022112 Chicago Maroon

TUESDAY • FEBRUARY 21, 2012

ISSUE 28 • VOLUME 123

THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO SINCE 1892

CHICAGOMAROON.COM

Faster course registration catches some off guard Ben Pokross News Staff

A comedy tonight Stand-up artist Reggie Watts, at center with mouth agape, strikes a pose during MAB’s Winter Quarter Comedy Show Saturday night at Mandel Hall.

DARREN LEOW | THE CHICAGO MAROON

UCMC doctors weigh in on city’s racial divide A panel of medical professionals and activists delivered a sobering diagnosis of health and healthcare access in Chicago last night, calling out enduring racial and social divides before

an audience of more than 130 students and community members at the Office of Multicultural Student Affairs (OMSA).

The panel, dubbed “Racial Health Disparities in Chicago: What Can Be Done?�, featured doctors at the University of Chicago

Fourth-year physicist wins Cambridge scholarship

Medical Center, including Chief Medical Officer Dr. David Ansell, as well as South Side community leaders.

Dr. Daniel Johnson, of the University of Chicago Urban Health Initiative, said that a discussion about healthcare actually extends

far beyond traditional notions of health. “In this country, when we talk about health, we usually are making reference to healthcare,� he said. “But health is a very complicated equation. It includes access to services, access to food, HEALTH continued on page 2

For students already mixed up in the spring quarter course listings, the choice between the prose of Fernando Pessoa, the history of Byzantium, and the language of pornography can be agonizing.

However, a new online preregistration tool that launched yesterday morning promises to make at least the process go a bit more smoothly.

The new Web site, courses. uchicago.edu, consolidates previously disparate parts of the registration system into one online location.

Users will be able to search for classes across disciplines, check course evaluations, and compare time schedules all on one site. It also affords greater flexibility to students in adding and dropping sections.

Lynn Barnett, Interim Director of IT Services, wrote in an e-mail that the impetus for the new preregistration tool originated in 2008, with then-University Registrar Gabriel Olszewksi.

CLASSES continued on page 3

In new district map, minorities wary of marginalization Jennifer Standish News Staff

James DelVesco News Staff

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A fourth-year at the U of C became one of 40 American students last week to receive a yearlong scholarship to Cambridge University, where he will continue his research as a postgraduate on some of the most groundbreaking developments in particle physicsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; including the elusive Higgs boson.

Michael Baumer is the Universityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 11th recipient of the Gates Cambridge Scholarship, which is granted to 90 international applicants annually. Established in 2000 by a donation from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to the University of Cambridge, the award enables students to work toward graduate degrees in any field.

The Chicago City Council approved a map with new boundaries for aldermanic wards last month that some suspect misrepresents minority populations and may lead to a lawsuit to force the city to redraw the districts.

At the heart of the issue is whether newly drawn ward boundaries accurately reflect Chicagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s racial composition.

Alleged disparities in the population voting distribution are based on data from the 2010 Census Bureau results.

Since 2000, the Hispanic population has expanded by more than 25,000 people, increasing its percentage of the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s total demographic from 26 to 28.9 percent. At the same time, the African American community experienced a decrease of nearly 200,000 people, changing its composition from 36.8 percent of Chicagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s population to 32.4

percent.

While no legal action has been taken yet, Latino advocacy organizations say that the map underrepresents the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Latino population, according to an article published in Chicago magazine earlier this month. According to an analysis by the Latino Policy Forum, a non-profit Latino advocacy organization, Latino voters comprise the effective majorityâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; more than 60 percent of the voting populationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;in only 10 of the 50 redrawn wards while Latino communities constitute nearly a third of Chicagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s population.

John Mark Hansen, dean of the social sciences division, said the basis for a lawsuit would be whether or not the new ward map adheres to the Voting Rights Act and the â&#x20AC;&#x153;one person, one voteâ&#x20AC;? standard. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You most likely canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t increase both Latino representation and maintain current level of African American representation,â&#x20AC;?

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New population data from the 2010 Census resulted in redrawn district lines.

The solid line delineates the new boundaries of the fifth ward, which shares Hyde Park with the fourth and twentieth wards.

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Stephanie Xiao News Staff

â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Olszewksi felt that] it was an inconvenience that students needed to have four separate sites open to get all of the information they needed for registration: time schedules, course catalog, evaluations, and finally the registration site.â&#x20AC;?

A random selection of undergraduate students took part in two pilots for the site, during the add/ drop periods before autumn quarter of 2011 and winter quarter of 2012. The program was adjusted each time in response to student feedback.

The site launched for the entire student body at 9 a.m. Monday.

Still, there are some who feel that the site was not adequately publicizedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; and so were less prepared than theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d liked to have been when it went live.

Undergraduate students were notified of the change last Thursday, but in the days leading up to the siteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s launch, administrators and advisers seemed unsure of the way in which the Web site worked or even that it

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IN SPORTS

IN VIEWPOINTS

Perennial powerhouse Emory swims away with UAAs Âť Page 12

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Pair of blowouts keeps Chicago undefeated Âť Page 12

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THE CHICAGO MAROON | NEWS | February 21, 2012

2

Ansell: It’s not a health gap on the South Side—it’s a death gap

Students and members of the community meet at OMSA for a panel on racial health disparities.

TIFFANY TAN | THE CHICAGO MAROON HEALTH continued from front

access to work. There are so many aspects of health that have nothing to do with healthcare.”

Dr. Ansell emphasized the lifeand-death implications of the economic and social gaps in healthcare.

“This is one screwed-up healthcare system, and it’s not going to get better unless we implement systematic changes,” Ansell said.

“I don’t call it disparity anymore.

It’s a death gap. In Hyde Park, the life expectancy is 83. Guess what

it is in Washington Park? Just walk down the street. 64.”

In terms of institutional changes, Ansell, Johnson, and Susan Avila, another panelist and a nurse from Stroger Medical Center, all advocated for the adoption of a

An Obama library here? Aloha.

Angela Li News Staff While President Barack Obama hopes to put off the decision about where to put his presidential library for another four years, speculation about a prospective home for the building in Hyde Park and even the U of C is raising hopes—and hairs—around campus.

CBS Chicago reported last year that the University began inquiring about the possibility of housing a presidential library as early as 2009, although officials, including President Robert Zimmer, have called discussions of the library “premature.”

With Obama’s 12-year-long lectureship at the U of C Law School, the First Lady’s position as a senior administrator at the Medical Center, and the Obamas’ connections to well-known Chicago political figures such as David Axelrod, who will open the Institute of Politics at the University next year, as well as Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, Hyde Park appears to be a formidable contender vying for the honor of

housing the Obama library.

However, the idea of an Obama museum close to the University of Chicago campus seems problematic to some.

Charles Lipson, the Peter B. Ritzma professor in political science and the College, stated his opposition to a museum on grounds that it would inevitably be a political institution, incompatible with the U of C’s adherence to political neutrality as stated in the Kalven Report.

“The problem is not with the ‘library’ itself, a federally-run repository for documents, but rather with the celebratory museum,” Lipson said in an e-mail. “Of course, individual students, faculty, and staff may be politically active, but the University itself and its administrative units...must be institutionally neutral on political issues.”

Lipson also voiced his concern that presidential museums and similar institutions are funded by undisclosed private donors, and so can be used as political platforms for former presidents. He cited OBAMA continued on page 3

single-payer health care system.

“The incentives are all wrong in our healthcare system. We don’t really have a healthcare system. We have a ‘sickcare’ system,” Johnson said. “Payment is all built around diagnosis. Single-payer will drive the incentives in the healthcare system to emphasize prevention.”

11 RSOs sponsored the panel, including Students for Health Equity, OBS, the Asian Students Union, and the Peer Health Exchange (PHE), making it one of the broadest collaborations in recent memory between student and community groups on the issue of healthcare access in the areas surrounding the University.

Second-year Gabrielle Newell, one of the organizers, hopes that attendees left the panel with a sense of urgency.

“We as a private institution have certain resources and certain responsibilities to the community surrounding us, and I think understanding what we can do to improve community health is important,” she said. “Analyzing and understanding what we can do in our future work to alleviate this issue is relevant.”

The issue is more pressing than ever, according to third-year Abdul Dosunmu, president of the

Ugly lawsuits are inevitable, Hansen says, whether by blacks or Hispanics DISTRICTS continued from front

Hansen said.

The United States Supreme Court has established certain standards in past cases regarding congressional redistricting.

“One of the key things that the court has ruled,” Hansen said, is that “the electoral districts are not supposed to deviate very much from equality in numbers of eligible voters.”

Along with this, congressional districts cannot be gerrymandered to produce a certain racial composition, but race can be taken into account.

According to Hansen, the question of how much of a role race can play in the congressional redistricting process is often the cause of the disputes that arise.

Aldermanic ward redistricting is similar: Because of the drastic shift in the overall population and racial makeup of Chicago, the conflicts over the newly amended ward map will likely center on race.

“There would be either African

Americans or Latinos who were unhappy about the allocation of the representation that they have. So I assume that [the potential lawsuits would] have to do with that,” Hansen said.

On the South Side, losses in public housing and job opportunities have led to changes in population composition; some ward boundaries will likely shift dramatically as a result. Hyde Park, however, remains divided among the fourth, fifth, and 20th wards in proposed redistricting maps.

In the end, Hansen said, redistricting efforts are unlikely to strongly affect Hyde Park’s political influence because of the monetary resources and activism prevalent in the area.

“Hyde Park and Kenwood are going to have disproportionate influence in whatever wards they’re in, because you know an alderman just doesn’t want to get on the wrong side of a major constituency within the ward,” he said.

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Organization of Black Students.

The groups collaborated over a five-week period to coordinate the event, Newell said.

“If we are going to engage in a radical reimagining of our health care system, the issue of health disparities has to be at the forefront of that discussion because it really strikes at how equal, how accessible, how colorblind our healthcare system is in the 21st century,” Dosunmu said.

Grace Evans, co-coordinator of PHE, said the panel’s goals are consonant with her organization’s: providing health education to lowincome, often minority students.

“The panel is addressing the reason we do what we do,” she said. “Peer Health Exchange exists because of the racial disparity.”

Dosunmu emphasized that, despite the racial aspect of the health divide, the issue presses upon people of all types.

