The Stratford Quarterly Issue 1

Alex Carrigan Sorry, but I have to rant Can we please be absurd again without immediately becoming sad?

Can we please mock the world around us without using a long sigh as the joke’s coda?

Can we please not make the sitcom depiction of life be so eerily accurate?

Can we please actually penalize people for being mean when they think they’re being funny?

Can we please cry because we’re laughing, instead of doing both out of distress?

Can we please stop using “edgy” to mean “I want an excuse to be an asshole?”

Can we please get some new talent in this dive bar?

I want to roll my eyes and be assured they’ll set back into place so I don’t look like a broken ventriloquist dummy.

I want to chortle and guffaw without having to blame my hoarse voice on laryngitis when someone at work tomorrow asks me.

I want to be able to clap my hands and crush mosquitoes at the same time.

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