I'm Happy For You - Sneak Peek by Kay Wyma

S N E A K P E E K

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. —Helen Keller

Many people lose the small joys in hope for the big happiness. —Pearl S. Buck

Comparison is the thief of joy. —Theodore Roosevelt

We struggle with insecurity because we compare our behind-‐the-‐scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. —Steven Furtick

In contentment and joy are found the height and perfecGon of all love towards our neighbor. — William Ames

Contentment is the only real wealth. — Alfred Nobel

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of geHng something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciaGng what we do have. —Frederick Keonig

Is comparison-‐living hijacking your life?

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Note from Kay I hope you enjoy the following preview of I’m Happy For You (Sort of … not really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison. It has been quite the journey trying to get my arms around a topic that we all want addressed, but don’t really want to see in our own lives. Comparison pressures pummeled me the day a positive sign appeared on a pregnancy test. Words like supposed-‐to, should and this-‐is-‐what-‐everyone’s-‐doing and so many others began to lure my eyes to focus on all I needed to be, have and do in order to be okay. I was introduced to standards that changed the instant I came close to meeting them. And the worst part? I cared. I cared more than I ever had cared about anything before. Discontent came along for the ride. With my eyes now open, I could see it in so many more areas of life than just parenting. It didn’t seem to matter the walk of life – young, old, single, married, with kids, without – discontent has no partiality. And, social media, with all its highlight reels, certainly doesn’t help. It seems that all the society imposed self-‐introspection is a waste of mental capacity (especially for those of us limited-‐capacity types.) And why keep doing something that has so little to offer on the other side? I’m Happy For You is an attempt to call a spade a spade and to offer tips on how to stop. Together, let’s travel the road toward Einding more joy and satisfaction in the mix.

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COMPARISON IN THE NEWS – Is it an issue? I’M HAPPY FOR YOU TABLE OF CONTENTS SNEAK PEEK BUY THE BOOK … & WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU? (fun stuﬀ J) 3

C O M P A R I S O N I N T H E N E W S

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The researchers surveyed 736 college students and found that, basically, if you quietly stalk your friends on Facebook and then realize that your life doesn’t measure up to theirs, you feel bad about yourself. “If Facebook is used to see how well an acquaintance is doing ﬁnancially or how happy an old friend is in his relaGonship — things that cause envy among users — use of the site can lead to feelings of depression,” said Margaret Duﬀy, a professor at the University of Missouri School of Journalism. This isn’t just a college phenomenon. I am nearing middle age and I can relate. ... Posted 9:00 AM, March 2, 2015, by CNN Wire, Updated at 11:45am, March 2, 2015

The Quest for a Bigger, Be@er, Cuter Pregnancy Quarter-life crisis: Find me a twentysomething who isn't having one No one prepares us for post-‐university revelaGons such as "dream jobs" don't exist (but unemployment does) and ﬁnding "the one" is virtually impossible, says 23 year-‐old Julia Oliphant. … A recent UK study reveals in fact that 86% of some 1,100 twentysomethings suﬀer from serious anxiety and stress: a fear that they're not doing enough with their life, a fear of missing out. The Telegraph 3/15

In an age of gender reveal cakes and ultrasound parDes, it's not enough to just be pregnant anymore

The commercializaGon of pregnancy is at it again: A whole culture and industry has emerged to celebrate the big gender reveal…Mommies-‐to-‐be want more: a clever, cutesy themed party, a decked out nursery, or one of a dozen other ideas pinned onto their inspiraGon boards. While these things can be fun and exciGng for new parents, they're also more ways we all feel pressured to yet again keep up with everyone else. ChrisDanity Today, 3/13

School lunches: Then vs. now (have we gone crazy?!)

Compared to when we were kids, school lunches just aren’t what they used to be. Sep 30, 2014 Emma Waverman

School lunches have become the new battleground for all the “sanctimommies” out there. They’re on a mission to prove they pack the healthiest, most organic, most whole-grain, sugar-free lunch for their little superstars. But, it wasn’t always this way—and it’s sometimes easy to forget we come from a generation brought up on lunches consisting of two pieces of Wonder Bread, cheese slices and Tang. And we turned out just fine.