“We wanted to have the broadest possible coalition to attract the broadest possible audience because this is an issue that goes to the heart of the opportunity landscape in the United States, and that’s something we all have a stake in.”

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THE CHICAGO MAROON | NEWS | February 21, 2012

With robotics, a defter touch is possible Jennifer Standish News Staff A team of researchers from the University of Chicago and Cornell University have developed a new type of robotic arm that can lend an iron hand to humans in need.

The arm, capable of gripping and throwing objects normally challenging for similar robots, uses technology developed at the U of C, which allows an object to be vacuum-packed into a gripping mechanism. Heinrich Jaeger, a U of C physics professor and a researcher on the project, said that this was the first time researchers were able to artificially reproduce the natural phenomenon of “jamming phase transition,” which describes the “transition of material from a malleable to a locked-up, rigid state.”

“This is one of the very first times the concept of a jamming phase transition, developed here at Chicago, has been used to create a thing, an actual machine or an outcome,” Jaeger said.

Although the arm’s shooting capability is not accurate enough for high-precision tasks, the gripper is able to grasp and rapidly project a variety of objects with 85 percent accuracy. The gripper’s ability to pick up fragile and unconventional shapes, Jaeger says, could be applied to emergency situations too dangerous for humans, such as retrieving objects in a fire, and could be used by the military to help develop technology

to dismantle roadside bombs.

Jaeger noted that the gripper is different from other more expensive and complex humaninspired robot arms.

“Most grippers out there are using the human hand or animal hand as some sort of ideal inspiration,” he said. “[In contrast,] it is some sort of blob that conforms to any old shape as opposed to something that has two or three fingers,” he said, referring to the jamming phase transition technology.

The gripper molds to the shape of the target object, which is then grasped tightly by a vacuum using negative pressure. To release the object, the gripper uses positive pressure, reversing its tight hold and allowing the object to be shot forward. Researchers call this a “simple universal passive gripper.”

Jaeger emphasized the gripper’s adaptability over its speed.

“You can make a gripper that picks up a soda can really well, but if you have to switch from soda cans to raw eggs, you need something that maybe optimizes not speed but versatility,” he said.

Jaeger was joined by U of C colleagues Eric Brown, a postdoctoral fellow, and researcher Nicholas Rodenberg. Moving forward, Jaeger said that the team would seek to optimize the accuracy and performance of the arm’s jamming force.

Service frat dishes out a taste of poverty Mina Kang News Staff Forty U of C students were served serious food for thought at service fraternity Alpha Phi Omega (APO)’s Hunger Banquet this past Saturday in McCormick Tribune Lounge.

Hosted by the campus chapter of Oxfam, an international network of famine relief and public health organizations, the banquet relied on role-playing to simulate the full experience of poverty and malnutrition.

Participants were handed cards marked “low,” “middle,” and “high,” to indicate the socioeconomic class that they would assume for the night. Each card also included brief character summaries of fictional roles.

First-year Damini Sharma, for example, played a Filipino single mother named Elizabeth who was faced with dire food shortages brought on by a drought similar to the one that wracked the country in 2010.

“Hunger banquet is theater,” said secondyear Melissa Almonte, one of the event’s organizers and APO’s assistant pledge master.

The simulation intensified once dinner commenced. The few students with “high” income cards were seated at a candlelit table and served pasta and breadsticks, while “middle-income” actors had to make

do with only chairs, eating rice and vegetables.

The low-income majority ate scraps of rice on the floor. What’s more, those with low incomes were seated in the middle of the room, to be gazed upon by the surrounding middle- and upper-income diners.

“It’s not about too little food and too many people. It’s about power and it not being distributed in an equal manner,” Almonte said.

Following a rather uneasy meal, participants had a chance to share their thoughts and feelings.

“High-income people felt very uncomfortable,” said Almonte. “People talked about how they wanted seconds, but they didn’t get seconds because they felt awkward about it.”

The simulation struck a chord with students, who identified the plight of poverty with the local landscape of Chicago.

Almonte said that a friend of hers returned home that night and researched ways to get involved in the Southside and its poverty.

The banquet’s proceeds will go to the World Food Programme for drought relief in Somalia. APO brothers also saw the banquet’s leftovers as an opportunity to impact their immediate environment directly.

Leftover pans of pasta were taken and distributed to the homeless around Hyde Park and in downtown Chicago that evening.

Baumer will join search for the Higgs-boson CAMBRIDGE continued from front

Baumer intends to pursue an M.Phil. in physics, having interned last summer at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN). There, he was part of the team working on the ATLAS Experiment, a jointendeavor in particle physics between the U of C and Cambridge currently ongoing at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva.

Baumer says he wants to continue his research in the field at Cambridge’s Cavendish Laboratory.

“I cold-called one of the [Cambridge] professors. He said, ‘If you can get the money, we’ll take you,’” he said.

With assurance from Cambridge, Baumer applied for a Churchill Scholarship, which

also pays for graduate study there, before a professor at CERN suggested he try his luck with the Gates Foundation.

At Cambridge, Baumer will continue his research on the Higgs boson, a hypothetical particle necessary to the Standard Model of physics that, once proven to exist, scientists believe will offer exciting revelations about the makeup of matter and the universe.

“The work I’ve been doing here has been laying the groundwork for that search,” Baumer said of his undergraduate work.

After his year at Cambridge, Baumer will return to the U.S. to pursue his Ph.D. He has deferred offers of admission at Harvard, Columbia, and University of California, Berkeley.

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Presidential library and museum would inject hundreds of millions in capital OBAMA continued from page 2

Richard Nixon’s presidential museum, “which recently thwarted an effort to display materials related to the Watergate Break-In,” as well as the Carter Center at Emory University, which “the former President has used...as his major platform for his own high-profile diplomatic initiatives and non-academic publications.”

Meanwhile, the University of Hawaii has publicly advanced its intentions to bid for the Presidential Library as well, being as the state of Hawaii was the President’s birthplace.

John Perkinson, professor of American studies at the University of Hawaii, is leading a working group to decide whether that university should make a formal bid, while the Associated Students of the University of Hawaii at Mānoa Senate has presented a resolution supporting the location of a presidential library in the Aloha state.

There is a clear economic appeal to any location that would house Obama’s library. Lieutenant Governor of Hawaii Brian Schatz stated that a presidential library “would be a $300 million or $400 million infusion of capital into the state of Hawaii,” in a report by KITV, Honolulu’s ABC station.

Hosting a presidential library boosts tourism, and in 2008 more than 1.7 million people visited presidential libraries, according to data from the National Archives and Records Administration.

Hyde Park is not the only location that could house an Obama library. Seventh Ward alderman Sandi Jackson of has proposed using the 500-acre site of the former U.S. Steel mill, about 20 blocks south of campus on the shore of Lake Michigan, for an Obama Presidential Museum and Library.

White House officials have declined to comment on Obama’s presidential library.

Advisers were briefed on the new system, but not early enough for some CLASSES continued from front

existed.

According to Barnett, IT Services was asked to give a demonstration of the new program yesterday, after the Web site had already gone live. Advisers, therefore, had no prior knowledge of the way that system functioned.

One adviser who was contacted Sunday night said that the new site “was mentioned in last week’s staff meeting but we

did not get to ‘see it’ until today, when a representative from the registrar’s office came to our 1 p.m. staff meeting and gave a presentation.”

The system is still undergoing changes.

“We are not finished rolling out features,” Barnett said. “Once the eCatalog project nears completion, we will be working with Student Systems to integrate course descriptions directly into the new registration site.”

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VIEWPOINTS

Editorial & Op-Ed FEBRUARY 21, 2012

Employment agency Hiring employees from second-chance programs benefits both the University and community The student newspaper of the University of Chicago since 1892 ADAM JANOFSKY Editor-in-Chief CAMILLE VAN HORNE Managing Editor MAHMOUD BAHRANI Senior Editor JONATHAN LAI News Editor HARUNOBU CORYNE News Editor SAM LEVINE News Editor EMILY WANG Viewpoints Editor CHARNA ALBERT Arts Editor DANIEL LEWIS Sports Editor VICENTE FERNANDEZ Sports Editor DOUGLAS EVERSON, JR Head Designer KEVIN WANG Web Editor ALICE BLACKWOOD Head Copy Editor DON HO Head Copy Editor GABE VALLEY Head Copy Editor DARREN LEOW Photo Editor JAMIE MANLEY Photo Editor REBECCA GUTERMAN Assoc. News Editor LINDA QIU Assoc. News Editor CRYSTAL TSOI Assoc. News Editor GIOVANNI WROBEL Assoc. News Editor

Last Tuesday the Maroon published a profile of Lamont Herron, a Noodles Etc. employee in Hutch Commons who joined the University after participating in the Garfield Park Inspiration Kitchen program—a free, 13week cooking course aimed at lowincome Chicagoans. Inspiration Kitchen is one of the many training and job placement programs around Chicago dedicated to giving those with few opportunities a chance to start a career in a variety of fields. The University should be applauded for the steps it has already taken to provide jobs to the surrounding community. But as the campus continues to expand and the University takes on a larger role in Hyde Park’s commercial activity, it would be wise to make an even greater effort to hire from such programs.

As one of the largest employers in the city of Chicago, the

University can use its resources to carry out its stated mission to enrich lives, both on campus and off. A common criticism of ivory tower institutions like the U of C is that they close themselves off in a bubble. However, hiring from programs that train residents with limited opportunities sends a message to the community that the University is sincere in its efforts to be a positive, responsive force in the city. Continuing to improve these relations will ensure that, in the future, the University’s growth will be accompanied by the community’s own improvement, and vice versa.

Taking advantage of its unique position, the U of C has already made efforts to collaborate with other second-chance programs.

In October 2007, the University paired up with the Cara Program—a nonprofit devoted to fighting poverty throughout Chicago—

to create the Career Pathways Initiative, aimed at increasing employment throughout the South Side. Part of the U of C’s agreement with Aramark requires giving back to the community, and Aramark’s hiring through Inspiration Kitchen is a clear example of this.

And there are plenty of opportunities to continue and enhance community involvement.

With the construction of new buildings such as the Logan Center and the Becker Friedman Institute, the University will be looking to fill several openings.

Collaborating with the Cara Program and similar initiatives will not only help to fill these positions but also give a boost to the reputation of the University and its Career Pathways Initiative.

