25 minute read
The Heart of Wisdom
Old and Wise
Uncovering the Heart of Wisdom
If a man or woman is characterized as
having wisdom, it’s likely that they have ”lived,” to some degree. Wisdom is defined as possessing the qualities of experience, knowledge and good judgment.
Social scientists offer varied positions on what age wisdom is gained. People are not born with it. However, most agree that education, analyzing life experiences and putting knowledge to the test are stepping stones to becoming a wise person. The sticky wicket is that education, life experiences, knowledge and measuring the reliability of what one knows is gathered over the years, and age is not a venerable position in our youth-oriented culture. Age bias as directed toward those over a certain age consists of stereotyping and/or discriminating of individuals or groups based on their age. Ageism can be
where I had the privilege of interviewing many interesting subjects from Teamster president Jimmy Hoffa Jr. to Soviet Union/Russia expert, Jill Dougherty, I returned to the classroom to pursue a career in nursing. My varied experience has shown me that ageism hurts all of us, young and old alike. When we are young it is assumed that we are too young to have anything figured out, and as we age, we are disregarded as being too passé to “get it.” I met Happenings’ publisher Paula Rochon Mackarey in the early 90s. She was a recent graduate of Marywood University and in her early 20s. I was a returning student in my mid 30s. I was a wife and mother. She was single and had no responsibilities outside of her passion to make Happenings succeed. We laugh when we recall how I used to tell her, “this is not normal to work 18 hours straight in front of a computer; we need to take a break.” (We would often work throughout the entire night to make a deadline.) Nearly 30 years later, she tells me that she now completely understands what I was trying to tell her but she simply couldn’t see it as a 20 year old; work needed to get done so what was the problem?
casual or systemic. It includes stereotypes, myths, outright disdain, avoidance of contact and discrimination in housing, employment and service. As a 68-year-old woman, I am a wife, mother, grandmother, charge nurse and caretaker for my 87-year-old mother. I have held various positions from managing editor to nursing director. At 55 years old, after a career in journalism
Chronologically, Paula and I are in two different places in our lives with 15 years between us. Today, when we collaborate on topics for the magazine we appreciate the insight and different life experiences that we each bring to the table.
I see life through my two 40-something children and five grandchildren who range in ages from 2 through 8, and Paula is experiencing life with her 14-year-old daughter. I am interested in world travel and she is running from dance to piano recitals. We experienced parental losses although due to birth order, her parents were older. Today as I accompany my 87-year-old mother to medical appointments I find myself seeking advice from professionals who at times are nearly 40 years younger than I am. I witness how they react to me as a 68year-old daughter of an 87-year-old mother. I am grateful for the skill and knowledge of the young professionals while I realize that they have never lived through so many of the life events that my mother or I have. An understanding of ageism is necessary because it is destructive, whatever the generation. It is clear to those who watch and read that American magazines and TV ads are rife with ads glorifying youth and beauty. Older people see ads directed to pharmacological products and anti aging products. But be aware marketing executives: an online MarketWatch headline shouts: “Older Americans have money and power. Youth owns our culture…”
“If you're over 50 in America you might feel that corporate America is ignoring you –and you’d be right. Major brands and most advertising don’t target older people. Instead their message is that being young is beautiful, hopeful, colorful and virile. Old and gray is, well, old and gray.” People over 50 today are different from previous generations at the same age. They have money, they are disproportionate consumers, they travel, they’re up on technology and they’re not stingy or frugal. And many feel younger than they really are. In a Pew report, many older adults report experiencing fewer negative benchmarks often associated with aging such as illness, memory loss, an inability to drive and struggles with loneliness or depression. Amidst the generations in business:
Baby Boomers (1946-1964)
“At a time when conditions have vastly improved for women, gay people, disabled people and minorities in the workplace, prejudice against older workers remains among the most acceptable and pervasive “isms.” And it’s not clear that the next generations — ascendant Gen Xers and millennials — will be treated any better,” says a report in the Washington Post. “Often needing to stay in jobs longer than they anticipated to shore up savings depleted during the Great Recession, or simply wanting to remain active further into their lengthening life spans, they’re coming up against a strong preference in America for youthful energy and innovation.”
Christine Fanning, age 21
Christine Fanning with mother, son and grandson.