Body image concerns more men than women, research ﬁnds More men worry about their body shape and appearance – beer bellies, "man boobs" or going bald – than women do about how they look, according to research. More than four in five men (80.7%) talk in ways that promote anxiety about their body image by referring to perceived flaws and imperfections, compared with 75% of women. Similarly, 38% of men would sacrifice at least a year of their life in exchange for a perfect body – again, a higher proportion than women. …

New Selﬁe-‐Help Apps Are Airbrushing Us All Into Fake Instagram PerfecGon Bianca Boster, Huﬃngton Post 12/15

…We’ve always cherry-picked what we share online, but more than ever, what you see isn’t what you get. Even as people use Snapchat to share silly photos that, crucially, disappear after a few seconds, those same social media users are delighting in new ways to edit their lives and present an ever-more perfected, artificial image of their world. We’re hungry for ways to exert more control over our images, not less. And who’s to blame us? The rise of selfie-help represents a new way for people to cope with the relentless judgment of the web and the pressure to disclose more online.                                                    T O G E T H E R W E C A N F I N D C O N T E N T M E N T 5

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Obsessive Comparison Disorder A Sign of the Times

Chapter 2 The Ice Breaker “Three” Li\le Words That Shi] Our Focus Chapter 3 Beyond the Glimpse How Taking the Long View Changes Everything Chapter 4 Do You See What I See? Keeping Up Appearances in an On-‐Display World Chapter 5 Mirror, Mirror The Beauty We’re Completely Overlooking Chapter 6 The Dangers of YardsGck Living Why We’ll Never Measure Up…and Really Don’t Need To Chapter 7 We Belong…Together The Need to Be Known Chapter 8 Fair Play Coming to Terms with the InequaliDes of Life Chapter 9 The Side-‐to-‐Side Our Obsession with Others Chapter 10 Best PracGces Beware of the SuperlaDve Chapter 11 Great ExpectaGons NavigaDng Life’s Detours Chapter 12 Dare We Not Compare? Staking Our Claim in the Land of Contentment                                                 

W h a t o t h e r s a r e s a y i n g :

Kay Wyma hit a home run on the Focus on the Family radio program when she talked about ways moms can combat the enGtlement mentality in their kids. In her new book, she scores another hit with an insighrul discussion of the piralls of comparing your life to others, especially through social media. Her advice is Gmely and relevant.

SNEAK PEEK

—JIM DALY, president of Focus on the Family

It'll make you laugh out loud and nod your head and breathe a deep sigh of relief that you're not the only one walking through life wondering if the grass is really greener and being okay even if that's the case. —MELANIE SHANKLE, New York Times Bestselling author of Sparkly Green Earrings

Kay creaGvely uses stories and personal confession to reveal the piralls of comparing, while oﬀering a solid ladder—built on godly wisdom—to help us climb out of that pit. I wish I could pass this book on to every woman who has worn herself out trying to achieve unrealisGc standards. There’s freedom on these pages. —JENNIFER DUKES LEE, author of Love Idol

VicGms of comparison drive-‐ bys liter the Internet. There are virtual warehouses of new ways to covet your neighbor's home, decoraGng skills, summer vacaGon plans or Pinterest-‐perfect kids’ birthday parGes. In this paralyzing culture of obsessive comparisons, this book is the detox we all need. —LISA-‐JO BAKER,

community manager for (in)courage and author of Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom

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The bigger, beter, newer, more never stops... Much deeper than the brand, esteem or ‘what do others think,’ Kay asks—and answers—why these longings need to be realigned -‐ (f)rom one costruggler to another. —Dr. MICHAEL EASLEY,

former president Moody Bible InsGtute, teaching pastor, and host of Michael Easley inContext

Kay Wills Wyma captured my atenGon with her belly-‐ laughing good storytelling steeped in reality as she tackled a quesGon that’s long overdue for an honest answer. —ELISA PULLIAM, author

and Life Coach

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Kay navigates us through the pressures we all face, and teaches us how to be genuinely happy for others and deliberate about our current situaGon and future plans at every stage of life.” —KATHY IRELAND, Chair/ CEO/Chief Designer kiWW

Comparison’s thievery of joy is arrested by the just-‐let-‐it-‐ go pracGcality Kay oﬀers so transparently and humorously. It might just right your path toward contentment and graGtude, a road less traveled. —ROBIN POU, execuGve

coach & atorney mediator; coauthor of Performance Intelligence at Work

Kay Wills Wyma accurately deﬁnes not only the comparison problem, but oﬀers a soluGon. —JOSHUA BECKER, best-‐ selling author of Simplify and founder of Becoming Minimalist

F E A T U R E S

I’m Happy For You encourages walking this road together (it’s not one to walk in isolaGon) with call-‐outs by regular folks like us, expert voices and pracGcal Gps throughout the book. •  You’re Not Alone sidebars contributed by my dear friends who’ve been nice enough to share their own struggles.

END OF SNEAK PEEK. FOR MORE GO HERE è

•  Enough Already encouragement from folks already on the road to contentment. •  LeHng Go Gps at the end of each chapter that provide pracGcal steps to stop the comparison madness.

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