CREATIVES

My sister’s room is next to mine I wondered if she could hear me crying At night When I was alone with my body That no longer felt like my body It’s a weird feeling To want to escape the thing that sustains you.

My friend lent me a red jumper I wore it every day for three weeks It was comforting to have something big Covering me Separating me from my body Separate mind from body Separate mind from body

I went to work the next day After I’d found out I had to stop And sit down on my walk there Four times I dropped the bread loaves I went home early.

I watched all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies I watched Avatar the Last Airbender I watched Sweet Home Alabama I slept A lot.

I could already feel spirals of shame Winding down through my ribs And settling deep in my uterus. The misoprostol slid down with it Carving out a burning reminder, You deserve this pain. I found moments of solidarity With each time the bleeding was too heavy And it fell onto a seat And I had to apologise There was a caring word A certain nod A ‘I have been there’. To the woman who ran into the bathroom to give me another pad Thank you To the driver who asked if I was okay instead of how to clean up the mess Thank you To the friend who had been through this just two months before Who stayed on the line and talked me through the process Thank you To the friend who called me two months later and needed to talk I hear you. To the receptionist who smiled and explained how to fill in the forms To the GP I saw on Valentine’s Day who nodded ‘termination yes?’ To the woman taking my blood who maintained her gentle composure While I was crying everywhere To my family who made me laugh because what else To my manager who told me she could cover me if needed To my work colleague who gave me a hug To my friend’s mum who ran to the shops to get me Kool mints after I vomited Three times To the doctors and staff who stayed open during the pandemic To the activists who fought for abortion rights Thank you.

I know we must keep fighting to defend the right.

To my gran who had to do this a much harder way I’m sorry To those who we failed to provide health care I’m sorry

To my best friend –who slept next to me while I cried, sat next to me at appointments, called the 24/7 nurse line for me, calculated when I could take my next pain killers, set alarms so I would not wake up in pain, gave me a safe space when I needed one,

Thank you. And to anyone reading this I got you If you need.

by Sarah Vanderfield

Words to my lover’s wife

When the first drop of rain hits the soil And the smell of dust, dirt, and despair fills the air, All you might think about is How could I even dare?

His subtle gaze, his smooth touch; Perhaps I am asking for too much. You savour him in sunlight, And I steal him in moonlight.

He thinks of me when he kisses your lips And I have to pretend it is all a bliss. When he tells me you make his mind a mess, I truly believe that I am not less.

He comes to me with your smell But showers and leaves, so you cannot tell. He runs his fingers across my shoulder, But holds on to you when the weather gets colder.

I have to remind him to hush his tone I bet you cannot even make him moan. But he is always gone when I open my eyes, And always there for you, despite my cries.

He tells me he does not love you, But even you know he is lying too. Because even if he keeps asking for time, We both know he will never be mine.

by Anonymous

Mother

by Rayna Bland

l was born from her An energetic combustion, Which is the seed of life Mother; She breathed me.

And from this Breath The balance and chaos was born and the universe became, a reflection of me: a reflection of you.

Mother, She raises us so. Us brothers and sisters in all the ways we go. Mother. I love you so.

Strong as the mountains, and as resilient as the sea consistently creating a space for us to be.

Mother. Radiant as the sun and as loving as the moon. The love you provide is eternal, for which I know because it is you that gave me a beating heart.

And, Mother; I know For, I love you so In all your form: In all your Beauty.