23 minute read
REGULARS
CHALLENGE:
Indoorsy white man goes outside for the first time
Advertisement
When I was asked to take on the role as Regulars editor, I knew I would face adversity. I pictured late nights judging other people’s writing and compromising my uni work for an extra-curricular.
But I was not prepared for the curveballs the Grapeshot team were going to throw my way. If you’re new here, welcome to the challenge, the part where I do something that challenges me for your edification. This issue I was tasked with doing something Australian and also manly, both of which are problematic in nature but who cares, it’s 2020 I can be a man if I want. This issue, I was sent into the bush to complete various tasks. Sounded simple enough and I’ll admit I was initially unfazed by my assignment. My confidence was a little shaken when I told my mum what I was doing, and she laughed. She then asked me where the bush was and my response was “I’m pretty sure there is some bush in Castle Hill Mum”. So, I went to find some of this bush everyone speaks of and decided for my own benefit as well as the reader’s to not go full bush. I only have a couple of hours to go to a bush if I want to get this all done and come back in one piece. I had heard that Fagan Park in Galston was quite nice, so I chose this location and took a friend with me in case of an emergency. I wanted to avoid a James Franco 127 Hours situation, if it came to that. I don’t even like some massages for being too rough so I’m definitely not sawing off my own arm with a pen knife. We got there at about ten in the morning and I decided to take the first risk of the day: not paying for parking. This is me suppressing my emotions in an act of true Australian masculinity. As I walked away from my car, I pushed away feelings of fear and anxiety for parking without paying. Dreadful stuff. What if the ranger saw my ticketless vehicle? What if I got a fine? Little did I know it, I started to understand what it is to be an Aussie man. To constantly live in a state of avoiding responsibility. My taste of a Ned Kelly-esque existence. We managed to use maps in the park to find our way out of the manicured gardens and into the bush. I felt uneasy as the gravel paths turned to dirt ones, but this is what I signed up for. Getting out of my comfort zone. I was an overcast day and the bush, now becoming familiar to me as I spent several minutes there, took on an eerie atmosphere. We found ourselves walking parallel to a creek and I was keen to discover the aquatic aspects of the bush. Getting down to the banks of the creek, I recalled my editor’s quest for me to catch a fish. I saw no reason not to at least try. For some time I stared at the brackish water before me, willing a fish to come and find me. The Laws of Attraction were failing me, although when had they ever succeeded. I swung my gaze up into the foliage and thought of the wise words of the drag queen Tammie Brown, “I don’t see you walking children in nature”. The giggles of children drifted down to meet me and I thought that maybe this was the point of the challenge. I was one with nature. I was a child being walked by nature. Then my friend and safety companion pointed out the group of primary age school children skipping nearby. This was worse than any predator in the bush, for these creatures had one thing a Funnel Web Spider does not, entitlement. I’ll admit I wasn’t in my most fierce attire, I needed to dress like an Australian man after all, so we quickly made our exit to an even more secluded part of the bush. The bush around the path became denser and I started to feel slight tickles across my skin. The voice of the ideal Australian man told me to ignore all my feelings and I did my best. I’m not sure if this approach to mental health includes physical health so I looked at my ankles only to find them being viciously attacked. Swiping vigorously, I attempted to fight them off (inadvertently achieving one of my tasks, to get into a fight). It was too late.
They left their mark on me. A streak of blood stained my shin.
