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Developing Positive Traits

Building emotional resilience for Positive Parenting Awareness Month

BY NICOLE M. YOUNG, MSW

It’s a new year, and time once again to celebrate all the parents and caregivers raising children and adolescents across our community. For the 11th year in a row, the County Board of Supervisors has partnered with First 5 Santa Cruz County to declare January 2023 as Positive Parenting Awareness Month, joining other California counties and the California legislature, which will pass a resolution declaring January 2023 as Positive Parenting Awareness Month across the state.

Raising children and youth to become healthy, confident, capable individuals is the most important and rewarding job parents and caregivers have, but sometimes it’s also the hardest job. That’s why proven strategies and support from programs such as the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program are here to help.

Even in the best of times, stress shows up in our lives. Sometimes, it comes from day-to-day events like a big test at school or a high-stakes situation at work. Other times, it comes from major life events like a family split apart by divorce or the death of a loved one. The ability to cope with strong feelings in response to these events—whether they are routine or major—is called emotional resilience.

This year, throughout Positive Parenting Awareness Month, we’re highlighting the building blocks of emotional resilience. As adults, we can help children and teens learn and practice emotional resilience skills so that they can cope with stressful life events and emerge stronger and happier. When children and teens (and adults) have the tools and support to use positive ways of coping with strong feelings, they’ll be less likely to turn to negative ways of coping, such as acting out, using alcohol or drugs, or harming themselves.

So how can we help children and teens build their emotional resilience muscles? We can start by teaching skills in these six building blocks:

RECOGNIZE, UNDERSTAND, AND ACCEPT FEELINGS

Ups and downs are normal, so let kids know it’s OK to have different feelings. Talk about their experiences and feelings and help them learn to recognize emotions in themselves and in others. Don’t be afraid to share your own feelings, too.

EXPRESS FEELINGS APPROPRIATELY

When kids express their feelings and manage tough situations in safe, healthy ways, recognize this with your attention and observations (e.g., “I’m proud of you for telling your friend why you were upset.”). If they’re expressing their feelings in unsafe or inappropriate ways, such as yelling, swearing, or hurtful behaviors, recognize that too, with an emphasis on what they can learn from the outburst. Acknowledge that they’re upset first, tell them what to stop doing (“Please stop yelling”) and what to do instead (“Let’s take a deep breath”). As you do this, demonstrate the behavior you’re expecting — e.g., speak calmly when telling them to stop yelling.

DEVELOP A POSITIVE OUTLOOK, INCLUDING OPTIMISM, INTEREST IN THINGS, AND CONTENTMENT

A positive, optimistic outlook can build your child’s confidence and contribute to emotional wellbeing; curiosity helps them learn. You can encourage both by pointing out the good side of events and experiences, being available and interested when your child wants to show you something, and asking your own questions about what they’re doing and creating. Being appreciative and grateful, and encouraging those feelings in your child, can build contentment.

DEVELOP COPING SKILLS

Teach children and teens problemsolving skills by playing games, setting a good example, and breaking a bigger problem down into smaller pieces. Let them practice their problem-solving skills instead of solving everything for them. Positive self-talk—”I’ve got this!”—is a great life skill, and so is knowing how and when to ask for help.

DEAL WITH STRONG FEELINGS AND UNPLEASANT SITUATIONS

We can’t completely protect children and teens from negative feelings and situations, but we can help them learn to manage their emotional responses. Stop and listen, acknowledge their feelings, and support them to find their own solutions. If needed, encourage them to take a break and return to the situation later in a calmer moment.

MANAGE STRESSFUL LIFE EVENTS

When big feelings emerge in response to major events, let your child be upset and talk about why, reassure them, and try not to fix or solve everything in that moment. Encourage them to use their coping skills and check in on them, but be ready to seek more help if needed—and remember to take care of yourself, too!

Final Thoughts: We can learn to be more emotionally resilient at any age, but life is much smoother if we learn early!

Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 22, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc. org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

The Pandemic in the Classroom

Do teacher shortages and COVID affect our children’s learning?

BY SUSAN TATSUI-D’ARCY

As expected, students suffered academically during the COVID pandemic. While students are now back in the classrooms, math and reading scores plummeted in 2022. Compared to 2019, math dropped 8 points in eighth grade and 5 points in fifth grade across the nation. Scores dropped 3 points in reading for both grades.

In California, fewer than half of the students (47%) passed the English language arts test, which was a 4 point drop from pre-pandemic 2018-2019. In math, only one third of the students passed, which was a 6% decline.

Stanford, USC and the UC system say that this massive decline has never been seen before and that this is an unprecedented challenge that we have to face. The disparities plaguing ethnic groups remain high, with 70% of Asian students scoring above the national standard, which is triple the rate for Latinos and Black students.

So what does this mean? We need to support our students as we ramp up our curriculum. But there’s a huge teacher shortage across the United States.

Remember when we used to give teachers shiny apples and gifts for the holidays? Those memories are long gone as students face classrooms with revolving doors for teachers, substitutes, and teacher aides. Some teachers are required to teach students with disabilities or English learners in addition to their regular classes because special education teachers are absent or didn’t return for the school year.

Many schools shut down when 30% of their staff and 25% of their students call in sick. Imagine that? Other schools are reverting to remote learning when there aren’t enough teachers to cover classes. Principals are even stepping in to teach several classes at once just to fill staffing gaps.

Teacher shortages aren’t equally spread out among subject areas. Special education teachers ranks the highest in shortages, followed by mathematics, science, and foreign language. And many teachers are having to step up to help in the cafeteria work and to work without instructional aides.

So how do we recruit and encourage college students to become teachers? First we need to pay them and give them benefits like the professionals they are. Consider this report that considered teacher wages in 26 industrialized countries: teachers in the United States ranked dead-last on the list of average pay – making only 60% of what other college graduates make.

In countries like Sweden, Germany, and Australia, teacher compensation is higher than 80% of other college graduates. And, US teachers work more hours than other countries.

Fewer college students are entering teaching careers today. Back in the 1970s, about 12% of students planned to become teachers. Today, only 4% of college students are pursuing teaching degrees. That comes as no surprise when teaching has become a thankless job that won’t even pay a livable wage.

With increased teacher vacancies, and a dramatic drop in college students entering the teaching field, several states have eased teacher certification requirements. Some schools issue emergency teaching credentials just to speed up the process to secure the certification.

In high schools, teachers are normally required to have a bachelor’s degree in the subjects they are credentialed to teach. While that makes sense because they need to have in-depth understanding of the subject to effectively teach a wide range of students to prepare them for higher education.

But some states, like Arizona, students can enter teacher training programs without a bachelor’s degree. The only requirement is that they enroll in college and they are supervised by licensed teachers.

In Florida, military veterans without bachelor’s degrees can receive a 5-year teacher certificate as long as they have 60 college credits (AA or community college degree) with a 2.5 GPA and pass a state exam to demonstrate their mastery of the subject-area knowledge.

This is appalling. Have we really devalued the education of our children – the youth who will take the reins and lead our nation? Teachers should be our most valued profession. They guide, mentor, and prepare all of our children to go out into the world. How will we be able to maintain our superpower status when our future leaders don’t have the academic acumen to compete on a world stage?

Susan Tatsui-D’Arcy is the founder of Merit Academy (one-on-one classes) and Merit Educational Consultants (college and educational advisory). She has written books on projects, free child care, education, and parenting. Susan hosts TEDxMeritAcademy for students to present their innovative projects and solutions. In 2019, she was California Mother of the Year.

Congratulations on your recent awards and acknowledgment for your years of hard work. Bravo!

Retired recently, I often gave clients a copy of your wonderful paper if it featured (and normalized/destigmatized) an issue with which they were struggling with their children.

You are community treasures… Diane Cohan LMFT, Scotts Valley.

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