Gen X (1965-1980)
Just under two-thirds of Gen X job seekers — those aged 45 to 60 — have been unemployed for longer than a year, according to a new global survey of employees, employers and hiring managers conducted by Generation, a non profit employment organization. The study concludes that hiring managers may be discriminating against those perceived as less digitally-savvy in favor of those who grew up with digital rather than analog technology.
The Millennials (1981-1996) and Gen Z (1997-2012)
In a new Fast Company-Harris Poll, 36 percent of younger millennials (ages 25-32) and Gen Zers say they’ve faced workplace ageism, often due to a perceived lack of experience as compared to older millennials.
Some stereotypes we’ve heard about generations working together are that Baby Boomers would chafe at answering to a younger boss. Millennials only want to communicate with coworkers via text — and Baby Boomers don’t text. You need to attract those techy Millennials with promises of flexible work schedules, but their older coun-
terparts all want a traditional workday, correct? No, wrong. There’s very little evidence that people of different generations behave markedly different at work, or want markedly different things. And yet because we have stereotypes about people of different ages — and because we have stereotypes about what we think people of different ages believe about us — our ability to collaborate and learn is negatively affected. To address this, managers need to talk openly about stereotypes, emphasize the commonalities and shared goals all employees have and recognize that employees’ needs change over time, and in lots of different ways
(Harvard Business Review). Ageism comes in many forms. Some examples of ageism in the workplace include: • refusing to hire When we revere youth as the ultimate goal, rather than the wisdom that people over or under a certain age; • asking for someone’s age at a job interview often accompanies age, we really lose out. when it is not relevant to the work; • enacting policies that unfairly privilege one age group over another; • viewing older people as out of touch, less productive or stuck in their ways; • viewing younger people as unskilled, irresponsible or untrustworthy; and • bullying or harassment.
Some examples of ageism in personal relationships include: • treating family members as though they are invisible, unintelligent or expendable based on their age; • making ageist jokes that imply someone is less valuable or less worthy of respect, based on their age; • making offensive generalizations about a specific generation, for example, that millennials are entitled;
• disregarding someone’s concerns or wishes due to their age; • taking advantage of someone’s age for personal gain, such as to make money; and
• using someone’s age as justification to undermine, deceive or control them.
Though ageism has evolved to mean prejudice against other age groups too, it’s still most commonly recognized as prejudice and discrimination against older people. When seniors are denied consideration in any area simply due to their age it is a problem. Working in a senior care facility I witness how aging affects individuals in their self-worth. Long before elders enter a care facility they begin to view their lives as increasingly limited or unimportant — less meaningful. My experience has proven that ageism affects more than those of us who are older. It affects our entire culture, negatively. When we revere youth as the ultimate goal, rather than the wisdom that often accompanies age, we really lose out.
What can we do about ageism?
Remember the movie, “The Intern” , where Robert DeNiro’s character finds retirement unsatisfying and jumps at the chance to become a senior intern at a fashion company? He is assigned to be the assistant of the CEO and founder, played by Ann Hathaway. The 70-year-old intern at first faces her disdain but wins her over with his charm, humor and wisdom.
Most of us agree that we need to reinvent how we view those over 50. Paul Deluca, age 70, of Deluca Frigoletto Advertising has been creating provocative advertising campaigns for decades. His background also includes being an art teacher and a marketing director in the financial world. Paul resides in Dalton where he enjoys the art of pottery, producing commissioned pieces for sale. “Age happens to us all of sudden,” he says. “And I don’t think wisdom has everything to do with age. I’ve met 8-year-old kids who have incredible wisdom and 80 year olds who have none. I believe self-reflection is an important component of wisdom. If you haven’t experienced the process of self-reflection and not really valued what it means to be human, you will never own wisdom. One of the greatest honors of my life
has been taking care of my mother who lived to 91. I enjoyed more than a decade of being able to spend quality time with her, taking her to dinner once a week. As I get older I’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff, to be kinder, to argue less even when I think I’m right. I try to respect that we do not all think alike. Aging also means we may struggle less with insecurities. We arrive at places where we are confident in who we are. I’m also very selective now about how I spend my time. I’ve had a job since I was 14 years old and always had an epic memory. I don’t want all that information in my brain at this age. I’m a self-taught musician and I enjoy playing tennis and staying physically active. What gives me joy at my age has nothing to do with money.
