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What is sex? I refuse to describe it as just two beings getting together and trying to reproduce, or even as simple as fooling around for pleasure. Although, both of those obviously exist, and I am sure that they are the first things that came to your mind when I utter the word; it’s a word that we oftentimes avoid using due to its once perceived as dirty connotations. Sex is much less simple than the natural phenomenon that we see it as. It is a fantasy, an illusion, a state of being and most importantly, a piece of everyone.
Sometimes when having a very serious conversation about clothing amongst my peers within the fashion studies department, you might hear one of the funniest words in the English vocabulary, “sexy.” As a product of the early 2000s, this word is a pretty prominent word in my vernacular. The word sexy implies that something about what you are describing is visually appealing, but also has a certain sex appeal to it that cannot go unnoticed. It is like when you see black fishnet stockings paired with a simple black heel; something about it just exudes sex.
Sexual expression through clothing is used in many different ways and is a subtle nod to the wearer’s persona and comfort with their own sexuality. In recent times, it has become more acceptable for sexual expression, including nudity, to be an open part of society. Especially in fashion, sex is an integral part of design and aesthetic.
Within only the last 100 years, society has made leaps and bounds towards where we are now and where we are going. There were many different
ways to radiate sex with the aid of apparel, and there were many different times that these designs and styles took center stage, guiding ourselves away from sexual oppression and into sexual liberation.
In the 1920s, trailing away from Edwardian Art Nouveau designs, women’s hemlines drew up to the knee midway through the decade. This might seem like a rather modest look now, but in that time, it was considered a very new and progressive way of dress. The sight of stockings was not something that had been acceptable in modern society in quite some time, especially in this manner.
The dresses were never snug around the hips or even in the breast really, but they had other sexual elements to them, especially in evening and formal dress at the time. Many times these ensembles called for a bare shoulder, or even a chest, seeing away with the dove breasted covered looks and hello to collar bones and perhaps even a bit of cleavage. With heavy amounts of beading and some elements of chiffon flow, these dresses were genuinely sexy.
The end of the 1920s came and escorted a new aspiration of sexual expression to the public, and that is through Hollywood films and their movie stars. Hemlines dropped again, but the sexual appeal did not disappear. We saw more fitted garments, especially with new actors and actresses in movies being the ones who popularized them. The vision of Jean Harlow wearing only a tight silk gown exudes sexual expression at this time.
Although sex was still not a topic to be spoken about in mixed company, we had plenty of men and women in the
limelight who stirred up feelings both in the cinemas but also within ourselves. Due to this, we now have sex icons like the incredible Clark Gable, who with one look, still to this day, can make any seat wet, or the the even more heightenendly sexualized Mae West, who tickled audiences pink with her less than subtle, sometimes filthy, sexual innuendos that she was notorious for all the way into her 80s. With this new introduction of film and media of the sort, we saw a surge in sexual enlightenment through entertainment, and fashion was there to help that.
The beginning of the 1940s was a rough time for fashion as Europe had been at war for a bit of time, and the United States was about to join the fight. Fashion was less about showing off and flaunting sexuality at the time, but more about conserving and living. Rations played a big part in the slowing down of fashion during his time, and many styles of the previous decade followed in.
Pants, of course, had been worn by men for centuries, but prior to this time, pants worn by women were considered un-womanly and immodest most of the time. Although the intention of bringing pants to the limelight was not to express sexual statements, this opened a door so that it could. There are times of both masculine and feminine, and a lot of the time they coexist, but the 1940s had many very powerful hyper masculine fashions. The shoulder pads in women’s wear resemble the large shoulders of a sexy man, the pants going straight up to the waist, all looking very Katherine Hepburn and being effortlessly sexy.
A new sexual health survey by the Daily Egyptian shows many SIU students had little to no sexual education about safe sex, STIs or personal boundaries. Out of 141 student respondents, 16% said that they never had any form of sex education during high school or junior high school and a whopping 73.8% said that sex education didn’t thoroughly teach them about safe sex, if at all.
Partially responsible is the fact that SIU students come from a wide range of areas, each with their own cultures and predispositions towards sexual education. From small and predominantly religious towns in Southern Illinois to entirely different countries, students come from vastly different environments, which present them with attitudes and facts that might seem entirely alien in the college environment.
Ayden Rademaker, a first year student from a small town in a conservative area of Southern Illinois, said, “With my town, the attitude was more towards wanting parents to teach their own children and I was lucky that my parents did teach me - I thought - pretty properly about sex ed. But what we got in school, I didn’t think it was very effective. They used abstinence only based sex ed.”
Rademaker’s school was taught by an interest group that only briefly mentioned condoms and never taught students about other methods of birth control, preferring an abstinence-only approach, something that is hardly uncommon among SIU students. Out of 131 responses, 47% of students at SIU said they were never taught how to use condoms to any extent in their own sex education.
The group that educated Rademaker taught him and other young students to believe that people should only have sex when they want children. Students walked away from the lectures with no understanding of the human impulse to have sex, or distinctions like the difference between love and infatuation. Instead, emphasis was placed on the importance of communicating boundaries with other people, with little thought for what might happen if students later decided to have sexual relationships of their own volition.
Much of Rademaker’s practical knowledge came from his parents, but many of his peers weren’t so lucky. Even in a college environment, where more students are statistically more likely to come from parents with a background in higher education according to the Center for Education Statistics’ study and a 2016 pew research study showing that college
graduates are more likely to be liberal, the DE’s survey found that 81.6% of students said they received an incomplete education on boundaries and relationships before coming to college.
“A lot of people had parents like mine who taught them a lot of good things like how to practice safe sex, and, you know, all that stuff,” Rademaker said. “Or they had nothing. And there are a lot of teen pregnancies, for example, in my town. So yeah, I saw a lot of that happening.”
True to college stereotypes, many of Rademaker’s friends are sexually active even as a group that’s more religious than average. However, he considers them to mostly be mature adults who highly prioritize safe sex, with several even taking a abstinence only approach as is often encouraged in religious circles. Despite the fact that much of his incomplete sexual education was offered from a religious standpoint, Rademaker finds his friends knowledgeable, even if their better instincts mainly came down to luck and good parenting.
