BEARS
UNITED
magazine
SNEAK PREVIEW MINI ISSUE! Grrr! Woof!
ISSUE ZERO
WHO IS YOUR ULTIMATE
BRITISH BEAR? BEAR EVENTS • BEAR BARS • GAMES • FOOD • MUSIC • SEX + MORE!
BEARS
UNITED
magazine
SNEAK PREVIEW MINI ISSUE! Grrr! Woof!
BRITISH BEAR? BEAR EVENTS • BEAR BARS • GAMES • FOOD • MUSIC • SEX + MORE!
Cover Image: palhansen.com
ISSUE ZERO
WHO IS YOUR ULTIMATE
INSIDE Bear In Underwear might be for kids, but we love it! See page 6
BEARS UNITED magazine • Summer 2015 • Issue 0 PAGES
YOUR 4-5 ULTIMATE BRITISH BEAR!
EDITORIAL WOOF! GRRR! Well, how else could we introduce ourselves to you, eh? Guys, it’s our pleasure to welcome you to this special mini preview issue of BEARS UNITED MAGAZINE (we like to shorten it to BUM, ‘cos who isn’t partial to a bit of bum?) So, what exactly is BUM? It’s for blokes first and foremost. Gay blokes who like other gay blokes. We’re talking bears, cubs, chubs, muscle, admirers and everyone that falls in between. And - the clue’s in our name we’re unashamedly and proudly British. We think British blokes are fit. We love our ASDA dads, the chunky fella that catches your eye on the bus to work in the morning, and that fit bear you see at Beareoke every weekend. We’re here to celebrate British bear culture from pubs, clubs, events and music, to telly, food and gadgets. Don’t worry though, we’ll be keeping an eye on what’s happening in the bear WORLD too, so you’ll be able to read about bear events and news from across this hairy world of ours. We hope you enjoy this preview of what’s to come. Let us know what you think! All our contact details are below. See you for our first proper issue on 1st August!
Grahame & Steve
CONTENTS
Actor Nick Frost
02 WELCOME TO BEARS UNITED MAGAZINE!
We’re here, we’re big, we’re British and we’re PROUD! Welcome to the UK’s best mag for burly British blokes!
Porn Star Tommo Hawk
06 MUSIC, TV, GAMES & GADGETS
The latest pop music reviews from the acid tongue of Popzilla. What to watch on telly, and the latest games and gadgets reviewed. Image: Splatoon! (Wii U)
BEARS
03 NIGHTS OUT
This issue we focus on Manchester. Where to go, what to do and what’s coming up in what some are calling the Bear Capital of Britain!
UNITED
magazine
04 WHO IS YOUR ULTIMATE BRITISH BEAR?
07 FOOD & HEALTH
We asked you on Facebook and Twitter for your ultimate British bear. And you told us. Here’s a look at some of the blokes that are pressing your buttons. All we can say is, you’ve got great taste in men!
In the kitchen with Iain Marley as we cook up a storm with some kick-ass Macaroni Cheese! And, without any hint of irony on the same page, some essential health advice - this time we’re looking at your sexual health.
08 ADVERTISE IN BUM!
We can help you get your message out.
GET IN TOUCH www.facebook.com/ bearsunitedmagazine
@BearsUTDMag
bearsunitedmagazine @gmail.com
OUT+ABOUT
MANCHESTER
SOON!
SUNDAY 5TH JULY 2015 FROM 2PM TOPPING AND BUTCH DO SUNDAY SERVICE EAGLE BAR
THE
BIG SCRUM FRIDAY 3 JULY
Topical comedy is the order of the day, as those masters of mirth, Topping and Butch take to the Eagle stage for an afternoon of Sunday Service on 5th July. Joined by their host, Danny Beard. They offer an abundance of hot food, drinks offers and good company along with all the usual Sunday Service merriment.
THE BIG SCRUM MANCHESTER @SUB101
THE UK’S BIGGEST SPORT KIT CLUB NIGHT! If you like men in rugby and sports kit, or if you like all you can drink free shots (until they’re gone, so get there early!), and if you like an attitude free, fun, cheeky and horny club night... then you’ll love The Big Scrum! www.facebook.com/groups/bigscrum
SUNDAYS FROM7PM BEAREOKE @ REM BAR MANCHESTER’S OFFICIAL BEAREOKE NIGHT - AT THE FRIENDLIEST PUB AROUND, The Rem Bar on Sackville Street/Canal Street. Beareoke runs EVERY Sunday from 7pm until close, with your host Andrew Clarke. If you’re in Manchester, why not check it out? It’s the perfect way to wind down your weekend. Fun, frolics, and a flirtatious DJ - what’s not to love? Invite all your friends to the group and post song requests and challenges for the regulars.