I cannot fully express the scene. We tried desperately to act as if nothing was wrong in true Aussie fashion, but neither myself nor my friend could look at the bush the same way after we were violated by its beasts. Trying to hide my fear, we rushed back to the open fields filled with boomers walking their something-oodles. My friend told me that I made a lot of disapproving noises, but inside I was screaming. True to form I did my best to suppress such noises, but even Aussie blokes get to grunt sometimes. At least that’s what I tell myself. Emerging from the wildest parts of the park, my ankle and elbow had been bitten by mosquitoes. A trophy of my time in the bush. A trophy I would be forced to wear for some time. Defeated, we made our way out of the bush entirely. Passing a brownish pond, something caught my eye. Swiftly, I leapt to the edge of the pond, fingers outstretched. At last, an aquatic creature I could rip from its natural habitat, like a true Aussie. But my eyes doth deceive me. What I thought to be a fish was in reality no more than a leaf. Cruelly denied my goal, I finally said goodbye to the bush and exited its sweet and woody embrace. Back in the safety of my car, I considered what I had just done. A challenge. It was hard to combine the emotional desert that is the mental landscape of a traditional Australian man with the actual Australian landscape. I suppose that my own mindset embodies that of a more progressive model of Australian masculinity and so to condemn myself, even for an hour or so, to stereotypical colonial manhood was in all honesty a real challenge. Of course, I failed abysmally. My friend and I spoke openly to each other, unable to follow the stoic and silent example. We communicated our desire to leave the bush after being bitten by mosquitoes. I could not help but run to an old-fashioned water pump and live out my colonial washerwoman fantasy. I found that my real challenge was understanding why people thought this was an example to follow. Is the bush a sphere reserved only for hegemonic masculinity? Can I, as a man who does not subscribe to toxic notions of manhood, still feel comfortable in the bush? These are good questions, but I am not a scientist, so I cannot answer them. All I know now is that leaves are liars, especially if they look like fish.
By Harry Fraser
POP CULTURE REWIND:
Murdoch’s Monopoly on Media
Who the hell is Murdoch and why does he matter? Rupert Murdoch is at the head of an international media empire. He’s the same age as Prince Phillip, so well out of silver fox territory. The only thing going for him is that he owns a huge chunk of the media we consume every day.
So, how does one old guy who isn’t a silver fox own said chunk? Murdoch’s imperial rule over our news is secured under his company News
Corp Australia, among other big names like 21st Century Fox. Under these companies, he owns various news outlets. In Australia, these include The Australian, The Daily Telegraph, The Courier-Mail, and Cumberland-Courier Newspapers (an organisation that prints twenty-three local papers like The Hornsby Advocate). In the United States, he owns The New York Post and The Wall Street Journal. This is a super condensed list.Some may ask: ‘So? What about it?’. Some may also say that my tinfoil hat suits me well, and to that I say, ‘Why thank you, yes it does. But also, no one person or company should own such a large portion of media outlets’. Media is an influential mechanism in helping people participate in and make sense of their world. We use it to understand politics, which social group said what, and of course, when to stock up on toilet paper. When someone has unchecked ownership of this technology, they control what we see and what we know. They can spam us with selective reporting on what they want us to pay attention to, or deprive us of the stories we could find useful in developing opinions about the world. And it’s Murdoch’s significant ownership of the press allows him to do precisely that. This dynamic is damaging to the core institution of the free press. It’s nefarious to control what someone knows and incapacitate them from acting on informed opinions and beliefs they were prevented from even having in the first place. Murdoch’s a pretty conservative guy, given that conservative and capitalist ideologies prop up his empire. You know, all that free market stuff that says competition in the market is a good thing and monopolies are negative for consumers. So, it’s no surprise that he wants to keep things cool and conservative in Australia. That’s why we’re always getting blow by blow accounts of royal family drama from ‘reputable’ papers like The Australian and The Daily Telegraph. We’re being placated by nostalgic stories of monarchy to keep us from focusing on our leaders.
That is, until Murdoch wants us to focus on our leaders. Kevin ’07 has publicly called Murdoch out for selectively reporting on his prime ministership to undermine his policies and encourage public dissent. For him, News Corp is “a cancer on democracy” because of how it uses selective reporting on government figures to warp public opinion – at Murdoch’s whim. But Murdoch’s whim isn’t exclusively applied to Labor leaders. He sure as hell didn’t like
Malcolm Turnbull (wasn’t conservative enough, I’m guessing). Days before Turnbull was dumped by the Liberal-National Party in 2018, Murdoch had flown to Australia to look after affairs at News Corp. The Australian Financial Review and the ABC have both reported that during his trip, he told Kerry Stokes, fellow media mogul, that Turnbull’s time was up. In mere days, Murdoch owned media unleashed a torrent of bad press about Turnbull. And easy as that – a leadership spill occurred. If you’re still not convinced that Murdoch is warping public opinion, consider the longevity of his rule. Twenty-five e years ago, a TV critic from The Washington Post compared Murdoch to “some sort of monster in a science fiction movie, The Blob or something… you keep waiting for somebody to sort of shape him up and push him back in, but it doesn’t happen”. In 2020, Murdoch’s sludgy-self continues to rule unchecked. He’s wiggled his way out of police, hacking, bribery and corruption scandals of all kinds. His new outlets simply didn’t report bad press about them. For one man’s empire to last for so long unscathed, despite all his wrongdoing, there has to be manipulation present. Feel free to disagree and engage with whatever media you want. I have literally no obligation to feed you this information and make you agree with me. But I find it pretty hard to have faith in Murdoch’s management of Australian media. I, unlike Murdoch, want you to be able to decide for yourself.