“[But] Some of us don’t really practice safe sex, like I know someone who got pregnant as a very young teenager, and she just gave birth to her child not very long ago, and she’s pregnant again. So I see like, recurring theme, people not really learning,” he said.
According to the Guttmacher Institute, a research organization dedicated to sexual health, only 17 states require that sex education in public school is medically accurate, with Illinois among them. Still, 12 states don’t require sexual education at all, including Illinois, and only four states prohibit sex education from promoting religion.
“I think the [Daily Egyptian’s] results really speak to the culture and the approach to sex education in the U.S.,” said Nichole Greenwood, a graduate psychology student from the United Kingdom. “I think they can be shocking to many people. But for me, they’re just not that shocking. Considering that people that I’ve spoken to directly in the U.S. have said that they either did not get sex education, or their parents signed them out of sex ed, because they didn’t want them to learn about it in school. So I think that it goes to show that people who don’t get the sex education don’t know how to practice safe sex.”
Many students, such as Ronnie Greiner, a trans man, try to compensate for inadequate school education with the internet, or through chatting with their friends. Greiner was dissatisfied with the sexual education school provided because it separated students by gender regardless of the fact that the information was relevant to
both male and female students.
“I actually got most of my education from the internet. Like, I learned some things when I was really young. Like, I think at the very least my parents were teaching us about boundaries and, like, what should and shouldn’t be happening when we were kids, like, as far back as I can remember. Then I started formally learning in school, like, fifth grade, like everyone else,” said Greiner. “I didn’t find it at SIU because I kind of already built up that support network when I was younger. Because I came in as a transfer student, I think I was 24. So a lot of my information, a lot of the people who kind of mentored me, I had known for several years. So by the time I got here, I felt like I ended up mentoring a lot more people, especially when I joined the Saluki Rainbow Network. So I was, like, ‘yeah, I know a lot of things.’ And people ended up asking me more questions and stuff.”
Greiner’s time in secondary school was made even more complicated by the fact that very few people were aware of what a trans person was in the first place, let alone how to educate one on safe sex. Though Greiner was well taught about STIs, to this day only 10 states require that sexual education is inclusive of minority sexual orientations, leaving much of their education to chance or peers rather than risking an awkward conversation. Only 10.8% of students surveyed by the Daily Egyptian found their sex education to be inclusive of all gender identities and sexual orientations.
“I think that it can get dangerous in some ways,” Greenwood said. “You know, if someone doesn’t know how to practice, and they maybe look to pornography or something, it’s not really, you know, realistic, or accurate to what sex is like, from real life. So you can get views and ideas about sex, that
maybe aren’t realistic to everyday life. So you risk that. There are obviously good resources online, but whether people actually get those resources is debatable.”
Greenwood, one of only 46% of students who told the DE they consistently practice safe sex, benefited from the direct attention of medical professionals, who taught sex education directly at her school and independently of any religious rhetoric or scare tactics.
“Having a trusted person can, for example, like a medical professional or you know, even a parent or something that is informed, can give you the right information, the resources to use, and they come from an unbiased position, which I think is important. Because there’s many, not just sex ed, but there’s many different examples of people coming from like a biased point of view when they’re teaching someone something.”
To Greenwood, the idea of sex as something embarrassing and awkward to talk about is alien. Learning about sex in a school setting isn’t something parents would withdraw their kids from in Greenwood’s experience of the UK, and STI screenings are very common occurrences, which her friends treat as casual necessities. This is in sharp contrast to the survey respondents at large, of which 48.2% have never tested for STIs.
The magnitude of the problem makes it difficult to lay at the feet of any one institution, especially because so much sex education depends upon students’ own interest in learning about such a personal subject. At least some portion of students are likely to dismiss sexual education as something they have already learned through their own means, surrendering the comfort, and authority of the education that Greenwood received. Though the student response to written
questions on the DE’s survey wasn’t as robust as on the multiple choice questions, a significant portion of the students asked to specify where they received their sex education specified the internet, their parents, and their peers.
The relative enlightenment of a college campus offers an easy solution to the problem, which was anticipated long before this survey. SIU’s health center offers sexual education to students, RSOs and Greek life organizations on request and for free.
“We think it’s really important for students to be as informed as possible to have as much knowledge as they can to make healthy decisions for themselves,” said Shelly Ridgeway, assistant director for all of Student Health Services. “And then we try to do that without judgment without making them feel shame. You know, it’s really more about getting all of the information, the services, the resources to help you be as well as you can, and ultimately be a successful student. That’s what we care about.”
Despite the Health Centers relatively affordable services, which typically cost between 10 to 15 dollars, and an abundance of free condoms (including flavored condoms) many students are completely unaware of the services offered there. The health center offers students nearly all other varieties of sexual protections at limited prices, or even no price at all, including a pharmacy that offers birth control prescriptions. Additionally, the health center has confidential counselors for sexual violence and LGBTQIA+ issues, as well as therapists trained to deal with relationship conflicts, and is currently trying to establish free STI testing services.
Staff reporter Daniel Bethers can be reached at dbethers@dailyegyptian.com
Under present United States law, the federal government and state governments are prohibited from enforcing sodomy laws; statutes which prohibit same-sex or other non-traditional forms of sexual intercourse. These protections are owed to the 2003 United States Supreme Court ruling in Lawrence v. Texas, which will be marking its 20th anniversary on June 26, 2023.
In response to a reported weapons disturbance, police officers with the Harris County Police Department in Houston, Texas, entered the residence of John Geddes Lawrence, the petitioner for which the case is named. Rather than finding weapons, the officers reported that Lawrence and another man, Tyron Garner, were engaging in a sexual act, for which the two were arrested and charged.
The state law in question (Tx. Penal Code § 21.06) holds that a person commits a misdemeanor “if he engages in deviate sexual intercourse with another individual of the same sex;” language which still exists in the Texas Penal Code despite the eventual outcome of the case. Similar laws in other states go beyond this, targeting opposite sex couples, including those who are married, if they engage in anal or oral sex.