03 BEARS UNITED magazine • Summer 2015
SUNDAY 12TH JULY 2015 FROM 2PM LA VOIX DOES SUNDAY SERVICE EAGLE BAR The powerhouse that is La Voix returns for a Sunday Service, Eagle style on 12th July. Now, the ONLY place in the village to see her, La Voix will be joined by hostess Divina de Campo for what promises to be an exquisite afternoon of sing-along and slander.
WHO IS YOUR ULTIMATE BRITISH BEAR?
FEATURE
That’s the question we posed to you on Facebook and Twitter. The answer was surprising, but what we weren’t surprised about was your taste in men, and not just the rich and famous. Some of the guys are your friends, and we’d LOVE to meet them...
NICK 1 FROST Actor
Photo: palhansen.com
OK, so he’s not gay and you’re not likely to see him at XXL or The Big Scrum anytime soon, but we can’t deny the beary credentials of Mr. Frost. Plus he’s funny and he knows how much all the bears lust after him. Top bloke all round and your ultimate British bear.
YOU ALSO MENTIONED
ANDREW LADLEY Rob Govan messaged us to say: “Andrew Ladley - great beary body matched with a cuddly personality. He will pull a face at this comment lol”
04 BEARS UNITED magazine • Summer 2015
ROD CONNOLLY
“He might not thank me for calling him a bear, but Rod is a bloody lovely chap and runs Manchester’s best alternative club night, Bollox. And he’s SO gorgeous!” facebook.com/bolloxclub SWIPE FOR MORE >
WHO IS YOUR ULTIMATE BRITISH BEAR?
FEATURE
TOMMO HAWK Porn Star
Well we can’t for the LIFE of us imagine why some of you mentioned this particular gentlemen to us. We don’t know much about him, but what we’ve SEEN we love. In fact, we might even be a little bit in love with Tommo. A quick Google of his name will take you to some very NSFW sites, but you’ll also find him in selected Triga titles. Now close this app and let your fingers do the walking. Go on, we’ll wait for you, you dirty boys.
DJ HIFI SEAN
DJ and musician HiFi Sean (Sean Dickson) was mentioned by A LOT of you. Formerly of Scottish alternative rockers The Soup Dragons, HiFi Sean is now one of the UK’s most respected DJ’s. And we’ll be talking to him in the next issue of BUM! Check out some of his fantastic mixes (perfect for the Summer!) at soundcloud.com/hifi-sean
YOU ALSO MENTIONED
ANDREW CLARKE Andrew is the weekly host of Manchester’s Beareoke, and owner of the hugely popular Moodybear. He’s very tall. themoodybear.com
05 BEARS UNITED magazine • Summer 2015
AARON ORESCHNICK Aaron is bloody lovely. Fact. You can catch him every week on the hugely popular ‘The Den’ YouTube channel. And from next issue he’s joining the BUM team! youtube.com/user/MenOfTheDen
SWIPE FOR MORE >
“...both sinister and dexter.”
POP ! c i s u m
TELLY
POPZILLA reviews the latest from the crazy world they’re calling ‘pop’.
SINGLE OF THE MONTH
BEAR IN UNDERWEAR Amazon Prime
ADAM LAMBERT GHOST TOWN
Based on the hugely popular kids books by Todd H. Doodler (nice name BTW), Amazon Prime have just launched their latest Amazon Pilot Season with an animated version. And it’s BRILLIANT! OK, we admit we were sold on the initial blurb which proudly proclaimed “Eddie is an eternally optimistic bear who aspires to be a forest legend and discovered “pants” (actually tighty whiteys) at an abandoned campsite.” Bears in tighty whiteys? Steady! Seriously this show has a big heart and is sure to melt yours.
Remember when you watched ‘From Dusk Til Dawn’ (or at a stretch, ‘Vanilla Sky’) and went ‘Whoa!’ at the twist? Well, Ghost Town is just like that. Coming across as some MOR dull guitar ballad at first, suddenly, you’re surrounded by pulsing basslines and bendy square waves just begging you to fling your arms, both sinister and dexter, in the air. I dare you to resist. Seems young Master Lambert is able to turn his hand to just about any style these days and this slickly produced number will no doubt delight and attract in equal measure, and THAT, dear viewer is why I’ve chosen a former American Idol runner-up as Single Of The Month.
