A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE

Recently my faith was tested. My niece who was raised more like my sister, whom I loved so dearly, was struggling with her health. She was battling cancer. It was a fight that she fought more times than one throughout the time span of her life, and through each battle she came out victorious. However, when she received this latest diagnosis nothing changed. We, as a family, had the same faith that we had before looking for nothing less than for God to show Himself to our family once again with a spectacular miracle as we trusted, prayed, stood on His word, and believed for Him to move once again on our behalf.

And He did just that! But not the way we perceived. He didn’t move in the fashion that we were expected.

As a family we were all looking for Mel’s healing to take place on this side of Heaven so that we could tangibly see God’s work being shown directly in front of our eyes. Nevertheless, it didn’t happen that way which is why I was feeling a certain way about writing from my heart. If I can be honest I was angry and bothered. I knew this request wasn’t going to be difficult at all for Him. I’ve witnessed Him do something so much greater before. At that moment of her death the enemy’s voice came in like a flood to cause me to move out on my anger. As I’m counseling others about the situation the enemy is speaking to me and asking me questions like, “Do you still believe Him?”; “You’re not bothered by Him?”; and “You still trust that God?”

For one moment I wavered and almost spoke out in my hurt and my pain. I found myself almost being in a very remorseful state of mind. My mind was troubled because my heart was unhappy.

Rhoda

TURNER FAITH AND DESIRE

I was talking to my husband the other day sharing with him how I needed to find an idea or topic for the November article. As we were conversing he shared with me that I should write about what’s in my heart. Typically, that’s what I do the majority of the time. I pray then I allow God to flow through me for the readers. But this time it seemed truly difficult and unsettling, because what was in my heart I didn’t want to flow through my mouth.

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.” Matthew 15:18 KJV

At that time moment I was afraid to write from my heart, because my heart was hurting, sad, disappointed and broken. I didn’t want my current state to affect the reader’s. But in that moment God shared with me that it’s okay to show vulnerability. It allows people to understand that leaders hurt too. At that moment I was reminded of a conversation that my husband and I had a while back about having faith to die. See, we are all children of God, and how unfair would it be to deny one child’s request over another. My niece’s faith and desire outweighed my faith and desire for her. God did hear His children’s cries and prayers. It just wasn’t our petition that He granted. It was hers. Her faith wanted to be healed on the other side. She knew the struggle she was facing, and her faith carried her to where she wanted to be. Even though it wasn’t our family’s desire, it was her desire. I had to find peace in that. I had to rest in that. I had to push pass my hurt and see her victory. I asked God “Why?” “What happened?” He reminded me of His Word saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from me; nevertheless not my will, but Yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42 NKJV), as Jesus prepared to suffer for us, it was the Will of the Father.

I needed to give thanks even when I didn’t understand or agree. Her faith was so strong that she wanted to see the Father, and I have to be thankful, because my Father honored her request I don’t have to understand it all, I just have to understand that her faith carried her home.

Pastor Rhoda Turner

Christian Faith Fellowship Church Chandler, AZ www.cffaz.org

Grace&Glory 29