The trial in Harris County Criminal Court would result in the two men being convicted and fined after unsuccessfully raising constitutional challenges to the law under the equal protection and due process clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment, claiming they had a fundamental right to be free from unwarranted regulation of their private sexual conduct. These arguments would be further rejected by the Court of Appeals for the Texas Fourteenth District. Following this loss, the case would be petitioned to the Supreme Court, where the latter constitutional argument found more fertile ground.
“The Supreme Court has never held, and they did not hold in Lawrence v. Texas,
that we have a fundamental right to engage in same-sex sexual relations or intimate relations,” said Cindy Buys, a Professor at the SIU School of Law, “However, they did say in Lawrence v. Texas, that it is part of our liberty interests that are protected under the 14th Amendment’s due process clause.”
In accepting the petitioners’ due process clause argument, the Supreme Court expanded the ‘right to privacy,’ a popular term describing the Supreme Court’s recognition of certain liberties as rights under the 14th Amendment’s due process clause and under the 9th Amendment, which states that rights not expressly described in the Constitution are not necessarily denied to exist. These rights include many personal choices beyond the choice of who to have intimate relations with.
Several other prominent cases based in these principles were cited by Prof. Buys, notably Griswold v. Connecticut (use of contraceptives between married persons), Eisenstadt v. Baird (use of contraceptives by single people), Loving v. Virginia (racial restrictions on marriage), and Obergefell v. Hodges (same-sex/-gender restrictions on marriage).
One right formerly recognized under these principles was the choice of whether to terminate a pregnancy (with some limitations), as established by the Supreme Court rulings in Casey v. Planned Parenthood (1973) and in Roe v. Wade (1992). While these remained recognized law for many years, the Court’s 2022 ruling in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization overturned this precedent and said that there is no federal constitutional right to terminate a pregnancy. As a result, there is uncertainty surrounding the future of other rights that have been recognized under the 14th Amendment’s due process clause.
“Some of the justices argue that their holding in Dobbs would not have implications for those other cases involving samesex marriage or contraceptive
rights,” Prof. Buys said. “Other justices like Justice Clarence Thomas argued that, in fact, all of substantive due process is wrong, that the court should not be finding other interests grounded in that liberty interest, that we should only be recognizing as fundamental rights those that are expressly in the Constitution, and that has certainly called into the question that Court’s jurisprudence in these other areas.”
If Justice Thomas’ view was
applied to these other areas, many of these issues would likely face a return to stateby-state regulation, similar to recent trends in abortion access following the Dobbs decision, unless federal legislation is passed to establish them. With Lawrence specifically, a return to this method, though unlikely to occur, would potentially mark the return of more than a dozen sodomy laws that have yet to be removed by their respective states, including the exact Texas
statute under which Lawrence and Garner were prosecuted in 1988.
(Editor’s note: Isaac Ludington is a law student at SIU, but his writing should not be seen as a reflection of the opinion of the School of Law, or taken as legal advice.)
Staff reporter Isaac Ludington can be reached at iludington@ dailyegyptian.com.
Isaac LudIngton ILudIngton@daILyegyptIan com
Among young men especially, the words “no homo” or “bro” often ring out in the company of their male friends if they pay their friend a simple compliment, especially if they utter the words “I love you.”
The “no homo” or “bro” plays the comment off, making it all seem like a joke in fear of being looked at as less masculine. Of course the phrase, “no homo,” is problematic, because it wrongly suggests gay males can’t be masculine. But what if it didn’t have to be seen as a joke, and the friend was serious about their comment? What has led straight men, young and old in America, to not be able to express love for their fellow male friends?
Daniel Baltz, an instructor at SIU pursuing his Ph.D. in sociology, said it is tied to masculinity and gender norms.
“Women are more free to be, you know, vulnerable with one another, and even challenge gender norms because being perceived as not feminine does not lose them privilege, whereas men being perceived as not masculine does lose them privilege,” Baltz said.
Baltz said the fear of losing that privilege, i.e. being viewed as manly and receiving the social benefits that come with it, is a driving force for many men to make sure they constantly appear manly.
This fear of losing masculinity is also tied to sexual partners or the sexual identity of men, Baltz said.
“So it’s, as understood through sort of masculinity, as it exists: the appropriate choice for a man is a woman as a sexual object,” Baltz said. “So anything
that’s derivative of that is not [seen as] masculine.”
According to researchers, sexual identity is simply how one thinks of themselves in terms of whom they are sexually or romantically attracted to. Sexual identity is an important part of a man’s identity, and for a heterosexual male, that identity typically includes a mask of masculinity around their male friends.
Sexual identity can also lead to a large amount of insecurity among men, making them worry about how they will be perceived with even small comments or actions.
Chris Wienke, a sociology professor at SIU, said, “I think it corresponds with the rise of like, this idea that some people are gay, some people are straight… this idea that our sexual tastes or preferences make us a certain kind of person.”
Appearing as not masculine is a fear for many men and one that, according to Baltz, doesn’t have proper grounds.
“Men have the exact same emotions women have, there’s no biological difference that would make them more or less vulnerable,” Baltz said. “The reason it’s viewed as weak is because we associate weakness with women, and emotion with women, and with femininity.”
A Bud Light commercial from 1995 pokes fun at the idea of love between men. In it, an almost certainly heterosexual man fishing with his father and brother tells his father, “I love you, man,” only for his father to shut him down completely by telling the son that he is not getting his Bud Light.
While this is meant to be a humorous
commercial meant to sell Bud Light, it also highlights two problems: men can’t seriously say “I love you” to another man without adding a rebuttal, and if a man hears the words “I love you” directed towards him, he launches a defensive to save his own masculinity.
Wienke said a reason for this could be because it’s “tied to kind of expected constructs of masculinity; [men are] supposed to be independent, strong, courageous, you know, not emotional or dependent on others.”
“Men can admire other men for their feats of grandeur, their success, courage… but expressing a love, affection, kind of goes up against our understanding… of what it means to be men,” Wienke said.
