GUTTER ISSUE 8 by GUTTER MAG

Editor in Chief Nina Braca Managing Editor Bruce Hamilton Layout Editor Lucia Urbanic Writers Abigail Adams Alison Ahearn Shana Blatt Terence Brosnan Karissa Francis Nick Gaglio Avery Piper RJP Sacred Eternal Owl Jex Seawell Shady Spice Chris Stewart Illustrators Yarra Berger Genie Illmenev Anna Tsibina Augusta Antell Cover Dustin Dacier

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Hey! You are holding the first Gutter Mag issue of the 2015-2016 school year. It is also the 1 year anniversary of the name change to Gutter Mag. Happy birthday, Gutter! Though we’ve had some printer issues, I’m so incredibly happy and excited to share Gutter with you. The theme of this issue is Back To School because it obviously everybody’s favorite time of the year, when you get to see people you hate and dive into 18 credits worth of work after doing nothing but marathoning Friday Night Lights on Netflix for the last 4 months. Awesome. But overall, this time of year can be pretty great. The heat is finally starting to die down and Starbucks has that new graham latte that tastes amazing (seriously, go try it). Whenever you start getting too stressed about things, just remember that 98% of people at this school are also stressed out. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of things, and it will work out. It just might take a while. Just like how the Loop will always come, even if its an hour late. Better late than never, right? You’ll be okay. We meet Mondays at 9pm in CCN room 24/25, if you want to write, draw or take pictures for us, stop by, or send us an email at purchaseguttermag@gmail.com. We play a lot of Carly Rae Jepsen at the meetings and sometimes I bring cookies. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Nina Braca

BACK TO SCHOOL LOOKS New Year, New You.

HOROSCOPES Don’t wear your new sweater to that party because you know it’s going to smell like cigarettes and sweat for the rest of your life.

LIBRA 9/23-10/23

ARIES 3/21-4/19

You’ll find out that one of your new friends hates dogs and now you don’t know if you can keep hanging with them. It’s okay to say no.

Take a picture with the giant Rice Krispie Treat at The More Store. Then set it down because you cannot afford it.

SCORPIO 10/23-11/21

TAURUS 4/20-5/20

Bring a sweater to the Humanities building or you will catch a cold. Don’t buy any of those fish that they sell on the mall because you will kill it and you will feel bad about it.

SAGGITTARIUS 11/22-12/21

You will slowly descend into madness as you drown in your Art History homework. Your hair will look GREAT, though.

GEMINI 5/21-6/20

Your dog misses you, but not as much as you miss them. Call your mom. If you tell her you miss her, maybe she will lend you some money to buy alcohol.

CAPRICORN 12/22-1/19

That instagram filter looks good on you, don’t believe what anyone else says.

CANCER 6/21-7/22

You’ve been wanting to watch that new Nicholas Sparks movie for a few months now. Do it, I won’t tell anyone.

AQUARIUS 1/20-2/18

You will want to drink wine and go on the internet to look at pictures of Nick Jonas but try not too because he has a new girlfriend and that will make you sad.

LEO 7/23-8/22

You’ve been debating on if you should do your laundry for the past 3 weeks. Now is the time to do it. You can’t wear the same pants forever

PISCES 2/19-3/20

You keep wasting your library printing money on Lisa Frank collages. Those rainbow kittens will not be able to help you when you don’t have enough $ to print your Philosophy paper. Tone is down a little.

VIRGO 8/23-9/22

Carly Rae Jepsen’s new album is going to help you get through this month. Keep it on repeat and don’t stop dancing. She knows so much more than any of us. 5