My whole life has been random. I didn’t have a plan, but I have been very lucky. They say if you find a place where you know you want to die, you’ve found your home. It really doesn’t matter where you are. If you are happy where you are, you’ll be happy wherever you are. You bring your reality with you, whatever age you are.”
Doug Smith, 75, a lifelong musician with Lexington Entertainment is still going strong with his music career.
“I’ve been very blessed to be able to do what I love my entire life. My job is to make people happy through music and it’s been such a rewarding career. I’ve also learned as I got older that making great music is not a contest. Sometimes younger people think that their No. 1 goal is being the best at a particular aspect of music. Life and experience have shown me that it has more to do with being true to yourself and making the type of music that makes you personally happy and less about trying to be the most popular. I have learned to not worry so much about what others think.
In hiring musicians I also take into consideration not just how great a musician may be but also how easy the person is to work with. I’ve been blessed to realize that music is something you can do your entire life. You do not have to automatically retire. You can cut back, not stop, and keep it in your life.” At my age, I have started to recognize that a new kind of elder is emerging in the workplace. When Paula talked to me about this topic, I wasn’t keen on discussing “elderly issues.” I don't consider myself “elderly” at all. I am enjoying life, travel (I've been to seven countries in Europe and have plans for more this September.) I enjoy work, my time with friends, relaxing with dinner and wine. I
am the elder who has been regarded with some reverence for what I know and what I've done.
It is my hope that the elderly are honored the world over for their wisdom and contributions and we modern elders are liberated from the stereotypes and myths about growing older. We are taking the ly out of elderly
Photo: Patricia Camayd in Havana, Cuba
and sharing the wisdom of the ages in our homes and workplaces. H –Christine Fanning
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Staying Fit and Aging Gracefully
“Ageism is defined as ‘prejudice or discrimination against a particular age group, especially the elderly.’ What does society now consider elderly? The 50s, 60s, 70s or older? Regardless of the answer, ageism creates a negative bias and can affect an individual’s health,
self-esteem and resilience.
Everyone ages differently. Some use their age as an excuse to stop doing certain activities, while others never use it as a deterrent.
We all hope to age gracefully but some are more blessed in this aspect. I truly believe you are only as old as you feel. You do not have to be older to have aches and pains. If you are an active person, your body may begin to experience issues after the age of 30. As a personal trainer and wellness coach, I believe that you are never too old to start exercising and never too old to stop. My experience has shown that those who have always been active by working out or playing sports are more likely to keep it up or start again. I encourage golf, swimming, walking, tennis and skiing, as they are activities that can continue into one’s 70s and 80s and beyond. Core strength training is so important for every single age as the core is the center of all movement. Whether you are participating in a sport or simply doing household chores, a strong core helps prevent back issues and improves balance and stability. There are many different exercises for core strengthening but a plank is my favorite! A fun fact is that a previous plank record of eight hours, 15 minutes and 15 seconds was
held by a 62-year-old in Chicago! My clients range from ages 14 to 74. I see more people in their 40s and 50s begin personal training, which is logical because these are the decades when bodily changes become more noticeable. We are often more tired, have less energy and our metabolism slows. It becomes harder to age gracefully without making a commitment to an exercise program and more careful attention to nutrition. Attention to exercise and nutrition makes it easier to keep up with grandchildren and enjoy retirement activities. But always remember that losing weight and gaining lean muscle certainly doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, moti vation and a plan. - ”
As we go through each decade we gain knowledge, wisdom and maturity through our experiences. Fitness is more than six-pack abs, rocking a bikini and flexing big muscles. It is Our rapidly growing about health, wellness, mental older population clarity and feelis changing the ing good about oneself. I enway we view becoming a senior. courage young and old to get outside and walk. Grab a friend, a sibling, spouse or child and be there for each other. Our rapidly growing older population is changing the way we view becoming a senior. Older people are seeking fitness coaches to guide them and lead them into healthy aging. Look for possibilities and not limitations! H –Jackie Kerekes
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There is an abundance of knowledge available today in “the world of information.” Yes, you must have knowledge to be wise. Wisdom however, is so much more. Wise decisions are formulated by keeping your own personal needs in check, while considering the long-term effect of others. A University of California study sums up the five characteristics of one who has wisdom: consider the effect on others for all decisions, manage yourself and your emotions, seek diverse values and opinions, embrace uncertainty and ambiguity, and set aside a short-term view for a long-term solution. There are many aspects of the law when knowledge, unfortunately, overrides wisdom. Years of experience alone do not make you wise unless during those years your mind is open, you are always learning and educating yourself, you value others’ opinions and concerns, and your thought process allows you to consider the broader impact of the decision you are making. This applies to not only the simplest decisions but also to the more complex as well. Throughout my life I have striven to apply my many years of experience to finding longterm solutions when dealing with families, businesses, finances and in my bank chairmanship position. Without question, when I was much younger and lacking as much professional and general life experience, quick fixes sometimes seemed to solve a problem. After many years of dealing with a multitude of diverse issues, my approach has changed
Brian Cali
Brian J. Cali and Associates
dramatically. The need to be thoughtful, to consider the big picture and the effect on others, is a prerequisite for all good decisions. Although the stress of life is constant, the ability to handle the issues of each day is more readily workable because of the thought process that age and experience have afforded me.