Many men struggle with ensuring that they are seen as men in America. They are overly cautious about how they express themselves, making sure not to cross certain perceived lines of masculinity. Expressing love is occasionally one of these lines.
Around the world, however, it is much more customary for men to express their love. In many Arab, North African, Asian and Northern European countries, it is quite natural for platonic male friends to hold hands as a sign of affection.
Wienke says, during the formative years of their sexual identities, European adolescents are taught that sexuality is a normal part of humanity.
Because of this freedom to be expressive sexually, men in these countries often are able to communicate their feelings of love to platonic male friends much more effectively than their American counterparts.
Baltz said people of other cultures
may be able to do this because both masculinity and femininity are “highly contextual.”
“What I will say is that symbols and language mean different things. They’re in different places in different times, so there may be things that seem more or less masculine while viewed from the outside, but from the inside they have a different meaning,” Baltz said.
These differences in effective communication between males are built into different cultural norms across the world, and according to Baltz, “most societies do have [a gender binary] to a certain extent.”
These binaries, or gender classifications in which a person is categorized as male or female, depending on the context and system that surrounds the culture itself.
“All cultures have some system of gender that regulates their behavior, often accompanying an idea of masculinity and femininity, And there may be countries where those are more loose in defining behavior, but I think for the majority of people… all cultures have those things. They just look different,” Baltz said.
Because of these differences, other countries may be able to communicate more effectively. Something that is seen as not masculine or even gay in America may be completely acceptable within the cultural archetype for masculinity in another country.
There’s a lot of work to be done in America to change the thought of what is socially acceptable.
“We have a society that is very much entrenched and held up by systems of privilege that benefit certain people, and undoing those would take a lot of
changes and a lot of work,” Baltz said.
There is, however, some hope for progress and future expression. Wienke points out the expression “I’d take a bullet for this guy” as a phrase of love, and how men in the military and sports often express affection among their teammates or fellow soldiers.
Soldiers, and especially high-level athletes including bodybuilders, who “promote a certain kind of masculine” [Wienke], are typically held with high respect among men in society, as they have achieved what many men only dream to.
The freedom with which these elevated men express their love for one another could be an example worth noting. If these “macho men” can express feelings of love for another and not worry about being seen as feminine, or in other words not masculine, why can’t other males?
“I think legitimizing and giving equal value to men and women, to masculinity and femininity… is a big part of making men a little more complete as humans, able to those intimate relationships that are so tightly leased right now,” Baltz said.
It’s crucial that society embraces the ideas of equal value to masculinity and femininity; without it, men may never be able to express the feelings they really have for their fellow male friends.
Wiese said, “People have to embrace new definitions, new expressions, broader expressions of masculinity… for friendships to be more intimate, we have to… challenge old definitions.”
In the early 2000s, a variety of Black TV shows such as Girlfriends and The Parkers had at least one episode about the high rates of HIV among Black women. These specific episodes emphasized getting tested regularly and practicing safe sex.
According to the CDC, in 2019 while Black Americans made up 13% of the population they also accounted for 42% of new HIV cases. In regards to Black women and HIV, the Gilead shows that Black women only make up 13% of the female population in the United States, but count for over half of new HIV cases in women.
Detrina McCoy, a second-year student, said, from what she has seen and experienced, she noticed that Black women do not get told a lot about what to expect in regards to sex.
“When I was younger, it was more of with my mom and stuff. She was more of, like, ‘Don’t have sex’. [...] That’s not what you teach somebody, you teach them [...] to use condoms. So when it comes to women [...] we don’t get taught that because they’ll think we’re a slut if we want to have sex,” McCoy said.
She said the double standard that women are not supposed to even think about sex because it makes them seem fast and men should go out and have sex with whoever they want causes more harm than good.
“I do think it falls on us when it comes to unplanned pregnancies and STDs and things of that nature because men don’t get held accountable, because, like I told you, it’s, like, a pointer thing. So they can go in raw on different females and still be like ‘I’m the man,’ but they’re not getting checked out,” McCoy said.
While it takes two people to get pregnant or to get an STD, this double standard creates more pressure on the woman because, more often than not, men will place all of the blame on the woman, she said.
Ashley Hinton and Caitlan Laster, second-year students, both said the lack of sex education in the Black community is affecting Black women’s health.
“There is a lack of information. Also there’s a big thing in our community between Black men and women that condoms are just a barrier and there
are a lot of Black men who also might have an education in terms of sex, but [...] they don’t take care of themselves,” Laster said.
She said a majority of Black men only get checked out by doctors when it’s very serious and if it’s not, they’ll brush it off and that mentality can possibly play into the part about why so many Black women are contracting STIs.
Hinton said, because people don’t think about the next steps they should take after having sex, such as cleaning up and getting tested, that is leading to more increasing cases of sexual diseases and infections.
“If you practiced getting checkups and stuff like that [...] you could know all of these things, but you’re not actually going to do it,” Hinton said.
“I feel as though that would make sense as to why there are high cases, because sometimes people are not thinking about doing the other steps, even after care.”
According to a report done by the CDC, positive cases for gonorrhea among Black Americans has increased from 2016 to 2020.
Kania Dockery, a third-year student, said, because of the lack of education Black women get when it comes to sex, they have to figure it out on their own.
“We have to go through a lot of trial and error and go through a lot of different things because we don’t have anybody to really talk to about those things,” Dockery said.
With Black women being sexualized at a young age and not being well educated when it comes to sex, it sets them up to not be aware of the risk that comes with sex and they end up with a negative image of themselves, she said.
“I feel like we do need to educate ourselves and make sure that we stay on top of us and don’t be afraid to pull another Black woman to the side and help her out as well. We should always help one another because, in reality, we all we got,” Dockery said.
When it comes to sex education, depending on where you live, it can be a controversial topic. One side may feel that talking about it is encouraging people to have sex. Whereas the other side sees it as a way to educate people on how to be safe when having sex. Looking specifically at the Black community, the conversation about sex education has a lot more layers to it.
Brooklyn Dean, a second-year student, said when it came time for her parents to give her the safe sex talk, they only focused on two main points.