HOW TO AVOID AWKWARD BACK TO SCHOOL CONVERSATIONS KARISSA FRANCIS It’s that time of year again: those few weeks at the beginning of the semester when you’re reminded why you were ready to get the hell away from Purchase at the end of last semester. You had all summer to forget about the people on campus that you kinda hate. Some of that half-hearted hatred may have even dissipated over the summer. But now those reasons are flooding back and reality is setting in. It’s only been three days and you’ve already seen that person you hooked up with and never text back (yikes) and found out that you’re neighbors with the most annoying human in your psych class, who always wants to study with you. It doesn’t help that this campus is so small that you’ll run into at least four people you know well enough to make polite conversation with at least three times a day. They always want to know how your summer was and how you’re doing and where you’re headed ugh they are the actual worst. Here’s a guide to put off these conversations at least until you’ve unpacked (so like, mid-October). Alternative Routes to Class Although it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be stopped for a chat on your way to class, it’s good to cover your bases. Figuring out routes to class that are the least populated by people who are also walking to class is a great way to make sure you don’t bump into someone you vaguely know. Avoid normal pathways that lead directly to the mall, take the long way around, and ignore people who tell you “shortcuts”. “Shortcuts” is code for the easiest way to see every single person you’ve ever met at Purchase on one walk. It’s a trap. Speed Walk Everywhere Give yourself very little time to get anywhere that you have to be. That way you’ll be rushing and frazzled all the time and everyone will think you’re soooo busy when really you’re just avoiding human interactions. Speed walking is great for your calves so really there’s no downside here (except maybe being late all the time, but we all have to make sacrifices). Your Phone is Your BFF Always talk on your phone while in transit to anywhere. And I don’t mean texting (you can easily look up from a text to have a short yet painful conversation), I mean an actual telephone conversation like it’s the 90s. If you have no friends to call, just call your grandma; she misses you and the pained expression on your face will be genuine. If you don’t have a cellphone, just talk into your hand; there’s a 95% chance no one will notice, and if they do, just say you’re a performance artist. Don’t Go to The Hub Everyone you have ever met is at the Hub at all times. You will never get to eat your greasy Not Nathan’s (r.i.p) in peace. Just don’t go.

9/12/15 AVERY PIPER I sit with a desk light, balanced on my chair’s arm. in the opposite corner, a floor lamp curses us, jealous of Desk, who sees me often. I tell each that they serve me equally. this enrages Floor. “You fucking liar. Desk sits beside you and you write by its heart, as I, beside my outlet, make a fool of my cord. You stare at me and do nothing.” “I stare because I want to stare,” I say. “You’re a fucking lamp. Must I adjoin you for your light to shine?” “Kiss me,” Desk whispers. I smash it against the wall. “The room is yours.”

BACK TO SCHOOL : WELCOME TO PURCHASE SACRED ETERNAL OWL What is this article about? If you see a blurb that bears semblance to a possible past thought that you had, it is likely that I interviewed you and we chatted about zoology! I moseyed around campus, primarily around the freshman and transfer living quarters, asking one simple question to all the animals; “How are the living conditions here at Purchase college?”

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ANNA TSIBINA

SHAM CITY : A POEM ABOUT HOME RIP

PART 1: GHOSTS (pt.1) there are ghosts all around me and i am one of them i like to hang out with my ghostly pals they are little wisps like me and we go on lots of adventures one time we went to the haunted mill where my friend louie lives and had ourselves a little ghost get-together a ghost-together but ghosts are, by nature, indefinite beings and louie doesn’t live there anymore PART 2: LASER BEASTS there are several rooms in my house that are full of laser beasts “what is a laser beast?” a laser beast is a living son et lumiere these great creatures raise their heads and mountains and rivers come out of their mouths with all their glory and with all their horror PART 3: MOTHERS i wonder what you would say if you could see me now PART 4: HIGHWAYS there are two roads that run by my house and these two roads connect to all other roads through them, i can go anywhere through them, i can be anything PART 5: MERRIWEATHER i laughed, but i did not know what was funny. but then i looked at those flowing crystals of silk, and felt the warm grass on my flesh (perhaps it was the other way around), and i realized: it’s all funny

PART 6: ??? there is a great sound in the midst of the city it is the same sound you hear when you hold your head underwater for too long it is the same sound you hear when you are watching a glass jar fall it is the same sound you hear in the dark of night when no one is around and all the grass is frost PART 7: GHOSTS (pt. 2) when i came back after spending a long time away, i told my friend that i was surrounded by ghosts he told me about a concept humorously called â&#x20AC;&#x153;ghostbustingâ&#x20AC;? it is when you put yourself in a space where there are a lot of ghosts and force yourself to confront them the simple act of confrontation, he said, is enough to destroy them

FOLLICIES SHANA BLATT

Blurry patches and curled eyelashes: lean over the sink—grab the faucet, rip up the roots, because you think you can. Caked on velvet, velvet, sleeveless razor scraping over budding hair— budding hair scraping on nylon, everything scraping on nylon. Leave me in the frozen foods section; say you won’t buy into that GMO shit and pray to the Buddha statue you cherish so much, (cherish against Buddhist ideals). Numb palms of hands, reaching, not for substance but for erasure. In the search there’s smoke: hands-close-to-the-fire smoke. Shower steam inflates my scents and destroys them: smog sinks out of my locks, straight down the drain. Curled on my bed, not in it, fetal and faint, paralyzed by the weight of galaxies, of stardust stuffed under my cuticles and swelling in my marrow.

