Brian J. Cali

Attorney, Brian J. Cali and Associates Chairman of the Board, Fidelity Bank

Brian J. Cali began his law practice in 1978. The attorneys at his firm specialize in family, elder, estate, real estate, business, civil and criminal law. Attorney Cali concentrates on all aspects of family law and business law, including divorce, separation, custody and support litigation.

Insight.The breakdown of the family unit is generational. The question of what causes such a breakdown of a relationship and divorce is one that sociologists, economists and psychologists are struggling to answer. During the past 20 or more years the divorce rates have increased substantially. Divorce occurs in over 55% of marriages. Although we see many marriages end only after a few years, some even end after 18 to 25 years. I have been involved in several cases during the last 10 years where couples who are in their late 70s and even 80s are ending their relationships, whether it be their first or second marriage.

Marriages may end as a result of mental or physical abuse, infidelity, a desire to change one’s life or just a “growing apart” of the couple. The effect of divorce on children is different in each case, however, one fundamental premise, that is rather basic and simple, determines how the children will adapt: How do the parents view the importance of, (regardless of their feelings for one another) treating each other with civility? Keeping the children’s best interest as the priority is the basic premise in determining how children will fare. Children can survive a breakup in a relatively healthy manner if they are not in a warzone, and used as pawns between parents. Rather than a new environment, the relationship and behavior between the parents with regard to the children is the determining factor in how the children will adapt to a divorce.

When to involve the Courts. Lawyers and clients are constantly running to the courts for everything. “I’ll see you in court,” seems to be a common thread. There is no question that, over the last 10 years, the number of cases in the Family Law section of the court have increased exponentially. The Court is being asked to solve not only serious issues for the protection of parents and children, but to substitute in a parental role! For example, courts are being asked to settle questions as basic as which basketball or little league team children should play in, and other mundane matters that are too embarrassing to repeat. Clearly parents are not able to resolve issues with regard to their children with civility.

Grown children. Children will grow into adulthood in a positive or negative environment based on fundamental premises. I can say unequivocally, that after 40 years of watching children from infancy to adults, it depends a great deal on how the parents dealt with the breakup of a relationship. Did they act appropriately or did they bring or use the kids in the process? If they did it correctly, the odds are that the kids will be fine. If they did not, it will only add to all the other issues that children face today, growing up in our very different world with so many additional complications. If children witnessed a positive example with their parents, even while adapting to the changes that a divorce or breakup can bring, they are in a much better position to develop healthy relationships of their own in the future.

Balance. Balance is the goal. Relationships do break up, whether we like it or not; it is our reality. Healthy spouses, physically and mentally, are a necessity. Don’t do it alone. If you need help, make it a priority to seek out good help. There are excellent therapists, financial advisors and lawyers. Be selective in every decision. It is critically important when people move on in life, that they are mentally and financially prepared and are at peace with whatever decision they have made. The stability of the spouse/parent is essential for the well-being of any family unit. Client conversations. I have always been honest and up front with my clients. Clients deserve this regardless of the impact. I spend a lot of time, early in the process explaining the importance of remaining civil and kind toward each (as appropriate) and the children. The Court expects civility and kindness and each party also deserves it. As problems begin, keeping emotions in check is necessary so that issues that arise do not overwhelm the process. Less relevant issues can ignite large disagreements and continuous litigation. Many problems can be resolved with good advice and the ability to compromise. Solving problems must be the goal. Litigation is expensive and does not always net the results that people expect. Focusing on the most important issues is critical. I continuously remind my clients to remain focused on the desired results and not be sidetracked by smaller, less significant issues.

Example case: Battle for custody across international law. I represented an individual who had raised a child from birth yet was not the child’s biological father. My client and the child’s mother ended their relationship when the child was in first grade. The mother had dual residency/citizenship here and in Europe and left the country with the child after being served with a custody complaint in Pennsylvania. The child was taken out of school and moved far away from family and friends. We litigated the case for two years. Multiple hearings took place in Pennsylvania with the intervention of a man from Russia claiming to be the child’s biological father (although he had never met the child.) We were successful in getting an order for custody and having the child returned to my client. This was interesting to say the least and involved State, Federal and International law. H