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Positive Aging vs. Ageism
Our society is aging. The United States is in the midst of a significant demographic shift. Unfortunately, the occurrence of ageism is growing just as rapidly as the older adult population. According to the World Health Organization, “Ageism is the stereotyping and discrimination against individuals or groups on the basis of their age.”
Understanding Ageism
Ageism is based on the belief that “old” equals “less”—less active, less important, less engaged, less everything.
Accordingly, using a senior center, moving to a senior living community, or working with a service for older adults would mean admitting that you are “old” or “less.” This toxic belief system prevents many people from seeking out options that could enhance their lives.
In fact, senior living communities and services offer added convenience and an enhanced sense of purpose. They offer more—not less.
Addressing Ageism
It is time to address ageism head on. This is a form of discrimination, and it is not acceptable.
If we accept aging as a natural— and welcome—part of the lifespan, then we can celebrate all the positive aspects of growing older. We won’t look as elders as “others” but as ourselves. After all, we all strive to be older one day. Older adults should serve as an inspiration for what and who we want to become.
One of the simplest methods for addressing ageism is to not allow it or perpetuate it. Don’t make agerelated comments on appearances or behaviors. Don’t ever assume that anyone is “too old” for anything.
There is no specific way that older adults should look, act or behave.
Positive Aging Sourcebook is committed to engaging our community in a dialogue that will help reduce the stigmas and stereotypes associated with aging and celebrate the values and accomplishments of everyone. We hosted a series of digital discussions loosely based on Ageism thought-leader Ashton Applewhite’s Consciousness Raising Exercise, which can be found at thischairrocks.com. Several hundred senior-serving professionals joined these discussions to chat about challenges and brainstorm solutions (see sidebar).
Sourcebook is also dedicated to minimizing the impacts of ageism through intergenerational programs and activities. The more we can create settings where all ages are engaging together the more we can minimize age-related stigmas. This is especially true in settings that might traditionally be viewed as senior living. We support the efforts of senior living services and communities to encourage interaction amongst children, young people and adults of all ages. Increased exposure will help everyone see people as unique individuals instead of as an “old person” or a “young person.”
We are all on the same journey. We’re just at different mile markers. Ultimately, ageism is a form of discrimination that we all need to move past.
Recognizing Ageism
Ageism hides in plain sight. It is often disguised as harmless comments, or it may even be phrased as a compliment. However, comments and behaviors that are based on stereotypes of older people or that perpetuate discrimination because of age are ageist.
Some examples:
“She looks good for HER AGE.”
“My Dad is 85 and STILL exercises daily.”
“She dresses TOO YOUNG.”
“He is TOO OLD for this job.”
“I’m not old like OTHER people my age.”
“We don’t want to be a restaurant for OLD FOLKS.”
“I don’t NEED HELP. I’m not old.”
“I’ll never MOVE to a senior living community. I’m not old.”
“People YOUR AGE shouldn’t _________________ ”
Many forward-thinking senior living providers are acknowledging the diversity of their staff and clients and working to make sure everyone is cared for and respected.
Inclusive Senior Living
The generation that fought for the rights of people of color and lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) individuals is aging. While the world has undoubtedly become more inclusive since their youth, there is still work to be done.
To serve all older adults, senior living communities and service providers need to be cognizant of and dedicated to promoting diversity and inclusion. Increasingly, senior living providers are acknowledging the diversity of their staff and clients. These forward thinking providers are working to make sure that everyone is comfortable and respected. Our seniors and senior living providers— all of them—deserve no less.
Positive Aging Sourcebook is dedicated to helping senior living providers promote diversity and inclusion. We have held numerous digital discussions on equity, inclusion and diversity in senior living to advance acceptance and expand understanding. View past conversations or join future discussions at retirementlivingsourcebook.com/ digital-discussions.
LGBTQ Seniors
Many of the LGBTQ seniors who are seeking senior living services today are the same individuals who struggled to come out to friends, families, and employers for decades because of fear of discrimination. Now, as they face retirement living decisions, they are again fearful that their lifestyle will lead to discrimination or the outright refusal of services.
Unlike other seniors, LGBTQ older adults are less likely to have children to help them in their later years. They may also be estranged from their families. This demographic is far more likely to rely solely on a partner or close friend for their care as they age.
In 2010, a groundbreaking documentary film addressed the dilemmas of LGBTQ seniors. Gen Silent profiles six LGBTQ seniors in the Boston area. Many of them are struggling with the decision to hide their sexuality to survive the long-term health care system.