••••
VIDEO GAMES
•••••
SPLATOON! Nintendo WiiU
If your idea of a great night in is to spray spooge all over the place (FILTH! Ed), then we think you’ll LOVE this. This is just the game the criminally underdeveloped WiiU needed. If the words “online shooter” usually fill you with dread, believe us, three minutes with Splatoon! will fill your heart with joy. In a nutshell you and three others are dropped in cutesy maps and have to use your assorted guns and brushes to cover your map with inky gunk. The team who cover the most area in their colour, wins. Simple. But it’s SO MUCH FUN!
•••••
TAKE THAT HIGHER THAN HIGHER
Aeons ago, when I were just a wee slip of a thing, drunk on life and totally mindless of the hangover that would eventually hit me, there was a group of five lycra-clad youthsters telling us that we could do what we liked, as they had their cheeky, naked bottoms mopped clean of jelly. A metaphor if ever there was one. Fast forward 25 years (I know...) and three of them are still with us, churning out the hits with monotonous regularity. This song will no doubt reach top 20 thanks to the misty-eyed 35-and-above years olds who remember when body-popping didn’t mean a dislocated hip. With more cheese than a French supermarket, ‘HTH’ manages to make Lighthouse Family look like Lordi on meow meow. Adult-Orientated-Pop (which *almost* acronymises as OAP) at its worst.Trite and shite, nice one boys.
BRITNEY SPEARS FT. IGGY AZALEA PRETTY GIRLS
If I rolled my eyes any further, I’d be looking into my own brain. When P!nk released ‘Stupid Girl’ all those years ago, it was a welcome indictment of girls and women dumbing themselves down instead of building themselves up (and no, dancing in the video next to Fiddy Cent is not the pinnacle of success). If you’re going to do satire, Britters, and take a swipe at vapid, vacuous stereotypes, it would be an idea to A) not duet with Iggy Azalea and B) not be one. It might have been an idea also to not tell the world that the boys are all hanging around you like flies, because we all know what flies like to hang around. Iggy brings precious little to the table apart from a (surprisingly intelligible) 8-bar (c)rap and a rather bizarre cutaway scene in the video that makes Clueless look like the Grand Final of Fifteen-To-One. No Etruscan snood for these two and no surprise there.
• 06 BEARS UNITED magazine • Summer 2015
•
“...whisk like buggery!”
SEX
IAIN MARLEY is proper handy in the kitchen. Check out his utensils!
Sustenance. MARLEY’S MACARONI CHEESE METHOD
TOP CONDOM TIPS!
•
Fill the kettle and put it on to boil and get the grill switched on and pre-heating to about 200 degrees.
•
Put your non stick pan on a low heat and add the butter, flour and a teaspoon or so of mustard powder, stirring them together with a wooden spoon to get your roux up and running. Combine it together and let it brown a little and burn off the “floury smell” you get when you start making a white sauce.
•
Empty the kettle of boiling water in to your other large pan, add enough salt to taste (my Italian lodger once reiterated the fact, that I’ve also read elsewhere a million times, that the water you cook pasta in should be “...saltier than the Mediterranean....”) You’ll need to be the judge of that but don’t skimp on it and make sure your pasta is cooking in LOADS of boiling water. Bring it up to the boil and let it do it’s thing. I normally cook dried, shop bought pasta for about two minutes LESS than the packet instructions - seems to be a good rule of thumb, but again, it’s your supper, so you be the judge of that. I’m not going to tell you how soft your pasta should be but remember, it’s macaroni cheese, you want it to be soporific and comforting.
•
OK, so you’ve got your pasta on the boil, let’s finish the sauce. Having combined the butter, flour and mustard powder, and let it combine and brown off a little, REMOVE THE PAN FROM THE HEAT. Can’t emphasise how important that is. You’ll NEVER get a smooth, luxurious, cheesy, white sauce if you add the milk whilst it’s on the heat. Grab your plastic whisk and, with the pan OFF THE HEAT, pour the pint of milk in and begin to whisk like buggery.
•
Return the pan to the heat and begin heating the milk, whisking continuously. After about 3/4 minutes it’ll begin to thicken. Keep whisking.
•
Add a couple of really good handfuls of your grated mature cheese and keep whisking it - it’s going to thicken and start smelling like a cheese sauce. This is a GOOD THING. Season with salt and pepper, taste it. If it’s not cheesy enough, add more cheese until you’re happy with it. Once you’re happy with the flavour, take the pan off the heat. Save on washing up - leave the whisk in it.