By Elizabeth Laughton
ILLUSTRATED:
What does your favourite classic Aussie icy treat say about you?
You spent countless days and nights with these mangled packets only to uncover a block of ice too hard to bite into. Sadomasochist. I’m talking Christian Grey but without a contract or the money. You don’t care who leaks your fetishes to the press.
Your parents gave you $5 notes to buy your ice creams. Nothing has changed, though has it? A job would only distract you from being an influencer.
You begged for this one to unnecessarily hide your gayness. The Golden Gaytime would’ve given you away, so you went for the rainbow one instead. I’m sure you see the problem with that now.
They say it’s hard to have a Gaytime on your own, though in reality it takes more than an ice cream to maintain solid relationships. When you whipped one out of the freezer to stop your boyfriend leaving, the disgusted look on his face said it all.
You’re that 8-year-old child who flies business class. Never had a proper childhood, nor did you want one. You didn’t even like kids when you were a kid.
Practical yet still enjoys a good time. With no chance of melted ice block on your hands, you’re free to participate in activities. Even now you’re the life of the party, clutching a watermelon cruiser while you grind up on a pergola post.
You are and always will be a utilitarian. Why buy one magnum when you could get two or even three of these for the same price? Those around you are grateful for your selflessness. What happens when their gratitude runs out?
This was the highlight of your summer afternoons as a child. Chewing on that bubble gum nose helped you drown out the sound of mum opening another bottle of sav blanc and forget that dad still hasn’t told you where he’s living.
By Harry Fraser
WRITING ON THE WALL:
Daffodil
Daffodil
noun. A golden spring flower that is trumpet-like in shape.
– Me and myself.
This word carries so much weight for me. It is a name many people have called me, mostly friends and people I know. It started the day our history class was told that in the past Indigenous Australians were not identified as human beings by the Constitution. This led to choruses of, “does that mean they were fauna?” and, “ oh shit, maybe they were flora”. Then the inevitable query, “How does it feel to be a flower? I reckon you’re a daffodil”.
Next came the cackles and laughter. No one stepped in, no one argued and sure as hell no one tried to defend me. This is just a small part of the racism Indigenous people have to deal with, and it’s only one example from my own life. But it’s impossible for there to be racism in such a tolerant, multicultural country like Australia, right? I’ve heard it all: “take a joke”, “ we were just kidding” or “lighten up”. Within this dynamic I am immediately placed in a defensive position, where it is me who is at fault in the face of ridicule. I’m sorry but my heritage is not a joke to me. This is ridicule. This is cruelty. This is racism. The basis of the nickname was from a long-past Australia – one I had thought very much dead.
I guess I was wrong.
Look, I get it. We all like having fun and being jovial about the people we hang out with. But this was my life. I’ve been told that I should go back to sniffing petrol, that I’m not Indigenous enough, that I didn’t have to try in school because the government will get me into university for free. That my skin is too fair and it isn’t fair that I’m getting Indigenous benefits. That we don’t need to apologise for the stolen generation – after all it wasn’t us, right?
But that’s the thing, it is us.
We’re halting the way forward. I was so ashamed of being Indigenous and of the so-called ‘benefits’ that came with it, that I refused to file the paperwork for special consideration. I wasn’t Indigenous enough to get any assistance, but I was Indigenous enough to reap their racism. The more I think of it though the sadder I get. What people didn’t know is that my father’s family, the Indigenous half, is broken. They are stuck in a cycle of alcohol, abuse, addiction and suffering. I know. I lived it. I learnt from a young age to never get between a Smith and their grog. Those scholarships and ways of lifting up Indigenous people weren’t even directed at me and yet, I was still ashamed. I cannot imagine how it must feel for those who need them more than I.
