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SPHERES, CIRCLES AND RECURRING DREAMS ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE

Isabella Bustanaby

There is a special finality to experiencing death in a dream. When I die I wake up. My dream is over. And I have changed states.

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It began in the desert at dusk. We chatted and joked while laying out the blanket, sat close to one another and prepared to watch the night sky envelope the horizon. The nocturnal animals, birds and bugs emerged and moved in between the trees. I noticed them watching us and especially felt the gaze of a large bat with a human face. After welcoming the company, we melted into the change.

But, as soon as it had set, the sun seemed to be rising again in reverse. How could this be? Night had just arrived. How could we have sat through the descent and sudden return of the sun in only a few minutes?

The light grew stronger and brighter and hotter until it became apparent that the unnatural daybreak was not the sun but a cataclysmic combusting sphere that was eviscerating everything in its path, and it was making its inevitable meeting with us. Staring at the end, all we could do was watch.

The bright red hot heat stretched towards us and we huddled under our blanket for shelter. We knew it wouldn’t help. We knew that the energy coming from across the mountains had no way of being stopped by building or body or blanket.

Our faces close together, our words quiet and only for one another. They said, “Hey, I love you guys,”. Those words felt obvious. This was all we had left to say, not only to us but to the universe that was moments from collapsing in on itself.

“I love you too. I love everyone. I love everything.”

~

This dream sat in my mind for three years. Every now and again I felt it emerge like a memory.

Giving thanks with my friends gathered around a freshly set meal;

Watching birds play;

Leaning back in a planetarium chair just as the lights fade off;

Feeling the sun’s heat on my skin; Sitting on the porch in distinct silence, staring at the skyline;

Hearing the last note of a song disappear into the room while staring at one another and our instruments;

The feeling of my body shockingly adjusting to the heat of bath water.

These moments brought me back to my dream of the world ending. I would feel my nervous system prickling on all ends. I would softly hear the low reverberation that marks a great change, an ending or beginning, within my body. I would breathe in and bring back that eagerness to fill my lungs. To bring back the happiness to have lived. To bring back a small death.

It was to my surprise that two weeks ago I began dreaming about these deaths again. The same fiery ball would appear in the sky, interrupting an otherwise typical dream day, asking for all of my consid - eration once again. Releasing, once more, all of my gratitude as I face my own vanishment. Spheres and circles of mysterious origin, of unknown content and immense energy.

Spheres and circles that inflate with utter determination. These radially expanding spheres, these knowingly impending fireballs, these prophecy stars.

I love you. I love everyone. I love everything.

Lejin Fan

I Love You Instagram image transfer on tofu

LEJIN

Fan

I Love You Instagram image transfer on tofu

Janne Marie Dauer

CJ HEYLIGER

VVVVVVVVVVVVV (1229R4F5) carbon pigment print

Bench of Good Omens walnut wood, tried and true oil, agate stone, acrylic, air-dry clay, swarovski crystals

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