Additionally, the U of C has been cooperating with the City on projects like Harper Court and creating a new Metra station; one

of the stated commitments of this partnership is to give preference to minority and women-owned businesses to be a part of the developments. The University could augment this effort by hiring those in the community involved in programs like Inspiration Kitchen and the Career Pathways Initiative.

The U of C is a large institution with serious hiring power, and as it continues to grow this will only become truer. Efforts such as the Career Pathways Initiative go a long way towards giving back to the community, and the University should recognize that every step it takes to improve the community is also a step it takes to improve the University itself.

The Editorial Board consists of the Editor-in-Chief, Viewpoints Editors, and an additional Editorial Board member.

AJAY BATRA Assoc. Viewpoints Editor TOMI OBARO Assoc. Arts Editor MATTHEW SCHAEFER Assoc. Sports Editor TIFFANY TAN Assoc. Photo Editor TYRONALD JORDAN Business Manager

Subject of my affection Enjoyment in the classroom, not grading on exams, is the most important factor in choosing a major

VIVIAN HUA Undergraduate Business Executive VINCENT MCGILL Delivery Coordinator HAYLEY LAMBERSON Ed. Board Member HYEONG-SUN CHO Designer SONIA DHAWAN Designer ALYSSA LAWTHER Designer SARAH LI Designer AUTUMN NI Designer AMITA PRABHU Designer BELLA WU Designer KELSIE ANDERSON Copy Editor CATIE ARBONA Copy Editor

By Ajay Batra Associate Viewpoints Editor

AMISHI BAJAJ Copy Editor JANE BARTMAN Copy Editor MARTIA BRADLEY Copy Editor ELIZABETH BYNUM Copy Editor ALAN HASSLER Copy Editor NISHANTH IYENGAR Copy Editor MICHELLE LEE Copy Editor KATIE MOCK Copy Editor LANE SMITH Copy Editor JEN XIA Copy Editor ESTHER YU Copy Editor BEN ZIGTERMAN Copy Editor

Bell curves are a pretty big deal around here. That’s not a particularly contentious claim— curves are a hallmark of higher education and are a good way to keep things difficult, yet in perspective. The notion of curving exams, papers, and final grades is sort of just accepted. I find, however, that sparing a thought for the reality that curves serve to obscure can make them far more difficult to merely accept.

Along these lines, I have a question: When was the last time

you did objectively well on an exam? And you know what I mean by objectively. Everyone does; remember high school? Back in the day, you had to do objectively well to earn a high grade on a test, but college does away with that convention. It used to be the case that a “C” fell somewhere in the 70s, represented something considered average, and was not desirable. Now, the average, anywhere it may be, is something that many aim for and is often rewarded with a B or higher. In such a subjective and relative system, the average is something reassuringly concrete, and is thus more gratifying than it should be given that it often does not speak to the reality of, as is usually the case in absolute terms, how badly you goofed.

In my own experience, the result of this odd emphasis is that I, too, often pat myself on the back for doing relatively well when,

looking at things objectively, the only logical course of action is to chain myself to a desk in Harper and study eternally, pausing only to self-harm and weep. I realized this recently when, sure, I got around a B on a curved Gen Chem midterm—“Not bad,” subjective Ajay said—but the average also happened to be a 48/100.

“Actually, that’s pathetic,” objective Ajay countered coldly. Needless to say, subjective Ajay (pictured) was crestfallen; he knew, though, that his jerk of an alter ego had a point.

With each passing assessment I grow increasingly less willing to accept in good conscience doing objectively poorly, even if my performance translates to a relatively good result. Considering I go to the U of C, this is somewhat unfortunate. I realize I have not been here long, but with nigh on a whole winter quarter under my belt, things have gotten bleak

enough for me to possess a strong appreciation of the reality that this place can be almost unbearable at times. Even with generous curves, it’s tough and unrelenting in a way that no self-effacing T-shirt slogan could ever adequately express.

And now I can’t even accept the only compromise it’s willing to offer me—to tell me I’m doing fine when, in real terms, that isn’t the case.

Aside from detracting somewhat from any feelings of accomplishment I might have, there is one serious consequence of this issue in my life. We’re told from a young age that, when it comes to deciding what to study in college or what to do with your life, you should do what you love and what you’re good at. I signed up for Gen Chem thinking it’s a topic I enjoy and that I’d be good at it—with a curve, I’m doing fine, but in raw terms it’s not pretty.

CURVE continued on page 5

Paternity test The Chicago Maroon is published twice weekly during autumn, winter, and spring quarters

Political battle over contraceptives highlights government infringement on fundamental freedoms

Circulation: 5,500.

The opinions expressed in the Viewpoints section are not necessarily those of the Maroon. © 2012 The Chicago Maroon, Ida Noyes Hall, 1212 East 59th Street Chicago, IL 60637 Editor-in-Chief Phone: 773.834.1611 Newsroom Phone: 773.702.1403 Business Phone: 773.702.9555 Fax: 773.702.3032 CONTACT News: News@ChicagoMaroon.com Viewpoints: Viewpoints@ChicagoMaroon.com Arts: Arts@ChicagoMaroon.com Sports: Sports@ChicagoMaroon.com Photography: Photo@ChicagoMaroon.com Design: Douglas@ChicagoMaroon.com Copy: CopyEditors@ChicagoMaroon.com Advertising: Ads@ChicagoMaroon.com

By Eric Wessan Viewpoints Columnist America should be, and is, the land of the free. Its founders and its Constitution embraced freedom and liberty. Seeking to escape tyranny, the United States

government was determined to enshrine this freedom as best as it could. While there are many compelling arguments to be made against the founding fathers about slavery, lack of equal suffrage, and even discrimination against poor white males, the fact remains that America was, and stood to become, one of the freest nations in history.

However, issues began to arise as the federal government started to attempt to define what rights people have. In Federalist Paper 84, Alexander Hamilton argues against the Bill of Rights. While

he may have had ulterior reasons for disagreeing with such a Bill, the argument he uses—that the Bill of Rights repackages innate freedoms—is perfectly valid. Regarding freedom of the press, Hamilton claims that by defining a limit on restricting the press, the government is implicitly claiming the right to determine freedoms. Freedoms are therefore not natural, and instead become dependent on the Bill of Rights. Similarly, German philosopher Max Stirner claims that freedom under a charter is not freedom at all; the charter-

writers give a person nothing but her own freedom returned, and that donated freedom can easily be taken away whenever there is conflict.

Such a conflict has gained prominence again in America today between people who believe the government should have the ability to determine the freedom possessed by its institutions and people, and those who believe that such freedoms are natural and the government is only permitted to infringe on them when others are at risk. This conflict is one FREEDOM continued on page 5

THE CHICAGO MAROON | VIEWPOINTS | February 21, 2012

5

Fear of commitment The University should end its contract with Adidas, upholding its commitment to fair labor practices The following op-ed piece reflects the viewpoint of the RSO Students Organizing United with Labor (SOUL).

When the University of Chicago allows a company to profit by manufacturing apparel with the university logo, it implicitly endorses and directly supports the producers of that apparel. That means that every hoodie, every backpack, every T-shirt with the University of Chicago logo printed on it represents a nod of approval on the part of the school and its community toward the labor practices that went into making that item. Do we, as students, really want to be a part of a system that allows corporations to commit worker rights abuses with no repercussions?

In 2005, the student body said no.

Students staged a campaign that pressured the University to affiliate with the Worker Rights Consortium (WRC), an independent watchdog organization that monitors the labor practices of companies that produce university apparel. As an affiliate of the WRC, the University adopted a Code of Conduct for all companies that produce U of C apparel, holding them accountable for maintaining fair labor practices. Now, that commitment is being put to the test for the first time, but the University has shown no

clear intention to follow through.

In the fall, the WRC contacted its affiliate schools with some news about Adidas.

According to the WRC, PT Kizone, a factory in Indonesia, was shut down abruptly and its owner fled the country, failing to pay 2,800 workers at least $3.3 million in legally mandated severance. NIKE, Adidas, and the Dallas Cowboys Merchandising Group were producing logoed university apparel at this factory. For many years, these brands have profited from the work of their low-paid workers in Indonesia, and they owe these workers fair treatment in return. Adidas’ refusal to pay the money it owes to workers producing its apparel not only represents a grave violation of Indonesian law, but also of the University’s Licensing Code of Conduct.

The University had in fact already made a commitment to cut its licensing contract with Adidas in response to these labor violations when it adopted the Code of Conduct. The agreement has been in place since 2005; all that is missing now is action.

Adidas’s actions warrant a dramatic response on the part of the University because other companies have shown a willingness to meet their obligations when faced with similar pressures. In response to the WRC contacting its affiliate universities,

One’s calling is not defined by what comes most easily

The government should not impose its morality on constituents

CURVE continued from page 4 I went into Hum both intrigued by the subject matter and thinking my analytical reading and writing was fairly strong—with the scaling I’m assuming to be involved, I’m doing fine, but looking objectively at my work while knowing what is expected of me merely reveals more flaws than ever. I truly enjoy both of these subjects and I know my eventual major is going to fall somewhere on the barely-overlapping Venn diagram they form, but it’s proving impossible for me to really say which one I’m “better” at—the one that seems more like my calling, if such things exist.

But, then, if something is a calling, should it necessarily come easily to me? Pursuing my interests is surely more important.

Here, where everything is hard and where, for me at least, there seems to be no clear indication that absolute success is possible, maybe the enjoyment I find in a subject is all that should matter, as that’s the only thing capable of drawing me toward it. After all, there’s certainly no course of study that fully sidesteps the rigor of this institution, so it would be fruitless to try and follow good grades to a degree.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m glad the U of C is as hard as it is, because the only end result of all the momentary hardships it puts us through is that we all are fully and implicitly encouraged to end up studying things we truly enjoy—how else could we convince ourselves to keep enthusiastically coming back for more in the face of the ever-present threat of our hopeless inadequacy being shoved in our faces?

Maybe I’m just a dumb first-year thinking he reinvented the wheel, but I have definitely taken some solace in this appraisal of things and I sincerely hope all my fellow undecided students partake in it as well. And I hope that those among us who are already on set paths came to the same conclusion I have at some point, because it’s oddly reassuring and makes me truly happy I’m here. For now, anyway; I have a math midterm tomorrow.

Ajay Batra is a first-year in the College.