“They talked about the ‘don’t get pregnant thing’ but I mean, it was common sense like you don’t get pregnant because you use condoms, of course they told me to use condoms,” she said.
Dean said because her parents did not give her a more detailed sex talk, social media filled in the gaps that she had.
She said parents may be hesitant to have the safe sex talk with their kids because of certain religious views on sex.
“Some people are really religious, so it can somewhat disconnect them from actually knowing how their kid is, because if you have a really Christian, strict family, you don’t always let your family know what you’re doing, because they’re gonna be quick to judge you,” Dean said.
It can be hard for people to have certain conversations with their parents, especially ones regarding sex, because whether it be for religious reasons or something else, some parents might not be willing to talk about it, she said.
Deon Hayes, a fourth-year student, said there is a very noticeable double standard in regards to what men and women are told about how to act in regards to sex.
“I believe [the double standards] can be harmful because it’s giving out the wrong message. I really feel like men shouldn’t be praised for having so much sex,” Hayes said. “So I think just putting down someone just for having so much sex or just having sex with a lot of people, it’s just not what we need to do as a Black community or as a community period.”
This double standard in the Black community makes it hard for women, because if a woman acts the way a man is expected to act when it comes to sex, they face an unfair amount of scrutiny, he said.
Hayes said the Black community should not shy away from talking about sex education and how to stay safe, because not talking about it does more harm than good.
Francesca Stewart, a second-year student, said although she lived in two different religious environments, the response regarding sex was the same.
“As a teenager growing up with Jehovah’s Witnesses parents, it wasn’t taught, because you’re not supposed to be having sex before marriage,” Stewart said. “But as with Christian parents, it was ‘You’re not supposed to be having sex before
marriage. So why am I even having this talk with you?’”
Stewart said because her home environments didn’t really allow her to talk or ask questions about sex, she learned from school and life experience.
She said when children are not able to have those open discussions with their parents, it creates an air of awkwardness and fear around them when asking questions about sex.
“Make the upcoming kids and teenagers feel safe with what they’re doing. That it’s okay and that it is normal to want to have sex and that it’s okay to be feeling this way,” Stewart said. “Just practicing safety makes them feel comfortable enough to come to you about how they are feeling, because a lot of parents make it seem like having sex is wrong.”
If parents have these open conversations with their children when they ask about sex and not say “Wait till marriage” or “Don’t ask me anything,” that shame they might feel will probably go away, she said.
“We need to talk more about using condoms more and more about getting tested. We talk about not getting pregnant a lot, but more people need to get tested,” Dean said.
Staff reporter Janiyah Gaston can be reached at jgaston@dailyegyptian.com or on Instagram @ janiyah_reports.
Brandyn Wilcoxen BWilcoxen@dailyeGyptian com
“Love is in the air,” as the expression goes. It’s all about hearts, flowers, chocolates, Cupid and anything else you would associate with Feb. 14.
But even as the seasonal aisle at WalMart transitions from pink to green and Hallmark cards move on to graduation day, the idea of romance and sex being “universal” still permeates our daily lives. If you turn on the radio, a love song will come on. If you go to the movies, you’re guaranteed at least one cheesy romance side plot. If you pick up a copy of the Daily Egyptian this week, you’ll see the “sex issue” because it warrants a special edition dedicated to it.
Obviously, those are there for a reason. Many people do experience and desire romantic and sexual attraction. But for those who don’t, like me, it feels alienating and isolating.
I am asexual, which means I experience little to no sexual attraction. I am also aromantic, which is the same thing, but for romantic attraction. These are two separate concepts, and I just happen to fall under both categories. Some do, some don’t. It all varies between individuals, and no two people are the same.
What does this mean? Well, I’ve never had sex and don’t really want to either. I’ve also never had a “relationship” in the way that most people would use the term. I’ve not had a crush and still don’t quite understand what that even feels like.
Asexuality and aromanticism both exist on spectrums, and encapsulate several different identities. For example, using the prefix “demi-” (i.e. “demisexual”) changes the meaning to refer to when attraction only exists after developing a close emotional connection.
There are so many different identities that fall under the “a-spec” umbrella that it would be impossible to list them here. Sometimes, someone can fall under one of the labels and not even know it, because this unfortunately isn’t very common knowledge.
With all that being said, how is my life different as an aromantic and asexual person? Well, as I alluded to earlier, it means that I’m left out of what many consider to be a “universal” experience.
Imagine it like romance and sex are theme parks, but you’re not really into roller coasters, so you pass. It’s nothing against the park; it’s just not your thing. All of your friends are amazed to find
out that you haven’t been to what they consider to be the coolest place on earth.
“How can you not have gone?” they ask. “Anybody who’s anybody has done it.”
You go on social media to see people posting about how cool the rides there are and how much fun they’re having. You listen to music and hear nothing but advertisements for the theme park. Your parents keep asking when you’ll be bringing home season passes.
This analogy sounds ridiculous, but that’s just how it feels. To be left out of something that’s supposed to be the ultimate experience, but you just don’t get the hype.
Aromantic and asexual erasure is not only common, but very easy to accidentally take part in. Something as simple as “you’ll find the right person eventually” can be very hurtful and damaging, even though the person saying it usually means well. As a general tip, if you replace “ace” with “gay” and it sounds homophobic, it’s probably aphobic as well.
I’ve also had people say “your life must be easier because you don’t have to deal with” all of the complications that come with romantic and sexual relationships. That’s a nice way to look
at it, but with the above kept in mind, it isn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows.
The thing that bothers me most of all is how people have devalued relationships outside of these two types. Platonic, familial and any other types of relationships are just as valid and worthy of your time and energy. They are the strongest connections I can make with someone, so I hold them in high regard.
Unfortunately, others don’t always feel the same. I feel that I will always be pushed aside by friends in favor of a romantic and/or sexual partner. To some, the idea of just being “good friends” is heartbreaking and even insulting; in my world, it’s the best thing you could possibly be.
