it (Romans 8:12-13; Ephesians 4:22-24; Colossians 3:5-14) 23. Honor his parents and yours as best he can, particularly his mother; how he treats her is how he’ll treat you (Exodus 20:12) 24. Be worth imitating in his gentleness and patience toward others (1 Corinthians 11:1; Philippians 3:17) 25. Be a man of purity: honorable in his online activity, social media interactions, and viewing habits (Ephesians 5:5-7) 26. Be a man of integrity, faithful in business dealings with client and coworker alike (Matthew 5:37) 27. Be temperate and selfcontrolled with alcohol, not given to much wine (Ephesians 5:18) 28. Be a courageous man, unafraid and willing to protect you (1

Corinthians 16:13; Luke 22:36) 29. Be a principled man of biblical conviction, unafraid to stand alone for truth—even if it’s costly (Ephesians 6:13) 30. Be a friend, one who enjoys spending time with you and is pleasant to be around (Proverbs 18:24; 1 Peter 3:7) 31. Be one to whom there is at least some basic level of physical attraction (1 Corinthians 7:2-5) 32. Be one to whom you are willing to submit yourself in all things lawful (Ephesians 5:22-24) 33. Be a man of wisdom, knowing both the ways of men and the Word of

God (Jeremiah 17:9; Acts 17:11) 34. Be a man who is teachable, willing to learn and grown from those who know more than him (Luke 2:46, 52) 35. Be the kind of man you want your sons to become and your daughters to marry (Proverbs 23:15-25 and 27:11)

He may be the bad boy, the pretty boy, the funny boy, or the flirty boy…but ladies, all those guys are still boys. Scripture calls men to be men— mighty in the Lord, faithful to their wives, and serious about the Cross of Christ. Do not buy the worldly wisdom of “not settling for less than you deserve”—ladies, do not settle for less than God expects. Do not waste your life with men who waste theirs, and do not settle for satisfying yourself (or others!) instead of glorifying God. The blood-soaked Cross of Jesus demands our marriages be shaped by its all-consuming fullness.

Feel free to submit your questions at reformationdalton.com—I’ll seek to answer them from God’s Word.

About The Author

Reagan Marsh MATS, MDiv (eq.) is husband to Kara, daddy to RG and AG, and founding pastor-teacher to Reformation Baptist Church of Dalton, GA. An SBTS graduate, certified biblical counselor, and Th. D student in Puritan studies, he has served in gospel ministry since 1998.