Winged Heart: The Highly Sensitive Person by hanlie_wentzel

Winged Heart The Highly Sensitive Person

Baobab Consulting

Hanlie Wentzel

hanlie.baobab@gmail.com www.baobabtherapy.co.za

http://sensitiveandthriving.com/struggling-with-high-sensitivity

Struggling With High Sensitivity?                          

Feel like something is inherently wrong with you? Something others seem to know that you don’t? Feel different from most others? Difficulty understanding their preferences and why they like what they like? Over-analyze everything as you try to understand? Have a hard time turning your brain off at night to sleep? Autoimmune disorder? Food allergies? Diabetes? Thyroid and adrenal issues? Hormonal issues? Eczema and rashes? Circulation problems? Liver problems? Muscular tightness/soreness? Scoliosis? Digestive issues? IBS? Crohn’s? Leaky gut syndrome? Chronic fatigue? Symptoms that doctors have not been able to resolve? Celiac Disease? Gluten intolerance? Gluten sensitivity? Casein intolerance? No one really understands you and you feel so alone? Yet, you desperately want real closeness and intimacy with someone? Feel like you NEED your relationships or NEED to be alone, even though they aren’t what you really want or would ideally CHOOSE? Overwhelmed by your emotions? Feeling so much without any clear idea of what it means or what to do? Immobilized? Addicted to food, sugar, emotions, thoughts, relationships, drugs, alcohol…NEED something to hold onto? Get a “buzz” from planning and thinking? Avoid anger or intense emotions in others? Difficulty letting go and just being you? Who are you? Don’t know who you are at times or how to express yourself in a group? Don’t know how to make decisions, find clarity, or even know what you want? Always doing what others want or need, taking care of others while never letting others care for you? Putting yourself last, if at all? Fall in love quickly, deeply, and intensely? Want to be wanted? Need to be needed? “Too intense”, “too emotional”, “think too much”, “too sensitive”, “too demanding”, “never satisfied”, “perfectionist”? Don’t know what your opinions are on the spot? Agree to things you later realize you don’t like or want? Hard time saying “no”? Never seem to find a job that is really satisfying? Have a hard time with 9 to 5 and having someone looking over your shoulder? Feel like you have a special “calling” or purpose, but aren’t sure what it is or how to fulfill it? Have radical ideas about improving life? Highly sensitive to, allergic to, or overwhelmed by certain lighting, smells, sounds, tastes, textures? Diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s, Anxiety, Depression, Sensory Processing Disorder, Bipolar? Get worn out if you are “out” too much and need time totally alone to recover? Need time alone each day? Have a rich inner life? Filled with deep thoughts and emotions that feel impossible to communicate to others? Don’t know how to relax? Always tense? Either going full force or else totally wiped out?

Winged Heart: The Highly Sensitive Person A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high sensory processing sensitivity (or innate sensitiveness as Carl Jung originally coined it). According to Elaine N. Aron and colleagues as well as other researchers, highly sensitive people, who comprise about a fifth of the population (equal numbers in men and women), may process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. This is a specific trait, with key consequences for how we view people, that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems, inhibitedness, social phobia and innate fearfulness, and introversion (30% of those with the trait are extraverts). The trait is measured using the HSP Scale, which has been demonstrated to have both internal and external validity. Although the term is primarily used to describe humans, something similar to the trait is present in over 100 other species. The term "highly sensitive person" (HSP) was coined by Dr. Elaine N. Aron in 1996, and the name is gaining popularity because it presents the trait in a positive light. It posits that shyness, inhibition, and fearfulness, terms often used to describe some HSPs, may or may not be acquired by them, depending entirely on environmental stressors. A number of books have been written on the topic using this term, mainly The Highly Sensitive Person , The Highly Sensitive Child, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, and The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook by Elaine Aron; The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, The Highly Sensitive Person's Companion, and The Strong, Sensitive Boy by Ted Zeff, PhD.; and the memoir Help Is On Its Way by Jenna Forrest.

The attributes of HSPs can be remembered as DOES:    

Depth of processing. Over aroused (easily compared to others). Emotional reactivity and high empathy. Sensitivity to subtle stimuli.

