Barbara G . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lost Time

soon she’d have something concrete to show him instead. Over time somewhere in the back of her mind she felt doubt but she turned the doubt to more work. Drive was the only thing that really mattered. Results would overcome all. She worked long and hard into the night and without David to check in on her she could work without having to stop for anything but basic living. That made the breakup a good thing, she thought. It would all be worth it, she thought and when she was done, she could show everyone what she had done David and Slade alike. Everyone would listen to her for once. Wouldn’t that be nice for a change? But the future is far and uncertain and only the present matters she had to remind herself. There was no room for error. None for failure. The stakes were just too high, yet in the back of her mind was the dreadful ringing of the mantra: “Life doesn’t work that way.” This was necessary, she thought. Sacrifice is obligatory to produce any sort of success, so this was necessary. She knew however, that the greedy hands of sacrifice were not obligated to point the way to a success. Just as the cruel hands of time are more than obliged to become intertwined in sacrifices’ grasp. Still, she refused to give up out of some obligatory fear of loss, or maybe fear of failure, loss of pride, or vehement denial of the fact that she had already failed. She had become inscrutable to others long ago and now she couldn’t even recognize herself. But, if she kept working towards the future, she’d never regret the past or loathe the present and if she did, failure was certain. So, what’s a person to do in this situation but to keep working toward the future, Christina asked herself.

And two months later she had finally done it, accomplished her goal. She sent the prototype to Dr.Slade who was more than happy to take her back at a much higher position in the lab than before, with a huge lump sum if she gave the lab some credit. She was finally set to unveil her accomplishment to the rest of the staff as well as some buyers interested in the technology. Finally, she could make the world a better place. The first thing she did after hearing the news wasn’t to get her house back, or her car or any one of the countless things she had lost over the ten months she had worked on the machine but to call David for lunch. “It’s nice to see you, outside especially.” He said when he saw her David’s tone was light, but his face had a stern air about it. When he sat, he sat up straight as if he was afraid of being comfortable and he stared at Christina with spirit of apprehension. Christina, however had a bright smile on her face, her hair neat and flowing down to her back and her bangs clipped out of her face. “What’s up?” “I did it - built the machine!” “And it works?” David raised an eyebrow. “Yes, it works, I tested it myself. I always knew it would work but using it like that it was - it was wow,” Her eyes lit up when she spoke, and she let out a little chuckle. “I mean can you even believe it?” “No.” Silence. Christina’s smile vanished and the light in her eyes dimmed as she set her eyes on the table. “Well um, Slade…he already examined it and uh I’m debuting it to the lab tomorrow. I thought you’d want to know first.” She looked at him dampened energy but didn’t get the response she had hoped for back.

“Thanks, I’ll see you then.” David got up to leave but Chris grabbed his hand and he sat back down. “Come on, okay. I get it. I’m sorry really, I am. You were right I did go a little overboard but that’s just because I had a vision. If Slade would have trusted me in the first place that never would have happened but now everything’s fixed, and we can go back to normal.” “Can we? Do you even know what normal is at this point because I’m starting to-?” “I’m sorry but it’s over now and I-“ “It’s never over not with you. It’s always one thing or another. How can I be with someone who cares so little about me over whatever it is you’re obsessed with?” David spoke with a restrained resentment and it made Christina back away. “It won’t happen again. I have flaws, I know but so do you. You just abandoned me.” “I tried with you. For months I begged you to just take a break and you didn’t listen to me. So please explain to me how I abandoned you.” “I got a little tunnel vision, true but only because everyone kept doubting me.” “I’m sorry if I didn’t think a time machine was a reasonable goal.” “I find that hard to believe. With all the advancements that were previously impossible that have been made. That your family has pioneered. It felt like it was me you didn’t believe in not the concept.” She started to get desperate and softened up, “David, I love you and you love me and that’s enough. We can start over.” “Nothing is enough for you. I’ll see you whenever you do the thing with Dr.Slade.” He stood back up to leave. “Don’t do that. It’s not over yet!” “If it bothers you so much go and fix it

with your time machine.” David said with a bitter laugh just loud enough for Chris to hear it. He stopped and turned to face her. “I hope that machine is worth it.” He was quiet but angry but there was a faint speck of sorrow in his voice. And he was gone, and Christina sat at the table alone hoping that the machine was worth more than the sacrifices she gave to make it. There was a moment in time, if only a fraction of a second, where all the stars were aligned so that Christina could have everything she had ever dreamed of but that moment had passed without her knowing what she was missing. She had lost it before she thought to look for it. But that, she thought, was the beauty in it. She had toiled over this machine for so long and now she could use it to fix her mistakes. To go back into the past and place the machine, and the knowledge to build it into the hands of a better Christina, a better her, less weathered by the hands of time or she could live with the harrowing grasp of success.

Making Up For Lost Time Barbara Green, 2021