I love my friends. I love my family. I love everyone around me. Ever since I realized that I don’t experience romantic and sexual attraction, I’ve viewed the world and my place in it in a totally different way. I’ve discovered how much those other bonds truly mean to me. I just wish that others felt the same way.
In an ideal world, everyone would be accepted for who they are and taken as they wish to be. We would have no need for labels and groupings and
spectrums; everyone could just exist and do (or not do) what they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone.
Sadly, we aren’t in that world. People are constantly ostracized for being different, no matter how much of an impact it actually has. A lot of times, it’s intentional, but just as often, people leave minority groups out without even thinking about it. In the case of the a-spec community, many people don’t even realize it exists.
Maybe you do experience romantic or sexual attraction. Maybe for you, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. There’s no shame in that, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. But you should remember those who don’t and those who are left behind when those experiences are put on a pedestal.
This Valentine’s Day, remember your a-spec friends. Remember those who are often forgotten this time of year. Value your friendships, and tell the people you care about how much they mean to you. Your love for others doesn’t stop at a partner or spouse.
Staff reporter Brandyn Wilcoxen can be reached at bwilcoxen@dailyegyptian.com
Last year, I wrote the first Lube Listicle in hopes of spreading some useful information to those who may have felt their sex education wasn’t as informative as it could have been. The culture of sex makes us feel like we should just know what to do when it’s time, and that is pretty much never the case for anybody.
I was hoping I could do the same again this year with some more information in hopes of answering some lingering questions and maybe introduce some new concepts.
Again, I am in no way a professional so please talk with a professional if you have any further questions or need more information or clarification.
Introduce aftercare into your aftersex routine!
Some people know what this word means and some don’t. Aftercare is common practice in the kink community, but it would have great benefits if used in all different kinds of sexual relationships. Aftercare is when partners give some attentive care to each other after the act of sex. This includes cuddling, snacks, pillow talk and maybe a bath. There are many ways to engage in aftercare with your partner.
Safe words for safe sex!
Safe words are used to communicate people’s limits during sex. The traffic light
system is pretty common and effective when respected: green = go, yellow = yield/slow down, and red = no/stop. Being able to communicate boundaries during the act of sex is important to maintaining a healthy sexual relationship.
Restraints are fun but show some restraint!
Handcuffs, ties, rope play and other forms of restraint are fun things to introduce into your sex life. However, some research is necessary. A good rule of thumb for rope types of materials is that you should be able to comfortably fit two fingers between the restraints. You should also be careful when using handcuffs. When used improperly these restraints can cause nerve damage. Breath play, or choking, can be extremely dangerous. Watch your partner carefully, and stop if they show any signs of distress.
Get tested!
For yourself and for your partners’ safety, get tested regularly! There’s a huge stigma when it comes to getting tested, but regular testing is a sign of a healthy sex life. Everyone should get tested at least once a year. You should also get tested before you start engaging in sex with a new partner.
How are you storing your condoms?
Condoms should be stored in a cool dry place without any sunlight in order to keep them in their best conditions. They should be kept out of extreme weather
conditions (so don’t store them in the glove compartment of your car). It’s common to keep condoms stored in your wallet, but this is a bad move long term. Condoms should be stored in a small container that allows them a bit of space. For example, a metal Altoids tin or a Game Boy cartridge case. Condoms also have expiration dates. When condoms start to expire, they break down and become less effective when protecting against pregnancy and STIs when used. Storing female condoms is much easier due to the material they’re made of, and they have no special storage instructions aside from not storing them near chemicals.
Tighter is NOT better!
There is this huge misunderstanding about the tightness and elasticity of a vagina. Firstly, the vagina is a muscle. When someone is comfortable, their muscles are relaxed. This applies to the vagina as well. The vagina is meant to relax and elongate in preparation for penetration. While everyone’s body is different, if the vagina feels tight, there’s a good chance that your partner is not completely warmed up. This is why foreplay is important! It gives your partner the “warm-up” time to get aroused and comfortable.
Permanent loss of elasticity in the vagina is a myth!
This myth is heavily based in misogyny and the “usefulness of women” being
based on how youthful and unused one is. Again, the vagina is an elastic muscle that is made to endure stretching and returns to its natural state. Bodies do change over time due to many different circumstances but not to the extent that analogies similar to the sharpener and pencil analogy would have you believe. What are spermicides?
Condoms are one of the best forms of contraception, always. However, there are other options for contraceptives that can be considered as well. Spermicides are a form of contraceptive that aren’t discussed often. Spermicides can come in gel, creams and other forms. The big downside is that spermicides do not protect against STIs. You can use it every time you have sex, however, using it several times a day can irritate the vagina and make one more susceptible to contracting STIs. A benefit of spermicide is that it is a non-hormonal form of birth control, which is helpful for those who cannot use hormonal contraceptives or those who prefer not to. Using spermicides in combination with condoms is a great form of protection.
It’s okay to not have sex!
It’s not a competition or a race. Move at your own pace when it comes to your sexual journey.
Sex work in movies is nothing new. It has been seen in every category: prostitute, strippers, burlesque dancers and pornstars. They have been portrayed in horror, comedy, romance, action, western, and even sci-fi.
One of the first ever films to focus on prostitution was 1962’s “Vivre Sa Vie,” where a young woman finds herself struck by poverty and a marriage that is falling apart. Hoping to become an actress and break into films, she is once again disappointed when nothing comes of her dreams, and soon she turns to a bleak life of prostitution. When she meets a man who truly cares for her, her hope returns but her pimp may have the final word.
This film does an incredible job of not only giving the viewer a sense of pity for the woman, but it also provides a sense that she is viewed more as an animal in a zoo than as a person, something for the viewer to feel sorry for and want to save.
There have also been times sex work was glamorized in film, such as in “Pretty Woman” where the main character gets “saved” from her lower-class lifestyle where she must rely on sexwork to make rent; only to be swept up by a sweet
World War II ended in 1945, and the men that survived came home to their wives and unapologetically took back their jobs, taking women out of the workforce and back into the home. Women’s dressing went from having masculine inspiration back into a hyper femme look in the 1950s. Although most mainstream designs were cutesy and frilly, they had a sense of sensuality to them.