HSP students work differently from others. They pick up on subtleties and may think about them a long time before demonstrating their grasp of a subject. If an HSP student is not contributing much to a discussion, it does not necessarily mean he or she does not understand or is too shy. HSPs often have insights they are afraid to reveal because they differ from the common view, or because speaking up is too over arousing for them. For ideas on teaching sensitive students, see The Temperament Perspective[ or the final pages of The Highly Sensitive Person. HSPs are usually very conscientious, and gifted with great intelligence, intuition and imagination, but underperform when being evaluated. This also applies to work situations; HSPs can be great employees - good

with details, thoughtful and loyal, but they do tend to work best when conditions are quiet and calm. Because HSPs perform less well when being watched, they may be overlooked for a promotion. HSPs tend to socialize less with others, often preferring to process experiences quietly by themselves. The ability to unconsciously or semi-consciously process environmental subtleties often contributes to an HSP seeming "gifted" or possessing a "sixth sense".

HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSONS:             

Become easily overwhelmed. Are cautious in new situations. Notice more (changes, subtleties, relationships, other’s people’s moods & expressions, etc.). Think more about what they have noticed. Have rich inner lives. Feel things intensely. Are unusually empathic. Are highly intuitive. Are conscientious. Are exceptionally creative. Are exceptionally cooperative and kind—except when overwhelmed. Are more likely to become fearful, shy, worried, or sad. May stand out as “different”.

The “Pause-to-Check System” Highly sensitive persons have a very active “behavioral inhibition system.” They pause to check their memory to see if any past situations were threatening before they go forward. The right side of their thinking brain (frontal cortex) shows more activity. Babies with more blood flow to this side of the brain are more likely to be highly sensitive children. Non-highly sensitive folks have a stronger “behavioral activation system.” They have a stronger “go-for-it” mechanism.

Is your child “highly sensitive”? Do you hear comments like: “Oh, your daughter is so shy…” or “Don’t you worry that your son isn’t more happy and carefree? He sure seems to worry a lot.” Maybe nobody else says anything, but you worry that your daughter seems to get her feelings hurt so easily, or your son melts down when he is teased. Perhaps you secretly wish your child wasn’t so intense…so emotional…or so slow to warm up.

Elaine Aron, Ph.D., author of The Highly Sensitive Child and The Highly Sensitive Person began studying highly sensitive people in 1991. She researched and interviewed thousands of individuals, eventually honing a questionnaire for adults and one for children. Contrary to what many people think, highly sensitive people are not neurotic, depressed or shy, as many folks think. They have been that way since birth.

What Is HIGH SENSITIVITY? Highly sensitive people notice more, reflect more, feel more, and avoid overstimulation. They are “born with a tendency to notice more in their environment and deeply reflect on everything before acting, as compared to those who notice less and act quickly and impulsively,” insists Aron. Their brains seem to process information more thoroughly. As a result, highly sensitive children and adults “tend to be empathic, smart, intuitive, creative, careful, and conscientious. They are more easily overwhelmed by ‘high volume’ or large quantities of input arriving at once. They try to avoid this, and thus seem to be shy or timid or ‘party poopers.’ When they cannot avoid overstimulation, they seem ‘easily upset’ and ‘too sensitive.’”

Every species shows evidence of different temperaments. Did you know that all across the spectrum of life, in every species, there are these sorts of “temperament” differences? They are not disorders or impairments. These distinctions have evolved to serve a specific function. In most animal species, we find two ‘personalities’ or breeds: the BOLD (larger group) and the SHY (smaller group). There are the ones who charge right in, and there are others who pause to see what happens. There are the “sitters” and the “rovers.” Why is this? Biologists insist this division increases the chance of survival of the species. The bold ones rush out to eat the grass, while the hesitant ones pause to see if there are any predators lurking. In humans groups, we need the action-oriented adventurers and risk-takers to push us to new heights and make things happen. But we also need the sensitive ones who are able to pause and reflect, to think carefully about consequences and potential dangers. There is no good and bad, no better and best. The two always work best in combination. We need both! 70 % of highly sensitive people are introverts… a tendency that is probably part of their strategy to reduce stimulation.

TAKE a GOOD LOOK at YOURSELF Rate yourself on the following characteristics. Check off each characteristic that applies.

