Revised and edited by Gwen Kik To the relief of imperfect parents EVERYWHERE!
Have you ever wondered how Santa could know If you are naughty or nice each year as you grow? For hundreds of years it has been a big secret. It now can be shared if you promise to keep it.
At holiday time Santa sometimes sends me to you. I watch and report on all that you do. My job is an assignment from Santa HISS-ELF. I am his helper, a friendly scout elf.
The first time I come to the place you call home you at some point must give me a name of my own.
Once you are finished my mission can start. What will you call me - Sparkle or Fart? Will it be Fiddle, Criddle or Clyde? Bugger is cute, too, but you must decide.
Each night while you are sleeping to Santa I will fly, to the North Pole right through the dark sky.
Of course Christmas magic helps me to be quick. I laugh with my friends, including Mrs. Kik (and St. Nick).
I tell if you have have been whiny or bad.
News of this kind makes him very sad.
A push or a shove I report to the Boss,
But small acts of kindness will not be a loss.
In the car, at the park, and especially with mother the word will get out if you hit your brother.
If you have been good, with no whining or crying, no fighting, no pouting and surely no lying,
THEN
You can jump out of bed and come running to see: who will be first to spy little old me?
Maybe the kitchen, the bathroom, or den But if you are naughty - I might not come again. I could be in the toilet or a grocery sack, But when children act ugly, I might not come back.
There is only one rule that you really must keep:
DO NOT whine to Mommy
If I do not move while you sleep.
I like to do silly things when you are good,
So if you want me to show you -
Then act as you should.
I would rather tell Santa that you have been sweet, that you have said your prayers and given sister a treat! How will he know how good you have been? He might think that you forgot about him!
I cannot speak to you, so says Santa Claus. All of us elves have to follow his laws.
I will listen to you. Tell me your wishes.
Would you like a game or a bowl of live fishes?
The gleam in my eye and my bright little smile
Shows you I am listening and noting your file.
So if you wake up and I am still in the pool
Just ask yourself if you were actin’ a fool?
If this happens again for several days
I may not come back, that would be a
The night before Christmas my job is at an end.
The rest of the year with Santa I will spend.
He likes to eat cookies as he puts toys in a sock, Some people think he needs Plexus, or at least some of their Block!
Now blow me a kiss and bid me farewell. I will fly away when I hear the sleigh bell. Of course I will miss you, but wait till next year. And if you are good I will reappear!
THE END (p.s. - I always love saying that part :)