FREEDOM continued from page 4 of the underlying differences between the intellectual philosophies of the major political parties in the United States.

This tension has been highlighted recently by a rule that the Department of Health and Human Services attempted to impose on religiously affiliated institutions.

The rule, a part of the Affordable Care Act (the piece of legislation frequently referred to as “Obamacare”), mandates that all employers must cover birth control as part of the health insurance packages they must provide to their employees. While there were specific exemptions for purely religious institutions, such as churches, mosques, and synagogues, no such exemptions were given to religiously affiliated institutions, including schools and hospitals.

The organization that has become the focus for much of the vitriol on both sides of this debate is the Catholic Church and its affiliates. These institutions want to be able to provide their employees with health insurance that does not conflict with the moral tenets of the Church, and the Affordable Care Act impedes their ability to do that. When the government attempted to put forth a compromise, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops rejected it. The council believes that even though an exception was given, the United States government should not have the ability to grant such an exception, because it should not have the ability to regulate religious practices.

Democrats, and the current leaders of the Democratic Party, have for the most part declared themselves pro-choice.

Unfortunately, it does not seem that they respect the freedom of choice for those who disagree with their platform. While the choice to go to Planned Parenthood is lauded by Democrats, the choice not to break with religious beliefs and refrain from covering contraceptives is not. In 1968, Pope Paul IV’s Humanae Vitae clearly labeled artificial contraception a moral evil. Individuals shouldn’t have to accept this designation, but as Americans they should respect the right of others to hold that view. It should be noted that these institutions aren’t arguing against providing insurance to their employees, but merely that they should not be forced to embrace

NIKE came forward and paid the workers at PT Kizone in proportion to their production at the factory—nearly half a million dollars. Adidas, however, has failed to pay the workers any of the money that it owes. Student groups at other schools across the country are running similar campaigns to make their schools pressure Adidas to pay its workers. NIKE was undoubtedly influenced to do this by the past “Just Pay It” campaign, wherein major universities dropped their licensing agreements with NIKE in order to pressure it to pay workers at a factory in Honduras. The success of that campaign depended on a domino effect beginning with just a few schools, and resulting in a wave of voided contracts. By cutting its licensing contract with Adidas, a well-regarded school like the University of Chicago would begin the same kind of domino effect—a series of losses that would push Adidas to correct its labor violations in Indonesia.

Since the end of fall quarter, members of SOUL have met with University administrators on three occasions, engaging in a dialogue about the Adidas situation.

Over the course of this discussion, the administration has expressed a willingness to consider not renewing the Adidas contract when it comes up for consideration in June.

contraceptives, like the morning-after pill, that offend their beliefs. Forcing the hand of these religious institutions seems to be merely the next step in the government’s constant encroachment upon the freedoms and liberties of its people.

The idea that government should serve to protect people from those who wish to do them harm is relatively uncontroversial.

However, there seems to be another idea guiding much of politics today—that the government has a responsibility to protect people from themselves. The fundamental difference between these two ideas is that the latter makes it necessary to limit a person’s actions. This sort of paternalistic action is both insulting and dangerous.

In the case of the contraceptive rule, it means that the government believes that it knows best for the employees of religiously affiliated universities and hospitals. While the government can claim that it’s doing what’s best for the employers in terms of the physical health of its employees, there is no need or basis for its authority to extend to employers’ ideas of moral health. Even those who disagree with the Catholic Church’s stance on birth control should agree with its right to hold it and act accordingly.

While there’s a clear case to be made concerning the infringement of the First Amendment of the United States, as well as Supreme Court jurisprudence concerning the relationship of religion and government, there’s another question that begs to be asked: Why does the government feel the need to impose its morality on others? The U.S. government should be a body that tries to best represent the will of its constituent people, in a way that helps the country move forward. With shifting administrations and leaders, it’s understandable that individual stances on religion and contraception change. But in the same way that many people would feel remiss if a particularly religious president and Secretary of Health and Human Services were to outlaw contraception, it’s not difficult to understand the stance of those who feel the government is insisting on imposing its morality on its citizenry. It would be an infringement on a library’s freedom if the government banned books that it believed its citizens were not responsible enough to read, and it’s no different when

However, it also expressed some concern about the ambiguity of the timeline of the situation as far as Adidas’s culpability is concerned. That said, the administration has itself expressed frustration with Adidas for failing to prove its innocence directly.

This, in combination with the extensive evidence suggesting that Adidas has in fact breached the University Code of Conduct supplied by the WRC, should serve as ample reason to take strong action on the situation.

SOUL appreciates the administration’s willingness to discuss the situation, but we now urge it to acknowledge Adidas’s breach of the Code of Conduct, and to respond accordingly by following through on the University’s commitment to end its contract with Adidas if the firm does not rectify the situation verifiably.

Ultimately, it is up to the members of the University of Chicago community to make sure that the University lives up to its commitment by taking away Adidas’s ability to profit using the U of C logo unless the firm fixes its violations. The University’s response to our first message asking President Zimmer to cut the Adidas contract concluded, “As you know, we share a long-standing commitment to fair labor practices.” Now is the time to prove it.

a religious institution is forced to provide free contraception because its workers are deemed too irresponsible by the government to take care of the issue by themselves.

In a press release, the US Conference of Catholic Bishops claimed that the aforementioned compromise “continues to involve needless government intrusion in the internal governance of religious institutions and to threaten government coercion of religious people and groups to violate their most deeply held beliefs.”

This powerful statement encompasses much of the danger of the current set of rules. While the ‘Free Exercise Clause’ of the First Amendment has limits on exactly what religious customs may be practiced, this arose largely in response to direct conflicts between the law and religion; this clause does not protect, for instance, plural marriages or human sacrifices that are or could in theory be permitted by some religions. Refusing to fund contraceptives does not endanger society as something like human sacrifice would. So, when the belief under question does nothing to directly harm others, as is the case currently with the Catholic Church, religions and their affiliated institutions should be able to operate with minimal government interference, and to implicitly infringe upon religious belief is to challenge the very foundations of American liberty.

Eric Wessan is a second-year in the College majoring in political science.

SUBMISSIONS The Chicago Maroon welcomes opinions and responses from its readers. Send op-ed submissions and letters to: The Chicago Maroon attn: Viewpoints 1212 East 59th Street Chicago, IL 60637 E-mail: Viewpoints@ChicagoMaroon.com The editors reserve the right to edit materials for clarity and space. Letters to the editor should be limited to 400 words.

Op-ed submissions, 800 words.

ARTS

Trivial Pursuits FEBRUARY 21, 2012

Uncommon Interview: Reggie Watts Noah Weiland Arts Staff

Cirque du UChicago Performers build human pyramids in Saturday’s Le Vorris & Vox Circus winter show in Ida Noyes. The show, called Tarot: A Circus Tale, also featured members of Off-Off Campus.

SYDNEY COMBS | THE CHICAGO MAROON

RSO Spotlight: Catcher in the Rhyme This is an ongoing series highlighting different arts and cultural RSOs; if you’re interested in having your RSO featured, contact us at arts@chicagomaroon.com.

Sarah Miller Arts Staff Seven months ago, on a small stage in Atlanta, first-year Shaan Heng-Devan confessed that he was not a love poet. But on Wednesday, February 8, at the Southside Hub of Production (SHoP), he read a soulful tribute to the many types of girls in his life.

It was open mic night for Catcher in the Rhyme, the spoken word poetry RSO Heng-Devan founded and presides over.

Originally from Austin, Texas, Heng-Devan took a gap year after graduating from high school to save money for college and delve into the world of slam poetry. “During my gap year, I decided I needed something to do other than work, so I literally Googled ‘Austin poetry slam’ and went to their meetings every week for the rest of the year.

I also formed a competitive slam team,” Heng-Devan said.

Upon arriving in Chicago, the birthplace of slam, Heng-Devan decided he wanted to continue slam poetry but soon found his options were limited.

“There are three main poetry locales in Chicago: The Green Mill, Mental Graffiti, and Words that Kill. Green Mill and Mental Graffiti are both 21+, and Words that Kill is not a good slam, so I decided to start my own poetry slam group on campus. Before Catcher in the Rhyme, the University of Chicago was the only campus in the city without a poetry slam group,” Heng-Devan said.

Through word of mouth, Heng-Devan got Catcher in the Rhyme (the name is a tribute to J.D. Salinger), the University’s first and only slam poetry RSO, off the ground. He even went to other writing-related RSOs like Sliced Bread to advertise Catcher in the Rhyme.

Soon enough, he had a following – an eclectic mix of writers, reciters, and poets.

Catcher in the Rhyme Southside Hub of Production Wednesdays

The five main members of the team consist of Heng-Devan, first-years Nina Coomes, Brandon Nichols, Renat Zalov, and second-year Dana Castillo. With the exception of Castillo and Coomes, who both joined poetry slam teams during high school, none of the other two members became seriously involved in slam poetry post-high school graduation.

As a result, they all have different inspirations, subject matters, and styles. Nichols, for instance, feels that he is more plainspoken, whereas Castillo claims that she is more dramatic.

“I would definitely say that my performance style is more theatrical. I put a lot of passion and anger into my poems. I find poetry slam cathartic,” said Castillo.

These five members will be competing in the famous Chicago poetry slam Louder than a Bomb,

affectionately known as LTAB to slam poets. The competition will take place on the weekends from February 18 through March 10.

Heng-Devan said that this is the first year that the LTAB Chicago poetry slam is open to college students and that the team will be reciting poems both as a group and individually. The group poems they will recite include topics as diverse as Chicago, womanhood, and apples.

“I’ve never competed in something like this before—I’m nervous and excited. I hope to impress the judges and the audience, maybe even become a finalist,” Nichols said.

In the future, Heng-Devan would like to host monthly writers’ nights where new writers can come to collaborate and co-host events with other writing-based RSOs like Sliced Bread. He hopes that Catcher in the Rhyme can compete at nationals in April.

But for now, anyone who is interested in slam poetry is welcome to join Catcher in the Rhyme or even just attend an open mic night. Those who are brave enough to recite their work in front of the crowd will be subject to the friendly greeting “New poet!” upon introducing himself or herself, and excited whoops and yells from the back of the room if the work is new. Zalov said the atmosphere at open-mic nights is “comfortable, engaging, and relaxed.”