Types of Sensitivity:  Physical, low threshold Ex: Sensitive to fabrics, tough socks, tags in clothes. Notices low sounds, subtle scents.  Physical Intensity Ex: Reacts more to pain than other children. Bothered by loud noise.  Physical Complexity Ex: Does not like crowds or bustling places. Does not like foods mixed or complex seasonings.  Emotional, low threshold Ex: Picks up the moods of others. Good with animals, babies, bodies, plants (beings that cannot talk)  Emotional Complexity Ex: Has interesting insights about what is going on. Has vivid, complex dreams.  Emotional Intensity Ex: Cries easily. Deeply upset by another’s suffering.  Novelty, low threshold Ex: Notices small changes in room or your clothing. Prefers little or only gradual changes.  Novelty, complexity Ex: Does not need or like many new things happening. Dreads a major change such as moving to a new town.  Novelty, Intensity Ex: Does not like surprises, being startled, sudden changes. Hesitant in new environments  Social Novelty, low threshold Ex: Slow to warm up with someone she has not seen for a while. Notices small changes in people after not seeing them for a while.  Social Novelty, complexity Ex: The more unusual or unknown the person, the more hesitant.  Social Novelty, intensity Ex: Does not like to be the center of attention among strangers. Does not like meeting a lot of new people at once. Does not like to be questioned by a stranger.

Aristotle said that we are happiest when we are doing what we were born to do. Aron believes highly sensitive children were born by nature to be fully aware: “Being good at what they do best by nature will bring them their highest happiness.” Highly sensitive children will have a deeper awareness of all of life, both the beauty and the suffering in the world. This doesn’t necessarily mean unhappiness for them, but it does present challenges.

Where to Be Careful If You Are Highly Sensitive with your own child  No matter what, how you parent your child will probably be deeply affected by how you were raised. You will be inclined to go the other way in order to be a different kind of parent to your child. You may project your fears and anxieties onto your child.  If you miss the mark, you will probably be over-protective. Parents who were pushed or overwhelmed or misunderstood by their parents will jump to rescue their child such a fate.  You may not expose your child to enough new experiences. You may want to spare your child unnecessary risks. But these were your choices, not your child’s. He needs to make his own discoveries about what he likes and doesn’t like. They could be different than yours.  You will suffer when your child suffers—and that affects your child’s ability to handle the pain. Your child needs a parent who can “stay calm and contain these intense emotions,” but if you are so overwhelmed by your own pain, your child cannot borrow your strength and learn from it. Your fears could handicap him.  You may have difficulty being assertive for your child’s sake. You may not be comfortable standing up and saying, “No, she doesn’t want to do that.”  You may have trouble asserting your own needs within the family. Highly sensitive people often try to meet everyone’s needs perfectly. Others can learn to just “let her do it.” This isn’t good for your child.  Whatever bad feelings you have about your sensitivity/or yourself, your child will learn these from you. Arons challenges you to like yourself. You can’t fake it, she says. You have to like your sensitivity.  You may mistakenly assume you are more like your child than you really are. You might begin to think your child is so much like you that she’s almost your clone. A big mistake!

If none of these seem to apply to you and you feel sensitive, you may be at a greater level of thriving and/or be a High Sensation Seeker. Find out more about that here and take the sensation seeking self-test.

When you better understand your sensitivity, you can experience it as a strength and seek out new sensations as an empowered, thriving sensitive person. This trait brings with it some challenges, but also many blessings. The purpose of this guide is to help you to manage the former so you can focus on enjoying the latter. 1. Be aware that you experience life through an extra-sensitive nervous system What all HSPs have in common is a hyper-responsive amygdala – the part of the brain that governs both fear and pleasure. This means that for the HSP, everything is amplified; experienced in high definition. “It’s like feeling something with 50 fingers as opposed to 10,” explains the psychiatrist Judith Orloff, author of Emotional Freedom. You have more receptors to perceive things so you are more sensitive to emotions and all forms of sensory input. Just being aware of this can be powerful in helping you reframe the challenges that come up in your life, as well as any from your past that are still troubling you. With this awareness in mind… 2. Let go of the idea that you should be able to live as the “average” person lives You become more quickly and easily over stimulated, and then overwhelmed and frazzled, than most people so you need to do things differently. Some people can be out among crowds all day long, only to party the night away surrounded by more crowds and noise. For you, that would be unbearable. 3. Honor your need for quiet time alone When you’re out in the world your brain works overtime processing sensory input and soaking up others’ moods, so you need time to decompress and recharge. After a hectic day all you want is to relax and unwind, so build plenty of down time into your schedule. 4. Spend your time and energy wisely This can be very simple when you put everything you’re considering doing through the following filter: “Is this essential, meaningful or fun?” If it isn’t at least one of those things, don’t do it. 5. Set boundaries and clearly communicate them It’s not necessary that others understand you – they may or may not – only that they respect your needs. 6. But don’t let fear hold you back As an HSP, you don’t want to overdo things. But don’t fall into the trap of playing it too safe and settling for less than you’re capable of. So next time your instinct is to say no to something, ask whether this is because it’s not in line with what you want; or whether it is, but you’re resistant to taking the necessary action. In order to get what we want in life, we all need to regularly pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and do things we don’t want to do. In Elaine Aron’s book - The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You – there’s a section on getting this balance right, with a mini quiz entitled “Are you out too much? In too much?”

7. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and limit contact with those who drain your energy The more negative people and influences you let into your life, the more of your energy you’ll expend simply trying to stay on an even keel. And as the author Wayne Dyer has warned, when those of us who are sensitive and “porous” are around negative people, they can actually make us sick. So choose your company wisely. 8. Immerse yourself in positive at every opportunity Read inspirational books, listen to uplifting CDs, watch motivating movies, and repeat positive affirmations. SATURATE YOURSELF IN THE WORD OF GOD  9. Make time, too, for other activities that calm your nervous system and build your energy Some suggestions: prayer and meditation on the Word, walking (preferably in a natural environment), dancing, any other form of physical activity you enjoy. 10. Give yourself plenty of time and space to get things done Concentration can be challenging when you’re an HSP. We very easily get our knickers in a twist and our brains in a scramble when we are toiling under time pressure, or without the quiet and solitude we need. 11. Rein in your perfectionist tendencies By nature you are thorough, highly conscientious and super attentive to detail. This is fantastic for your employer and/or clients but not always for you – when taken to extremes, it can become a time drain that also drains most of your energy. If this applies in your case, try this new mantra on for size: “Good is good enough”. 12. Create a sanctuary Make your home a serene and beautiful place to retreat to. Clutter will scramble your brain and drain your energy, so keep your living space zen-like. 13. Get enough sleep Some people can get by on four hours a night, but not you. Because your nervous system is so active during the day, it needs to recharge at night with the total rest only sleep affords. Help yourself by stopping work and other stimulating activities before dinner, eating dinner early, and aiming to be in bed by 10 most nights. In order to ensure the deepest slumber, sleep in total quiet and darkness – use earplugs and eyeshades if necessary. 14. Eat for success As an HSP, you are especially sensitive to the stimulating and/or sedating effects of foods, and to hunger. How you eat can either balance you or send you reeling. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paula-davislaack/highly-sensitive-people_b_3275145.html Much of our understanding of this trait comes from clinical psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, and you can take the HSP self-test on her website. According to Dr. Aron, approximately 15 to 20 percent of the population is highly sensitive; in fact, it is likely a trait you inherited.

HSPs take in sensory information in a very easy and evolved way. Noises, smells, and visual details that non-HSPs would likely ignore are easily noticed and processed by HSPs. While I would classify myself as a moderate HSP, there are certain triggers I now recognize that amplify my sensitivity, and lack of sleep is one of them. Having stayed up late to play cards the night before factored into my reaction at the party the next day. Here are eight survival strategies for HSPs:        

Get adequate sleep. Your body needs adequate recovery time from the stimulation. Seven to eight hours is critical. Have an out. If you are going to be spending time with a group of people who have many activities planned, particularly in a short amount of time, have an exit strategy in place in case you get over stimulated. Schedule daily downtime. HSPs need time to unwind and think over the day. Limit or avoid caffeine. For non-HSPs, caffeine may provide a little boost, but for HSPs, caffeine is rocket fuel that can actually cause overarousal and impede performance. Reframe the situation. Find an alternative way to view the event. Go outside. Many HSPs find nature very soothing. I love spending time by lakes and bodies of water. Take frequent breaks. Your body needs time to process, and then recover from, the stimulation. Set boundaries. As an HSP, it's easy to get stuck handling other people's messes and get involved in situations that aren't really your problem. Setting boundaries will help curb your natural tendency to do this.

Learning about Dr. Aron's research gave me a tremendous sense of relief because I couldn't quite figure out what was "wrong" with me. It explained why I could pick up on social cues that my parents, husband, and friends totally missed, and why I have such an extreme reaction to violent movies (Saving Private Ryan almost made me bolt from the theater).

http://www.positivehealth.com/article/mind-matters/frequently-frazzled-the-highly-sensitive-person