5 EXCITING WAYS TO UNDERSTAND WHY BUSTLE’S FEMINIST SAFE SPACE IS GARBAGE SHADY SPICE

With catchy titles in the form of lists, we’ve all clicked on that silly BuzzFeed article wondering if they truly knew our personal “13 Moments John Travolta Sexually Arouses You in Grease”. But recently, creeping onto our newsfeeds has been a similar website, Bustle. With clickbait fueled articles, Bustle has that silly feel of BuzzFeed, but Bustle also branches out into the topics of feminism and safe spaces. Keeping with the theme of easy to read lists, Bustle takes on articles about body positivity, loving yourself, and feminism. However, is Bustle truly the feminist safe space it claims? Here is a helpful, fun, easy-to-read list to answer the question.

try to answer the question on how long it should take for a woman to reach orgasm. The focus on the vagina paired with the freely used word of “woman”, implies that to be a girl in a relationship you must have a vagina, which is not always the case. It also implies that if you have a vagina and are in a relationship, then you are a girl, even if you are not. Furthermore, there is a group of people that simply do not have mainstream genitals or reproductive systems as theirs deviates from the “norm”. When Bustle chooses to explain how your vagina should work, they are infringing their stereotypes onto many vagina having people whose vagina was either surgically modified, or does not fit that of the mainstream. Through simple use White Women, White Women, White Women of language, coupled with ignorance to the life outside of White women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds are being naturally born cis, Bustle edges out non-cis people showcased on Bustle, each with their own story and well intentioned means of inspiring women between the ages Mainstream Only of puberty and early 20s. But why only white women? Feeding off my last point about the “mainstream” genitalia, Everyone watched that music video where Taylor Swift Bustle only accepts mainstream bodies in all their forms. somehow stumbles into Africa and is surrounded solely In their constant slew of images that accompany their by white people. This music video is a personification of articles, Bustle will showcase body hair (on stereotypically Bustle if I had ever seen one. Taylor Swift and Bustle both attractive female-presenting female bodies), confidence claim to be part of feminist culture, but maybe if Bustle in being overweight (on larger white women that have stopped admiring Taylor, and Taylor stopped admiring symmetrical European features) as well as other slight Lena Dunham they would see that their feminism isn’t deviations from our parents version of mainstream. But intersectional, safe, nor fun for anyone that falls outside these bodies showcased are still cliché attractive cisbodies, or at least, appear that way. Bustle does not their comfortable category of cis white women. tackle the other ways to have a body that is outside of “Non-Cis Women Are Women??? That Sounds Fake as Hell being cis and white – they ignore trans bodies, intersex but OK” – Bustle probably bodies, as well as bodies of color. Body positivity is Bustle claims to be for women and often discusses important, and while it is important to feel comfortable topics such as vaginas and periods and other female rocking your body hair, shouldn’t it also be important to bodied norms. In doing so, however, Bustle is blatantly understand that the way your sex organs were created ignoring the other ways to be a woman, and the other is beautiful, and that your true gender is beautiful, and ways to have a vagina. While both gender and bodies can the way those two intersect each other or juxtapose each naturally deviate from the ‘mainstream’ cis body, media other is completely okay on your journey of identity. The outlets choose to either not touch on the topic and thusly intersex body, the trans body, and the surgically modified pretend a large group of people do not exist – or portray body (in regards to genitalia and gender) all deserve equal, these bodies and genders in a negative light. Bustle will if not more, attention as the cis body – in both promoting 14