“After going to an open mic night, I got hooked on slam poetry. The performance part adds a special connection, a flavor,” Zalov said.

Musician-comedian Reggie Watts performed at the MAB Winter Comedy Show at Mandel Hall on Saturday. Watts, who first got his start through a string of viral videos, uses his keyboard and loop pedal to create a unique musical comedy act. The opener for Conan O’Brien’s 2010 tour, Watts has since released a CD/ DVD Comedy Central special, Why $#!+ So Crazy? and has appeared on FX’s Louie and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He continues to be a regular contributor on TBS’s Conan and is currently working on a show for the Independent Film Channel.

Before Saturday’s show, Watts sat down with the Maroon to discuss improv, his nicknames for Conan, and hipster butchers in Brooklyn. To see the complete interview, go to www.chicagomaroon.com.

Chicago Maroon: So we see your rider [a list of items that a performer requires in his or her dressing room for a show] is limited to water and some vegan food. You’re not like Kanye West, who requires his chauffeurs to wear 100 percent cotton clothing and no polyester?

Reggie Watts: What? That guy is so fucking annoying. That guy has got to realize some things, reprioritize.

CM: Do you like performing at colleges?

RW: Well, it really depends.

Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s not great, it’s just OK. Oftentimes the free shows are the ones where people will come, and then they’ll just kind of drift in and out throughout the thing, and that can be kind of weird just because the energy is strange. But I think this show will be good for two reasons: Pretty smart people go here, and secondly, they had to pay a little bit of money to come, so in a way they’re kind of

paying a little bit of a commitment. They’re like, “Oh I’m going to see a show.” And the venue is really focused and nice; it’s really beautiful.

CM: Do you feel like you can try out weirder stuff at college shows?

RW: It depends. Some colleges I feel like I can do some crazy stuff, and some I can’t. When I did Cornell, I had some really good shows because they always make fun of themselves saying they’re the bottom- of- the- rung Ivy League school or whatever.

But it was a good gig because it felt like people were conscious and responding.

I can definitely try some different things. I think I would be more apt to trying something weirder if it was a smaller venue. Sometimes when it’s a larger venue, it feels like it wants to be more broad.

CM: When it comes to improvisation, does it require a lot of preparation, or are you always in the mood to riff ?

RW: That’s all I can do, is improvise. It’s like one of those things where it’s just the way I have to perform; otherwise I can’t perform.

CM: Do you think improv is something that needs to be learned?

RW: I have a lot of friends that come from formal improv.

Especially out of Chicago—it’s a very well-known city for improv, and amazing people come from this scene. I think that when you’re talking about Del Close or other forms of improv, like group or solo…I think that’s one type of improv. The type of improv that I do is sort of a self-taught thing, so I’d say it’s very different, because there are rules with learning improv formally, like Chicago-style improv, or even Upright Citizens Brigade. You go to UCB in L.A. and they also have rules, which are necessary REGGIE continued on page 8

Comedian Reggie Watts speaks with the MAROON before his performance Saturday night at Mandel Hall.

DARREN LEOW | THE CHICAGO MAROON

THE CHICAGO MAROON | ARTS | February 21, 2012

7

This means snore: Star cast can’t save cliché film Daniel Rivera Arts Staff What do you get when you mix a British vet, some CIA agents, a Hollywood darling , some romance, and…Chelsea Handler?

You get This Means War, a romcom that tries to be both sexy and thrilling and subsequently fails at both.

Okay, okay. I know that in

THIS MEANS WAR McG AMC River East

reviewing a movie so obviously meant to be taken lightly that I am expected, to some degree, to leave my brain at the door.

Promos for War made no attempt to portray the movie as anything but what it is: a popcorn flick about an actress we all love trying to pick between two guys that the masses have deemed hot. The key difference being that these gentlemen are trained and highly lethal CIA operatives.

And for this, I was ready.

Maybe even a little excited. I’m a Reese Witherspoon fan, and have been ever since her unforgettable turn as Tracy Flick in Alexander Payne’s Election. I was maybe more excited for Tom Hardy, a British heartbreaker who’s currently unknown to most Americans but won’t be soon, thanks to Chris

Reese Witherspoon freaks out as Tom Hardy and Chris Pine prepare to do battle.

COURTESY OF TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX

Nolan. Hell, even Chris Pine was capable in 2009’s impressive Star Trek reboot. Directed by McG (Charlie’s Angels, Terminator Salvation) and fleshed out by a slew of notable and welcome faces (Handler, Spiderman’s Rosemary Harris), This Means War had all the pieces to be just as fun, if not more so, than its ridiculous

premise promised.

The story is simple enough: Lauren (Witherspoon) is caught between two men (Pine, Hardy), one a seemingly untamable womanizer and the other a sensitive divorced father, both of whom are secret agent BFFs competing for her love. The rest is movie history—bets on who can get the

girl, a love triangle, a German villain, spies being spies, quicklycut fight scenes, Chelsea Handler being vulgar in front of children, etc.

Yet War drops the ball on every cheesy, indulgent cliché it promised, landing somewhere above the Katherine Heigl trainwreck Killers but below the Brangelina-

helmed Mr. & Mrs. Smith. This is largely because of the film’s inexplicable refusal to indulge in any particular character development. Witherspoon’s Lauren, the film’s protagonist, is as twodimensional as they come—she has a stable job, a lavish house, a trademark wacky best friend, and, WAR continued on page 8

The Lumen Christi Institute and

The Medieval Studies Workshop present

BENEDICT’S D A

T EACHING H IS

FOR AND

ARK O URS

GES :

RUSSELL HITTINGER University of Tulsa While Roman civilization collapsed around him, Benedict — a fifth-century monk and abbot — authored his “Rule” for monks and set forth a way of life for the monasteries that would become one of the few lights of wisdom and civility in an age of increasing darkness and social isolation. Benedict taught those who lived in these “dark ages” how to make their daily lives an integrated whole of prayer and work, enlightened by the wisdom of Christ.

In his lecture, Hittinger will show how Benedict’s Rule contains many lessons that apply also to our “dark ages.”

Thursday, February 23, at 7:00 PM Swift Hall, Third Floor Lecture Hall 1025 East 58th Street For more information, visit w w w. l umen ch ri s t i . org

Laura Letinsky, Rome, 2009, Chromogenic print. Courtesy of the artist and Yancey Richardson, New York.

THE CHICAGO MAROON | ARTS | February 21, 2012

8

Reggie Watts talks about touring with Conan O’Brien REGGIE continued from page 6 for people to kind of learn how to let go, because really improvisation is learning to let go, and learning to accept and adapt in the moment, and to turn performance back into the same way it feels when you’re having a conversation with a good friend.

CM: What was it like touring with Conan O’Brien on the “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour”?

RW: Oh, Conando?

CM: Do you call him Conando to his face?

RW: No, I never have. I think he would just be like ‘What are you doing?’ But it was an amazing tour. It really changed a lot.

I didn’t think it would change a lot, but it did change a lot. In a weird way it was kind of a verification, kind of a certification program. After doing it, people were like ‘Oh, who is this guy? Why did Conan choose this guy? He’s not really a stand up, per se. What’s he doing?’ That was great, but probably the best thing about the whole tour was just the people on the tour, that whole team. Essentially it was two teams that came together—it was like the Conan TV crew, and then it was like this hardcore badass tour company. When you saw it, there were cameras, and there was video projection, and that was all TV style. But then all the mechanics of moving things and getting things around and sound and all that stuff, that was all touring. So they both work together, and they’re like the best of the best coming together to do this once-in-a-lifetime tour. So that was the best part, just seeing how that unit worked together, how professional they were. And then how well we were treated. Like the

With his trademark keyboard and loop pedal by his sides, Reggie Watts reaches out to an enthusiastic Mandel Hall Saturday.

DARREN LEOW | THE CHICAGO MAROON

whole tour, I don’t think I’ll ever be treated that well again.

CM: Do you like the touring lifestyle?

RW: Touring is definitely exciting, and you know sometimes you don’t want to do it, but then you’ll get [to] some place and suddenly it’s great. It does get tiring, like for me I feel tired a lot when I’m touring, and I do a lot of it sometimes. It’ll just be like a really intense four or five months of

This Means War gets audiences through winter slump in anticipation of summer blockbusters WAR continued from page 7 of course, an ex who’s perpetually showing up at the wrong times, armed with his gorgeous new fiancé. That’s about all we know of her, except for her bad luck with the male gender. The film is at its funniest in the few moments that Lauren’s allowed to be a human—two gags in particular come to mind, one about teeth-spinach and another about a peace sign, which both show off Witherspoon’s patented charm.

McG is most comfortable filming fight scenes and car chases, and it definitely shows—the scenes that are supposed to be romantic are like laugh-tracked montages, devoid of any chemistry whatsoever. The cast, great as it is, is criminally underutilized, and between the stiff dialogue and the movie’s breakneck pace, has no room to flourish. Even Handler comes off stilted in her few scenes, despite the fact that her lines seem to be ripped straight from the pages of her own books.

I was hoping that the movie might salvage itself with a half-hearted twist, but it didn’t even try. Thus, the only thing that could beat the movie’s predictability is perhaps its sexism. Lauren bemoans her singleness, dances in her underwear, and decides that the only way to pick between men is, logically, by seeing who’s better in bed—but, please, don’t expect her to be particularly put-out by the fact that the men she’s been

juggling have been lying to her, stalking her, and secretly filming her during the entirety of their courtship. Similarly, neither beau can be mad at her for “cheating” on them, as they’d both previously established via a “Gentlemen’s Pact” that sleeping with the prize wasn’t allowed. Makes sense. What great and stable relationship didn’t start on a bedrock of lies and promiscuity?

But in reality, This Means War never had to be good. It is, after all, just a vehicle for its leading trio. Witherspoon is trying to stay in the spotlight, just long enough for her slew of dramatic roles to hit the silver screen (no doubt in my mind that she’ll have another Oscar nod by ’13). Chris Pine, too, needs to keep his star meter up, just long enough for Star Trek 2 to drop and propel him to relevance once again. For Hardy, who’ll explode with Nolan’s Dark Knight Rises, War’s a way for America to warm to his face before it gets ugly in a major way for his turn as Bane.