Frequently Frazzled - The Highly Sensitive Person by Handan T Satiroglu(more info) listed in mind matters, originally published in issue 145 - March 2008 More than five years ago, when I stumbled upon Dr Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, I breathed a sigh of relief at seeing myself for the first time. Her book was of great comfort to someone who grew up being told to loosen up, quit being so sensitive, and stop overreacting to situations involving noise, crowds, or bright lights. It was not unusual for my teachers to talk to me after class, their voices dripping with concern, urging me to be more social and less timid – as though being timid was a grave fault. Little by little, I became contaminated with self-doubt and anxiety. Indeed, by the time I was a young adult I was convinced of my ‘defect’ and I thought I needed to change in order to cope with, and survive, in a chest-thumping, go-getter and highly-charged world. If these feelings resonate deep within you, you just might be a Highly Sensitive Person, or an HSP, a term coined by Dr Aron. Although high sensitivity isn’t a newly identified trait, in the past it has often been mislabelled or confused with timidity, introversion, or fearfulness. In her groundbreaking book, Dr. Aron identified HSPs as individuals “who pick on subtleties, reflect deeply and therefore are easily overwhelmed.”[1] High sensitivity is found in approximately 1520 percent of the population and, contrary to popular myth, in as many men as women. Dr Aron identified the cause of this innate trait to a biological difference in the nervous systems of HSPs, involving a strong “pause and check system.” The brains of HSPs have higher than usual activity and “blood flow in the right hemisphere, indicating a more internal rather than external focus.”[2] Undoubtedly, this unique trait gives birth to an array of benefits such as creativity, intuition, and conscientiousness. However, acute sensitivity, this sponge-like effect of internalizing and processing every stimulus, can also give way to problems of over-stimulation. Assaults on the Senses In a world submerged in the turbulent sea of technology, we spend a good portion of our days subjected to an unrestrained orgy of sensory bombardment. Car engines snarl angrily; lawn mowers buzz across over-fertilized lawns; cell phones bleep away in the library. The scenery flashing by our car windshields as we drive back and forth between work and errands is a kaleidoscope of human-made images: of concrete, wheels, wires, electronics, and machines. Such is the intensity of stimulation of modern life that most have resigned themselves to or even become accustomed to – that is, unless you are among the ranks of those born ‘abnormally, inhumanely sensitive’. Poet Pearl S Buck understood the phenomena all too well. She was not exaggerating when she wrote: “To him... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.”

What is moderate stimulation to the non-sensitive is all too often overwhelming to the sensitive person. In a world where sensory barbarism reigns supreme, it can be akin to living in a perpetual state of mild suffering, or in extreme cases “being bludgeoned to death” as Edward Readicker-Henderson in “The Quietest Place in the World” for the National Geographic put the sentiments.[3] But the trait of extreme sensitivity need not be a cause for despair or ailing health. Instead of the trait being considered a cumbersome impediment blocking the path to a sense of well-being, it should be perceived as a unique trait to be treasured and nourished with a few essential tools. The key to surviving in a high volume sensory world as an HSP is to learn to manage the effects of both physical and emotional external stimuli. Understanding and respecting this trait is essential in the process of creating an environment that is conducive to well-being. How can you be more aware of what affects you? What steps can you take to avoid over-stimulation? Following are some suggestions to help you regain a sense of balance in an overwhelming world. Over-stimulation affects most of us in society, and these tips will serve all who are frazzled with life, but especially HSPs. Familiarize Yourself with Other HSPs “Our culture is not designed for highly sensitive people, and they are frequently misunderstood,”[4] says Dr Aron. As an HSP, you need the support that only comes from being around fellow sensitives. In our aggressive, go-getter culture, sensitivity is often seen as a sign of weakness. Many sensitives have internalized the belief that there is something inherently wrong with them, and go to great extremes to hide or deny their trait. This is especially true for sensitive men raised in a ‘John Wayne’ culture of bravado and swagger where they are taught from an early age to subscribe to the ‘boy code’ at all times. One HSP man told me that to be accepted and approved by his peers, he perfected the art of putting on a ‘stone’ face. Judging from his appearance in public, I would have to say he excelled at the art. As Dr Zeff in The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide poignantly points out, the consequences of deviating from the boy code can be real in the form of humiliation and ostracism by peers, or by society at large.[5] However, the good news is that you are in good company. The 19th century writer EM Forster discovered that the sensitive and considerate “are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet.” As you become aware of your own sensitive nature, you will probably begin to realize who is sensitive among your friends and co-workers. You will not fail to notice fellow HSPs in a crowded room who wear a wistful, pensive, often sad gaze, according to Dr Aron’s book. “Trade ideas with them for dealing with the jolts the world throws at us,” says Dr Aron. “Notice the nice ways in which you are different from others.” Indeed, sensitivity is the emblem of a secret sister and brotherhood. Retreat, Replenish, Rejuvenate If you have a highly-attuned nervous system, it is important that you retreat from time to time. In the chaos of our accelerated lives, few people realize that one of the best ways to replenish, rejuvenate, and recuperate from sensory overload is to completely disengage ourselves from the human-made world. “Think of yourself as having a gas tank, and your gas being used up by stimulation – noise, confusion, travel, work, and so forth. You refuel through down time,” advises Dr Aron. “Don’t be upset that others can spend the day shopping or in museums and the evening at parties or movies. You can’t, but that is