This is the racism of today I guess. Just a cycle of offering Indigenous people a hand, only to mock them for taking it. A subtle stain that lingers on the tapestry of Australia’s multicultural tolerance. But here’s the thing about tolerance, there is always a tolerator and tolerated – and I’m tired of being tolerated.
By Rhys Cutler
I DON’T GET IT:
An AUSPOL Glossary
G’day to all the readers who would like to know a bit more about the circus that is Australian politics or Auspol for those diehard political junkies. I will attempt to explain various terms, ideas and political institutions, particularly those unique to the land down under.
Australian Labor Party One of the two major political parties in Australia. Main ideological goals are reducing inequality by championing workers’ rights, access to healthcare and equal opportunity in education. Labor sees the role of the government as correcting the worst inequality caused by capitalism in maintaining social welfare programs to economically and socially support working class Australians. This means greater government intervention in the form of progressive taxation, expansion of Medicare and greater funding to education. Interestingly, they still support coal exports. Just putting that out there.
Canberra Bubble If you ask journalists and academics what the Canberra Bubble is, you will be surprised when they tell you it doesn’t exist. So to define it, I will have to describe it in the rough words of Scomo. It usually gets thrown around as a response whenever Scomo is asked something challenging. He says that ordinary Aussies don’t care about things like press freedom and corruption and he prefers to talk about things they do care about, like the cricket. According to Scomo, the Canberra Bubble is the insular political sphere filled with Canberra politicians and the press gallery. Those inside the bubble are out of touch with ordinary Aussies and get caught up with scheming and the toxic culture of parliament. But at least we can trust Scomo, who is by his own admission outside the bubble. Funny that.
Coalition In Australia this refers to the way the Liberal Party and the National Party form an alliance of sorts. Labor runs a candidate in every seat during elections and therefore would be able to form a majority in Parliament. On the other hand, the Liberals don’t do this. In more rural seats, the Libs let the Nationals run candidates while they take the more urban areas. So two parties pool their seats to form a Coalition. The Nationals are a smaller party so for them, this arrangement gives them a greater voice in Parliament than they would otherwise have. The position of Deputy Prime Minister is always given to the National Party leader while the Prime Minister is a Liberal.
Conservative In essence, conservatism opposes change, at least sudden change. They value free enterprise, the protection of private property and traditional social values. Many conservatives want to preserve the current state of things or even return to the values of a former time.
Liberal This one is really hard to define because in different contexts, liberal has so many different meanings. Traditionally, liberalism refers to enlightenment ideals around individualism and liberty that emerged a few hundred years ago. Think American Revolution. Translated to today, this embodies ideas of small government, that is, less government intervention in people’s lives because people know what is best for themselves. Liberalism holds the free market in high regard and discourages government intervention in the economy. This means less taxation and free trade. Along the lines of this approach, liberals support free speech, secularism, equality before the law and the free press. Free being the key word here guys. Saying that, liberal means somewhat the opposite
29
in other contexts. Many, particularly in the United States, divide political beliefs upon whether you are conservative (see above) or liberal. In this case, liberals support the involvement of the government in correcting social wrongs, such as inequality of opportunity and harsh income inequality. In the Australian context though, liberal usually refers to the party itself.
Liberal Party The other major political party in Australia. The Liberal Party embodies the classic liberal ideals of small government, free trade and lower taxes as well as some new ones like border security, budget surpluses and fighting for small businesses. Now I’m going to break it down to a VERY basic level to show what this looks like IRL. Smaller government means less spending on public and social services, such as healthcare, welfare and education. Less spending means less debt for the government. Tax rates are usually lowered in accordance with liberal ideals and the flow on effect of this is less income for the government. So basically, they want more money coming in than going out (by cutting funding). In the end they would love to minimise the presence of the government with less tax and less spending. They also love coal.
Moderate This is a category for people who sit towards the middle of the political spectrum. Usually they shy away from anything radical when it comes to ideology and prefer instead to find a happy middle ground. Many believe in the mixed market economy, where capitalism is regulated to avoid extreme inequality and the exploitation that comes with unbridled capitalism.
