What the World Needs Now

Is love, sweet love, to yourself and others.

By ROMMEL ANACAN, The Relationship Difference

Idon’t know about you, but I want to change the world. There is so much happening right now. I wish I could just snap my fingers and change it all. People are angry, frustrated, hurting, fearful and confused; I wish I could just take it all away. And yet at times, I also just want to crawl back into bed, ignore everyone, binge watch Hallmark movies and not leave the house until it’s 2021.

The fact is we cannot change everything in the entire world, but that shouldn't stop us from trying to bring positive changes into the world. As we change our personal world, we can trigger the kind of changes that will make our entire world a better place, for more people, more often.

Can you relate?

If you’re like me, you’re probably overstressed, overwhelmed and over it. And if you are, it’s okay. Feeling these things is not a sign of weakness, it’s not a sign that you don’t have enough faith or that something is wrong with you.

The fact is we cannot change everything in the entire world, but that shouldn't stop us from trying to bring positive changes into the world. As we change our personal world, we can trigger the kind of changes that will make our entire world a better place, for more people, more often.

Where can you start?

Did you know that if you’re feeling overstressed, overwhelmed and over it one of the most powerful things you can do to care for yourself is to care for others?

Studies show that caring for people helps you more effectively deal with stress. Cortisol is the hormone that is typically associated with stress and it’s commonly referred to as the stress hormone, however, when we’re stressed our body actually produces both cortisol and oxytocin. According to psychologist Shelley E. Taylor, PhD, who directs the University of California, Los Angeles, Social Neuroscience Lab the stress-related manifestation of oxytocin may produce physiological changes that then encourage people to seek contact with others. When people do seek contact with others, oxytocin is released and creates feelings of “calm and closeness, according to Carol Rinkleib Ellison, a former assistant clinical psychiatry professor at the University of California, San Francisco. So, by caring for others, we can also help care for ourselves.

In my several of my talks, I have mentioned this quote by author John Eldredge, “The greatest impact you will make in your life is in

the quality of relationship you offer to people.”

When all is stripped away, the one thing that will matter the most to you is the relationships you’ve had in your life. If you want to make a positive impact right now in a world that desperately needs it and you want to help yourself feel less stressed, less overwhelmed and less over it, offer great relationships to the people in your world.

Of course, the problem with this is that we all define great relationships differently, because we are all different. Sure, we logically know we are all different, but we tend to have a harder time emotionally with the differences between us. I like to say that we all have “a way” of experiencing the world and we all tend to believe that our way is the right way.

Sometimes this plays out in silly ways. For example, I don’t like seafood, yet, I’m an Asian guy who grew up in Hawaii, which leads many people to believe that I must love sushi, sashimi, poke, lobster, crab and anything that comes from the ocean. When people find out I’d rather have a ribeye steak or fried chicken over lobster tail, they cannot believe it.

So, for much of my life I have been castigated for not liking seafood. Countless people have told me that it’s wrong that I don’t like seafood and that I am missing out. I want to reply, “I’m not missing out because I don’t like it!” But I usually smile on the outside and roll my eyes on the inside.

If people can disagree on what someone should or shouldn’t eat, how much more passionate could we be on the major issues affecting our world today?

What can you do?

If you’re wondering what you can do to help both you and a hurting world, start with a commitment to offer great relationships to the people in your world. Here’s how:

LOVE

What the world needs now is love! While there are many ways to show love, in this context I’d encourage you to love, serve, care and be there for someone else without getting something in return.

Do you have a neighbor that could use some help around the yard? Help them. Do you know of someone who could really use some grocery money right now? Give them a gift card or purchase their groceries for this week. Find the volunteer opportunities available in your community and make it a point to serve someone else.

LISTEN

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do to connect with someone is to simply let them share their story, without your needing to share your story.

People just want to be heard, period. We all want the freedom to express our truth, our experience, our feelings and our perspectives without having shame, guilt, minimization and/or insults hurled our way.

The problem, as I mentioned earlier, is that we all have a way and we think our way is the right way. This is why we talk when we should be listening. This is why we debate when we should be agreeing to disagree. This is why we try to prove that someone else is wrong and we’re right, instead of allowing people to have their own opinions.

You can give a huge gift to people by simply giving them the space to share their stories with you and by listening actively and intently when they do. During this time, don’t interrupt, don’t steer the conversation back to you, don’t minimize their experiences, don’t tell them what they should or shouldn’t do and don’t offer solutions nor input. In fact, don’t offer anything except for your love, attention and empathy.

Empathy doesn’t mean that you agree with the other person’s point of view. All it means is that you are giving the other person the dignity to have their own experience. Try these empathy statements: • I’m so sorry. • That must have been really hard to go through that. • I cannot even imagine what that has been like for you. • Thank you for sharing with me.

LEAD

The world needs people who will lead the charge and choose to be the change we all want to see. I hope you’ll choose to do! The world needs YOU.

Rommel Anacan (Roe-mel Ana-kin) is an award-winning motivational speaker, entrepreneur and strategist. He powerfully impacts people, companies and organizations by providing the clarity, motivation and education they need to break through their limits and achieve the success they desire. Prior to founding his company, The Relationship Difference, in 2011, Anacan had a successful career in multifamily housing where he worked at all levels of the industry from onsite to corporate, where he developed a reputation for solving common problems in uncommon ways. Learn more about him at www.RommelAnacan.com