normal for the highly sensitive [person].” It might seem like luxury to retreat several times a week, but it is as essential as oxygen to those with highly tuned nervous systems. In my quest to shake off sensory overload from the din of modern life, I have found total immersion in the natural wonders of the planet to be of great benefit. As I savour the moments in snow, rain, or forest, noticing the scent of leaves or damp grass, I find myself gleefully abandoning the one-dimensional, human-made world. By allowing yourself to become part of nature, even if temporarily, you can escape the relentless daily assaults of modern life. Be sure to leave the ubiquitous iPod at home when you go outdoors to quiet natural surroundings. Silence allows you to gain a heightened awareness of the signals your body is sending, as well as to get deeply acquainted with your thoughts. Revel in what poet Rainer Rilke calls the “uninterrupted message that emerges from silence.” An HSP acquaintance of mine resorts to similar efforts in escaping the buzz of daily life: She finds much solace in retreating to a monastery twice monthly. The retreat allows her to step back from the material world, honoring nature and thereby elevating her to a higher spiritual footing. Sleeplessness Be Gone Having their senses and possibly even their organs thrown into shock from a bombardment of external stimuli, is it any wonder that a majority of HSPs suffer from chronic insomnia? It seems the reckless negligence of sleep is a cause for concern not only for HSPs but also for non-HSPs. According to the prominent health insurance company BUPA, in the UK almost a quarter of the population experiences bouts of sleep disturbances, while an estimated 29% of men and 37% of women over the age of 65 are affected with chronic insomnia.[6] I recall clearly that my first bouts of insomnia began around high school. Not only was I preoccupied with problems associated with adolescence, but I also could not fall asleep due to ‘normal, everyday’ noises such as the sound of the fridge, air conditioner, or heater. As an HSP, extraneous sounds have long been a grave source of over-stimulation for me. Although I suffer from insomnia occasionally, depending on the circumstances surrounding my life, I have found simple changes to the bedroom to do the trick in attaining a healthy sleep pattern. To reduce stimulation to the sensory system, the bedroom “should be a quiet, dark and safe place,” writes Dr Zeff. Because HSPs startle easily, it is important to “transform the room into a womb.”[7] Be sure to add soft, calming colours to the bedroom, such as light green, blue, and white to evoke a sense of serenity that helps the worries of the world melt away easily. Pictures in the bedroom should be of a festive nature so that buoyant thoughts gently flow through your mind as you slip into a deep slumber. Dousing the space with elements of the plant kingdom – the essence of life – can further bring peace to your bedroom. The plant kingdom is infinite in its healing properties. Since pre-historic times, people such as the Egyptians and the Chinese have made extensive use of scented oils to help restore the

imbalances of our bodies and minds. Adding a few drops of essential oils gathered from plants such as lavender or bergamot into our bath or steam inhaler before bedtime can infuse us with pleasant emotions fostering a deep sense of serenity.[8] A calming of the sensory system, though, must be complete. And in this regard neutralization of extraneous noise plays an equally important role in creating an independent retreat. I have found that a white noise machine that echoes the sounds of nature, placed near my head, helps muffle out the world’s roar. The sound of gurgling water, for instance, can be helpful to achieving a tranquil mood. Using foam ear plugs with a decibel rating of at least thirty can help you reach a greater sense of tranquillity. Essentially, I have found the combination of ear plugs, white noise machine, and in extreme cases ear muffs – within as well as outside the bedroom – go a long way in my quest to capture silence. Lauree Ostrofsky, a communications consultant based in New York and a self-identified HSP, swears by another device – noise-cancelling headphones. The headphones can be found in most electronics or travel stores, she says. Sharper Image has good options.[9] As an HSP, you will not be completely free from the dizzying array of jolts that a largely insensitive world throws your way, but you can actively “create an environment that minimizes stimuli,” writes Dr Zeff. “If you can anchor yourself to a ship of tranquillity, you won’t be tossed about by the waves of stimulation.” Like members of most minority groups, it is important for you to strive to understand, appreciate, and accept the qualities that make you, as an HSP, unique, so that you can release any negative thoughts about your trait. Although being an HSP can be challenging, remember that it can also be enlightening. References 1. Elaine Aron, PH.D. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. Broadway. U.S.A. p.11. 1997. 2. http://healing.about.com/od/empathic/a/plightofempath_2.htm 3. Edward Readicker-Henderson. The Quietest Place in the World. National Geographic Traveler. September. 2006. 4. Personal Interview with Dr Elaine Aron. June 2007. 5. Ted Zeff, PH.D. The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. U.S.A. P. 8. 2004. 6. http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/Insomnia.html?print 7. Ted Zeff, PH.D. The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. U.S.A. P. 88. 2004. 8. Personal interview with Michele Williams, founder of Aroma Rx, Inc. April 2006. 9. Lauree Ostrofsky, Communications Consultant and Life Coach. November 2007. http://edwardmills.com/2013/08/success-strategies-highly-sensitive-people/