Although things were still modest outside the home, standard garments like slips and dressing gowns of the time were sexy and decadent. Pin-up style became popular but really only within the bedroom. Actress Betty Paige was notorious for her rather scandalous for the time pin up photos of her wearing lingerie, tight clothing and even bondage ropes in some. Sexy styles of femme fatale-esque ensembles carried through the late 1950s and into the 1960s.
This height of homemaking created a height of sexual exploration through dress in the 1960s, and it was really starting to take effect on most people’s everyday wear. By this time, sex was starting to really become unstigmatized, and even spoken about in mixed company for some, but also on television. Media at the time was starting to loosen up compared to recent years, and sexual expression was not only being shown through dress, but also in art and photography.
A good example of sexuality through the media of the time is the infamous gentleman’s magazine, “Playboy.” Although the company originally started in 1953 and was famous throughout the
handsome wealthy businessman. Such lighter fare doesn’t deal with the violence that comes along with the lifestyle being discussed, however, more recent works are more successful in attempting that approach.
In the film “Last Night in Soho,” our point of view is an outside perspective of a woman seeing visions of another woman attempting to follow her dreams, but her dreams turn out not quite as she expected, and she is coerced into prostitution.
Where “Last Night in Soho” differs from many films is when the one looking in on her story discovers there has been a murder. She stops at nothing to get justice for the woman only realizing things were not as they appeared, giving the viewer a bittersweet feeling leaving you questioning what is truly just.
This film has an immaculate approach to the topic of sex work by getting the viewer to look at the subject as a person not just as a pawn and not just as some sex object. By the end, you will be rooting for her, yet it’s still not overlooking the violence many of these women face on a day to day basis. It also doesn’t glamorize the work in which they are doing.
rest of the decade, in the 1960s, Playboy started a philosophy column where they covered many different hard hitting topics of the day, including LGBTQ+ rights.
In fashion, like we saw only 40 years earlier, hemlines rose, but this time for the youth of the world and those who lived for fun; it kept rising past the knee and right to mid thigh or even higher. The miniskirt became popular, and it was fabulous and extremely sexy. Paired with a high leg boot really drawing out the limbs, the miniskirt started here and is now staple in most folks’ wardrobes.
Hair went from subtly feminine, and evolved to this divinely feminine look, as if there were mounds and curls of hair sprouting from the heads of women all around.
Bohemian designs and lifestyles were starting to take shape by the late 1960s, and ushered us into something a bit more groovy in the next decade.
In the 1970s, women’s dress became a bit more reserved in everyday wear and mens became a bit more casual, but tighter. Masculine sex appeal became noticeable in mainstream fashion again. Tight jeans and corduroy dress pants pulled up to high heavens, accentuating parts of the man graciously in the back but friskily in the front. Early in the decade, silk was a popular fabric for men’s shirts, left unbuttoned a bit to give a peek at whatever chest hair they had going on.
Later into the decade, clothing became more revealing yet relaxed. Strapless tops and Daisy Dukes were fashionable, and there is no denying that there is something about a pair of denim short shorts that is just plain
be reached at bgallagher@dailyegyptian.com
sexy. Sex icons of the time were going for natural beauty looks, like the incomparable Farrah Fawcett and her luxurious waves. You can’t help but think of that swimsuit when she gets brought up can you?
A quite daring and sexy style was to come during the 1980s. With extremely futuristic ideals and designs, garments of the 1980s were something of another time with its over excess. Leather became a popular textile in all areas of fashion, but now in a less utilitarian way and more of a high fashion sexy way. Punk culture made its way from the underground of the 1970s and into the homes and closets of many people around the world. Sex symbols of the time, like Madonna, wore things like bustier tops and chain-link belts.
This idea of hyper femininity is very prevalent through the fashions of the 1980s, as hair once again grew in size and strong makeup accentuated the cheeks and lips. Shoulder pads grew and added a bit of masculinity to the time, especially with such flamboyance that was seen in pattern and color. A resurgence of 1940s-esque silhouettes came about, but only this time with a great deal of over indulgence compared to rationing times.
The 1990s was a downright sex filled time of fashion. High fashion looks of the time were tight, low cut in any way they could and revealing. Sheer garments became popularized and worn on red carpets by celebrities. Pulling inspiration from 1950s slips and under-garments, many dresses were small, tight and a bit erotic. Some designers made dresses in this manner,
such as the late Gianni Versace, but many people opted to thrift them from decades past.
We are now today seeing a resurrection of many of these designs being sold again and becoming popular on fast fashion sites like Shein or Fashion Nova. This style became relevant again through music artists wearing what could be considered as classic pop star looks from later in the decade and into the new century.
The early 2000s were jam packed full of sexualizing clothing. Sexy was wearing low rise jeans with the tan line of a playboy bunny, or a visible Victoria Secret bustier as a shirt. Sassy baby shirts with funny phrases written across the chest became popular, always saying something like “Born to shop, forced to work.” Bikinis were itty bitty, and that was the point; you could get away with not having to cover up, or had the luxury of wearing whatever you wanted basically.
Men’s fashion was sexual in a different way. There is nothing better scarred in my eight year old brain than staring at one of those huge Abercrombie and Fitch posters in the mall and counting the muscular abs as if I were sitting in my kindergarten classroom. The clothing being modeled of course was pretty standard men’s clothing, but the way that it was advertised was extremely sexual.
By the 2010s, sexy fashion was things like the Band-aid dress and tight garments with cutouts in the front, the back or the side; let’s just say that cutouts were popular. Lace garments became relevant again, and we were
living the Lana Del Rey fantasy. Fashion into the teens of the decade as we all remember got pretty cheugy, and then started up this whole 1990s resurgence of tight everything, silks, strappy sandals and hair clips.
We are at a place in fashion now where sex and nuance of it is just a standard part of the design process. With barely any pressing social rules in what is fashionable and what is pornographic, we are far more likely to see movie stars and singers half naked on the red carpet. Micro trends come and go very quickly, setting the stage on what is up to date in today’s fashion. Something that has become extremely popular as of the past few years, and that I expect to keep inclining is the wearing of fetish gear. At what point do we say, “is this sexy, or just sex?
