Wall’s Words

Growing old? Never! Just maturing.

By Roger Wheeler

Spring has sprung and, as Tennyson wrote, “a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”. Not that most young and not so young men have been thinking of much else throughout the rest of the year anyway.

When I was young, many years ago, there was a saying that “nobody loves a fairy when she’s 40”, but when you suddenly hit the big 4 O you realise that actually you are at your best. Maybe not the trimmest figure and no longer a smooth-cheeked 21-year-old hunk, but you know a lot more. You have acquired that undefinable thing called experience. Who wants to leap into bed with experience? Today’s young hunks should give it a try and prepare to be surprised, plus they will probably get a cooked breakfast.

First, find your man, settle down, get married, suddenly you’re not really that gay after all, just an ordinary couple with exactly the same problems as everyone else only more stylish with better holidays.

To finally become a mature adult, we have to learn from mistakes, remain open to change and accept and adjust to the realities of life

Being gay, we have always lived with an obsession with youth and good looks, this has always been the case, I’ve never understood why but I do it myself by admiring good-looking young men. Even after being married to one of the best-looking men I had ever met. He once caught me inadvertently looking at a particularly handsome specimen of manhood, he grinned and said so long as you’re only looking, which of course he knew. There are quite a number of gay men that prefer older men, I’m not complaining.

It’s in the very nature of life that we will all grow old, so all those young hunks that studiously ignored my lustful glances 30 or so years ago are now so much older themselves. History is probably repeating itself, I wonder if they remember that they were once the object of desire and pointedly rejected the overt gaze.

Of course you can’t avoid growing old, but growing up? That’s another matter entirely. From my, now, great age I have seen many quite elderly gay men, making what I can only say complete fools of themselves. Acting as though they are 25 again assuming that this will make them attractive to the young guys they’re looking at.

To finally become a mature adult, we have to learn from mistakes, remain open to change and accept and adjust to the realities of life. That’s the hard part, recognising that we are just mortals and that young men will no longer swoon over us, if they ever did. Growing up is optional, we can ignore the fact that bits of us are deteriorating, our hair may be falling out and we no longer have waistlines. None of that actually matters, just concentrate on your best features, charm, personality or your ability to cook as men love to eat no matter what. It’s an old cliché that men are like wine, some turn to vinegar but the best improve with age, it’s up to you.