As lawyers we are committed to serve others. Our profession demands that we uphold values and moral principles. We have the responsibility and duty to preserve the law and moral legitimacy. This is not just achieved by getting older and more experienced. It only results when the thought process concludes with wise choices.
Age alone does not make one wise. In our current world of technology, young lawyers have more information available to them faster than ever before. It is important to recognize however, that wisdom is much more than knowledge; wisdom is the ability to apply knowledge to given situations. I have found that some younger lawyers require instantaneous results, rather than having the patience to thoroughly understand the issues and wait for more appropriate long-term results. However young lawyers do bring value to a firm with their abundance of knowledge and energy; their ease of technology is enlightening and their spontaneity is contagious. Younger lawyers bring new ideas and concepts for all to learn. With a combined willingness to work hard, continually learn and develop the skill to make decisions
Brian J. Cali • Attorney • Chairman of the Board of Fidelity Bank
beyond immediate solutions, younger lawyers can add new life to those of us who still have a lot to offer.
The concern for younger lawyers is simple. Do they realize that success will not just happen? Younger lawyers must work very hard and understand that success will not always be easy. They need to maintain their moral integrity and that of the profession. They need to care about others, not just themselves, and know that the decisions they make must always be premised on what is right. I had a wonderful father who provided continued love and support throughout his life. As busy as he was, he was always there. He allowed me to grow and assert my independence under his watchful eye. He lived a life of helping others from his family to his community. He worked extremely hard which brought him success and the need to serve. He was courageous and passionate. He never stopped listening and learning. He exemplified doing what was right. He was not impulsive, but always thoughtful, and made decisions guided by the impact on others rather than himself. Not just Father’s Day, but every day, I am thankful for how fortunate I was. He was one who indeed had wisdom.
I have tried to mimic his life, but not nearly as well. Instilling my father’s qualities to my children has been my goal; always loving and supporting them but allowing for independent growth. I always want my children to appreciate that being wise comes not only from what is read or studied but also, and most importantly, from living, experiencing and learning from mistaken decisions. Over time knowledge combined with life experiences will assist them in framing better decisions that result in more prudent and appropriate life solutions. H
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k Lessons from My Father
Ryan Wilson
Executive Vice President/Wealth Management, Financial Advisor Wilson Wealth Advisory Group of Janney Montgomery Scott LLC
“My Dad led by example, showing the importance of warmly and actively supporting his family by being present. Professionally, I don’t remember my dad ever missing a day of work and he always wore a suit, which is not lost on my family. My youngest son, for example, doesn’t consider a suit to be something you wear for special occasions; he refers to them as ‘work suits.’ Thank you, Dad, for always being there.” “ "Remember, it's nice to be nice."
“I've lived my life around this lesson, using it in my career, in relationships with my family and friends and in my marriage. One thing this world always needs is more people being nice to each other. Thanks Dad, I love you!”
Kristen E. Lancia
Assistant Vice President and Marketing Officer Wayne Bank
Pete Danchak
Regional President, PNC Bank
““My father taught me the importance of always honoring your parents and grandparents, offering a firm handshake while looking into the person’s eyes and treating everyone with respect. He taught me to always work hard, give my best effort, take responsibility and be a leader. However, it is the last words he ever shared that are the ones I remember most often—‘take care of your mother and family.’ I miss my dad every day, but I am so thankful for our time together.”
