BEING HIV POSITIVE & SEX POSITIVE

By Jason Reid

I’m HIV+ undetectable, and a proponent of sex positivity. In theory that should be fairly straightforward. In practice – sadly not.

Jason

Don’t get me wrong, remarkable progress has been made in recent decades; attitudes have changed and more people now understand HIV better than ever. Charitable organisations have really hammered home the ‘undetectable equals untransmittable’ message (U=U means that people living with HIV who achieve and maintain an undetectable viral load – the amount of HIV in the blood – by taking and adhering to antiretrovirals as prescribed cannot pass on the virus).

I applaud their sterling work. Especially for taking this important message to the wider population; those who now need to pay heed are hopefully doing so when they see the information presented to them on billboards and public transport. Of course, prior to going mainstream, queer media played its part in spreading the word – as was the case during the AIDS crisis and beyond – and I cannot stress its importance enough. I will always be a fervent champion of queer media regardless of any professional affiliation. Whenever there are important issues to be highlighted that affect LGBTQ+ people, often overlooked by mainstream media unless there’s a sensationalist angle to be exploited, queer media is there. We should never take it for granted.

Don’t get me wrong, remarkable progress has been made in recent decades; attitudes have changed and more people now understand HIV better thanever.

So, before I digress even further, is the U=U message actually getting through? And to enough people? Because I believe that’s the only way undetectable people like myself will be unshackled from the HIV shame that is woven into the very fabric of our society.

I think of myself as candidly HIV undetectable, I talk openly about living with HIV and my past experience of AIDS.

But when I’m broaching the subject with potential sexual partners/relationships, I find it easier to just say I’m undetectable and hope for the best, because even now when some guys hear ‘HIV’ their brain goes to that place it’s trained to go to as a result of ingesting too much bigoted tabloid trash over the years. Conversely, when my use of the word ‘undetectable’ is instantly recognised and understood, without having to add a great deal of unnecessary personal context, I know the guy is a keeper.

On the odd occasion that I do fire up Grindr I still find myself frustrated at how often I have to explain what U=U means. I now have a standard response that I copy and paste. If they don’t get it, I move on, because it’s incredibly draining and demoralising having to repeatedly go through the same tedious rigmarole that I’ve been going through for years. And more often than not I simply do not have the patience to be schooling pissedup gays at 3am when all I want is a quick bumming.

It’s incredibly draining and demoralising having to repeatedly gothrough the same tedious rigmarole that I’ve been going through for years.

Just imagine how switched on people would be if the UK’s dominant print news outlets dedicated as many column inches to the good news story of U=U as they have done to scaring the bejesus out of people over the years.

Sadly a large part of UK print media is agendadriven right wing twaddle that exists only to demonise and divide.

The answer lies with education and engaging in fact-based, open conversations. Society’s worst problems tend to bubble up and eventually boil over when things are covered up and misinformation is allowed to fester.

Is the U=U message actually getting through? Because I believe that’s the only way undetectable people like myself will be unshackled from the HIV shame that is woven into the very fabric of our society

Surely the devastating effects of the AIDS pandemic and how HIV has been brought to heel in recent years should now be taught in schools, alongside U=U. I’m sure the coronavirus pandemic will be on the curriculum in years to come.

I’m aware that this is the point at which homophobic parents who are all for gay people really but don’t want their children taught gay stuff will start screaming blue murder. Newsflash: HIV and HIV stigma affects heterosexuals too. Education about HIV/AIDS benefits us all.

Another reason HIV stigma is so difficult to overcome completely is because for too long the people who wield the greatest power in our country do not take responsibility for their inflammatory language which causes deep harm. Those scars run deep. We can’t just brush stuff under the carpet and move on without understanding its impact.

I’m aware that this is the point at which homophobic parents who are allfor gay people really but don’t want their children taught gay stuff will start screaming blue murder

Words have consequences, and ignorance seeps through families and generations like poison. That poison has to be treated.

I don’t want to undergo inquisitions anymore.

I want to be able to be unashamedly HIV+ and sex positive.

You cannot contract HIV from an undetectable person. It’s a simple as that.

Shout it from the rooftops for me, and tell people outside your queer bubble, because I’m tired.