Down the runways recently, we have seen plenty of leather goods, some such as harnesses, chokers, collars and many more risque ensembles and accessories. This look and aesthetic is often associated with the punk community as they pulled much inspiration from military wear and fetish wear. Many of these designs are high end, but they really aren’t anything that you couldn’t get from your local sex shop.
So tell me, how did we go from skirts just at the knee being a sign of change in the past, to the dominatrix uniform being a sign of ours now? It took 100 years to get here, but in terms of what is acceptable in public, did we go too slow or too fast?
There has always been a very noticeable difference in the respect shown to men’s sports over womens, especially at the collegiate level. From more funding and scholarships to more game exposure and viewers, men’s sports always come out on top.
In 1972, Title IX was passed stating that “no person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.”
Over 50 years later, there still isn’t full equality for women in sports.
While Southern Illinois works very hard to uphold the standards of Title IX, there are other institutions that don’t take the equality of their female athletes into consideration as much. Because of this, in more recent years, the subject of inequality between men and women’s sports has become a popular topic of conversation, but not much has changed.
SIU volleyball players Tatum Tornatta and Peyton Plant both agreed that, while they have never had a bad experience in their sport at Southern, there needs to be something done to get rid of the inequality between men and women’s sports.
“Compared to other situations and athletes I’ve probably had more of a good experience,” Tornatta said.
Plant followed with, “I have never had a bad experience here, but previously I have felt a lack of support for my team and myself from the student body,” she said in comparison to the support given to men’s sports.
Sam Dodd, a junior on the women’s soccer team, participated in co-ed soccer in the years leading up to her time at SIU. In this time, Dodd said that she was often spoken down to by her male teammates.
“It used to upset me because we should support our fellow athletes,
among womens sports, women are often over sexualized and viewed in ways that no one would view male athletes. In sports like cheerleading and volleyball, uniforms are designed so they are more comfortable for constant movement by the athlete. Because of this, they tend to be more revealing than those of other sports which often leads to conversation surrounding the athletes’ bodies.
This is also very prominent in co-ed cheerleading teams when stunting is done with male teammates. In these stunts, the male teammate is often the back spot for the flyer, when the flyer is lifted up, the back spot has their hand underneath them to hoist them up.
“There have been times when my team was doing stunts and I’ve heard people say things along the lines of, ‘He’s smart for being a cheerleader, he knows what he’s doing,’ in relation to how we stunt and the contact that our male teammates have with us,” SIU cheerleader Abby Clemens said.
Clemens followed with, “[male teammates] don’t think of it like that, they just know they’re doing a sport they love, some viewers just over-sexualize it.”
This oversexualization of women’s uniforms is not only an issue at the collegiate level, but was recently magnified at the professional level as well. A protest discussed on NBC helped to accelerate the uniform modification the Norwegian Handball Federation had been attempting to make since 2006, when its president Kåre Geir Leo recognized the handball team’s protest as a turning point.
Three months later, on October 3, the rules were updated for women to be required to wear “short tight pants” and a “body fit tank top.” Lio informed NBC that female athletes told him they played better in the tighter shorts, and they were satisfied with increased freedom to choose the length of their shorts. He added that the uniform change was a “real and symbolic step to combating gender inequality in the sport.”
Female athletes have been fighting inequality in their sport for decades, prominently in compensation disparity between themselves and men.
On International Women’s Day in 2019, every member of the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team sued the U.S. Soccer Federation for a similar reason. They filed claims of discrimination in terms of pay and working conditions that were discrepant from their male counterparts. Adding to their case, the women’s national team captured a considerably bigger TV audience, more revenue and did more winning than the men’s team.
Later that year in the Women’s World Cup, they won the tournament for a second consecutive time. The team contributed to over 1.1 billion global viewers of the World Cup. Almost three years later, a settlement was announced of $24 million awarded to current and former members of the women’s team.
One team member, Alex Morgan, spoke with Andrew Das of the New York Times on their accomplished goal: “We set out to have equal pay moving forward for us and the men’s team…and we achieved that.”
When it comes to change being made surrounding the disparities of female athletes and collegiate women’s sports, there is a lot that needs to be done.
“According to a report made public in 2021 that analyzed the differences in treatment of men and women in college sports, the NCAA spent roughly $1,697 more per men’s participant in Division I Sports than their female counterparts. This disparity is well documented through a long 112 page gender equity study, written by KHF (Kaplan, Hecker, & Fink) and shows the continuous disparities among compensation for athletes by gender across collegiate sports.”
“I think that better media coverage of women’s sports and influential people in the sports world showing support for women’s athletics can help bring more awareness,” Plant said.
Tornatta agreed with this saying, “I think social media advocating for women that way can be a good start, men’s sports are often posted and talked about more on social media than
at women in sports from an all around perspective.
“Being a female athlete and a woman in sports media is challenging at times. On one hand, I understand why women’s sports don’t get as much game exposure and media coverage as men’s sports, but being a female athlete that is something that I want to work toward improving,” Dodd said.
There have been recent attempts at promotions for women’s games. On February 4th, a free tuition raffle was scheduled for the Women’s Basketball matchup against Valparaiso at the Banterra Center. However, due to the low number of students in the dawg pound, the raffle never occurred.
Throughout the disparities that female athletes face, the majority of them say that their experiences help them grow and learn new things
the opportunity to help make a change for future generations of female athletes as we push towards equality for women in sports.
“I’m very big on being the change you wish to see, so being part of such a small number of women who get to do their sport at this level is amazing because I am being that change and advocating for women in sports as a whole,” Clemens said.
Perhaps one day the disparities amongst men and women in sports will fade along with the same inequalities between men and women in everyday life. However, that day hasn’t come yet, and with so much progress to still make, the solution starts with all of us.
Staff reporters Joei Younker and Howard Woodard can be reached at jyounker@dailyegyptian.com or hwoodard@dailyegyptian.com.
I’d love to joke around but sexual health is a serious matter