understanding amongst the ignorant, but mostly to allow a usually alienated group learn they are deserving of the same attention, acceptance and support as the cis white woman. Bustle will also discuss the ways in which anxiety and depression are completely natural and will offer coping techniques when facing these two forms of mental illness. Which is wonderful. But an article that claims to offer support for all those who are mentally ill, which only focuses on these two ailments, can leave anyone else suffering from other mental illness excluded. These two “mainstream” mental illnesses are often the most talked about but that does not mean that any other form of suffering is lesser than them. By focusing specifically on the mainstream - mainstream mental states, mainstream bodies, mainstream genders - Bustle takes the already excluded groups, and further excludes them from a “safe space”. Backhanded Meanings More than once have I clicked on a Bustle article where the writer promises to deliver one thing, and instead leaves the reader understanding the opposite. An article that promised self-love and acceptance, only spoke about the ways in which it took a man to love them for them to see they are worth loving. The single and vulnerable will read this article seeking confidence, and instead will leave realizing that they cannot love themselves until a man loves them first. The reader will leave feeling worse than before, and the backhanded subtlety of the article will probably leave the reader unaware that they just read they need a man, but instead they will internalize it subconsciously. Personally, it wasn’t until I started looking for these issues that I was able to realize the way I always internalized it. This leaves the vulnerable going back to Bustle for more advice to ease the new insecurities Bustle ever-so gently instilled. A feminist safe space that promises advice and tips yet creates insecurities to keep their readers interested in their site and thus profiting off of the emotional distress of their audience is not a safe

space. It is capitalism at its finest in its exploitation of the vulnerable to view their site. It Was Made By An Ignorant Cis White Man While this isn’t exactly a content based critique, it is important to understanding the website as a whole. A cis white man was essentially given substantial funding to create Bustle, a website he thought was the “first of it’s kind”. He believed women needed a space to combine fashion and beauty with politics. Apparently the only way for women to be educated in current events is if it’s next to a lipstick article. Bustles very birth is rooted in ignorance as well as this idea that the white man is here to save women. Bustle is not the only website that operates in this fashion - it just happens to be the center of my critique. However, sites like Refinery 29, Broadly, Femsplain, XOJane, as well as others, participate in this white cis-centric style of exclusion. While it may seem that these authors are well intentioned, they are not from diverse backgrounds, and they are ignorant on the topics that genuinely need to be discussed. Demand the change you want to see from these sites, because without any action they will continue to offend and exclude.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN SO FAST AND WHY CAN’T I FIGURE ANY OF IT OUT??? (HELP) ALISON AHEARN

Our entire lives, we are pushed to go to college. Usually, it is with good intention (teachers wanting you to continue learning, parents wanting you to do well in life, greedy capitalists profiting off of astronomical tuition, whatever), but for years we are essentially being told our lives will amount to nothing without college. I was ecstatic about moving into school for my first year, but it hardly took two months before I started asking myself whether I really wanted this, or I wanted it because everyone told me I did. In my efforts to figure out what I wanted for myself, I transferred, dropped out, and re-enrolled in purchase all within four months (six months later the thought of the ordeal still makes me very very tired). It was a giant mess. Despite a lot of people disapproving of my moves, I made the choices I thought were best for my own well-being. I could not figure out what was going to make me happy. I still can’t, but I’m doing my best. I think we all are. It hurts me to know that I have so many friends struggling to figure out what they want, and feeling terrible in the process. After I left high school, it felt like I watched all of my former peers move on to big universities, make a ton of friends, and thrive immediately while I sat in my dorm, doing none of these things. I didn’t like college, but I didn’t need to feel so bad about it. Deciding to leave midway through my second semester at my second college was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made. I made a huge move that I thought would be better, and it turned out worse. I felt the lowest I had in a while and I had no idea what my next step was. Initially after coming home, all I felt was failure. I had ruined what was supposed to be a great time in my life. Quite honestly, I was depressed, but the six months I spent away from school turned out to be the best six months I’d had in a long time. After I left, I got my first real job and my first car. I spent every ounce of my free time with all of the friends I was lucky enough to live so close to. I enjoyed being home. I went back to visit Purchase to find that so many wonderful people were happy to see me. I felt like myself again. Midway through summer, I decided that I was going to readmit myself to Purchase and commute to school from home, and for once, I actually felt sure of what I wanted and needed. If I hadn’t made a mess of my first year of college, maybe I would have never realized what was right for me. I am still scared and I am still worried about my future. Sometimes I still second guess what I’m doing, but right now Purchase makes sense. For now, that is enough. There is not one single way to go about things. This is such a transitional time in our lives, and people should have more respect for that. If dorming isn’t for you, if a certain school isn’t for you, or if college itself isn’t for you, do something else. It may be hard, you may move three times in one semester and cry a lot and wonder what the fuck to do with your mini fridge once you are back home (i still don’t know), but you will be okay. Promise.