•
Test your pasta for “done-ness”. If you’re happy with it, drain your pasta well and then dump ALL of the pasta in to the cheese sauce mix and stir it all together - that’s why you left the whisk in it.
•
Pour the entire, gloopy, cheesy mess in to your oven proof dish and smooth it about a bit. Cover the top with a couple more handfuls of grated mature cheddar cheese, or go mad and use some parmesan if you have some, and put it under the grill (which you’ve pre-heated) until the top bubbles a little. You don’t want the top to be grilled to within an inch of it’s life, but you want the cheese to have melted. Normally about 5-10 minutes should do it.
We all know how important it is to keep safe and healthy when we’re getting grunty and sweaty. Our friends at LGBT Foundation have put together some tips for good condom use. Common sense, but it bears (ha!) repeating! • • • • • • • • • •
Find a brand that suits you and experiment with types, e.g. size, shape, and flavour. Store the condoms in an appropriate place (away from sunlight and heat). Make sure the condoms haven’t passed their sell-by-date Check that there is a ‘CE’ or ‘Kitemark’ on the packet. Open the pack carefully, making sure that you do not damage the condom. Only use one condom at a time – if the condom comes off during sex, discard it and use a new one. Use a new condom each time and for each sexual partner. Apply the condom before any sexual contact. Use plenty of water based lube – do not use oil based lube as this will destroy the condom. Condoms should also be used on sex toys.
More information about lube: •
•
Do not use oil-based lubricants such as baby oil, petroleum jelly, body lotions, massage oils or butter during sex as they damage latex condoms. Use water-based lube such as the ones provided in LGBT Foundation’s Safer Sex Packs.
Bookmark www.lgbt.foundation for all your sexual health needs. You can call their helpline too on 0345 3 30 30 30.
REQUIREMENTS • One Large Non Stick pan (the bigger the better, for the sauce) • One Large pan (for cooking the pasta in) • Ovenproof dish (Pyrex or something normally does me) • 1 x wooden spoon • 1 x plastic whisk (or something you can use with a non-stick pan) • 1 x grater • 300g of Macaroni Pasta, or any other tubular pasta (Penne?) • Maldon Sea Salt • Freshly milled black pepper • Colman’s Mustard Powder • 50g of Plain Flour • 50g of butter • 1 Pint of milk (when making this I go hell for leather with full fat) • A block of mature cheddar cheese (or whatever you’ve got in)
•
Apply to face. And wonder where your energy levels have gone after about an hour from consumption. This is beautiful, lazy food. Thank goodness. Stick on Game of Thrones or whatever you’re boxsetting this week. You’re not moving for a while.
07 BEARS UNITED magazine • Summer 2015
Yum!
Basic adverts NEA Double page Spread (idea of priceS£175 perKissue) (1024 x 1536 pixels for each double PRE)VIEW
BEARES D
MINI E! £225 per issue) ISSofUprice Inside front cover double spread (idea
IaTzine UN ag m
(1024 x 1536 pixels for each double ) Grrr! Woof! Full Page(idea of price £125 per issue) (1024 x 768 pixels)
ISSUE ZERO
Half Page (Horizontal) (idea of price £75 per issue) (512 x 768 pixels) Outside Back Cover (idea of price £175 per issue) (1024 x 768 pixels)
E S I T R E V AD
! S U H WIT
I was also thinking if we had the option for the promos on the facebook ATE M I T L U R U and twiiter page O Y IS WHO
H S I T I BR EAR? B
Event Promo (idea of price £150 per issue) Bear night to promote? on social media sites and a advert in the magazine ( page size half page)
T-shirts and merchandise?
we could also offer the promo on facebook either weekly or a number over RE! • SEX + MO C SI U M • Let us help you get the word D • FOO the page cost the month ifBEApeople cantESafford R BARS • GAM
BEAR EVENTS
•
out! For a media pack, e-mail:
also put option for we can design it for you for an extra £ xx
bearsunitedmagazine@gmail.com each of the files we get need to be jpeg or pdf and single pages as issue loads by page
NEED DESIGN?
NO DESIGNERS? NO PROBLEM! If you’ve got an event and no advert, let our designer work his magic. With prices starting at £50 for a half page ad design, you’ll get a design to keep and use elsewhere! Contact us for other rates. All rates negotiable.
LET’S TALK! EVENT TO PROMOTE? LET US HELP! We want to support the UK bear scene, so let us help you promote what you’re doing. Contact us to talk about how we can get the word out about your bear event in the mag and on our Facebook page.