Nonetheless, This Means War isn’t the worst thing to hit theaters so far this year, and it was actually kind of amusing to see how many camera angles it takes to hide the fact that Hardy’s teeth are decidedly…

British. Odds are it’ll be lost in the wake of the many blockbusters scheduled for release in the upcoming months.

Ah, well. It wasn’t a war worth fighting, anyway.

Have an artistic talent?

Contact Arts at arts@chicagomaroon.com

just playing, playing, playing, playing, playing, and flying all over the place, or even like this gig, like flying in from L.A. and then going back tomorrow back to L.A. There’s a lot of those quick jumps back and forth. It’s cool, everything is in balance. I definitely appreciate my home a lot more, and I try to get home a lot more if I can.

CM: What’s it like to spend time around Conan?

RW: I didn’t really know a lot about him before the tour. I knew of him obviously, and I had a high opinion of him because I heard he was a great guy, and he’s really fucking hilarious. He seemed like a genuinely good person. And then on tour, it just kind of reinforced what I thought.

He’s really generous. I refer to him as a ‘good king.’ He’s like someone who has a lot of power, and sometimes people who REGGIE continued on page 9

FREAKY FAST! FREAKY GOOD!

FREAKY FAST

DELIVERY! ©2011 JIMMY JOHN’S FRANCHISE, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

THE CHICAGO MAROON | ARTS | February 21, 2012

Watts: “I don’t know if there is such a thing as a bad audience” REGGIE continued from page 8 have that much power can let it go to their heads. But he’s very far from that. He treats people very fairly, as best as he can. He’s inspirational in that way, like showing you how not to abuse power.

CM: How do you deal with a bad audience?

I don’t know if there is necessarily such a thing as a bad audience unless they really hate you, like immediately. Like they’ve decided that they hate you before you walk onstage. I’ve been talking about this recently, so this is a good question.

But I think if an audience is not feeling good and you’re like, “What’s up with this audience or whatever,” in a way I think it’s mostly the comedian’s fault. It’s the comedian’s responsibility to figure out a way to connect to the audience?” So if the audience is bored, then you just didn’t find that way. You have to be willing to alter how you perform in order to find that. If that’s important to you. Otherwise, if it’s not important to you, then whatever; the audience is just what it is and you do your show and [it] kind of sucked or whatever There’s many ways to go about it but, for me, no one can totally complain because if you work hard enough, you can at least squeeze something great out of a supposedly bad audience.

CM: How do you order the different parts of your show ?

RW: I don’t really order it necessarily.

I think of it as three stations, essentially.

When I have everything like I have tonight, I’ll have a keyboard, I’ll have the center mike, and then I’ll have the mike going through the sampler, the looper. So I think of that as like three points to go to. And so I know that those are three things that I can mix and match, and then do different things within those different modes.

Or juggle them. That’s all I know: I have those three components, and I have experience with all three of those different zones, and then I just go for it. Maybe I start with music, maybe I start with talking right away, maybe I start on the piano, maybe I just don’t start at all or I hide for a while. I try to find an interesting way to start, or an extremely normal way to start. Sometimes I’ll say, “I’m just going to try being sincere tonight,” or I’ll say, “I’m going to go out and be like this crazy dude that sounds really dumb but talks about smart stuff.’

Or the other way around. I like mixing up those various elements.

CM: How do you like living in Brooklyn?

RW: Brooklyn’s dope. I live in Williamsburg and it has all those whatever connotations associated with it too, but I just think it’s got so many great things going for it. You know there’s like that emergence of the young craftsman style of going back to like making linens by hand or a cheese shop by hand or a butcher shop done in the old traditional way, but it’s all like young people starting these businesses.

So I like that element of it even though some people are kind of like, “Oh this is ridiculous and like what else are they going to think of ?” But I think there’s something cool about that. And there are great restaurants and great coffee shops and great things to do and in the summer time it’s fucking awesome, and riding bikes around there is really cool.

CM: What is your best bad joke?

RW: Geez, I don’t know, I said a joke yesterday that was pretty bad. It was basically like Dad jokes, like bad puns; you know just forcing a word to mean something else.

9

Celtic punk band rocks Aragon Bradford A. Rogers Arts Staff This weekend, Flogging Molly’s eighth annual Green 17 Tour brought the Celtic punk band to Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom. The band played a raucous set to a rambunctious crowd, making one thing clear: Whoever said you couldn’t play punk with an accordion, tin whistle, violin, banjo, mandolin, or acoustic guitar is a barefaced liar.

For those unfamiliar with the band, Flogging Molly is perhaps most famous for their incorporation of traditional Irish instrumentation.

Irish-born lead vocalist and acoustic guitarist Dave King founded the band in the midst of Los Angeles’s 1990s music scene. Bridget Regan, who plays fiddle and tin whistle (and to whom King is now married), eventually joined the band, as did Dennis Casey on lead guitar, Matt Hensley on accordion, Nathan Maxwell on bass guitar, Bob Schmidt on mandolin and banjo, and George Schwindt on drums. The band got their start at L.A.’s Molly Malone’s, where they played weekly and developed a loyal fan base. The band’s name is in fact a tribute to the pub. Since 2004, Flogging Molly has toured

111 Year History

annually on their Green 17 Tour, for which they play at venues across the United States.

For their stop in Chicago, the band graced the stage of the iconic Aragon Ballroom. The Ballroom has served as a staple of the Chicago music scene for much of the 20th and 21st centuries, memorable for its Moorish-style architecture and the interior’s resemblance to the Spanish village from which it takes its name.

Saturday night saw the Ballroom packed full of Flogging Molly fans, an enthusiastic crowd of hard drinking, hard dancing, and chanting hooligans. From the band’s first note, the crowd was jumping, moshing, and screaming every lyric at the top of their lungs, certainly lending credence to the Ballroom’s informal nickname, “the Aragon Brawlroom.”

The band dusted off some classics like “Whistle the Wind” and “Life in a Tenement Square,” and debuted a tender new track, “A Prayer For Me in Silence” featuring fiddler Bridget Regan on lead vocals. High points of the show were Flogging Molly’s hits, including “Devil’s Dance Floor” and “If I Ever Leave This World Alive,” for which the audience nearly drowned out the band as they sang.

The evening’s showstopper was certainly the

Ravisloe Country Club

band’s rendition of their early hit “Black Friday Rule.” As they played true to Flogging Molly form, each member left one-by-one until guitarist Casey and drummer Schwindt were left together onstage. Casey then launched into an incendiary guitar solo, culminating in Pete Townshend-style guitar-smashing antics as Schwindt provided a frenetic punk beat. The two were joined again by King and the singer and guitarist faced off between dueling acoustic and electric guitar measures. Finally, each member came back onstage to conclude the hardrocking song to the beat of aggressively chanting and stomping fans.

Molly’s set concluded on a high note with “Seven Deadly Sins,” an energetic pirate-themed punk ballad. As thousands of voices shouted, “We’re seven drunken pirates, we’re the seven deadly sins,” and the band wished Chicago good night, the audience was left wholly satisfied, if not with battered vocal chords and sore feet.

If nothing else, Flogging Molly’s set at the Aragon Ballroom demonstrates that when it comes to live music, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. An epic band playing at an epic venue to an epic audience certainly results in one epic show.

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10

THE CHICAGO MAROON | SPORTS | February 21, 2012

Team strengths show in close loss to D-I squad Women’s Tennis Sarah Miller Sports Staff Chicago (4–1) handily defeated DePauw on Friday before suffering their first loss of the season to D-I UIC on Saturday.

The Maroons crushed DePauw 8–1 and fell to UIC 5–2.

“I thought we played pretty well against DePauw,” fourth-year Jen Kung said. “Kendra and Carmen were particularly solid in doubles and singles. Kelsey and Megan had a tough match at three doubles, but both bounced back in singles.”

“The matches were not easy; we had to work our points and be patient,” first-year Megan Tang said. “However, this strateg y helped us all win our singles matches.”

In the singles games against DePauw, fourth-year co-captain Kendra Higgins defeated her opponent 6–0, 6–0; Kung won 6–4, 6–2; fourth-year co-captain Carmen VacaGuzman won 6–1, 6–0.

First-year Kelsey McGillis won 7–5, 0–1, but the third match was retired; third-year Linden Li won 6–4, 6–1; and Tang won 7–5, 6–2.

In doubles, Higgins and VacaGuzman defeated their counterparts 8–3; Li and Kung won 8–6; and McGillis and Tang lost 8–6.

In the singles games against UIC, Higgins defeated her opponent 6–2, 7–6, 9–7; VacaGuzman lost 6–4, 3–6, and 6–2. Kung lost 6–2, 2–6, 6–2, McGillis lost 7–5, 6–1, Li won 6–4, 6–2, and Tang lost 6–1, 6–0.

“Overall, it was a tough match and was well fought by both sides,” VacaGuzman said. “They are a solid team with 15 straight conference titles, yet we have talent, fight, and heart. This match however, we needed to believe that we could beat them [in order to win].”

In doubles, Higgins and VacaGuzman lost 8–6, Kung and Li lost 8–4, and McGillis and Tang lost 8–4.

“It was really close and we should have won but they pulled out the 8-6 victory,” VacaGuzman said. “It was little mistakes and a point here and there that made the difference.”

Men’s Tennis Shayan Karbassi Sports Staff

First-year Megan Tang plays in a match against Elmhurst College earlier this quarter.

TIFFANY TAN | THE CHICAGO MAROON

“I think the 5–2 score shows just how close we were to knocking off this team,” Kung said.

“Even though we were swept in the doubles, we had chances in all three of those matches. It’s disappointing to know we were so close to beating a very good D-I team, but this match showed our team what we’re capable of achieving.”

With the ITA Championships in March quickly approaching, the Maroons cannot waste any time preparing for the tourna-

ment.

“We’re the number one team in our region, so it’s great to compete against the top teams in the other regions,” Kung said.

“Playing against other top teams gives us excellent opportunities to prepare for UAAs and NCAAs. Indoors will give us our first look at some of our top competition this year. The tournament will also give the [first-years] on our team their first look at what the top D-III teams play like.”

Roussell: Donovan doesn’t play like a first-year out there W.BASKETBALL continued from back 14–0 before a lay up from Brandeis guard Shannon Hassan was able to stem the bleeding. After the initial burst, the game was never really close, as Chicago held a lead of 20 points or greater for most of the second half, ultimately winning 77–50.