National Party Formerly the Country Party, the Nationals fight for regional Australia. Politically and socially they align to conservative values, similar to the Liberals, of small government and the free market. In an unusual and ongoing paradox however, the Nationals support a sort of agrarian socialism. They believe in government subsidies and welfare for the farming, agriculture and resource sectors. The Nationals have faced significant criticism for their hybridity when it comes to economic ideology. The Nationals are Joe Goldberg from the Netflix Original Series You and coal is the poor woman inside the Perspex chamber. Literally obsessed.
Neoliberalism A series of economic policies that gained popularity in the late 20th century. It promoted a return to the laissez faire approach and resulted in significant levels of deregulation of financial markets and privatisation. These days neoliberalism is being critiqued for the impact of its policies. It increased market volatility, which many argue resulted in the Global Financial Crisis of 2008-2009. In Australia, neoliberalism has widened income disparity and wealth gaps leading to greater socio-economic inequality. Most notably for young Aussies, we have neoliberalism to thank for creating a housing bubble and pricing us out of the property market.
Progressive To be a progressive means that you support social reform. Progressives are not by default more leftwing but rather are the opposite of conservatives. Progressives believe in changes to economic and social policies that will make the world a more equitable and modern place. Progressives don’t want things to stay as they are, while conservatives usually do.
Pulling a Scomo This is when you fuck off despite being needed the most during a crisis. Can also refer to shaking someone’s hand despite their physical resistance.
“Where’s Johnny? Someone just ordered five packs of 24 nuggets for ten dollars and he’s on nug duty!”
“Yeah nah can’t find him, must be pulling a Scomo.”
YOU ARE HERE:
An Outsider’s Guide to the Northern Beaches
I’m sure you’re all familiar with Sydney’s Northern Beaches. That place on the coast with all the beaches? Here we’re all your ‘typical Aussies’. Beachy blonde surfer dudes, and girls with flawless tans, all with nothing to do but lay by the beach and catch some waves and rays. Maybe this is true to some extent, but there is much more to it.
There are many things you can’t avoid while living on the beaches. Here’s what to expect:
EVERYTHING is expensive and we’re all poor, pretending not to be. At every cafe, restaurant and bar, you’ll find gluten free, dairy free, vegan meals. As I’m sure many of you are aware, these don’t come cheap, but ironically we don’t have many other options. We created this norm for ourselves being hippie trendsetters and all.
We live in a literal bubble. I’m not proud of it, but this basically means that we’re not usually very concerned about what happens elsewhere, and we rarely leave. Everything seems so far away and we have all we need!
Home & Away is filmed on the beaches too, and guess what? Many of us have probably been an extra at some point (don’t judge. It pays well and we’re all looking for our 5 minutes of fame okay). You will definitely run into some familiar faces, or maybe become one yourself.
You have noticed the private/public school divide…I’m sure this isn’t only a Northern Beaches thing, but it’s hard to ignore the gap between private school and public school kids in high school. In private high school, you don’t talk to the public school kids (peasants) and you only date the boys who go to your ‘brother school’. How do you meet these boys you ask? Only at the most anticipated event for every 13 year old schoolgirl: the year 7 dance, where you get to stand in the corner, huddled up with your girlfriends while watching the boys line up to straight-arm dance with the strange girl in school. I’ll leave it at that.
You’ll find you can’t visit Warringah Mall without running into a horde of 15 year olds ‘snuggling’ and swearing while sitting on the couches scattered around the centre. You’ll also likely avoid the mall for this reason.
Another thing we’re all fortunate enough to witness over here is Tony Abbott in budgie smugglers. Yes you read that right. You may be enjoying a day at the beach, when out of nowhere you spot something blindingly white in the distance. As it gets closer, you’ll notice it’s none other than Tony Abbott in nothing more than speedos to cover his junk. Thanks Tony, I’m scarred for life.
An uber home from anywhere outside the beaches (or even inside if you’re coming from Avalon), will cost you an arm and a leg. No seriously. I once spent $150 on an uber home from the city. Not cool.
Living on the beaches you will have heard of Lady Wakehurst, and know not to drive down the winding Wakehurst Parkway after dark. The myth suggests that she will show up in your rear view mirror, and you’ll crash if you drive on the road after dark. Ironically, this road is a major thoroughfare for the Northern Beaches, and the detour will take an extra 20 minutes but we’re not taking that risk.
I couldn’t possibly sum up the Beaches in so few words, but if you want to know more, you know where to find me.
By Brooke Mason