WITHOUT A HOME JEX SEAWELL when i walk to my home with my bed my window my desk my light my floor i realize this is temporary. home is hundreds of miles away. if you follow the water you can make out the shore and see a light that hits me right in the heart with its knife the blade lays me out. i stare up and see the light fade and a brigade of white stares back and iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m attacked with the feeling of being alone without my old friends and old home. but i look over and see my new friend who shares the new home looking up feeling the same. 17

SACRED ETERNAL OWL 18

LAST FIRST DAY SHANA BLATT

popping bubbles— firecrackers going off round my head somewhere close to an unconscious that buries her heels parallel in the sand to each other digging trenches and sighing into the sun soaked right into my bones heavy like her, maybe like me just to break even my presence is not missed anymore; a fixture now, I am forever, like india ink etched into my conscious calves dot by dot by dot and I don’t mind drawing blood, not this time. not anymore, either— ink on blood on sweat on sweat on skin taut from the sun, vitamin d turning me rubber, grill lines criss crossing my belly. a best friend’s art is permanent now: my left-ankle twisted/right-ankle inked. me and rebecca got matching spaceships, us, aliens in town, flighty and mighty.

THOUGHTS ON DOGS CHRIS STEWART

I have a dog. Her name is Coco. When I was in the fourth grade, we found her outside, pawing at my family’s 2004 black Ford Taurus (hideous), before my two brothers and I left for school. It was a momentous day, to say the least. I’ll never forget the sheer bewilderment in my mom’s eyes as my dad plopped this stray brindle puppy into her lap. Hadn’t she just been making breakfast? Why the fuck was there a dog on her lap? This is what I imagine my mom was thinking. For years my brothers and I had collectively begged for a dog. We preached to our parents: “Yes! We will most certainly walk them! Yes, we will most certainly pick up their shit!” Later -- once Coco had been in permanently ingrained into my family--I did end up picking up her shit. It was a lovely fall evening and my then very sensitive gag reflex was triggered by the stench of her feces and I vomited on my back patio. Coco came right over to me to offer the only help she knew how to provide; she licked my puke straight off the cement and saved me some mild embarrassment. She is, to this day, a wingman like no other, and though I appreciated her bold act of kindness, I haven’t picked up her poo since (sorry, dad). But, unfortunately for you (and definitely for me) this is not a piece about Coco. It’s about all of the wonderful four legged canines that traipse along Purchase’s property and bring daily and unmatchable joy to students all over campus. I will say, after I pitched this story, it was as if God himself, or like Clifford the Big Red Dog, shot down powers from whatever above you believe in and removed every damn dog from campus. I swear, save that one tiny black dog that is always being walked by a different student, all the dogs I was seeing regularly disappeared. (side note: if you do know who that black dog belongs to, shoot me an email. I’m dying to know.) Dogs evoke a feeling in humans in which I am not qualified to even try to explain. I hate the science of things. Naturally, I just got a 68% on the first science test I’ve taken in three years. But it’s 2015 and absolutely 20

no one is going to try and stop me from trying to explain your brain on dogs. First and foremost, dogs (like Millennials) are jealous creatures. If a dog sees you and friends petting another dog, they are likely to feel envious towards said dog. Kind of like how when you see someone talking to your campus crush, you want to light them on fire. Or maybe that’s just me? Anyway, that may be one reason we resonate so much with canines. On a micro level, they know how we feel. They are as good of a friend as any human -- and in my personal experience, they are actually better than any human. This is probably why I have four friends but that’s OK! Secondly, a dog that is one year old is as physically mature as a 15 year old. This is just another reason as to why I think students respond so well to dogs. Most dogs I have met on campus are fairly young, typically between one and five years old (I chat with their owners sometimes). So figure they are just as physically mature (and in some cases more mature) than all of us at Purchase. They know the pains of being a young adult. What they don’t know though, is the struggle of scraping together beer money. On that point alone, I’m pretty fucking jealous of dogs. Lastly, (and this is subjective) dogs always look so freaking happy. I disagree with anyone who says or thinks that dogs don’t smile because that’s simply not true! I have multiple photos of Coco where she is smiling! Usually these said smiling photos are images taken when she is in the sun, next to food, or alone. I’m smiling when I’m with food or alone too. My point is that when you are having a really god-awful day, chances are all you want is someone who is around to hug and smile. Dogs are so good at both of these things. So much better than that person you met on Tinder will ever be! Leaving Coco at home when school starts up is half the battle. The other half is trying to pack my dad’s truck. She is always the last one in my house to get my goodbye before I leave and the first one to get

