Silent Night

Silent Night By Kara Haug

“We are not always shown the beauty that happens when we open ourselves up, especially when we can sit with others in the stillness of a room.”

Every Christmas Eve, when I was growing up, my family attended the late-night church service. My brothers and I would wait for the moment when the candles were lit to sing “Silent Night.” We waited because, without a doubt, our mother’s chin would begin to quiver, and tears would stream down her cheek. We would all look at each other and giggle. Even in high school, we would still all giggle as if to say, “Look, mom is crying again.” Looking back, it is a bit silly that we would respond that way, yet as adults, we tell our kids to look at Grandma to capture the sight of her vulnerability and tears. Though we would snicker at her, it’s something that I love the most about my mother. I recognize that at that moment, all of my mother’s hopes and dreams come to gather. My mother becomes like a child, seeking solace in another innocent child- born in a moment of peace- away from the world and its harsh realities. It’s a time where she feels unconditional love and great gratitude. Both of my children had particular songs that they wanted me to sing to them each night. My son likes “Hush Little Baby,” and my daughter always asked for “Silent Night.” There is something sweet about “Silent Night” that brought her to a place of rest and solace – as it does for my mother. When I would sing it to her, her little body would instantly relax, she would breathe deeply, and she allowed herself to let go. Her body would rest in the stillness of the silent night, and her worries would slip away through our nighttime tradition. December brings a time of waiting. Children await Christmas day and unwrapping of presents, and we look forward to time away from work to be with friends and family. For some, the busyness of this time of year with parties, obligations, cards, and gift-buying can make life seem more chaotic and stressful. However, there are also moments where we sit in our living rooms with the lights down low, drinking hot chocolate, and taking in the ambiance of the lighted tree casting shadows of our loved ones. We remember those who have passed, we think of those who are with us, and we wonder. In the silence of the night, we are invited into the place where we can slow down and notice. We notice the way the lights shimmer and twinkle, not just on the tree, but in the eyes of those we love. Like the times when I would sing to my daughter, and she would wrap my arms around her in the darkness of her room – it is a time where we reach out and hold on to traditions, hope, family, and love. We live in a time when it seems like we need reminders to practice civility, intimacy, and vulnerability. We get easily distracted by the busyness of life and the glow of our screens. We should be in the moment, seeing the goodness in those close to us. These silent nights can serve as a reminder of what is important. It is about loving and learning how to do that the best we can. As a Sexual Health Educator, I spend a lot of time teaching youth to recognize intimacy and empathy. I help them realize that the risk that comes with vulnerability is essential in creating healthy relationships. We also spend time going over how good communication looks even though it can be challenging. We are not always shown the beauty that happens when we open ourselves up, especially when we can sit with others in the stillness of a room. Love is not always about feelings and passion. It also is about being steadfast, working through the difficult moments together, sacrificing when needed, being the receiver at times, showing up, and listening. Love is about creating healthy boundaries to care for our souls and helping others learn about theirs. This is what we can remember and commit to doing more of when we are silent. I know that families and communities can have differences, and learning how to work together can be quite hard. No one promised us it would be easy. We need to work for what we want in our relationships, and though we may not be successful every time, be willing to try again with dignity. We need to help our children learn how to do the same. In this holiday season, during a year in which we all have endured sadness, sacrifice, loss, grief, and pain, we can still feel a sense of unconditional love and hope as we remember what is important. May we become a community who reaches out and sees the wonder and sparkle in the eyes of our neighbors and those we hold dear. May we learn to be comfortable again in the silence and stillness of a room, and may we embrace intimacy and vulnerability. Last year, I was not able to be with my mother at Christmas, and when “Silent Night” was sung, I was the one with the tears, and I missed her. I felt vulnerable, and for a moment, a sense of hope, gratitude, and love.

Writing Spree 2020 Calling all students 6-16!

The Writing Spree 2020 is for students ages 6-16 to be able to use their creativity to create book reviews, movie reviews, articles, and stories. To find out more about the Writing Spree 2020 or to send in your submission, please visit www.writetolead.com.

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Raising Boys In A

Era

By Sumiti Mehta “Teaching respect in a #MeToo era starts with parents”

My husband Sudeep and I have two boys, Atiksh, 8, and Akshaj, 14, and we want to raise them to be good human beings who are happy, kind, and respectful of everyone.

There was a time when I thought good parenting is about teaching kids to be courteous and empathetic, and to make their beds, be hygienic and help around the house. Instead, I find myself talking to them about gun control, mental health, inclusivity, sexism, all-gender bathrooms, etc.

Just the mere thought of either of my children being harassed or harassing another child is enough to keep me awake all night. I am sure any parent has the same worry.

Raising boys in the #MeToo era has many significant questions. One is: How can we successfully raise sons to understand the need for mutual respect, inclusivity across genders, and empathy for all? We all agree that girls can do anything, including playing with cars and being good at maths and science. But what can boys do? Boys are still at risk of being mocked when they cry, play with dollhouses or kitchen sets, or wear pink. Pre-teens and teen boys are under great pressure to “act like a man,” which often means fitting into a stereotype that makes them shut down their feelings, which results in anxiety and depression.

We need to let our sons express their weak moments and emotions and make a constant effort to listen to them and understand them. If they feel empowered, they will listen, react, and embrace everyone, including their parents. We told both our boys that it is OK to nurture and be nurtured. This will, in turn, make them better human beings.

Until a few years ago, it was a struggle for me to break these stereotypes in my own house. I grew up in the 1980s and ’90s in India, where boys and girls are traditionally divided. consciously breaking gender stereotypes in our daily lives. My sons Akshaj and Atiksh do not see traditional gender roles in our house; Sudeep and I swap our chores and work as a team. Sudeep is in consulting, so he travels, but whenever he is home, the boys have seen him prepare breakfast and dinner and help with cleaning and laundry. This has made our boys understand that there are no genderspecific chores. The boys help every day with dishes, cooking, and dusting.

I hope this will make them grow up caring and understanding boyfriends, husbands, and fathers. Akshaj has a nurturing quality that is setting a good example for his younger brother. He even cooks and helps with Atiksh’s homework when I am out at meetings.

Sudeep and I do feel fortunate that we can talk openly to boys to make them understand the terms “sexism” and “gender inclusivity,” but as parents, we are still learning every day. Believe me, parenting has no short cuts, and it does not come with hacks.