Sustainable You

Be Selfish

BY KAREN LANGSTON

HHave you ever flown? Before takeoff, the flight attendants go over some emergency preparedness. If there is a drop in cabin pressure, the oxygen masks drop from above the ceiling. The passengers are then instructed to put their mask on first before helping either a loved one or someone who may need help. Seems selfish, right? Not really, because if we do not have enough oxygen, we pass out and are useless to anyone else.

The same holds true in our own lives. I know when raising my kids, I always took a back seat to my family’s needs. It is just how it goes—family first, pets first, community, oh, and work. Right, I need to put that first, too. But, what about you? How long can you sustain running on empty? How effective are you truly, when you are not feeling 100%? How’s your health, sleep, and energy? If you search this topic on the web, most of what you’ll find is about this lack of happiness and self-worth. I do not believe that this is the crux of what is going on. I believe we are an action of observations from our caregivers. We are either doing what they did, or doing what we did not get as a kid. My parents were not the nurturing type. They took care of our essential needs; however, because they were holding down sometimes two jobs each, there wasn’t much room for much more. I did what my mum did—worked my bum off, put everyone’s needs first, and myself last. It wasn’t sustainable, and I got sick as a result. I came across a quote by Rumi, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” This shook me to my core. I found myself taking a hard long look on how to make changes. I was running on empty, and everyone around me was suffering, too.

If we are running on an empty tank, how can we possibly give a full tank of energy to our family, friends and community? How are we supposed to put 100% of our time, attention, and energy into our business? Stress, anxiety, and exhaustion take a major toll on our mind and body. Interesting to note that in Chinese and Ayurveda medicine, the gallbladder’s emotional connection has to do with regret. More women have gallbladder surgery than men. Coincidence? Women have a tendency to put their aspirations and dreams on hold to raise a family. Sometimes this regret of not doing what they wanted festers for years. If last year taught us anything, it is to slow down, and take time out for what really matters. I am not asking you to abandon ship and go off on a yearlong Eat Pray Love sabbatical. Instead, start small by scheduling 30 minutes of time daily that is just for you. It can be anything you want; it just has to bring you joy or happiness. Once you get comfortable with this, then schedule more time, progressing to getting in a day just for you, or a weekend once every couple of months. In the beginning this may sound overwhelming, but after some time of experiencing something just for you, you will feel the benefits—and want more. Believe me, the effects of this selfless act will just make you feel happier, which in turn will be felt by all those you interact with. You will have more to give. Studies have shown happier people have more stable marriages, stronger immune system, higher incomes and more creative ideas. These are the keys to being in a position to give back to others. Add in some time for movement—it can be a streaming service, a walk outdoors, cycling, yoga; whatever it is, get your body moving. When our body moves, we become stronger. Studies have revealed regular exercise boosts brain function and energy; helps keep your thinking, learning, and judgment skills sharp; and promotes a feeling of well-being and calm.

Now, imagine sharing this energy with others. Imagine giving 100% of your positive energy to others who are then inspired to influence and inspire others. This is where the act of giving truly happens. Think back to a time when you have been in the presence of another where you just felt good around them. You too can feel this way. It doesn’t take much to get started. At first you may resist it, then you will come to embrace it. When you are happy, those around you feel happy, and when you are inspired, those around you are inspired. When you are giving back with a full tank, others feel it too. This is the kindest act you can do. In the words of Hardy D. Jackson, “Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”