TAKE IT ON THE CHIN

By Jason Reid

STOP BEING SO HORRIFIED ABOUT SEX; TAKE IT ON THE CHIN!

Don’t you just love this time of the year!? When all the focus is on things that go bump in the night and having the willies put up you. And of course it’s my moral obligation to the gays to at least attempt to make a link, no matter how tenuous that may be.

But seriously, it’s time to stop being so horrified about sex, and take it on the chin. That last part is absolutely meant as a double entendre. It wouldn’t be my style otherwise.

Remembering when I first came out and started exploring my sexuality, it was like I’d be transported to another world of endless pleasure. A vast difference from the strict Catholic school where I’d spent 12 years of my life being indoctrinated into believing sex should only ever be between a man and a woman, for the sole purpose of procreation.

There was zero gay representation anywhere – not even a sniff of poppers. Apart from my fabulously camp drama teacher who I pranced around with in year 10 and 11 while pretending to be a tree. She knew. I could tell. Years later she got in touch with me on social media and confirmed both our suspicions.

So there was a lot that frightened me when I began my gay sex journey. Fear of the unknown. And plenty of judgement, too, because that had been drummed into me. That’s why I can understand that there’s always a root cause to people being all twee and snooty about sex. I mean, first off we’re British so it comes naturally. Nervously laugh about it, and move on. It’s like a national sport. Overcoming that fear and judgement really is key.

I have got to an age now where I try, as hard as it can be at times, to give people the benefit of the doubt, while at the same time trying to guide them down a more open-minded path.

Because that’s how I changed my views.

I’ll be totally honest, I was one of those annoying teen queens who sneered at kink and anything that wasn’t vanilla. But I didn’t know any better. Anal was mindblowing enough, at that time. Thankfully my views changed when I met more people and worked my way around the gay scene. I loved exploring. I now like to think of it as I’m always learning. Being willing to learn and not prejudge is vital, of course.

To digress ever so slightly, because I think this next point applies to a range of topics; if we don’t afford people the chance to grow and learn from past mistakes, how do we think we will be able to evolve together as a society? Forever divided? And I don’t mean those who have a reputation of vomiting out terrible bigoted views. But the person whose innocuous tweets are dug up from a decade or so ago when their views were shaped by much less life experience. This trend that is only really prevalent online, to act as judge, jury and executioner, declaring people ‘problematic’ – a word that is so overused – over something that can be easily resolved is just not helpful. It divides us further. I tweeted this the other day, and I stand by it: “Some people want to be so right on dude and critique everything to within an inch of its life that they end up doing damage to the cause they are supposedly so passionate about.”

I’ve come to believe this more and more of late. The more I use Twitter, in fact. A platform I really enjoy using. Which is… problematic.

Back to the fear of sex…

Like any kind of fear, I guess the best way to overcome it is to understand and embrace it. Pushing one’s boundaries ever so slightly to begin with, perhaps taking yourself somewhere you wouldn’t normally go. Maybe a sauna or sex club. That’s how I started.

“There was a lot that frightened me when I began my gay sex journey. Fear of the unknown. And plenty of judgement, too, because that had been drummed into me”

Also, I’m not saying that the idea of being vanilla completely is wrong, no way, no one has a right to dictate that. If it works for you AND you’ve got an open-mind it’s a win win situation. But I do think humans instinctively enjoy new thrills and adventure.

Eventually we all grow out of being fearful of monsters and vampires, instead embracing art that pushes us to the limit and tantalises our senses. In the same respect we really need to find a way to grow out of being ashamed to talk openly about sex, and tittering nervously when someone dares to bring it up. More sex please, even though we’re British!