my hello when I come home. When I’m eating off those alarming primary colored plates at D-Hall, I’m yearning for the days I get to wake up and eat my breakfast next to her on the couch. I am thankful dogs on campus don’t get noticeably jealous when they read my mind (more on dog powers later) and realize I’m thinking: Coco is so much better (!!!!), because I love their company. I like meeting their owners, and learning their names. I’m grateful they let me pet their butt. When all’s said and done, the dogs on campus are a fabulous and much needed presence for everyone on campus, dog lovers and owners alike. Purchase is ever changing and the dogs here bring a consistent normalcy that will always be needed.

THE NEWS IS AGAINST US TERENCE BROSNAN

Like so many people, I have quite a bit of trouble falling asleep at night. When I’m home for the summer, I unfortunately have a TV in my room to make this process even more difficult so I usually throw on a music channel or something that I can turn down the brightness. One of the things that I used as a sleep aid this summer, though, was a traffic broadcast set to that bad music that your local news station always plays as an interlude to the commercial. When I say “traffic broadcast”, I mean the loop of intersections throughout the local area of the station that usually is intended for rush hour updates and accidents. Needless to say, I was a bit struck by this. Of course I had seen this type of media before, so maybe it was the halfsleep state that I was in, but broadcasting this at 3 in the morning is pretty fucked up if you think about it. I immediately wrote an overly long, academic essay on this and the implications that the broadcast carries with it; so it would be really fun to write a more casual piece about where I can joke about it being fucked up and blatantly say that people, in general, are morons. The main consensus that I reach in this 19 page essay is that people are trained to expect an accident of some type when they watch a news broadcast like this. When we watch Scream, for instance (pay some homage to Wes Craven), there is a particular scene that is significant to patience. Sydney, the main protagonist, gets a phone call from the killer that he is outside waiting for her, so she instantly goes outside. There is about two minutes of silence attached to the camera panning the outside area, and the audience is trained to know that the killer is waiting. Silence equals murder, we all know it. Why would someone make us wait? We don’t want to sit in silence, we need spectacle, so when horror films do make us wait, we know what is coming. Of course, no kill happens. That is what makes Scream so important in the horror genre, but this only strengthens the argument. Craven is so aware that the audience is trained in this particular way that he purposefully exploits it, which makes the following scene 24

even more terrifying when the killer is revealed to already be in the house. Craven, an undisputedly important figure in horror, knows how the audience is trained, and either this news broadcast does and is entirely disturbed, or they just don’t have any inkling about spectatorship. ANYWAY, when this traffic broadcast is shown at such an empty, late hour, the viewer is forced to be patient. To the average viewer, this patience means that a spectacle is coming. Usually, when there is an accident or heavy traffic, an anchor narrates over the images, but at this hour, it is just silence (or in this odd case music which I will get to). So, once we see this oddly bare image of a street and a few cars, we expect a crash, a drunk driver, something! On YouTube it will usually be a cool drift or something in particular that references the drift being indicative of the Fast and Furious series which only makes the connection to mainstream cinema more apparent. Audiences are aware that silence equals action, so when there is an empty road, there is an instinctual reaction to anticipate a crash, just as if you are desperately trying to communicate in a foreign land, your middle school level foreign language will resurface. When there is music involved, it does not have the same effect, but it prolongs the effect for the next time that you see a broadcast. Now with the music, it has even more of an association with cinema and the cinematic techniques, which is where the anticipation of action stems from. A question that is difficult to answer is this: is it just an accident that the news has this subtle effect on the viewer or does the news, who are always trying to control us paranoiac folk, want us to anticipate the death of our fellow citizens? It is a crazy idea that came from hearing some pop music over the images of I-95. So that was my summer. I am glad to be back at school with no TV to make me wholly aware that the human race is evil and completely fucked up. And we thought raccoons were evil. Disclaimer: if you see me on campus, I am not paranoid lunatic.

