Five common drivers – Kahler

Five common drivers: self and others

Contents

Kahler (1975) identified five common drivers that motivate us, and which can be at the root of dysfunctional behaviours. These are commonly framed as the Transactional Analysis drivers. Below are some structured notes on each.

Driver Values and characteristics Identification and language Stress behaviour Causes of stress How to reduce stress

Achievement, autonomy, success, being right

• Purposeful • Moral • High standards • Task orientated • Extremely logical Exact language, including qualification when they are not sure, such as 'probably', and absolutes when they are, such as 'absolutely'. Always neat and well-groomed. Never completely satisfied with what they do. Becomes more and more single minded, seeing only their point of view; more and more controlling; aggressive in arguments. Goal focused; may discount people around them; communicate predominantly in “thought” language. • Fears of failure and losing control, and subsequent over-compensation. Not finishing matters for fear of criticism. Expecting others to be perfect too. • Reassure they are not to blame; keep agreements and never discount their worries • If you have a difference of opinion, express own values; confront firmly and calmly • Show appreciation of their achievements; give facts rather than emotions.

Be perfect

Please me

Be strong

Try hard

Hurry up

Consideration, kindness, service and helpful

• Pleasant to everyone • Extremely law abiding

Concerned about doing the right thing Ingratiating behaviour always seeking to please. Frames everything as a question that invites approval. Apologetic. Will say 'sorry' for almost anything and even just to fill space. Anxious around others and how they are being perceived. Always seeking approval. Finds criticism difficult. Easily offended; feels need to ‘rescue’ others and ‘take charge’ when this has not been requested.

Courage, strength, reliability

• Self sufficiency • Helpfulness • Reliability Aggressive or assertive attitude. Objective language, distancing themselves from their feelings. Avoids talk about emotions. Becomes withdrawn, quieter, reluctant to communicate – every word has to be dragged out, which can end up with the person feeling that they are being interrogated • Being seen as vulnerable, forced to say what they feel, so exposing their weaknesses. • Praise but do not be effusive • Do not force into expressions of vulnerability • Do not shout – they may retreat even further • Give clear instructions.

Persistence, patience, determination

• Intense and committed to righting wrongs. • Usually on the side of the underdog and political or other causes. • Often take on lots of tasks and set high goals which are not achieved. Not satisfied with what has been done. Language uses the verb 'try' rather than 'will'. Tense and anxious in appearance. Much effort goes into trying with little achieved. Lots taken on, but something always seems to get in the way of success. One of the problems is that their belief is that they are only acceptable if they try hard. It is more important to go on trying that to finish. The person tends to move into reactive, sometimes rebellious behaviour. • Being criticised for not caring; told that they are not trying. Craving praise, but never satisfied when given.

Effort of trying leads to burnout – sometimes no real result. Fear of completion run out of tasks. Expecting others to try harder. • If very competitive, ignore it.

Do not get involved in arguments that are focussed on comparisons. • Never let them off what they have committed to do. If you do, the implication is that you do not expect them to succeed. • Do not ‘reward’ for trying.

Reward’ for finishing.

Speed, efficiency, responsiveness

• Lively • Adventurous • Excited/enthusiastic • Quick Enthusiastic, action-oriented –much on the go, often juggling several different activities. Complaints there is not enough time. Talks quickly and checks clock frequently. Impatient. May explode into anger if held up. As stress increases, activities become more and more frenetic. • Silence. Fretting over having 'nothing to do'. Speed over accuracy. Taking on too much and then complaining.

Chasing others before they are ready.

• ‘Please’ people feel distressed by being ignored or criticised. The main fear is rejection by being found

‘blame worthy’. They become more emotional under stress. • Thank and compliment them • Express feelings politely. If you have to confront them, do it with patience • Acknowledge them for being the person they are: ‘I really enjoy working with you”.

• Praise their efficiency • Enjoy their spontaneity • Never be intimidated by their outbursts • Do not ‘reward’ speed and the ability to do several tasks at once. ‘Reward’ for taking time.