Here are 14 Success Strategies for Highly Sensitive People 1. Accept your sensitivity Your sensitivity is a gift. I know it doesn’t always feel like it. But it is. I spent more than half of my life denying that I was highly sensitive. Until you acknowledge and say “yes” to your sensitivity you cannot begin to learn the tools that will help you leverage that sensitivity into a positive benefit. 2. Empower your sensitivity It has taken me many years to get to the place where I can truly claim my sensitivity and use it as a powerful tool on my journey of self-discovery and deliberate creation. As a Highly Sensitive Person in an often over stimulating world, dampening your sensitivity sometimes seems like the best solution. And while that may be helpful, and even necessary, at first, ultimately you want to empower your sensitivity and turn it into a powerful ally in the creation of a truly brilliant life. 3. Connect with other sensitive people. It is very easy to get caught up in the stress and overload of our frenetic, chaotic world. Sometimes it seems as if there is no one else as sensitive as you. And from that thought it’s a short slide down the slippery slope into feeling like you are crazy or weird or strange. So find some other folks who are highly sensitive and create a support group where you can go for encouragement and to remind each other that you are not alone and that you are not crazy. One important note on this: This group is not a complain and whine group! The point is not to compare notes on how horrible and insensitive the rest of the world is. You connect with other Highly Sensitive People in order to know that you are not alone and discuss ways to leverage your sensitivity to create positive changes in your lives! 4. Hang out with successful, not-so-sensitive people. I know this seems like a contradiction of the last one. But I have seen it happen (in myself and others) where a sensitive person basically says “screw you” to the rest of the world and all of the less sensitive people and finds someplace to curl up in a little ball and hide. While this can certainly be a beneficial and sometimes necessary short-term strategy, it’s not an effective long-term solution. Those of us who are highly sensitive can learn a lot from people who are not sensitive. So find some not-so-sensitive people who are successful and begin hanging out with them. Observe them. Learn from them. Watch how they move through the world. Not so that you can dampen your sensitivity but so that you might learn how to bring your sensitivity into the world in a balanced manner. 5. Have a regular practice of “mindful exercise.” Exercise is important for everyone. But especially so for Highly Sensitive People. Moving your body helps to get any environmental, emotional and energetic

toxins out of your system. While any type of exercise is beneficial, workouts that incorporate your mind, body and spirit can be especially helpful. Try things like Yoga, Tai Chi, Akido. and Pilates. Dancing and rock-climbing can also be great opportunities for the body, mind and spirit to move. The bottom line is to find a form of exercise that touches YOUR body, mind and spirit. 6. Find successful HSP role models Do you know any Highly Sensitive People who have learned to not only survive in this world, but thrive in it? What lessons can learn from them? What life strategies can you emulate? If you can’t find role models in your own life, look in the wider world. What teachers, authors, artists, and entrepreneurs (yes there are successful AND highly sensitive entrepreneurs) can you find? Once you find them, again look for lessons and strategies that they are using to leverage their sensitivity into success. 7. Gently push yourself beyond the level of your sensitivity Your sensitivity is a gift and strength. But in order for this gift to be of any value to you and to the world, you must learn how to put it into use. That means you have to stretch yourself and bring your sensitivity with you into places and situations where it feels uncomfortable. Just as you build muscle mass through resistance, you increase your ability to bring your sensitivity into the world by practicing and exercising. 8. Know your limits Don’t push yourself so far that you blow a fuse! Become aware of the internal signals that let you know you are reaching maximum capacity. And when you notice them back off. You want to push yourself and strengthen your sensitivity, but not to the point where it causes you to blow a fuse! 9. Set up a consistent self-care routine As a sensitive person you need more self care than others. Don’t compare yourself to less sensitive people. Get clear on your needs and take steps to ensure that those needs are met. If you need a massage every week, get one. If you need to take a bath with sea salts every night, do it. Your sensitivity is of no use if you are not able to function in the world! 10. Connect with nature as often as possible If there is one consistent theme I have found among sensitive people it is the restorative capacity of nature. Even if you live in a city get outside every day. Connect with a tree. If you don’t want to look strange, pretend you’re leaning up against it waiting for some. But while you’re there, feel the restorative, grounding energy flowing through that tree. 11. Create safe spaces It is very important for sensitive people to have safe spaces to go to when the world gets overwhelming. You need to know that no matter what is