SOUND BITES ABIGAIL ADAMS

Cardamom Shrimp Provençal With Rice, Corn and Asparagus Marinade peeled shrimp in olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, chili flake, cardamom, and minced garlic. Cook rice. Sauté fresh corn off the cob with diced red pepper and onion. Add corn, pepper and onion to rice. Soften minced shallot in a pan with salt, pepper, and olive oil. Add shrimp and sauté until pink. Add lemon zest and finely chopped parsley and stir. Cook asparagus in boiling water for 5 minutes. Serve shrimp on top of asparagus and rice. ENJOY! THIS RECIPE IS AWESOME. I went to Paris and London this summer. Shrimp Provençal is incredible and delicious, so I recreated my own version here. I started to really enjoy cardamom as well, especially after having a cardamom and gin cocktail in Maine. This recipe is my 2015 summer dish, totally inspired by my adventures this summer. Here’s my summer 2015 playlist: Tove Lo - “Not On Drugs” BANKS - “Beggin For Thread” Tove Lo and Banks are so sexy in the most late-night, melancholic way. They write for autobiographical personas, which experience life in the least-pop of pop-music ways. When diving into life, post heartbreak, with new love and a lot of fun to be had, these artists really helped me push myself to overcome difficult obstacles that women face. Smallpools - “Salt”, “Cardiac Arrest” Smallpools is picking up a lot right now. They write catchy songs that still deal with emotion in a realistic way. They’re very straightforward and that’s pretty neat. My goal this summer, was to become more direct, and they inspired me a lot. Mystery Skulls - “Magic, “The Future”, “Body High” Mystery Skulls embodies the “mystery” of my travels in Paris. Paris is easily one of the most vibrant, exciting cities I’ve been to, second only to our lovely New York City. I listened to this record on the airplane across the pond. It just makes me want to go out, enjoy a few drinks and have a good time.

UNTITLED NICK GAGLIO

i. When I walk into the room, it still feels inhabited. There’s a pill fob on top of the dresser, filled for the weekend. The treadmill is still plugged in. A jug of pennies sits to the right of the king-sized bed. One person doesn’t need a king-sized bed to himself, and I can’t imagine how lonely it must feel every night. Though, I guess, the only thing lonelier than a king-sized bed for one is a king-sized bed for nobody. I start yelling. My brother inherited his old cell phone. There are old selfies on it. There’s a “beer app” that my brother showcases to me. He pretends to chug and says he used to love it. He shows me old t-shirts and old pictures, at least the ones that weren’t pasted to boards where they remain in the living room. Every time he brings it up, I can’t handle it. I shoo him away. I don’t want him to think that I’m not sad. I was always the most spoiled of the grandchildren. After decades with a wife and two daughters, I was born the first boy in the family line. It’s painfully obvious that my brother resents this. I promise that just because I don’t want three of his old winter coats doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him or that I didn’t love him. My brother sighs. I grieve. ii. I will never forgive myself for the way I screamed in the hospital. My mom wanted me to calm down, for the sake of the other grandchildren. If I got too emotional too quickly, it would only wind up the kids to a point of completely insurmountable fear on top of the tension already in the air. I couldn’t. My brother blames me for riling everything up. I heard him loud mouthing me in the kitchen one morning, as I woke up - a conversation obviously not meant for my ears. When I found out my grandfather was going to die, I could only hold so much in. It’s not my fault. iii. It took me two hours of deep breathing to storm into the hospital room and try to reason with a corpse. I don’t even know your birthday. I know nothing about your childhood. I still don’t know how you got to America. You’re supposed to see me improve. You’re supposed to see me grow up, start eating better, quit smoking and get married. I never got to pay you back for every check you gave me when I was on my ass. 26

I never gave you the daily love you deserved, because I thought you’d always be here. My mother comes in and consoles me. I can’t be mad at her for interrupting a private moment. She hugged me and told me his birthday. November 19th. Carlos Dominguez died on July 24th, 2015, surrounded by his family. We saw the line go flat together, and then we all made our way to the visitor’s lounge. iv. After a game of Scrabble with my Nana, I feel myself starting to dwindle. I walk upstairs as she sits patiently with the kind men from ADT, waiting on an estimate. I’m glad. She deserves the peace of mind. She’s hardly looked out for herself in the past few years. I fall asleep on the king-sized bed alone. I have done this a few times since I was a kid. I feel guilty for turning the TV on. It doesn’t feel right to ignore the room and its surrounding aura, but if I don’t, I know the complete silence will eventually choke me up, and then choke me.