Penumbra 2021

Page 58

and wore a trench coat over it, like Aurdrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. When I got home, the bed was distressed, and you were nowhere to be found. I texted you saying I was coming home early, to which you responded, “Be home soon. I am out with a friend from out of town.” Who was this friend, I thought. I tried to think nothing of it. That night always stuck with me. When we moved into this new place, everything changed. You got a job, and I got pregnant. You were out more, and I was out less. Our nights on the couch seemed to have slipped out from under me, and so did you. When you finally came in to bed at night, we never had pillow talk or even sex at that point. I would doze off to sleep, and you stayed up writing in another black leather journal. Writing your life away. Yesterday marked a year you’ve been gone. Yesterday Quincy turned three months old. I read the journals yesterday. I have this fucked up ritual where I read them every fourth Sunday of the month, but sometimes, when I miss you, I read them to remind myself I shouldn’t. Yesterday was one of those days. I have been looking back to the past recently, looking for clarity or answers or signs or I don’t know, something. How did I not see the waving red flag that stood in your place on the couch? Why did I never ask to read your journals? I’ll never forget that night. I had suspected something was going on for a while, but I saw no place to turn. I went into the library, and sat on the couch with a cup of tea. My eyes locked to your journals. I picked up one, ran my hand over the smooth leather, and turned the page. Hours later, I was still turning pages. You walked in, your hair fluffed. The next morning you left. I ask myself every day why I don’t resent you, and then I look at Quincy. She has your eyes, your single dimple, and when I cuddle her all I think is I hope you are well. I have many questions, and it is hard having them unanswered. But now, Quincy is my answer. She has taken your place on the couch with me. I thank you for her. I imagine the falls are beautiful. Enjoy the view.

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The Yellow-Rumped Warbler ~ MENNA DELVA

5min
pages 88-89

Missing You Missing Me ~ ALEXANDRA AGAH

1hr
pages 90-132

Photographs ~ KAVYA KRISHNAMURTHY

3min
pages 86-87

Craft Interview with Leslie Jamison ~ MENNA DELVA

13min
pages 79-83

Life Cycles ~ MARY KESSLER

6min
pages 84-85

These Sorts of Things ~ KEVIN KURLYA

9min
pages 68-71

Ice Cold ~ MAX HOWAT

4min
pages 66-67

Hayden ~ HARRIETT WELLS

6min
pages 64-65

Another Way to Disappoint Him ~ BEYZA KALENDER

3min
pages 61-63

Christian Couples Counseling ~ HALEY NILSSON

4min
pages 59-60

The Folding ~ CJ SHEA

2min
page 58

Quincy ~ SOFIA EBBESEN

5min
pages 56-57

Between the Roots and Tree ~ ANNIKA WHITE

2min
pages 53-55

The Fire Burns ~ JACKSON RASSIAS

3min
pages 49-52

The Hollow Shell ~ JAFFIR WAJAHAT

7min
pages 46-48

Great Blue Heron ~ AIDAN MURPHY

0
pages 44-45

Inishbofin ~ CAYLA BERNSTEIN

4min
pages 42-43

Summertime Shore ~ RYAN AUDEMARD

2min
page 37

Path to Tranquility ~ SAMARA COHEN

4min
pages 40-41

Longboat Key ~ LILLY BECK

4min
pages 35-36

Southport Harbor in the Late Summer ~ TIM NORTHROP

2min
page 34

The Green Mountains are Seldom Green ~ CAROLINE McCALL

2min
page 33

Her Lullaby ~ MENNA DELVA

0
page 20

The Morning Show ~ PETER LUI

0
pages 25-26

He Would Give His Life ~ SHAAN CHANNAMSETTY

0
page 18

Hope ~ EMILY TWITCHELL

0
page 19

Apollo’s Lament ~ ANNIE DIZON

1min
page 21

The Fireflies in Our Future ~ ANNA REYNOLDS

0
page 15
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