happening in the wider world, that you have a safe space, a sanctuary to which you can return and restore yourself. Ideally, your home is your sanctuary. If it’s not, start by taking a small space and turning it into a safe, private, sanctuary where you can go when you need quiet and solitude. 12. Limit your exposure to news In some ways, this one suggestion may be the easiest and most powerful success strategy for Highly Sensitive People. And yet, I find it amazing how often this suggestion triggers people. They feel that if they don’t read the newspaper they’ll be missing out on important information. My response is that if reading the newspaper makes you feel like crap what good does that information do for anyone. I would much rather see you feeling great and doing positive things in the world, than see you feeling depressed and hopeless because you’re reading too much news.

Diet guidelines for the Highly Sensitive Person HSP’s often have an uncomfortable relationship with food. For more information please request the “Voelvry: Wees vry van Siektes, Voedselverslawing en Eetsteurings” from hanlie.baobab@gmail.com Figuring out what to eat can be a challenge of epic proportions for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), because everything we eat affects us so much.     

If we don’t eat enough we feel light-headed, drained, anxious and jittery. If we eat too much, or the wrong things, mind fog sets in big time. We’re also prone to digestive issues and to everything else that goes with having a sensitive constitution. Processed foods affect us more than most – refined sugar and caffeine are powerful mind-altering drugs for us. But if we strip away all that and eat a super clean raw diet, our emotions can feel far too…well…raw.

While food that’s unfired is an essential component of any diet, eating 100% raw is challenging for HSPs, as we need to eat in a way that calms and grounds us. Beware of extreme detox regimes such as water or juice fasts. These put a great deal of strain on the body’s organs and systems and are very depleting. HSPs fare much better on gentler detox diets because, as psychologist Elaine Aron writes in her book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You: “Hunger is yet another stimulus. Besides arousing one further it produces a dimunition of the biochemical substances necessary for the usual, calmer functioning of the nervous system.” So while a juice fast might seem like the quickest way to get results, it can be counterproductive. It can put nervous system in a state of stress, which will switch on its sympathetic “fight or flight” branch, and switch off its parasympathetic “detox and rest” one. So although it’s counterintuitive, you are likely to experience deeper detoxification, faster, on a less punishing regime. When our blood sugar is out, us HSPs feel it quickly and profoundly in the form of anxiety, light-headedness, tiredness and/or irritability, so eating for blood sugar balance is essential. This means eating regularly, and eating grounding and balancing foods such as greens and healthy fats and proteins. I also recommend taking chlorella between meals, as this can help keep blood sugar balanced, and is also loaded with healthy chlorophyll.

Our sensitivity makes us prone to stress, and stress burns through magnesium and B vitamins at a fantastic rate, so we may need to supplement those. For Bs, choose from a multi-vitamin/mineral or a good B-Complex – either way, ideally go for one that’s free of magnesium stearate (which, as I explained here, does not give you magnesium; it’s a synthetic flow agent added to make manufacturing equipment run more smoothly). The most effective way to get extra magnesium into your body is transdermally, i.e. through the skin. There are two ways to do this and you can take your pick, or do them both: 1. Rub magnesium oil into your skin every morning after washing and before getting dressed. 2. Add 500g of magnesium salts to a hot bath once a week and soak for half an hour. If you’re feeling especially frazzled make it a whole kilo. In summary:      

Eat regularly and resist any urge to under eat. Base your diet around whole foods, vegetables and protein. Be sure to get plenty of healthy fats. If you need extra help balancing your blood sugar, take chlorella between meals. Steer clear of stimulants. If you’re feeling stressed, give yourself extra magnesium and B vitamins.