Unfortunately, the seniors profiled in Gen Silent are not isolated examples. A 2018 analysis by University of Washington professor Karen Fredriksen-Goldsen concluded that unique prevention and intervention strategies needed to be developed to address the needs of queer seniors. The study noted that the number of LGBTQ seniors is expected to double to more than four million by 2030.
During a recent Positive Aging digital discussion, Jennifer Marie Brown, the community relations manager at Seabury Resources for Aging, explained the historical context that drives distrust among LGBTQ seniors. “During McCarthyism, people lost their jobs, people were hounded out of a lot of federal government positions here in the DMV, because they were gay and lesbians. And it made them even more closeted, more guarded, more suspect of being out or public about who they were,” she said.
Brown continued, “As we provide services for 80-year-olds, 85-yearolds, they are very leery of the consequences of being out in a retirement community or with home health care providers. They lived a life in which it was not okay to be queer in the workplace, was not okay to be queer in a house of worship, was not okay to be queer in the PTA, was not okay to be queer anywhere.”
Brown encouraged local senior Continued on page 155
Understanding Solo Aging
Solo aging is simply aging on your own. For most people, this means aging without a spouse, adult children, or other close relatives. Whether they are widowed, divorced, estranged, or never had a spouse or children, many solo agers find themselves in their 70s, 80s, and beyond without any immediate family members.
Long misunderstood and misrepresented, solo aging is emerging as a desirable and increasingly popular way to age. Even for individuals who didn’t necessarily choose solo aging, it can be a positive phase of life with the right attitude and some advance planning.
Who is Solo Aging for?
Anyone and everyone who is over age 65 and living independently. Solo agers are making decisions on their own as they age. It is important to remember that solo aging is not just for individuals who have always been single. For instance, an older adult may become a solo ager when their spouse predeceases them. Even individuals with kids may become solo agers if their children live far away or if they are unable to be involved in aging decisions or caregiving.
Joy Loverde is a senior living expert and industry veteran, as well as the author of The Complete Eldercare Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? She joined a recent Positive Aging Sourcebook Digital Discussion on solo aging. In the last decade, Joy’s focus has shifted from helping individuals care for their elderly loved ones to helping them plan for their own future.
When should you start planning for solo aging?
Yesterday. Or today. Or as soon as possible. Planning for solo aging is much easier and far less stressful if it is done BEFORE a crisis.
Especially if you realize that your circumstances will mean that you will become a solo ager, it is important to start as early as possible to plan for the future. This includes planning for your financial, emotional, and physical well being.
Solo agers need to consider how they want to live and receive care (if necessary) as they get older. They should also give serious thought to whether they want to “age in place” or move to a senior living community of some type. Aging in place means that you will be living in your current neighborhood or live in another community that is not age restricted. There are also a wide variety of senior living communities—ranging from communities where residents are fully independent but enjoy amenities to properties that provide varying levels of care for residents as needed.
How do you maintain and build connections and friendships as you age?
Joy explained that there are community organizations, events and clubs in every town and city— many designed specifically for older adults.
With no shortage of places to meet people, you have to focus on not just meeting volumes of people, but on being a good friend and forming long-term, deep commitments. Friendships take time and perseverance, and there must be a balance of give and take. As a start, Joy recommends seeking out county and city groups for older adults run through Area Agencies on Aging. She also suggests a quick google search of “free activities” and your city or town’s name.
What do you need to be a successful solo ager?
While the specific answer varies widely according to personal desires, the short answer is quite simple: a clear, actionable plan. Solo Aging has many facets including: • Location – Decide where you will age. Do you plan to age in place in your current private residence or move to a different location or senior living community? • Accessibility – If you are aging in place, does your current residence need updates or modifications to accommodate your needs as you age? • Finances – Do you have the financial means to see your plan through? Have you calculated your projected expenses? • Legal – Both financial and medical planning may require the assistance of a legal professional. You should at the very least have a power of attorney appointed to oversee your decisions and estate if you can longer do it. • Medical – Do you have any longterm health conditions you need to plan for? Do you have a strong family history of a certain condition? Have you appointed someone (friend, family, or attorney) as a medical power of attorney? • Emotional – Do you have a social safety net? What can you do to create one? Do you have relationships with your neighbors or friends close by?
For more information on solo aging, download the digital discussion at retirementlivingsourcebook.com. You can also find Joy Loverde’s books at www.elderindustry.com.