First-year guard Morgan Donovan took her opportunity with extended minutes to lead the team with 15 points off 6–7 shooting, including 3–3 from beyond the arc. Every Chicago player saw at least five

Maroons fall to Whitewater, lose perfect season

minutes of playing time.

“Morgan just gets it,” said head coach Aaron Roussell after the game against Case Western last weekend. “She doesn’t play like a [first-year] out there and hasn’t for a long time.”

The season ends this Saturday at Ratner against Wash U, one of the strongest teams in the country. Saturday’s game will be a good barometer of Chicago’s preparedness heading into the NCAA tournament. The Maroons will also be looking for revenge;

last year, after defeating Wash U twice during the regular season, they fell to the Bears in the Elite Eight. Also, Wash U is all that’s left standing between the Maroons and an undefeated season. Chicago is one of just three undefeated teams left in the country.

“We are all really looking forward to preparing for Wash U,” said first-year Hannah Ballard, who scored 14 points on the weekend, “and the game against them is always the most fun and exciting.”

Chicago came up short against UW– Whitewater, 4–5, in a grueling match on Sunday. The South Siders, who were undefeated going into the match, expected tough competition from the 21st-ranked Warhawks.

The afternoon began with doubles play, in what was quite a bumpy ride for the men. All three doubles teams lost against their respective opponents. Fourth-years Troy Brinker and Jan Stefanski fell 8–4; first-years Deepak Sabada and Ankur Bhargava were defeated 8–6, and secondyears Zsolt Szabo and Krishna Ravella were edged 8–6.

The Maroons failed to capitalize in areas where they are normally successful.

“We felt like we have been playing good doubles all season, but yesterday we didn’t come out as aggressive as we should have,” Ravella said. “Whitewater went at us from the start and we lost a couple of close matches that usually go our way.”

Having been swept in doubles play, the Maroons knew that they would face an uphill struggle—they would need to win five of the six singles matches in order to come out on top.

At the top of the lineup, Brinker completed a three-set victory over 14th ranked Byron Balkin. The match was tightly contested, 6–4, 6–7 (11), and 6–3, with Brinker ultimately prevailing.

The Maroons quickly found themselves in another hole, however, when, at the number two slot, Bhargava, fell in three sets: 6–1, 6–7 (3), 4–6.

Second-year Alex Golovin brought the Maroons back into the game with a victory.

Having lost the first set 2–6, Golovin rallied to win the remaining sets, 6–4, 6–3. Stefanski and Sabada followed Golovin’s lead, winning their matches in two sets; Stefanski with a score of 6–4, 6–2 and Sabada with 6–1, 6–4.

The match came down to the sixth slot game, where Brian Klein of Whitewater defeated third-year Dillon Klincke in three sets. Klincke began strong, winning 6–1, but lost the second set 3–6. Being down 4–0 in the final set, Klincke was not allowed to continue play, therefore, losing by default.

While this loss was important to the Maroons, it was not crucial.

“It just puts more pressure on us to beat top five teams, such as Wash U,” Golovin said.

While this was a tough loss for the Maroons, they will aim to get their season back on track at the ITA Indoor Championships against Wash U.

Chicago Sky owner discusses challenges of running WNBA team Discourse Mahmoud Bahrani Senior Editor Chicago Sky owner Michael Alter spoke to students in Stuart Hall last night on the challenges of owning and operating a WNBA franchise. The talk, sponsored by the UChicago Sports Business Team, drew approximately 30 students. A graduate of the Law School, Alter is the president of the Alter Group, one of the nation’s largest private commercial real estate developers.

Alter admitted that before owning the Sky, he wasn’t aware that the WNBA existed. Adam Silver, the current deputy commissioner of the NBA and fellow Law School graduate, was the first per-

son to approach Alter about owning a WNBA franchise. Until that time, with the exception of the Connecticut Sun, the league had only expanded to cities that already had NBA franchises, which then worked directly with the WNBA squad. Chicago Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf had turned down the offer from NBA commissioner David Stern to start a WNBA franchise in Chicago, leaving Chicago as the only major market without a WNBA team.

“Frankly, if you were in Chicago and you weren’t a fan of women’s basketball, you wouldn’t know [that the WNBA existed],” Alter said. “There was never a story, it was never talked about. It was just not on anyone’s—and certainly not my—radar screen.”

The main motivation for owning a team, according to Alter, was supporting the efforts of the

women in the WNBA. “I wasn’t that interested in being a sports owner, but I was interested in these women. I grew up in Chicago, my business is here, I’ve been very successful here, and I really felt it was embarrassing that Chicago wasn’t part of this,” Alter said. “This was something important and something we needed to have in Chicago, and what these women do, what they stand for as role models was really something that we had to have here.”

Alter openly admitted he had made some mistakes along the way, most publicly with the hiring of former Celtics star Dave Cowens as the team’s first head coach. Cowens stayed on for a year before approaching Alter with his desire to step down. Alter also expressed his disappointment in the reluctance of Chicago businesses to engage

with the team.

“I really thought the business community in Chicago would be more proactive in engaging this team for the same reasons that I did,” Alter said. “I thought they would see this as a community asset.

That didn’t really happen.”

Alter also discussed his plans to reverse this trend with a program called Chicago Sky Legacy Partners. For $5,000 annually over five years, partners get four tickets to each Sky game as well as other marketing opportunities. If executives can’t make a game, they can save tickets for later use or donate them to charity. It’s a program that Alter wished he would have implemented when he first bought the team six years ago.

The Chicago Sky have their first home game on May 25 against the Indiana Fever.

THE CHICAGO MAROON | SPORTS | February 21, 2012

11

NCAA hopes dashed after loss to Violets Men’s Basketball Alexander Sotiropoulos Senior Sports Staff After 12 games of alternating triumph and devastation in the UAA, the Maroons have been officially knocked out of title contention. The result comes after Chicago (14–10, 7–6 UAA) lost at NYU (19–5, 8–5) on Friday 79–69. On Sunday, in a game without any tangible implications, the Maroons defeated Brandeis (13–11, 7–6) 80–66.

On Friday, the Maroons contained NYU at 9–9 five minutes into the game.

“I thought both teams were comfortable offensively,” assistant coach Drew Adams said. “I thought NYU had made some shots that were pretty well contested…and I think the same went for us.”

In the first half, the Violets shot 53.8 percent from the field and 60 percent from behind the arc.

“I think that [the Maroons] lost concentration a few times,” Adams said. “We gave [the Violets] some open looks that really got them feeling pretty good.

Once they start feeling that way, it’s pretty hard to get stops.”

The Violets’ offensive execu-

tion gave them a 44–29 lead at the half.

In the second half, NYU had an even greater offensive explosion than in the first. With 6:34 left in the game, the Violets had their biggest lead of the night at 77–50.

Still, the Maroons didn’t give up. A fade-away three-pointer from fourth-year guard Tommy Sotos cut the deficit to 11 points, at 77–66, with 2:13 left in the game. But it was too little too late.

After the loss, the Maroons’ fourth-years had just two collegiate basketball games remaining.

“Friday night was tough,” Adams said. “The guys were down.”

Still, the Maroons’ fourthyears wanted to end their final two games with victories.

“I will give [fourth-year guard] Matt Johnson, and the other [fourth-years] credit; they really rallied the troops on Saturday,” Adams said.

The Maroons came out strong on Sunday under the leadership of the fourth-years. Johnson paced Chicago with 29 points on 9–18 shooting from the field. Meanwhile, fourth-year forward Tom Williams, who has been plagued with injury throughout the season, had 18 points, all coming

from three-pointers. He finished the game with 6–8 shooting from behind the arc.

Shortly after the Maroons beat Brandeis, Wash U (18–6, 10–3) defeated NYU to clinch the UAA title.

With that over, there isn’t much on the line for the Maroons’ home and season finale on Saturday against Wash U. Yet, Adams said, the Maroons will fight hard for a victory.

“It’ll be a little bit different than the typical game, but it’s a rivalry game,” he said. “Records don’t matter; circumstances don’t matter; teams are really going to want to win.”

McDonald breaks school Team awaits results from other conference record at Margaret Bradley championships, remains optimistic Track and Field Jake Walerius Sports Staff Saturday’s Margaret Bradley Invitational was a comprehensive victory for the Maroons. It was a welcome result as the team heads into next weekend’s UAA Championships in New York City.

“I was pleased by our performances this weekend,” fourth-year Jaleesa Akuoko said. “We had a lot of athletes win their events on Saturday and achieve significant [personal bests]. This meet, we were practicing how to compete strategically, which is vital for next weekend, as well as practicing how to win. I think we did well.”

The women won the Invitational with 174.5 points, nearly 60 more than their closest competitor, Carthage (116). The point differential says it all.

Victory was, in many ways, only a secondary goal this weekend.

The primary focus was improving individual times and placement on the conference honor rolls before next week’s conference championship. Chicago managed to do both with some success.

The Maroons won six events out of 15 in which they competed, and 23 Maroons recorded season best times. Not all of those times were good enough to challenge for conference, but they were a mark of how well the team performed and a testament to the intensity they brought to the meet, when they might well have won without those times.

Third-year Julia Sizek recorded Chicago’s first win of the day in the mile run, posting a time of (5:13.00) to place her seventh on the conference honor roll. Her victory was part of a 1–2–3 finish by the Maroons in the mile, with second-year Sarah Peluse (5:23.81) and third-year Sonia Kahn (5:24.13) also posting season best times to place second and third, respectively.

It was a good day for the sprinters as well. Akuoko won the 400meter (1:01.95), and seven other women recorded season best times to go along with a team victory in the 4x400 relay.

“The sprinters had a slow start to the season,” Akuoko said. “But this meet, almost every sprinter

had a personal or season’s best in their events, setting us up nicely for UAAs.” “I won my event by running strategically, but my time could have been a lot better. Hopefully, I’ll be posting up a big performance next weekend.”

In another notable showing, fourth-year Rachel Ohman smashed her season best to win the 3000-meter (10:22.21), ranking her 10th in the conference.

First-year Pam Yu also solidified her second-place conference rank, finishing first in the triple jump (11.06m) to drop fourth-year Madison Allen into second place (10.89m.)

Perhaps the most eye-catching win of the day, though, came from third-year Kayla McDonald in the 800-meter. McDonald broke her own school record (2:16.29) to move her up to second in the conference rankings. She finished ahead of first-year Jillian Ojeda (2:22.23) and second-year Michaela Whitelaw (2:22.34) for another Chicago 1–2–3.

