ORDINARY PEOPLE LIVING EXTRAORDINARY LIVES

GROWING BOLDER / MAY DIGITAL DIGEST 2110 Plant seeds. Whatever those seeds may be for you.

Bill Shafer

Ericka Cotton

PLANTING THE SEEDS OF A NEW TOMORROW

The television is on, but no one is watching. Ericka Cotton doesn’t much like being inside, because that’s where the reminders are. You see them with every glance: a photo on the wall, a keepsake on the shelf — cherished memories of Renault Layer, the love of her life. Flashes remind her of the long, futile fight against a rare form of pancreatic cancer.

Cotton looks closely at each plant, inspecting the leaves, looking for new blooms. She senses that if she can nurture them until they blossom and thrive, perhaps she’ll be able to do the same. It’s one of the few thoughts she hangs onto. She thinks about how gardening is much like the time she spent as her husband’s caregiver. She never expected to have to do that; but then again, she never liked gardening either. But now, it’s different. She planted flowering purple pentas, flowing vines and an assortment of herbs, both in tribute to what’s left behind and to whatever comes. New growth.

“I believe that you have to feel to heal,” she explains. “And this is a place I can pour my pain into. The salt of my tears nourishes new life. I feel him here; and I can feel me, too.”

Recovery has been especially difficult for Cotton. Weeks after Layer’s death, she lost her job due to the pandemic. It was too much to bear, and she knew she’d never get over it alone.

“First, I was in denial,” she said. “And I was also ashamed of the physical and emotional toll that it has taken on me.”

She sought out therapy, and it has made a big difference. The shame began to fade, replaced by understanding and acceptance of what she’s experienced.

“I’m tear stained, I’m in pain and that’s okay because I am grieving,” she said. “Meet me where I am. I’m still going to show up for you. I’m not going to run, but I am broken and doing what I can to make repairs.”

The garden has been the place where those repairs can take root.

“I remember many of the last conversations we had were about planting a garden out back,” she said. “We’d just lay around and fantasize about what we were going to do.”

Layer never had the chance, so Cotton did it for him — a legacy or tribute garden. An area that once felt so empty was now bright and full, with the promise of better days ahead.

Sometimes, it helps to do something special to honor the person you’ve lost. It’s made a big difference for Cotton, who is just starting to feel the sunlight again on her face. She’s learned what it takes to move on.

“Plant seeds. Whatever those seeds may be for you,” she said. “Understand that you have to create a new future. Have those seeds in your pocket and be ready to water and nourish them in hopes that you can move past the trauma and see new life.”

When things get difficult, just keep on floating!

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