These Are The Things I Worry About As a SAHM
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parenting
by Sumiti Mehta
I
made a decision to stay home with my kids because I wanted to be with them, and I was very confident that no one else but only me — their mom — would be able to do a great job of raising them. Now, on the downslope of parenting, there are days where I have reservations about being a stay-at-home mom. 1. I think that I let down my mother. In some way, I do feel that I let down my own mother, who was the first woman to graduate in her family and worked for a reputed bank in India. My mom was the one who always inspired me and let me Dream Big. She had high goals and aspirations for me.
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2. There are days when I feel like people around me think I do nothing. They all see me cooking, cleaning, driving, volunteering, and even writing, but they know what a “job” looks like, and they do not think I have one. 3. I have used my driver’s license for more than my education degrees. After a couple of driving lessons, I got my driver’s license within a month. My Bachelor’s in English Literature and graduate degree in Public Relations and Advertising took four years of persistent hard work, and yet, for more than a decade now, I have used my driver’s license for more than my formal education degrees. 4. I get sucked into piles of volunteer work. Some of this work surely is meaningful and satisfying, and some of it is insignificant in the extreme — whether it is being on
various boards or panels or raising funds for schools. Volunteer activities involve a burst of events, but at the end of the day, those running the show carry on, and my job is over. 5. I hover more. Being around my kids so much of the time gives me the chance to focus on them at a very micro level. Helicoptering takes time, and I have the time. So I am labeled as a “Helicopter Mom.” 6. I slipped into a more traditional marriage. In every way, my husband Sudeep, to whom I have been married for 15 years, does see me as his equal, but in the years that I have been home, our partnership has landed in traditional gender roles. I feel obligated to do more than 50% of the housework, not because he asks me or expects it, but because I actually have more time. 7. I have days when I feel this annoying sense of fading confidence. Far and away, my biggest regret about me staying at home is that I have lowered my sights of capability for myself in my own mind. I have let go of the career ambitions and goals I once held. If I could go back the time and get a do-over, what would I have done differently? Looking now at my two handsome sons, Akshaj (12 years old) and Atiksh (6 years old), I feel so appreciative of the gift of time that I spend with them. Be it in their schools or activities or working with their projects at home. This stage of my life is beautiful, and I know my kids love me the most. This love and my time are helping me raise two smart, kind, and compassionate boys just like my husband, and I always hope ours will be.
