on going beyond great Michael Zhang

I’ve got a confession to make: I’m in love. No, not the let’s-go-to-prom-together type of love. I’m in love with people—the Gunn peers who changed the course of my life, teachers who inspired me and friends who’ll last, if not forever, at least for the next three months. I’m in love with the people who I’ve danced side by side with during Airbands and those that I’ve only ever conversed with in Zoom breakout room chats.

For a very, very long time, I saw myself as an exception to this love. I hated the shape of my body, was ashamed of how utterly boring I was and couldn’t bring myself to imagine that anyone would believe in me if I couldn’t even believe in myself. Luckily, the pandemic swung around and I was suddenly cured of all my misgivings— for about a week. With only the Michael in my mirror to keep me company, I spiraled out of control. Days at a time spent in my room and weeks without leaving the house defined my shelter-in-place self. I stayed up all night just to see my window’s sliver of sky melt from black to navy blue, wondering if when the morning crows cawed, they cawed just for me. Essentially, I was out of my mind. But what kept me going, day after day, were the little things. I’ll always remember the Schoology message that I got from my freshman French teacher, Monsieur Losier, after failing to demonstrate any participation in French class for the entire first month of lockdown (désolé, monsieur). He was “a little concerned” about how I was doing and wanted to check in. After I apologized profusely for failing to meet deadlines and causing him concern, Mr. Losier quickly responded that he wasn’t asking if my work was going well. He was asking if I was doing well.

It may seem like an inconsequential occurrence, but I remember reading this message and being intensely conflicted. I felt supremely unmotivated to continue with anything in life, but Mr. Losier and those like him reminded me that I was more than my weakness. Supported by a network of teachers and peers who understood me for who I was, I crawled and limped my way to the conclusion of distanced learning.

In the rat race that we always find ourselves in, it’s so easy to focus on success the way that others define it for you. But sometimes success can be stepping outside of the house for the first time this month. It can be deciding that you’ll eat something today. Seek out those magical people who will support you through both success and struggle.

Love certainly isn’t an easy thing to offer every person you meet. But if there’s one action I urge you take to improve your day-to-day, it’s to shy away from hate whenever possible. Love isn’t easy. Hating absolutely is. Don’t give in to the temptation to complain or to put down others when you could be uplifting them instead.

You may be surprised to learn that I do not actually think of myself as perfect, preachy as I admittedly sound. I complain about my classes and get annoyed when people are rude to me, just like everybody else. Still, in spite of myself, I’ve learned to grasp for positivity when it’s needed the most. For the longest time I strove to be a great person, one with a dazzling array of achievements that would bring me respect and recognition. Now, though, I strive to go beyond being great—and you should, too.

Don’t just be great. Be good.