HOW TO WRITE BETTER EMAILS, TEXT MESSAGES & CHATS by Hamilton Lindley
HELLO! I am Hamilton Lindley I educate others about what I’ve learned on my blog, https://www.hamiltonlindley.org. You can find me at @hplindley 2
We weren't really mad at each other, but it sure seemed that way. While I was in law school, my future wife drove a few hundred miles to see me after a discussion over text where we both misread tone. I don't remember what we wrote to each other that created the hurt. But I do remember that reading messages creates a much different impression than a face-to-face conversation, even with someone you love. It showed that I needed to learn how to write with clarity and empathy. In the times before the pandemic, work colleagues shared information from across a conference room table. In those conversations, we had cues like eye contact, tone of voice, and body language. Every other method of communicating is just replacing person-to-person communicating. Now, most of our discussions happen in typed forms like text, chat, and email. The opportunity to misunderstand is rampant.
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Our listening has been replaced by reading text on a screen. This leads to disagreements because science shows we understand less when we read words on a screen. Our brains skim and search for important takeaways. Then the problem is compounded. When it comes time for our reply, we respond quickly because we feel burdened by the number of emails in our inbox. So we send terse, confusing, and sloppy emails after not fully comprehending the first message. Our reading skills are plummeting at work because we feel overwhelmed. This makes details easy to miss. But our busyness is often created by our own incorrect, unclear, disorganized communication. Don't let speed or worry come at the expense of respect, clarity, or accuracy. In our virtual lives, reading carefully is the new listening. And writing clearly is how we show compassion. So before you rattle off that next email, ask yourself these three questions. 4
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Is my email too short? Brevity may cause more confusion than it is worth.
Before writing that next email, slow down. Assume the best possible tone from the person that wrote you the email. When I first learned to ride a horse, I wanted to ride that pony fast. But an old cowboy told me that, "you must learn to go slow to go fast." That idea applies to our work too. We live like there aren't enough hours in the day. But if we perform each task carefully and calmly, we will get it done with less stress and quicker. Reference details in your emails. For example, if someone sends a long email summarizing a phone call, take the time to respond to specific components of their email rather than an overall response. That shows you respect the other person's time and thoughts. But we don't have time to care, Hamilton! Feelings don't matter, results do! This idea ignores that human beings are awash in emotion. Your brief emails are likely causing a host of confusion that far outweighs the efficiency of using fewer words. 6
Terse emails are common higher up in organizations. I worked for a law firm where there was a running joke that you used fewer characters as your career progressed to equity partner. It started with "thank you so much!" as an associate. And then eventually progressed to two letters only, "ty," when you were a partner. The recipient of those brief messages spends time deciphering what you mean. That causes delays and costly mistakes. For example, I wrote an email to a law partner asking, "Do you want to move forward with the brief as written or should we request more documents in discovery?" My partner responded with one letter, "y." Was he asking why? Was he saying yes? Thanks, partner, we will move forward with one, both, or neither. Good leaders don't need to respond to every message. But when they send a message, the communication must be clear. Proofread emails from the perspective of the recipient. Look for dropped words or punctuation. When you write clean, unambiguous messages, you will be taken more seriously. 7
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What is my tone? Your email will be read in the worst possible way.
The mood of your message is a vital part of writing. You must understand your audience. Read your messages aloud before sending. That will help you hear where your message may be misunderstood. I was copied on an associate's plan to resolve a case for one of our clients to a senior partner. After that hard-working associate wrote a well-researched idea to the partner that took hours, that partner responded only with a "k." What? That's confusing and insulting. Did that partner think so little of the associate that he couldn't be bothered to write more than a single letter? His response made it appear that the associate's clear and comprehensive ideas hardly deserved any response. It obliterated morale for everyone on the email. Was the partner thinking about the plan? Was he dismissing it? Was he authorizing it? It was impossible to tell. The email from the partner was a complete waste of time and created hours of confusion that could have been solved with just a few more seconds of writing invested. That partner should have written something like, "Thank you for researching these issues. I'll get back to you on the next steps." 9
People want to feel heard. So if you don't have time to give thoughtful attention to an email, send a quick response acknowledging that you got it and inform the recipient that will respond with the substance within a specified time. No response--or a terse one-communicates a lack of respect for the other person. Never use exclamation points unless you are unambiguously communicating positive excitement. An English professor told me once that you have three exclamation points to use in your life, so use them sparingly. Don't use them in any way that could be considered yelling. It is the sign of insecurity. When someone reads it later in a lawsuit or an objective review, you will appear to be a bully.
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Research shows most people are overconfident in their capacity to correctly convey emotions by email. When communicating a message that may be negatively received by the recipient, use softening language like "I'm afraid that..." or "I fear that..." Using language that softens the blow is the tactical empathy making the other person feel understood. If your mood is ambiguous, explicitly state your mood in the email. If you’re happy with the work so far—write that. People rarely state their emotions. By letting people know you’re happy with the work, they are more likely to see your criticism as well-intended.
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Should I pick up the phone instead? A phone call or face-to-face discussion can clear up the ambiguity caused by email, chat or text message.
It is essential to call when you need information. The details you send and receive are likely the ones you need the most. If your project is likely to create questions or your group needs to build rapport, then a meeting is vital. When written communication becomes an endless loop of dialogue, it's important to be the first person to pick up the phone. This shows you're respectful and thoughtful. Do not respond in writing to a confusing or ambiguous email. Instead, speak face-to-face or by phone.
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Conclusion
To avoid email miscommunication, stand in the shoes of your recipient. Imagine the worst way your words could be interpreted. Ask yourself whether your message is too short, your tone too harsh, or if an email is the most effective way of communicating. Email is an effective communication tool, but it also contains the power to create confusion if you don’t give it the time and attention to do it right.
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Summary ▸ Is your email too short? ▸ What is your tone? ▸ Should you pickup the phone instead?
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THANKS! Any questions? You can find Hamilton Lindley at: ▸ @hplindley ▸ Hamiltonlindley.org
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