The men won their meet with a total of 173 points, defeating their nearest competitor, Aurora, by 57 points. Fourth-year Tyler Calway won the 55-meter hurdles, second-year Jackson Jenkins won the 400-meter dash, third-year Avery Mainardi won the 800-meter run, second-year Sam Butler won the 5,000-meter, first-year Ryan O’Donnell won the mile, fourth-year Robert Cooper won the 3,000-meter, first-year Semi Ajibola won the high jump, and fourth-year Donny Chi won the long jump.

Third-year top sprinter Dee Brizzolara was out with an injury to his oblique, and the Maroons’ top distance runner, third-year Billy Whitmore, didn’t compete, in preparation for the UAAs. While there was a lot to cheer about on Saturday, Chicago must now turn their attention to the conference meet. They are hoping that this weekend will provide a confidence boost.

“We’re competing very well right now,” Akuoko said. “This was a fantastic final meet. We felt like a team—we were inspired by each other’s performances and supportive of our teammates. I am really proud of how our team has shaped up over the course of the season.”

Second-year Eric Hallman competes earlier this season at the Ratner Athletics Center.

DARREN LEOW | THE CHICAGO MAROON

M.SWIMMING continued from back and relay teams to qualify for the NCAA D-III Championships on March 21–24 in Indianapolis.

“We do not know 100 percent yet who will be competing at NCAAs, we have to see how the rest of the conferences in the country finish, but we are staying very optimistic,” Carlson said.

Weber had a slightly less positive view of how the UAA results will affect potential NCAA competition.

“As a team effort, we’re happy, but we were hoping for some better individual performances,” Weber said. “We probably won’t have as many swimmers and divers qualifying for NCAAs, but it was great to get second [place].”

Regardless, to get to NCAAs,

the team members will try to perpetuate the elements that have been propelling them all season.

“Many of us will try to give the times to enter NCAA,” Gvakharia said, “but we will only achieve it by having a positive mentality and looking forward to making the A-cuts.”

In the meantime, as they await the results, the Maroons will participate in the Midwest Invitational, which promises less pressure than UAAs or NCAAs. “[It] will be a good meet to finish off the season,” Carlson said.

The Maroons are hoping to use the meet to showcase their entire range of talent.

“Swimmers that didn’t compete at UAAs will swim at this meet, as well as some other swim-

mers looking to post some faster times to qualify for NCAAs,” Weber said. “[It’s] not a very big meet, but it’s important that we go fast.”

Swimmers that have already qualified for NCAAs as a result of their times at the UAA meet will begin to work even harder over the next week while the rest of the team continues tapering to prepare for the Invitational.

“I am ready to go ahead, and give it 110 percent in order to make the A-cut for NCAAs,” Gvakharia said.

The Maroons will participate in the Midwest Invitational this weekend at Ratner Athletics Center, beginning at 6 p.m. on Friday.

Midwest Invitational chance to qualify for Nationals W.SWIMMING continued from back The great performance from the entire team came during a demanding meet. While the Maroons do swim in multiple-day meets over the year, this was by far the longest and most tiring.

“The very first and last sessions of the meet (Thursday morning and Saturday night) were especially good sessions for us, which I think was part of the reason we were able to do so well,” Levens said. “The middle sessions are

the ones where we tended to lose focus, but a 3-day, 6-session meet tends to do that to you!”

The Maroons look forward to their next meet, which is the Midwest Invitational. It will be held on Saturday at the Myers-McLoraine Pool on campus.

It’s a chance for swimmers to qualify for nationals.

“The Midwest Invitational is primarily a meet for people who didn’t get a chance to compete at UAAs and

for people who are on the bubble for making NCAAs to try to get some last fast swims in,” said Levens. “After that, whoever qualifies will keep training and get focused for NCAAs.” But for right now, it’s a time to celebrate a fantastic weekend and let the good times roll.

“We came in with the right attitude and left with it, as well,” Levens said. A second place trophy isn’t a bad thing to take home either.

SPORTS

IN QUOTES “Without his will and effort, the poor kid would probably be running Goldman Sachs by now.”

—Rick Reilly on the career prospects of Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin.

Perennial powerhouse Emory swims away with UAAs

Third-year Kelly Runyan competes earlier this season at the Ratner Athletics Center.

DARREN LEOW | THE CHICAGO MAROON

Women’s Swimming & Diving Liane Rousseau Sports Staff The Maroons came in second place this past weekend at the UAA Championships. In the meet at Case Western in Cleveland, the team finished with 1,288 points, between Emory (2,112 points) and Carnegie (1,125). Emory, the defending national champion, won

its 14th consecutive UAA title.

Eight individual swimmers turned in all–UAA performances, including first-year Jennifer Hill, thirdyear Andrea McPike, first-year Bizzy Millen, and fourth-year Tara Levens who came in first place in the 200meter medley relay.

Emory or Chicago finished in the top three in nearly every race. The team also improved greatly over the weekend, taking back second place after the first day and working to expand their

Second place finish in line with pre-meet goals Men’s Swimming & Diving Sarah Langs Sports Staff Chicago came in second at the UAA Championships, which concluded over the weekend in Cleveland. The Maroons amassed 1,197 points, placing them well behind Emory’s 1,897.

Case Western came in third with 1,153.5 points.

Heading into the meet, the team hoped to place second behind Emory. “[The second-place finish] means the world to me, the holy grail of my experience as a student-athlete,” first-year swimmer George Gvakharia said.

The coaching staff echoed the significance of the finish. “It means so much. This is our best finish in program history,” assistant coach Krista Carlson said.

The work the team put in over the course of the season—from training hard in Florida over winter break to tapering and eating healthily in the week leading up to the UAA Championships— clearly paid off.

“It was a demonstration of all the hard work we put in,” Gvakharia said. “All of us, swimmers at heart, gave it our best, and though we were not the best statistically, we were the best in each other’s eyes.”

The team is not harping on their 700-point loss to Emory, but is instead delighting in having met their team goal of second

place, and the team’s mentality cannot be magnified enough.

“Every single person contributed [to the second-place finish],” Carlson said. “We needed every point, every swim, and every dive to place how we did. It was truly a team effort.”

Team effort has been a strength for Chicago from the start, with first-years contributing as frequently as fourth-years. That fact seemed to unite the team and foster camaraderie.

Many school records were broken at the meet. First-year diver Tony Restiano broke the UAA record in the three-meter diving event. Six Maroons in total contributed to breaking UAA records, either individually or as a member of a relay team.

Restiano was selected as UAA Men’s Diver of the Year, while his coach Kendra Melnychuk was named UAA Men’s Diving Coach of the Year.

“Tony and Kendra are the perfect choices for diver and diving coach of the year,” Carlson said.

“The amount of work they each put in this season and to see it all come to fruition is so rewarding for them as well as the team.”

“They both deserve it and I’m very proud of them and our entire diving squad,” head coach Jason Weber said.

With UAAs over, the team will host an invitational meet this weekend. The next step on the conference and national journey, however, is for individuals M.SWIMMING continued on page 11

lead over the rest of the UAA teams.

“The team did great. We had lots of outstanding swims, and lots of people really stepping up when the team needed them,” fourth-year swimmer Tara Levens said. “We went into this season knowing that we were better than last year, and our results speak to that.”

First-year diver Becky Schmidt agrees.

“I am so proud of how the team did this year. It was a long week of compe-

tition, but everyone pushed themselves hard until the very end. Second place is a very respectable achievement for both the men’s and women’s team.”

The team went into the championships with high expectations. They have only lost one dual meet this season, and that was to a Division I school, UW–Milwaukee. The team had also been tapering off the intensity of their practices so that they would be fully rested for the meet at Cleveland.

That strategy paid off, as some of the

swimmers not only made impressive times, but also broke records.

“We saw a lot of school records fall at this meet, had a ton of all-time top10 times posted, and had a lot of season-best times,” Levens said. “We put in a lot of hard work over this season, and the results show it.”

Mixing that hard work with strong upperclassmen leadership, a fast freshman class, and solid experience from every returning swimmer, the Maroons expected to have a great season and UAA finish. They know that their team is only going to continue to improve.

“This meet proved that our team is getting better every year. Our freshmen made a lot of key contributions this year,” Schmidt said.

“The first years are really raising the bar, and I am so proud to be a part of this outstanding team.”

In fact, the diving portion of the women’s team, along with their male diving counterparts, turned in such a great performance that d3swimming.com suggested that the unofficial slogan for the University of Chicago be changed from “where fun comes to die” to “where fun comes to dive.” The UAA Diving Coach Staff of the Year award went to coach Kendra Melnychuk.

W. SWIMMING continued on page 11

Pair of blowouts keeps Chicago undefeated

Fourth-year Morgan Herrick looks for an open teammate during a home game against Rochester earlier this season.

JAMIE MANLEY | THE CHICAGO MAROON

Women’s Basketball Mahmoud Bahrani Senior Editor Chicago easily defeated Brandeis (8–16, 1–12) and NYU (10– 14, 2–11) this past weekend, cementing their claim to the UAA title and the conference’s automatic bid to the NCAA tournament. The pair of victories comes a week before a highly anticipated rematch against Wash U, one of the best teams in the country and the only team in the UAA to truly challenge the Maroons in conference play this year.

At a glance, Friday’s game against NYU seemed like a close, hard-fought battle between two evenly matched squads. Chicago only led by two at the half and was shooting a paltry 28 percent from the field to go along with eight turnovers. But a closer look shows that Chicago never trailed in the first half, with the lead swelling to as large as eight. The Maroons kept making pushes, but were unable to put NYU away.

“The UAA is one of those conferences that on any given day, anyone can beat anyone. It all depends on who shows up and wants it more,” fourth-year for-

ward Morgan Herrick said last week.

In the second half, Chicago was able to break the game open, relying on their trademark defense to stifle the NYU attack. The Violets were only able to score 19 points in the second half and were harassed on the glass, only managing to grab 34 rebounds compared to Chicago’s 52. The Maroons would go on to win 57–42.

The Maroons got off to a fast, dominating start on Sunday. Chicago held Brandeis scoreless for more than eight minutes and led W.BASKETBALLcontinuedonpage10