David J. Price
Managing Partner and the former CEO/owner of PDQ Print Center
““My Dad landed on Utah Beach on D-Day (June 6.) He treated wounded and dying men and earned a Bronze Star. He taught me the value of life and the importance of appreciating and caring for others. He taught me to
‘do your best with your best effort; not necessarily be the best.’ He also reminded me about the value of finding daily humor and of not taking oneself or life too seriously. I was taught that, as President Woodrow Wilson said ‘We’re are not put in this world to sit still and know, we are put into it to act and serve.’”
Jack Cooper
Co-Owner, Cooper’s Seafood House
“My father, John Cooper, always taught all his family that honesty was the most important virtue in life.”
Jackie Greenwood Kerekes
Owner, The Training Loft
“I learned from my dad to be strong, work hard and to always be honest.”
Jennifer Severini-Kresock
Owner, NEPA Career and College Counseling
““My father taught me lessons about having a generous spirit for giving to others in time of need, of showing unconditional love for others, and for always finding a way to spread a zest for life. His spirit lives on in all that is true, just and good about our short lives on this Earth and about finding true eternal peace and happiness.”
John P. Rochon
Founder & Chairman Richmont
““My father, Philip B. Rochon, was a very wise man who taught me to always remain calm in the middle of a storm. He also led by example by not opining on the relationship of his seven children and their spouses.”
Pete Danchak On Age and Wisdom Regional President, PNC Bank
Wisdom is less about age than it is about experi-
ence. The phrase, “Out of the mouths of babes” exists for a reason. During the course of my career, I’ve worked with and mentored several colleagues who have advanced their careers at a young age, acquiring the experience that helped them become wise beyond their years. I believe recognizing that we can all learn and benefit from each other’s experiences, regardless of age, is what leads to wisdom.
What I didn’t know at the beginning of my career that I realize now:
In the earliest years of my career, perhaps something that I didn’t truly understand is that change will be, and is, constant and that there is a need to be able to adapt quickly. Coming out of school and starting my career I wish I had appreciated how much change there would be and that change is a good thing.
How age diversity affects the workplace:
As a senior executive, I think it is essential to have a mix of younger talent, mid-career and senior managerlevels of expertise and insight on the team. We need to reflect the diversity of the clients we serve, whether they are established family businesses or large corporations with a history of serving our region or perhaps a new, small business led by rising entrepreneurs. Everyone contributes something different.
What does a younger generation contribute to the workforce?
I certainly don’t think like a young professional. I appreciate what they bring to the table because it is that diversity of thought and perspective that enables us to better serve our customers, learn from each other as colleagues and engage with our community at all levels.
Technology and having a comfort with it is one area where you often hear about the difference between generations. Almost all of us interact with technology tools every day, so we grow to understand and learn it over time. At PNC, we value the importance of attracting and retaining a generation of professionals who contribute the expertise of a modern skill set.
Do men in business risk becoming a minority as it was once for women? Is there a downside of holding “women-only” recognition programs and events?
PNC has long emphasized the importance of diversity and inclusion. That is why we established a number of Employee Business Resource Groups (EBRG), including an EBRG that fosters networking for women professionals and welcomes participation by men as allies. It’s really about respect. Success is based not on creating barriers but stretching across them to better understand each other and achieve success together.
What do you wish those under 40 understood about those over 40? What do you currently admire about a younger generation?
You don’t realize how quickly time goes by and then you’re in your thirties and before you blink, you’re in your fifties. It goes very quickly. The younger generation entering and making their way in the workforce really treasures work-life balance. That balance simply was never a consideration for my generation. Now, I constantly encourage my colleagues not to miss anything for any of their kids and family – it’s not worth it and finding that balance is essential. It also helps you to be a more well-rounded and engaged contributor for your teams.
Does the word “wisdom” correlate with age? Was there a particular age when your thoughts and attitude shifted?
I think it comes back to acquiring experience – or in this case life experience. However, if there was a particular age when my perspective shifted it was when my daughter was born. The experience of having a child and growing into parenthood was a game changer. You start to appreciate more fully the importance of making sure you are there for the little things and the important events—and they are all important! H
